If You Want Me (The Toronto Terror Series)

“Happy birthday, sweetie!” Mom steps into Dad’s penthouse and wraps me in an embrace.

“Hi, Mom.” I breathe in the scent of sage and patchouli and lift a hand to wave to North, her life partner, who’s standing behind her with their backpacks.

Mom is the embodiment of a hippie, from the waist-length hair braided at the crown to the flowy skirt to the off-the-shoulder oversized Grateful Dead tie-dyed T-shirt that’s older than I am.

“I’ve missed you so much.” She squeezes me.

“I’ve missed you, too.” I haven’t seen her since Christmas, when I went to visit her at a Reiki retreat.

She inhales deeply, taking my hands as she steps back. “Are you wearing a new perfume?”

An hour ago my dad ran out to pick up a last-minute something or other—he was not specific—and I ran over to Hollis’s for a birthday quickie. I probably smell like his cologne. I plan to sneak back over later tonight.

“Oh, uh, I ran out of my usual soap.” Lying to my dad is hard enough, but my mom is unnervingly observant.

“Your energy is…” She tilts her head, gaze shifting behind me to where Dad is standing. Her eyes hold questions when they return to mine, but she’s smiling. “There’s just so much going on, isn’t there? Your birthday, the gala next weekend, finals, graduation, life.”

“Yeah.” I squeeze her hands. “There’s a lot going on.”

My mom is a lot of things, highly intuitive being one of them. She practices Reiki and teaches palmistry. She’s as woo-woo as they come, and I adore that about her. That she and my dad ever ended up together, however briefly, is a mystery. Hormones are mostly to blame, and charisma.

“You’ll have plenty of time to fill me in on everything.”

I nod. “For sure.” My stomach is already roiling.

She lets my dad pull her in for a brief hug while I do the same with North. His long, dirty-blond hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and he’s wearing an ancient Beatles shirt, linen drawstring pants, and a pair of sandals with wool socks. He smells like he smoked a bowl right before he came inside.

He pats me on the back. “It’s great to see you, Aurora.”

“You too, North.”

He and my dad hug it out next, because North is all about affection and good vibes. I set up North and my mom in the spare room while my dad pours drinks and makes sure everything is ready for the party. Guests are scheduled to arrive in the next half hour.

Mom threads her arm through mine and pulls the bedroom door closed behind North. He always takes a good half an hour to get settled when they visit. He needs to align his energies. “Did you give Roman free rein on the party decorations?”

“I don’t know if I gave it to him so much as he took the reins and sprinted with them.” My dad desperately wanted to throw me a party, and I couldn’t say no.

“Oh wow. That’s something else.” Mom squeezes my arm as she assesses the pink, white, and silver metallic balloon arch in front of the windows. There’s also a banner with HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PEGGY on it strung across with a place for photos.

“Yup. It really is.”

“Aren’t your favorite colors blue and yellow?” She gives my outfit an appraising once-over.

I’m wearing a long, off-white tulle skirt that nearly touches the floor and a pale blue, off-the-shoulder shirt. My bra is the same color. “I don’t mind pink.”

She squeezes my arm. “We’ll make a plan once you’ve graduated to go on a trip somewhere. Just the two of us – anywhere you want. I’ll even brave any big city you might want to go to. Plus before you settle into a new job, you can visit me and North for a week. We have a month-long retreat in Arizona next month. I think you’d love it.”

“That sounds fun,” I agree. My mom is one of the most sincere people I know. Maybe that’s why things feel complicated with her.

“And maybe you can bring the owner of the cologne you’re wearing,” she whispers. My stomach drops.

“Zara, I poured you a white wine.” Dad hands her a stemmed glass.

“Peggy, I have prosecco for you.” He passes me a fluted glass with BIRTHDAY GIRL etched in pretty cursive. “Oh! And I got you something special.” Dad rushes off and returns a moment later. “Ta da!” He holds out a tiara in rose gold that also reads BIRTHDAY GIRL.

“Oh wow! That’s just…so fun!” Thank sweet baby Jesus that dinner is coming to us and I don’t have to go out wearing a birthday crown.

