If I Could Tell It

Colorado Springs, America, 2009

Sometimes I feel as if mischief follows me like a plague. A plague of destruction, clumsiness, and plain bad luck.

This realization occurred to me as I was walking through the neighborhood with Ty at eight o’clock on the Saturday night off our spring break. The rest of the week before that had actually gone quite well. I had gone with my foster parents to visit their son, Kyler, at college in Arizona and we mostly went on hikes and explored landmarks such as the Meteor Crater and Montezuma’s Castle museum. The climate was very very hot and very very dry, which I appreciated because I am not one for much water and cold weather. Their son was very nice to me, and he even gave me a shirt with University of Arizona spelled out on it.

Now as we were walking, I told Ty that I was thirsty and we went to stop at the little general store to buy soda pop. I had some of my allowance money with me, might I add that I did not often spend the ten dollars a week that Miss Marion gave me, and I instead kept all of the oblong green sheets of parchment in a jar on my desk next to my laptop. Ty and I were examining all of the different colorful bottled flavors and choosing which ones to pick when the boys came up behind us. Well really there were two boys and one girl that was dressed much too skimpily.

One of the boys I recognized, he was the son of one of Ty’s parents’ friends. He was very tall and African American with dark bulging biceps out of his white sleeveless T-shirt and braids descending down his neckline to end in little golden beads at his shoulders. I knew that his name was Jaymore and that he was a sophomore at the high school. The other boy was slightly shorter and almost as pale as I was but with a curly red-haired afro and freckles covering his face and his legs that were visible out of the bottom of his neon green basketball shorts. The girl was brunnette, very very skinny, and had ripped washed out jean shorts that seemed to pull up her buttocks, they looked very uncomfortable. She had a beer bottle in her hand and her eyes did not seem to line up quite right.

“What do you want Jaymore?” Ty asked defensively.

“Wanted to see if this kid is really as weird as people are sayin’” He motioned toward me. “What’s your name again?”

“Um Arthur.” I said. I was slightly offended that he had not remembered my name, especially when one) I remembered his, and mostly I did not bother to remember people’s names, and two) they had literally come looking for me. They had just told us that.

“What do you think Hannah?” Jaymore asked the girl.

The girl just kind of shrugged and said a few American swears that I will not recite. She seemed drunk, but almost in a different way than people got drunk there, a sickly sweet type of drunk. She pulled out a rolled paper tube from the side of her shorts and lit it with a lighter. That must have been where the sickly sweet smell was coming from. She inhaled on the tube and handed it to the red-haired kid, who in turn inhaled from it as well. I just looked nervously at Ty. I was not sure what they were doing.

“Don’t be rude.” The red-headed boy said as he handed the paper tube back to Hannah. “Give them some.”

“Sorry Josh.” Hannah said and rolled her eyes. She pulled another rolled paper tube from her jeans short, I noticed it was filled with green stuff. I for one was amazed at how she kept all of these things in those tiny shorts. She lit the tube with the lighter and offered it to me. “Here ya go.”

I did not take it. Mostly because it was on fire and smelled really strange. Ty looked nervously at me.

“What is it?” I asked suspiciously.

Then all of them joined in a chorus of laughter. I was utterly confused. I did not think it was a normal thing to accept a paper tube of green stuff that was on fire from a bunch of people you hardly knew, or from anyone for that matter. I just looked at them strangely.

“God!” Jaymore laughed. “You’re weirder than I thought!”

The red-headed kid mocked me. “’What is it?’”

They all laughed again. I felt very embarrassed and utterly stupid. I had no idea what that was and everyone else seemed to. I did not realize that I was supposed to know what it was.

Then the three of them walked out of the store still laughing hysterically and passing around the paper tubes. I just looked at Ty.

“What was that?” I asked quietly.

He just looked at the ground. “Pot.”

I decided to stop asking questions in order to not furtherly embarrass myself. “Oh.” I said as if I totally knew why a rolled up paper tube was called a pot.

“Can we just go home?” I asked.

“Yeah sure.” He said.

And home we went.

Cadbury Castle, Britain, 646

Merlin ended up staying in Lancelot’s chambers and Lionel promised not to say anything to my father or any of the knighten if he did not cause any trouble or perform any acts of sorcery. He also asked me to ride on a patrol with him today to see if I would be good at leading one or not. I liked Lionel, he was very nice to me but he still did not treat me like a little kid even though I was much younger than him.

I did not speak to my father again that day, rather Lancelot and I ate supper in the palace kitchens with Merlin. I saw Halaina constantly staring at me, of which, I was starting to feel stalked by. Then we went off to bed and the day ended.

