If I Could Tell It

Meredith, Britain, 645

The night before, I had walked through Meredith to the Inn on the Northside of the village. I had paid for one night with five silver, even though the Innkeeper had recognized me as prince and insisted that I not pay. Part of the reason I had paid was because then the innkeeper would not tell my father where I was at. I did not need to be punished for running off just yet. After all, I had slain the dragon and quite possibly saved a lot of innocent people. The servants at the inn had brought me supper and now breakfast free of charge, and they had insisted they wash my clothes and shine my armor. So now I was sitting in my breeches and my undertunic on the grass mattress on the floor of the inn room.

There was black mold crawling up the walls from the floorboard and I swear I saw a rat the night before, crawling through a crack by the door. Nevertheless, I had a safe place to stay away from my father and in a village that might worship me after I told them about how I slayed the dragon that had been terrorizing them.

My hunting sword was hanging on my belt and scabbard on a peg next to the door. I had cleaned the blade of the dragon blood yesterday before I went to bed with a rag that one of the servants had given me. Somehow the sword seemed polluted now. I did not know why. I had killed deer and rabbits with it when Lancelot and I went on hunting escapades in the forest before. It just seemed somehow that killing a creature as magnificent as a dragon was different. Something so big, so mighty, and I killed it. It fell to the ground with the blood of it on my hands. It would never taste the air of the world again, it would never taste the blood of another again.

Part of me wondered what happened to Kay, but then again, part of me did not. He had been planning to lie to the people of Meredith without actually taking care of the problem at hand. And then when the problem arose, he fled in fear. He left me to die without even trying to help me. He was too much a coward to stand up to it, to try to save the people he said he came to save. I was not though. I stood up to my fear and conquered it. I knew what had to be done and I did it.

In Rome there used to be men called gladiators. Gladiators were men who feared nothing. They defeated lions and all sorts of beasts in front of giant crowds to prove their worth and their bravery. In Britain we had men called knighten. Knighten were supposedly like Gladiators in the sense that they were supposed to be the bravest men in the land and defeat beasts and protect the people so that everything was right and well. The knighten that I knew were not like this though. They were mean and heartless and all they cared for was glory and money and women. Not to love though. To rape.

And becoming a knight was no task of honor either. All you needed was to be of noble blood and have the favor of someone who was higher in rank than you. And the worst part was that you would not become a knight no matter how great a man you were if you were born of common blood. A man could have slayed a thousand dragons and saved a thousand villages and he still would not be good enough to enjoy knighthood. All because his mother and father happened to not be in the right family.

The right family. What decides which family is noble or not? Obviously not by the actions of the people. The definition of noble is possessing very high or excellent qualities or properties. My father was supposedly the most noble man in Britain and yet he does not have any fine or excellent qualities. He was just mean and greedy, lustful and without integrity.

Someday, when I am king, I believe I will have the opportunity to knight men. I will not knight anyone that is not honorable though. Even if they tie me down and make me. I think that the honor of knighthood should only be received by those that are worthy, and not worthy because of their birth or the blood that flows in their veins. Worthy because of their actions and the great things they have done in their life. They will live by a code of honor and integrity and they will be the most respected men in the land. Not because of their family. Because they deserve to be.

“Your clothes my lord.” A servant bowed to me and set a stack of folded clothes on the floor in front of me.

“Thank you.” I gave a half-hearted smile and he bowed again and left.

I hastily put on my clothes and fastened my armor to my body. I was going to tell the people about my victory against the dragon. Starting with the Lord of Meredith, Sir Lewys.

I had left my horse in the tiny Inn stables the night before where it had been fed and groomed, once again, free of charge. I untied it from the post and walked it out of the stables to the central village road where I mounted and trotted north through the village to the large manor in the distance.A few people looked twice at me as I rode through the village, but I think most of them just assumed that I was a messenger or a knight going to stay with Sir Lewys so they paid no attention.

The manor of Meredith was fairly small as manors go I believe. I am not one to say however considering that I live in Cadbury castle which is thought to be the largest structure in Britain. The manor had a small ivy covered stone gateway that lead into the front steps and the main doors. The main doors were about ten feet tall and were a plain oakwood without any crests or designs on them. There was a small courtyard like area in front of the main entryway that had a statue of a dog centrally. I rode into this area and dismounted in front of the steps.

I waited for about ten minutes before coming to the conclusion that no one was going to welcome me in. Which although I was unannounced, seemed odd. Generally there were at least a couple guards watching to see if anyone wished to enter. For welcoming reasons or not, that seemed like good safety measures. I tied my horse to the drooping branch of an old willow tree in hopes that it would be compliant and meandered up to the front doors. I considered knocking, it seemed polite, but then, whoever was supposed to be at the door had already neglected to invite me in so I went right ahead and opened the doors myself.

