If You Want Me (The Toronto Terror Series)

“You’re so good at this. Yes. Dear Lord in heaven. Right there. Ah! Sweet fu—Postie! Not now!” One of Aurora’s hands leaves my hair as she pushes Postie away. For the fourth time in the past ten minutes. “Can’t you see Hollis is busy with another pussy?”

“I told you we should’ve closed the door,” I mumble against her skin, undeterred by Postie’s insistence that he’s the kitty I should be paying attention to.

“They just meow at the door. It’s distracting,” she gripes.

“More distracting than Postie trying to lie on your chest while I tongue-fuck you?” I unhook my arm from her thigh and feel around for the toy mouse Postie loves. My fingers close around it, and I toss it across the room.

Postie meows and launches himself into the air.

I suck Aurora’s clit, and she bows off the bed.

“Ah! Shit. Do it again.”

“What was that?” I slide a single finger inside her, but don’t curl.

“Again, again. Do it again,” she demands. I love how vocal she is in bed. Her confidence between the sheets—or in the shower, on the couch, on the kitchen counter—grows every day, and it’s sexy as fuck to watch her discover her intensely sensual side. She’s not afraid to tell me what she wants and needs in explicit, dirty detail.

She tries to roll her hips, but I push my other forearm across her low abdomen, holding her down. “Do what again?” I lap at her, softly.

“Hollis,” she whines.

“Tell me what you want, Princess.” I lift my gaze and meet her frustrated one.

Postie jumps back onto the bed and drops the toy mouse beside her head.

I can’t help it. I grin.

She glares at me, grabs the toy mouse, and yeets it across the room. Then her expression shifts, softening, along with her voice. “Please suck my clit, Hollis.”

I do, but gently.

“More, please, with teeth.” She strokes my cheek. “And more fingers, please, so I’m ready for your cock.”

We could spend all day in bed, and it would never be enough. Not for her, not for me. The power balance is addictive. Sometimes she’s compliant and sweet; sometimes she’s demanding and needy. And sometimes she’ll push my buttons until I break—which is a personal favorite. I don’t think I had this much sex even when I was in my twenties.

I add a second finger, but still don’t curl. And I suck, but still not the way she wants. “How’s that?”

“Still more, please.” I add a third finger and graze her clit with my teeth.

“Yes. God. Thank you.” Her hand tightens in my hair. “More, please.”

“I’m already using three fingers, Princess,” I murmur.

“I can take more. Tristan puts his whole hand in Rix’s vagina,” she pants.

I lift my head. I could not have heard that right. “I’m sorry, what?”

Her eyes flare, and she whispers, “They do the Chasing Amy.”

“You mean the Kevin Smith movie from the nineties?” I probably watched it as a teen.

“Yeah.” She makes a circle with her thumb and middle finger and then slides her other hand through it until she’s holding her wrist.

“That’s—his whole hand?” My gaze drops to where three fingers are buried inside her. The physics of that seem…not ideal. Rix is small, and Tristan’s hands are like baseball gloves.

“Maybe we should talk about this later.” Aurora’s face is an adorable shade of red as she tries to push my head back down.

“Or maybe we shouldn’t.” I curl my fingers.

She gasps. I lick her clit and then latch on, watching her eyes roll up.

She grabs her right breast, tugging roughly on her nipple. “Yes, yes, yes,” she chants, back arching as her legs shake and the orgasm rolls through her.

I don’t give her time to come down from the high. I roll on a condom, stretch out over her, and replace my fingers with my cock, pushing inside in one smooth stroke. She clenches around me, legs hooked behind my back, her arms winding around my neck.

Her orgasm drags on, her body quaking, a low keening sound humming across my lips. I pull back so I can see her. Aurora’s nails dig into my shoulder, the fingers of her other hand tremble against my cheek, my name a nearly soundless whisper on her lips.

“God, you’re beautiful when you’re coming for me,” I murmur.

“I d-don’t want it to end,” she pants as she writhes under me.

Every time is better than the last. I feel the connection we have in more than just our bodies. I feel it in the softness of her eyes, in the way she whispers my name. I’m about to tell her how I feel, how deeply rooted in my heart she is, but another orgasm rolls through her. Aurora’s mouth drops open, and her eyes flutter closed as her body contracts. And then I’m falling with her.

Half an hour later, we’re sitting in the living room, Aurora wearing one of my hoodies, her legs draped over mine. I run a hand up her bare calf. “How are you feeling about the gala?” It’s just a handful of days away.

“Good. Great, actually!” Her eyes light up. “We have a whole table for the Hockey Academy, which is so amazing. They confirmed that Kodiak Bowman and his wife are coming.”

“That’s great news.” He’s the new “it kid” in hockey. He’s on track to blow a lot of records out of the water.

“Hemi thinks this will be our best gala yet. I love this side of the hockey world and how we get to give back to the community that supports us.”

Her excitement is infectious. “I love your passion for this.”

“I feel like I’ve found my calling, you know?” She runs her fingernails down the back of my neck. “Hemi says the auction is where we usually make the most money.”

“I can pull out—tell Hemi I can’t participate.” I’ve been thinking about this a lot. In part because Scarlet is attending, and even though I’ve told her I’m not interested in rekindling our relationship, I worry she’ll bid on me anyway.