I told Austin to wake me up early, for dawn patrol with Lionel and he did. When I looked out the window whilst I was still in bed I saw the night sky of the sun that still had not risen. I pulled my bed furs off of my body and lowered myself onto the cold cobblestone floor, cringing as my bare feet touched the chilled surface. I dressed in a plain brown tunic and trousers and I attached Caliburnus to my belt at which Austin said nothing, probably due to my obvious aversion to conversation about it’s origins yesterday.

I sat down at my my rectangular table close to the door that used to lead into my mother’s chambers. I thought about how she had come into my room at night when she heard me tossing and turning with nightmares, or when occasionally she would come to have breakfast with me, or help me pick out something to wear. Never again would that happen. Never again would I hear the smooth and rhythmic melody of her voice, never again would I feel the warmth of her embrace and the softness of her fiery red hair.

Austin brought me a platter of biscuits and some crushed raspberry jam. I had asked for raspberry jam in particular, it was always my mother’s favorite. I found I was not very hungry and stopped eating after two biscuits and a glass of milk. I just stared at the door to the empty queen’s chambers that connected the two rooms. I pulled the leather rope out from under my chainmail and tunics and stared at the steel ring that hung on it. Maybe when I was older I could wear it correctly. This was the last thing I had from my mother, this ring that was too big for my fingers.

I met Lionel at the stables where there were a few other men and boys just a bit older than me, and one of them was Kay. I had been avoiding Kay since the incident in Meredith when he had lied to everyone about something I had done, in other words he was not one of my favorite people. I glared at him as I went to stand next to Lionel and he pretended as if I did not exist. That was fine with me. Bedivere, of whom I had only talked to a few times was also there, standing next to Kay. I knew they were pretty good friends so I figured that Bedivere was probably going to act as if I did not exist as well.

“Is everyone here?” Lionel asked loudly. He looked around and counted us. Then, feeling satisfied, “Let us leave then.”

He mounted his horse and slid a metal staff into a scabbard by his horse’s white mane. All of the other people also on patrol, including me, did the same and we fell into line behind Lionel as we headed down the trail through the western gates from the stables we had been at.

We were just scouting along the western side of Britain to make sure that the Saxons had not invaded or shown any evidence of residing in Cornwall and some of the western villages. Lionel said it was only about a two and a half hour ride there and that we would probably be back in time for supper in Camelot. I was thankful that Lionel had opted for me to ride at the front with him considering that I did not really know any of the other men, aside from Kay and Bedivere of course.

“So are these the people that usually come on patrols with you?” I asked Lionel as I looked back at the seven other men that were with us.

“Sometimes.” Lionel said. “The groups shift depending on the length and area of the patrol. There are also five others going in different directions. Those two boys.” He pointed to Kay and Bedivere. “Have not been on one this long yet. They usually just go on patrols only to Avalon or Meredith, sometimes we do run into trouble on the longer ones.”

“What kind of trouble?” I asked nervously.

“Mostly just people of the Old Ways that are upset because we are on their native land.” Lionel said and frowned, catching the hint of my nervousness. “I doubt we will come across any dangers today though.”

I nodded and I kicked my horse’s flank in order to keep up with Lionel’s fast paced trot.

The group decided to take a break to water the horses and map out out our plan more in depth a half hour into our journey, when we were just north of Avalon. We sat in a circle and looked at a crudely drawn papyrus map in Lionel’s hands while he explained to us what each of lines and markings met. I could read the map well because of the geography study we did in history there so I did not feel the need to sit through a lecture on map-reading. I asked Lionel if I could go and relieve myself, he gave me permission and instead of doing what he asked, I decided to go on a walk to explore the forest, after all, this area was fairly close to where Lancelot and I had met Merlin.

It was funny when I thought about how quickly we were able to get back to Cadbury Castle with Merlin’s “senses” leading us. It had took us a half hour at quick paced horseback to get to this location, granted the patrol had taken the long way because they did not know about Lancelot’s and my trail, but it still seemed much too short of a time for us to be able to walk back at a leisurely pace. It was almost as if there was some sort of magic at work. Almost as if Merlin really was a sorcerer.

I wandered through the dense greenery in the direction that I believed Avalon was. The air carried a warm spring breeze and I started to feel uncomfortable hot in my thick tunics and armor. I heard rushing water and I gravitated it to it, my mouth yearning for water. The sound turned out to be generated by a thin stream running over smooth flat stones. I cupped a bit of the cool water in my hands and lapped it up. Then, hoping that the patrol was still involved with the map and the planning out of the day, proceeded to follow the stream.

It fed into Avalon as expected, and like always, the view was breathtaking.

The weeping willow trees groped at the glassy surface and not even a ripple disturbed the utterly meditative state of the lake. The smooth white pebbles crunched under my brown boots that were now muddied from the stream bed and I crept forward to the water’s edge. My hand desiring the fresh and serene touch of the body of water before me.

