In My Desperate Time

At that instance, I feel that Frances may be crazy otherwise how can he say something like this?
He wants to get married? I really find that extremely amusing!
I can’t think of any other reason except for him to toy with me!
“Stop fooling around, Mr. Louis. You love Whitney so much and will never divorce her. Furthermore, even if you really divorce
her, you will not want to marry me. At least I know what my limitations are and I am realistic about it.”
I smile brilliantly at Frances and only I am aware of how bitter I feel inside. I love him more than myself like a moth flying to the
fire. But I never dare to think about the possibility of being married to him.
I can only think of one possibility of Frances saying this. Which is he is testing me. He is testing me to see if I am considering this
possibility that I shouldn’t have. I deeply understand that Frances is a poison that I cannot touch. So even if the love has taken
hold deeply, I can only let the love rot in my heart.
If I am not even clear about this, then I believe that my end is near.
Frances smiles at me but I cannot comprehend his expression and becomes strangely flustered. He gently feels my hair and I
feel my scalp numbing up.
“Jane, what if I were to say that it’s for real? If one day I’m divorced with Whitney?” He gently plays with my hair and says
profoundly.
I smile at him and softly say, “That person will not be me. Frances, we have no future together. Actually, you know better than
me, don’t you? If I really start to have any expectations of you, I’m afraid that I don’t even know how I ended up dead. That’s why
I don’t think that you are speaking from your heart.”
Although I know full well what is happening, when I say them out loud, I feel that it’s as if I am repeatedly stabbing myself.
“One day you will know whether it’s real or fake.” Frances’s hand pauses and his eyes seem to see through me, “But, I don’t like
you to be a fatalist. You should have dreams and hopes. What if one day the stars align and it comes true?”
After making his point, Frances goes upstairs on his own.
I remain in place in a daze. Perhaps it will really take the stars to align before Frances marries her. Except that now my heart is
in a mess after he dumps this joke on me and he still hasn’t said what the terms are. It is now impossible for me to leave since

my mother is in Virginia and now that Frances has his clutches on me.
Life must go on and I go to the office the next day.
True enough, everyone looks at me with disdain.
I know that the after-effects of that incident have not passed.
I also want to know the extent of how this incident develops. When I take out my phone to browse, I realize how much I am
detached from the world when I turned off my phone these few days.
A lot of news concerning me has been dredged up. Additionally, Whitney went for a psychiatric assessment which concluded that
she has a mental illness which was caused by me.
I am at a loss for words. Frances once told me that Whitey’s sickness was caused by him. How can I be blamed for this now?
The public opinion is now favoring Whitney and now I am the villain.
I am thinking that this must be the objective of Whitney which is to drown me in the despise of the social media.