“I thought you would like it.” Dad beams.

“I love it, Dado. So much.” I try to match his smile, but lie-riddled guilt gnaws at me. I love him and how hard he tries, but I think he still sees me as nine and not twenty-one.

“Maybe Zara can help you put it on?”

“I can absolutely do that.” Mom squeezes my shoulder.

“Great.” Dad gives us two thumbs-up. “I’ll call the Thai place and make sure we’re still on target for a six-thirty delivery. Guests should arrive any minute.”

“Mom and I can manage the door. You do whatever you need to,” I assure him.

As soon as he disappears down the hall, Mom turns to me. “How many times has he called the Thai place today?”

“Three, I think. But I dropped off a bunch of signed merch yesterday so I could thank and warn them in advance. He just wants everything to be perfect.”

“He loves you to pieces.” She helps fasten the tiara to my hair. “Although I think someone forgot to tell him you’re turning twenty-one, not twelve.”

I shrug. “I’m his one and only.” The effort he’s gone to over my birthday proves that.

She nods thoughtfully. “It would be good if he found someone.”

“Agreed. I’ve been trying to get him to date, but I’m not having much luck. Maybe whoever buys the night with him at the gala auction will end up being the woman of his dreams.”

Mom and I laugh. Last year at the auction, he was purchased by a woman who would have loved more than a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night even though she was closer to my grandmother’s age than my dad’s.

“What’s he waiting for?” Mom muses.

“I don’t know. Maybe for me to be done with school and on my own? He’s really focused on what’s coming after he hangs up his skates. He may want to be settled in the next phase of his career.”

“Sounds like an excuse not to let anyone into his heart except you,” she says. “Does he realize the pressure that puts on your relationship with him?”

“He gave up a lot for me,” I say defensively.

Her smile turns sad and knowing. “He’s always chosen you, sweetheart. From the moment you were born, you were his first and only love.”

This conversation is getting heavy, as it sometimes does with my mom, and I’m already carrying enough guilt. So when the doorbell chimes, I rush to answer it. Rix, Hemi, Tally, and Tristan stand in the hall. Tristan is holding a box from Just Desserts, and the girls all hold wrapped gifts.

“This was supposed to be a present-free night,” I say with my hands on my hips.

“Pfft. As if.” Hemi rolls her eyes.

“I didn’t have anything to do with your gift. I just picked up the cake,” Tristan assures me.

They file in one at a time, hugging my mom. Hemi has met her before, but Rix, Tally, and Tristan haven’t had the pleasure.

While we’re still partially in the hallway, Hollis opens his door, holding a large box. He’s wearing black dress pants, a blue button-down, and another tie I gave him. He looks delicious, like the birthday present I most want to unwrap. Again. There are other gifts at his place for me, I know. But those are for later, after everyone goes home and my parents are in bed.

“I like the tiara,” he says with a smirk.

“One guess who got it for me.”

His grin widens. “Oh, I was there when it was purchased.”

I roll my eyes. “Of course you were.”

“Hollis! It’s been too long!” Mom pulls him in for a hug.

Her brow furrows as her gaze slides my way. Anxiety makes my heart gallop. I’m being paranoid. There’s no way she knows what’s going on.

“Zara, it’s always a pleasure. Did North come with you?” Hollis asks as she takes the box he’s holding.

“He did! He’s just centering himself, but he’ll be out shortly.”

Dad goes into host mode, pouring drinks, ensuring that everyone knows that there’s a vegan, gluten-free charcuterie board. He also makes every new guest stand with me under the balloon arch for a photo. It’s ridiculously over the top, and I love him for it.

When North finally appears nearly two hours later, it’s very clear that he centered himself with a giant doobie out the window, because he smells like he rolled in a field of burning marijuana. He immediately drinks two liters of water and loads a plate with fifty percent of the vegan charcuterie board.

Almost the entire team is here. Shilpa and Ash brought Dred, Flip, and Dallas with them. Music is playing, and there’s a ridiculous pile of gifts in one corner of the room. Yesterday I went out with my school friends for a birthday lunch. It was easy to get out of a club night with my mom in town.