“Who might you be?” A calm female voice asked softly. The voice was like honey and whipped butter mixed together, soothing and thickly smooth.

I turned toward the direction of the voice. It was a girl with a grass satchel loosely hanging from her wrist that was covered in light blue knotwork tattoos, like Merlin’s. She was clothed in a flowing white dress that seemed to fall over her body such as a waterfall might, it was the same dress that the other girl that I had met on Avalon wore. It looked much better on the girl that stood before me now though. She looked fuller, the flows and waves of the dress falling over her in a satisfying way, whether than on the thinner girl I had met that looked almost scrawny. Delicate, thin golden waves that fell to her waist added the to the impression of the beauty of the girl, they shaped the pale and full outline of her face. Full pink lips lead up to a shapely, straight nose that ended in eyes that took my breath away. Her eyes were the exact color of the lake, to the most minute shape, and their almond shape gave her a thoughtful, yet fiercely intense gateway into her mind. If I had ever been in love in my life, I was now.

As I walked toward the girl in awe of my attraction to her I realized that she was much shorter than me.I felt very large standing only a few feet away from her, the top of her head only reaching my chin. I very much enjoyed this sudden burst of masculinity.

“Please answer me.” The girl said, and cocked her head at me as if confused at why I was so intently looking at her instead of answering her questions. I realized then that she was not only a creature with voluptuous beauty to be admired but also a human being that wished to converse with me.

“My name is Arthur.” I said, forcing myself to stay articulate, but carefully analyzing every curve and color in her body and hair.

She continued to cock her head at me, seemingly looking over me as in depth as I was her. “I thought people such as you that wore garments of iron had more names and titles and silly things such as that?”

“Well I…” I had to stop for a moment to rip my mind away from memorising her figure to remembering common things like where I am from. “I do…”

“Please tell them to me.” She said. Concern began to form in her fearless eyes as she watched my inability to process reality.

“I am...I am from Cadbury Castle in Camelot.” I said, and then without thinking about my audience. “I am the son of King Uther Pendragon.”

“Are you going to kill me then?” She asked and sighed, looking at the ground. She did not let me speak. “I suppose Nimue was right...I should have stayed on the island instead of exploring. Oh please Goddess give me charm.”

She bowed her head and waited for me to attack. I figured this was the time to explain my position and how I thought that this girl was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, well not the latter.

“I am not here to kill you.” I told her. “I think my father’s policies are unjust and I chose not to follow them.”

“You are his only son though?” She asked, as if she was still confused about how I could not be completely loyal to my father when I shared his blood.

“Just because I was born to him does not mean I agree.” I said, almost irritated. I was tired of people believing that I was a certain way only because of who my father was and the things that he did. “I did not choose my parents.”

I found it odd that I did not even know her name and we were already talking about my who father was and how he defined me.

“I suppose that is true.” She answered and furrowed her brow as if she was looking into my mind. “It was rather rude of me to assume that you would be such. I apologize.”

I nodded and we just looked at each other for a moment. I forced myself to look away from her body and to the lake. I desperately wanted to know her name but I did not wish to be presumptuous.

“My name is Viviane.” She said finally. Her eyes were scanning me up and down as if she was checking to make sure I really was not planning to attack her.

I had heard the name Viviane before. Merlin had talked about her quite a deal more than he had talked about any of the other girls on Avalon. They must have been good friends.

“Pleasure to meet you.” I said for lack of having any other words to say. I stuck my hand out for her to shake.

She just looked at the hand and did her head-cocking thing. “What are you doing?”

“Well I thought we could shake hands.” I said, I had thought until now that that was a common ritual that people did and did not need explaining.

“Why?” She asked suspiciously.

I just looked at her for a moment.

“Oh!” She said as realization struck her. She literally giggled. “That is one of those silly things that Romans and Britons do when they meet!”

I continued to look at her strangely. I finally brought my hand back to rest at where Caliburnus hung at my belt.

Her eyes suddenly widened when she caught sight of the sword. She just stared at it. I stared at her.

I was not the least bit scared of Viviane, even through her obvious strangeness, as one might expect, rather it intrigued me. I was strange myself, and the commonality between the two of us further cemented my growing attraction to her.

I pulled my sword out of its scabbard and handed it to her without her even asking. I could tell that she wanted to look at it, and since she was from the same place Merlin was, was undoubtedly connected to it and interested in it in the same way that he was. Viviane analyzed the sword slowly and carefully, looking at every design and detail engraved on the hilt and the blade. Then she just looked at me for a few moments. I admired the way that I could tell her mind was working to come to a conclusion about the sword and I and her obvious intelligence that was shown through her eyes.