“Most of the dates usually end up being a hang out with a hockey player night, like the way Dallas ended up spending his at the retirement village with the coach’s grandmother,” she says. “Besides, if you back out there will be questions. And people might think it’s because of Scarlet.”

I can feel her apprehension over it, which is the only reason I don’t press harder. “I don’t want anyone but you.”

“Scarlet still wants you, though?”

The only way to set her mind at ease is to be honest with her about my history with Scarlet. If I want this to work, I need to open up. “She knows I’m not interested. I’m not the same person I was when we dated. Her life is very public, and while being a pro hockey player means parts of my life are available for public consumption, I was never on board with my personal relationship splashed all over social media.”

Aurora hesitates, looking uncertain. “I know how private you are about your life, but will you tell me what happened?”

I should have offered it up as soon as we returned from the away series, like I said I would. But we’ve been so preoccupied with each other. And talking about this shines a light on how Scarlet affected my views on relationships and love. “Have you been afraid to ask?”

She shrugs. “Your life is already public enough, and I’ve wanted to respect your privacy. But I’m also aware the media coverage and reality don’t always match.”

That’s a yes disguised as nonchalance. Keeping this part of me closed off from Aurora won’t help us understand each other. “You’re right, they don’t.” I lace our fingers, needing the connection.

She squeezes my hand, and both our knees bounce. I don’t want this to be the thing to derail us, but leaving her in what-if limbo won’t make it better.

“Before I was traded to Toronto, I’d planned to ask Scarlet to marry me. I’d even gone as far as buying the ring, but she broke things off.”

Emotions flit across Aurora’s face. Surprise hits her first, then shock, jealousy, hurt, fear, and sadness. And then finally empathy. “But why? Clearly she regrets that choice now.”

“It really came down to me wanting my private life to remain private and Scarlet wanting the opposite.” I’d been so certain we could get past it. That she would eventually see the benefit of being out of the limelight when she wasn’t filming. I didn’t understand compromise, or how to listen to what she really needed. It took time for me to see how I contributed to the downfall of the relationship.

Aurora’s hand tightens around mine. “Did she know you were planning to propose?”

I shake my head. “Not until later. But she didn’t want the same things I did. So when I moved to Toronto, she gave a statement saying we’d broken up because of the distance. She wished me well, and that was that.” It had been gutting to see how easily she dismissed a two-year relationship.

“But really, she broke your heart,” Aurora says softly.

“She did.”

“And now she regrets her decision.” I can’t read Aurora’s tone or her expression.

“I can’t pretend to know how she feels, or if she sees us as a missed opportunity she wants to revisit only because we’re in the same city for a few months.”

She releases my hand and slides her fingers between her thighs, as though she’s trying not to fidget. “Are you over her?”

“Yes. But the way she handled things hurt. A lot.” So much that I’ve avoided talking about it for the past seven years. And the only people who know what happened are my family, and now Aurora. Even Roman only has the barest of details. “It’s framed how I’ve dealt with relationships, and I realize I haven’t put my heart on the line in a long time.” For fear of having it crushed. I almost proposed to the wrong person. It isn’t a mistake I’ll make again.

“Whatever feelings I had for her, they’re in the past,” I add. “I saw her only because I needed closure.” And maybe I hadn’t seen it at the time, but talking to Scarlet made me realize how invested I am in the woman sitting in front of me. “I want this with you, Aurora.” I can see a future unfolding with her. And it’s terrifying, in part because she’s so young. But I don’t want to make the same mistake twice by hiding her from the world. I can make these compromises with her. It won’t ever take her autonomy. It will be equal decision making, even if it’s hard to walk the lines Aurora wants me to walk.

“I want this with you, too.” There’s relief in her soft smile.

The things Zara said make so much sense. She’s right. I have life experience Aurora doesn’t, and I need to be careful to use it wisely and move us forward.

“Maybe I could feel Roman out before the gala, get a sense of where he is.” It gets harder every day to lie and keep her a secret—and then it would be easy to remove myself from the auction. Telling him would be something real. Something tangible to assure me she won’t change her mind about me yet.

“Before the gala?” Her voice is laced with panic.

What if she’s not ready for this the way I want her to be? What if she’s on the fence about us and forcing her to make a choice now moves us in the wrong direction? I stroke her cheek. “What are you most afraid of, Princess?”

“The ripple effect for him, and the team, and me, and you, and—” Her bottom lip trembles, and she exhales a steadying breath. “Maybe it should be me instead. I can say something to him. Not tell him, but just…see?”

“I don’t want to push you into this.” But, God, I want her. I’ve never wanted anything so much. Her discomfort is a sharp bite, a warning to be careful with her.

“I know.”

I pull her into my arms, and she comes willingly. I don’t know what the answer is anymore. I don’t want to keep hiding this, but I don’t want to cause her more hurt, either. And I hate making her cry. But more than that, I don’t want to move too quickly and end this before we’ve had a chance to begin. I couldn’t give Scarlet what she needed; I don’t want to repeat history with Aurora.

“This has just been so nice, and I don’t want to ruin it,” she whispers.

“I understand.” I tip her chin up and kiss her.

I want to believe this is one of those instances where I have to be careful not to make decisions for her. But it’s impossible not to worry about the next few weeks, and how hard it will be to keep this bubble from bursting.