“So is North your stepdad?” Tally sips her mocktail and watches as he chats up one of the team rookies.

“Um, I guess, sort of? He and my mom aren’t married, but they consider each other life partners. They have an open relationship.” Last year they brought a friend along and invited Flip and Dallas to join them in the hot tub. Dad put his foot down and told North he couldn’t entice his teammates into bed with them. “They love each other, but they also love variety. It’s not for everyone, and certainly not for me, but it works for them. You should see their communication skills,” I explain.

“I would never share Ash,” Shilpa declares.

“I feel the same way about sharing Tristan,” Rix says. His sex life was prolific and extensive prior to falling in love with her. I can’t imagine him letting someone else touch her either.

“I’ve done it, but I don’t think I would make it part of my love life quite like they have,” Dred says.

“Really?” Hemi asks.

Dred shrugs. “It was during my university days. It lasted a few months. It was fun, but the dynamics can be challenging.”

“You’re full of surprises underneath that cardigan, aren’t you?” I muse.

“Apparently.” Dred smirks.

I find Hollis across the room. His gaze locks on mine for a second before he turns his attention back to his conversation with Dallas and Tristan. “Yeah, I’m not a sharing kind of girl either.”

Rix elbows me. “Stop it with the lust eyes.”

“Sorry.” I down the rest of my prosecco.

Despite spending most of the evening on the opposite side of the room, eventually Hollis and I end up in the kitchen together. Dinner is over and cake is next, but we’re taking a short break to refresh drinks. I glance over my shoulder to make sure we’re alone.

“You look stunning,” he says quietly. “Staying away from you is killing me.”

I live for these stolen moments as I pick up his tie and let it slip through my fingers. “We can’t even get five minutes alone.”

“Later, when everyone’s in bed, I’ll take care of my birthday girl,” he murmurs as he adjusts my tiara. “And this should stay on.” He drops his hand in a rush and steps back, gaze shifting over my shoulder. “Hey, Zara, can I get you something?”

I spin around to find my mom standing at the edge of the kitchen. “Just my baby girl.” Her eyes move from Hollis to me. “Your dad wants to serve the cake, and you went missing.”

“I was grabbing another bottle of prosecco,” I say.

“Roman has champagne for you.” She holds out her hand, and I take it.

“Don’t forget your glass.” She nods to the counter, where it sits empty.

I grab that too, glancing at Hollis, but his expression gives nothing away. Thank God I didn’t try to kiss him. All he did was adjust my tiara. It was totally innocent.

Mom doesn’t say anything, so I cross my fingers.

Everyone sings “Happy Birthday,” and I cut the cake. Then my dad makes me open the gifts he bought me, which include two Barbie pink bath sheets that have been personalized with Peggy in enormous cursive. “Oh wow, Dado, these are great.”

His smile is huge. “They’re really soft. I made sure they were like the ones Hollis has.”

Tristan chokes on his beer. Rix slaps him on the back. Hollis sips his scotch.

I almost die. “They’re perfect.”

And then, because I don’t have enough pink stuff, my dad also bought me a hot pink robe, matching pajamas, fuzzy slippers, and a new set of metallic pink luggage. It’s a lot. He spoils me and it makes me feel so loved, but I’m grateful I don’t have to open the rest of the gifts in front of our guests.

The party continues until well after midnight. It’s one thirty in the morning by the time my dad and Mom and North finally go to bed. I wait twenty minutes before I sneak across the hall to Hollis’s. I promised my dad I would stay with him while Mom visited. It’s tradition.

Hollis has fallen asleep on the couch waiting for me, with Postie and Malone asleep beside him.

I quietly strip out of my shirt and skirt, leaving on the blue lace bra and panty set Hollis bought for me and the tiara. His head is back, eyes closed, lips slightly parted. I lean in, bracing one hand on either side of him as I whisper, “Hollis, wake up.”

“Princess,” he murmurs groggily. His fingers slide into my hair, and his lips move against my cheek. “Time’s it?”