I entered into a torch lit hallway seemingly devoid of other people. I followed the long straight hallway to a crosspath where I turned right and began to hear voices. Voices accompanied by Kay.

I sidled up against the wall to listen, careful not to be seen. I heard the dull hum of subtle breathing, there were obviously several people in the room.

“And the dragon just fell over after it had been stabbed?” A voice asked.

“Yes” Kay said. “As if an unknown force had been pulling it down.”

I realized what was happening. Kay had finally come to his senses and was now telling Sir Lewys about my defeat of the dragon for me. He had decided to make up for his cowardice behavior yesterday and now he was making up for it. Maybe Kay was cut out to be a knight after all.

A hand gripped my arm and spun me away from the wall I was against. “Who are you?!”

I ripped my arm away from my captor and drew my sword, holding the point to his throat. “You tell me first.”

“I did not mean any harm!” He backed away, surprised at my threat.

I looked him up and down without moving my sword. He had shoulder length wavy dark hair and black eyes and looked about my age. He came up just to my eye level, so about two inches shorter than me. His build was thin and wiry and he did not look very strong.

“What are you called?” I asked him fiercely. I was surprised at how menacing I could sound when need arose.

“Gawain” He said. His eyes were crossed from looking at my sword point. “Now can you please not run me through?!”

I slid my sword back into my belt. “Sorry” I muttered.

“What are you called?” He asked me, sizing me up.

“I have a cousin called Gawain.” I said, purposely not answering his question. He did not need to find out who I was just yet. “He lives north in Orkney.”

Gawain looked to the side. “Just tell me your name.”

I had a feeling I knew who this was. I had not seen him since I was six, but I was fairly certain that this was the son of my aunt, Morgause, and King Lot. According to a letter my aunt sent my mother, her son Gawain had recently gone missing and there was a country wide search out for him. Well as much of a country wide search could be when the country was at war.

“Arthur” I gave him a sideways look. His face dropped, he knew that I knew. Somehow when he had told me his name I just knew that me and this boy were related and that we were meant to meet. “It has been quite a while.”

“Yes, yes it has.” He said in monotone.

“Why are you here Gawain?” I asked him. I suppose I could not blame him too much for running away, considering that I had done the same thing. Just not for three weeks.

“Here?” He asked. “I heard someone slayed a dragon and I came to see if it was true.”

“That was me.” I said proudly.

“What?” Gawain wrinkled his brow, he pointed to the room I had been listening to and momentarily forgotten about. “That boy in there did. His name was Kay or something.”

“What.” My anger from yesterday came flooding back, turning my stomach into a roiling pit of rage. “He said that he did it?!”

“Yes” Gawain nodded. Then whisper-yelled. “Keep your voice down, I do not want to be caught eavesdropping!”

“That lying little-” I started to walk in, seething, to the room that Kay was lying to everyone in but Gawain stopped me.

“Are you crazy?!” He asked in my face. “You might be the prince of Britain and want to be sent home, but I for one do not!”

“He is lying to everyone about something I did!” I whisper-yelled at him. He started to drag me down the hall.

“I would too!” Gawain said. “You have no proof that you did it instead of him!”

I clenched my fists and sighed angrily. “I have to set it right somehow”

Gawain kind of just rolled his eyes and continued dragging me away from the room where Kay was lying to everyone about my accomplishments.

We walked out to the front courtyard and sat down under the willow tree where my horse was and I sighed, leaning against the massive rough tree trunk.

“Why did you run away?” I asked him.

“I decided that I was tired of my parents.” He said, playing with a willow leaf. “So I left.”

“I wish.” I muttered.

“Why?” Gawain asked me. “You are the richest kid in the country. Why would you run away?”

“Because I hate my father.” I said, we made eye contact for a moment and then he looked away. “You were fairly wealthy too if I remember correctly, why did you leave?”

He shrugged. “Just wanted to I guess.”

I smiled. I wish that I could do things because I just wanted to.

“Are you going to go home?” He asked me.

“Yes” I answered. “I only came to slay the dragon.”

Gawain smiled. “Of course you are.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” I asked sharply.

“Nothing” Gawain shook his head and looked down. “Are you still angry about your friend taking the credit for what you believe you did?”

“I did do it.” I said firmly. “And as a matter of fact I am.”

“Good luck with that.”

I glared at him and stood up. “Just you wait.”

I marched right back in the manor through those large oak doors and down the dimly lit corridor all the the way to the room where I had heard the voice of Kay. I did not bother to pause and listen this time around the corner. I dove right into the chaos that was an open cobblestone room filled with people listening to the stories that Kay was telling. False stories.

“Arthur!” Kay said, surprised as I barged into the room and marched up to him. He smiled nervously. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to tell the people about the dragon I slayed!” I said loudly in his face. It was slightly awkward because he was at least three inches taller than me.