Then to no one in particular she began to rant. “I told Nimue that I needed to come to shore today! I told her! And there she is not believing me and thinking me foolish to the point where I must run away to follow my senses! And look what I have found! I have found our protector! He who is to save us! I found Caliburnus and her sacred wielder!”

I was not so sure what she was saying but I had a feeling it was about me.

“Who is Nimue?” I asked her.

“You can hear me?” She asked. She practically yelled, of course I could hear her.

“Yes.”

“You see on Avalon people cannot hear me.” Viviane explained. “They just turn their heads away when I think.”

Or maybe they can hear you and they just completely ignore you because they think you are insane. That is alright though, I am insane as well. In fact, I believe that I travel thousands of years in the future every time I fall asleep. Instead I replied with a simple; “Oh.”

“Merlin always understood me when I thought.” She said thoughtfully. She sat down on the white pebble beach. I did as well, the rocks digging slightly uncomfortably into my legs. “He understood lots of things about me. I wish that he had not left to...well I suppose he left to look after you.”

It was my turn to cock my head in confusion. She continued to “think”, this time slightly more directed toward me.

“A few days ago he just left saying something about it having to do with his purpose, which is to help our protector you see, and then he took the ferry to shore and I have not heard from him since. Although I have seen him in my visions. I see him with our protector. I know he is doing what he needs. I hate my visions you know, they always come up when I am swimming or collecting herbs, never when they are supposed when I want to use my sight. I hate my visions I think. Too much time seen in the future than the present.”

Once again I had become hopelessly lost in her rant about seemingly nothing. I recognized some things that she was saying, and I realized that she could have been spouting precious information that was crucial to my thoughts and I had not the slightest idea.

“Sometimes I feel like I spend too much time in the future than the present.” I muttered. I felt I needed to inject a personal quo of my own in order to remain an active part of the conversation

“How is that?” She asked curiously.

“It is complicated.” I told her, not wishing to elaborate. We met each other’s eyes for a brief moment and I felt as if we were inside of the other’s soul.

“Oh alright.” She said and then she picked up a stone and put it into her satchel. “I am very sorry that I have confused you.”

“How do you know that you have confused me?” I asked.

“I know things about people.” Indeed she did.

I sighed loudly for the awkward gap in conversation. I looked at my sword that Viviane had captured in her lap. I wanted it back but she seemed very possessive of it at the moment. She just looked out to the lake then and stayed like that, saying nothing.

I realized then that I was actually supposed to be somewhere that was not here at Avalon with Viviane and that Lionel was likely worried about me. Soon enough, some of the men might come looking for me and then I would have to contend with the fact that some of them who were vigorously loyal to my father may in fact try to kill Viviane for her obvious devotion to the Old Ways.

“I think that I must leave.” I said and stood up. She grabbed my wrist and I craned my neck around to look at her, her touch startling me.

“No.” She said, and with her hand still tightly gripping my wrist and her eyes locked in deep contact with my own, “Your men have not even thought of your absence and will not think of it until they are getting ready to leave and sir Lionel completes a head count. They will not be ready to leave for another hour. Two horses were carelessly tied up and they escaped into the forest causing a delay.”

My eyes widened as I looked at her in shock of how she had known all of those things about the group of men that I had come with. Maybe that was what she was talking about when she said about her visions that annoyed her so very much.

I pulled my arm away from her. “How did you know that?”

I noticed that my tone of voice was more curious than scared or alarmed.

“I had a vision.” She told me. “When I touched you. And I am sorry that touch scares you so much.”

It was oddly comforting to know that Viviane knew a few of my inmost thoughts and feeling, or that she would with the mere skin contact between us. I would not feel the slightest bit comfortable with anyone else invading my mind or knowing my thoughts but with Viviane it seemed alright. Even though I had only known her for a few minutes I felt completely at ease with her. She made sense, her insanity, yet strange, also made sense. Everything about her screamed with attractiveness and I wanted to have her in my arms. I wanted to carry her back to Cadbury Castle and keep her in my chambers like a pet. Viviane would understand me. I knew it. She would understand my here and there predicament, she would sympathize with the troubles I was experiencing with my father, she would never say I was mean, she would understand my honesty and my outlook on life. I needed to have her in my life.

“I like you.” I said simply, and what probably sounded stupidly but I meant it like I think I had never meant anything else. I would have said I love you if not for the intimidation factor of those three words.

“I like you too.” She replied with the utmost firmness that I had also felt in my voice. She meant it as well.

And this simple declaration of admiration lifted my soul from the bottom of Hades that they had shattered at when the board had been pulled from under my mother’s feet. This person that I had met only minutes ago was like golden ice in my veins. Pulsing through my body, giving life to the ends of my fingertips and warming my core. I felt heat that was completely theoretical lick at my feet and brush up my trousers, melting my armor and raising my hair all around my head. My heart was ablaze with orange light.

She had set me on fire.