“Late.” I kiss along his jaw until I reach his lips. “I want to unwrap my favorite present,” I purr as I find the hem of his shirt.

“Not yet.” He pulls back, eyes already hooded with desire as he gently captures my wrist. “Let me see you.” I straighten and feel his eyes like a caress. “So fucking beautiful.” His fingers sweep along the outside of my thigh. “Turn around for me.”

I give him my back, looking over my shoulder at him as his fingers drift up the outside of my legs and he sits forward. “This fucking ass.” He squeezes one cheek and bites the other on a low groan. “Knowing you were wearing this under that pretty outfit tonight was torture.” He turns me to face him. “Naughty birthday girls deserve a spanking, don’t you think?”

Everything clenches below the waist. Hollis waits—assessing my reaction, maybe.

I swallow my nerves.

“Then I’m going to make you come as many times as you can handle, Princess.” He leans back and pats his thighs. “Be a good girl and bring that ass over here.”

My heart hammers in my chest as I stretch out across his lap. His erection presses against my side, and he exhales a sharp breath as he gently runs his hand down my spine.

“Princess.” Hollis’s voice is a deep, gritty rasp that makes my clit ping.

I push up on my elbow and prop my cheek on my fist as I twist my head in his direction. At the same time, I bend my knees and cross my feet. “Yes, Daddy Hollis?”

He runs his tongue across his teeth, eyes narrowed. “You do that to get under my skin, don’t you?”

I grin and bat my lashes. “Absolutely.”

“Such a little brat.” He swats my ass. Not hard. Just a light smack followed by a rough knead.

The smile slides off my face, and I moan.

“Do you like how that feels?” His voice is low, and his expression darkens as he rubs soothing circles on my ass.

“Yes,” I whisper.

He pushes my calves down until my feet hang over the edge of the couch, and he runs his hand up and down the back of my thigh. I don’t expect the next smack. I yelp.

He presses his palm against the stinging flesh. “Tell me if it’s too much, or you don’t like it, and I’ll stop.”

I meet his heated gaze. The look on his face is heady, addicting. “I can take it.”

“Fuck, Princess.” He takes my chin in his palm and kisses me roughly, then lightly sucks my bottom lip. “You’re so perfect for me.”

I nod. “Just for you.”

“I won’t stop until you ask, or you’re coming all over my fingers, whichever comes first.”

“Yes, please.”

Two swift slaps follow.

I suck in a gasp and then moan when his hand slips between my thighs and his fingers graze my clit. “So fucking wet for me,” he murmurs.

I groan when his hand disappears from between my thighs and shriek when he slaps my ass. And then his fingers are between my thighs again. I push against them, wanting more. But they’re gone, and his hand smooths over my ass. I rest my cheek on my arm and watch his face. His smile darkens as he raises his hand and brings it down. Hard. My gasp turns into a moan as his fingers fill me again, fucking me.

“So perfect.” Hollis settles his other hand on my low back to keep me still as he fucks me with his fingers. This time he doesn’t remove them when he spanks me.

The rough feel of his pants over his thighs rubs against my skin. Every brush puts me into sensory overload. All I can think about is him. Every press of his palm feels like he’s molding me into something beautiful and ready to shatter.

I’m so close—right on the edge and he knows it. He massages my clit, then adds another finger, stretching me, and then I’m falling, flying as the orgasm rushes through me.

“That’s it, chase it.” Hollis murmurs words of praise and encouragement as I quake and shudder.

Panting and sweaty, I melt into the couch, fighting to catch my breath.

Hollis brushes my hair out of my face. “Aurora? You okay?”

“So…” I bite my lip. “It’s safe to say I’m a fan of the spanky finger-fuck.”

He chuckles and rearranges me so I’m straddling his lap. “Me too.” He adjusts my tiara. “Now let me be sweet to you.” He gently grips the back of my thighs and pushes to a stand.

I grab his shoulders and wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me to his bedroom.

As he lays me out on the comforter, I look around the space. Electric candles flicker all over the room, and the bed is covered in yellow rose petals.

“Hollis, this is incredible.”

“Just like you.”

I rub one of the delicate petals between my fingers as he strips out of his clothes and stretches out next to me. “You didn’t need to do all this.”

“Of course I did. It’s your birthday, and you deserve to be treated like the princess you are.” He kisses me reverently, then peels me out of my bra and panties. He kisses his way down my body and brings me to orgasm with his mouth before he settles between my thighs.

“I waited all day to be able to touch you like this,” he whispers against my lips as he fills me.

“Me, too. I ached to be close to you tonight,” I admit.

He makes love to me, sweetly, gently—tipping me over the edge into bliss again and again until we’re both delirious with exhaustion. I want to stay the night, to sleep in his arms, but my mom is notorious for being an early riser, so I sneak back to my dad’s at five thirty-two in the morning.

I carefully close the door and flip the safety latch. And then nearly die of heart palpitations when I reach the kitchen and my mom is sitting at the island with a mug of tea.

“Holy shitballs, Mom, you scared the crap out of me.”

She’s wearing a nightshirt that reads NAMASTE in bed.

“How long has this been going on?”

My eyes dart around the kitchen. “How long has⁠—”

She gives me a look.

I bite my lips together.

“How long, honey?” Her voice wavers with anxiety and something else.

“Since January-ish.”

She nods once and exhales what seems to be a relieved breath. “Nothing happened between you before that?”

I shake my head. “I mean, I’ve had a crush for a while. But it wasn’t until this season that he saw me as more.”

“Is this a fling?”

“No.”

She regards me for a few long seconds before she asks, “Does that mean you’re serious about each other? That he’s looking for exclusivity?”

“Yeah. We’re serious.” The exclusivity goes without saying. He couldn’t even handle me going for coffee with someone else.

“And Roman is unaware this is going on. You know his rule about dating players.” It’s a statement, not a question.

“We’re going to tell him. I just want to be done with exams and the gala first. You know how Dad can be.”

“You’re his baby.”

“In three weeks, I’ll be a university graduate. I’m his baby, but I’m not a baby.”

“I know this world you’ve grown up in has matured you faster than most. But you still have a lot of learning and growing to do.” She holds out a hand, and I settle mine in hers. “I trust you to make informed decisions about who you want to be with. Your dad is a fantastic example of a good man. He can be overprotective, and sometimes oblivious when it comes to how he sees you versus who you truly are. But you hiding this concerns me. Why the secrecy?”

I glance over my shoulder to make sure we’re alone. “He wants to tell Dad, but I asked him to wait. Dad will be upset. He won’t be okay with this. Not at first, but hopefully with time. I just need for this not to affect my exams or the end of his season.” My dad’s already given up so much for me, and now this. What if it’s too much? What if this is the thing that makes him realize that all his sacrifices were pointless?

“You’re not even giving Roman a chance to manage his feelings on this.”

“It’s not just his feelings, though, Mom. It’s mine too. I don’t think I can handle him being mad at me. Worse, what if he gives me the ‘I’m not mad, I’m disappointed’? Thinking about it is just…” I shake my head. “It makes me feel sick. We never ever fight. This is his second to last season ever, and I have to finish the year strong. Plus what if he can’t forgive me for this? What if he hates me for it? What if it changes our relationship and I can’t fix it?”

“Honey, your dad would never, and could never, hate you. And yes, it could very well change your relationship with him. But you’re allowing your fears of what if to dictate your actions. Maybe it would be better to talk to him now.”

Panic takes hold. “You won’t tell him, will you?”

She gives me a sad smile. “It’s not my place. That’s for you and Hollis. But it can’t feel good to be in the same room and maintain distance. To hide all those feelings you have for him, and him for you. To lie.” She cups my cheek in her hand. “Honey, that’s so hard on your heart and your soul.”

“Hollis has had such a difficult year. He’s just been cleared to get back on the ice. I don’t want to mess with the team dynamic.” It could ruin everything.

“Love is always complicated, Aurora. But if he has your best interests and your heart in mind, he needs to put you first instead of keeping you a secret. I love you so much, my sweet girl. I just want the best for you.”