He frantically shook his head at me to tell me to stop talking. I did no such thing.

“Do you not remember?” I asked. I turned and swept my eyes over the crowd. I felt the rage in my core roiling like a volcano again. “When you hid behind that tree I turned and fought!?”

“Young man.” A deep voice said from behind me. I felt a large hand on my shoulder.

I turned. It was Sir Lewys. He immediately recognized me and knelt on the stone floor. The rest of the men in the room did the same, bowing their heads as if I was some sort of God.

I clenched my fists. I hated when this happened. I did nothing to deserve their groveling. I was born. That was all. And I was not even born to a great man. I was born to a greedy, unrelenting, selfish man who happened to be a king who had people killed for fun and encouraged war in his free time. And for that these people were kneeling at my feet.

“Get up!” I yelled, irritated. Never before in my life had I been this angry. Not even when my father made fun of me for saying I was able to see the future or when Morgain manipulated things so they looked like my fault or when Lancelot bested me in training. I was not even sure why, the current events just stirred my emotions like nothing else.

The people in the room quickly got to their feet. There was about fifteen men and women in fairly bland clothing all staring at me wide-eyed. I wanted them to disappear so I could talk to Kay and ask him why he had betrayed me such as he just did. However I was not a magician and therefore could not make all the people around me disappear so I just had to deal with the issue at hand the best I could. The second thing I wanted to do was yell at everyone the truth and then yell at Kay for lying and then just yell some more. Mostly I just wanted to yell. I could have done that but I suppose that would only perpetuate the belief that I was a stuck up child of noble birth that just wanted my way. That was not the goal.

I breathed in deeply. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the edge of Gawain’s too big black tunic flutter around the entrance to the stone chamber from the hall. He was listening.

“I am not worthy for you to kneel before me.” I said softly, it was what I had been thinking after all. I found myself more nervous than I had felt when I had rage bubbling up inside me and I wanted to yell my thoughts to the people in the room. I was only twelve years old after all, it was highly unlikely for me to be able to talk to all those adults without a speck of fear in my mind.

The people in the room sort of looked around awkwardly, not exactly sure of what to do.

“I-I am the one who slayed the dragon.” My voice shook a little and I cringed. I did not sound confident in the fact that I was in fact the one who had saved the village. I sounded like a small child that would run back to his mother’s embrace at even the mere alleged story of a dragon. I repeated myself, trying to make my voice sound deeper, older. “I am the one that slayed the dragon”

I looked at Kay, he was slowly slinking toward the entrance of the chamber where Gawain was listening.

I wanted to say that Kay had lied to them, but that did not seem exactly honorable either. It seemed downright petty. I knew that I had slayed the dragon and that was what mattered really. That the dragon had been slayed and that the people had been saved. It really did not matter who had done it, just that it had been done. It was by my own selfishness that I wanted everyone to know that it was I who had done the task. And now the people had heard both opinions, mine and Kay’s, and it was up to them to decide which of us was telling the truth.

It did not seem right for Kay to get the glory for something I had done however, and it was definitely not right for him to lie so blatantly about something. I suppose I could have told someone, like a training master or a senior knight what he had done so he could be punished, but I did not want to tattle like a child.

I slowly backed away from the people who were all looking at me as if I was going to say something absolutely interesting and in depth that would better their life. I think that they were probably expecting a bit too much from me. Maybe when I was older I could enlighten people by a mere speech that I conjured up in the heat of the moment. Maybe then I would be worthy of the respect that people gave me, the respect that I had not earned.

“Yes…” I said meekly, not knowing what else to say. I willed words to form in my mouth but they did not. I wanted to run all the way back home and fall asleep in my mother’s warm embrace. Forget any of this ever happened. Gawain was right, I should have just let Kay be the liar that he was.

I turned, lifted my chin ever so slightly, and walked out of the room, trying to portray an air of confidence to my audience who was watching my every move.

Gawain was waiting outside the entrance to the room as predicted. I looked at him for a moment and continued walking down the hall, he followed a good ten feet behind me. I walked down the stone steps around the bend to where the willow tree where my horse was, only to find Kay frantically undoing the knots I had tied to keep the horse tied to the tree.

“What are you doing?!” I exclaimed, running up to him and forcing his hands off the reigns of my horse.

Kay backed away, his pale face was bright red with embarrassment. He opened his mouth to say something and then shut it. That was probably a good thing, anything he said would have probably made me even more angry than I already was.

We just looked at each other for a moment. I felt as if I was looking down upon him even though he stood taller than me. His eyes were turned toward the ground in shame. I wanted to do something to set things right. I was too young to punish him, and also not his direct authority.

I untied my horse from the willow branch and mounted. I looked down at Kay who was trying not to meet my eyes. I looked up toward the path I was planning to take out of the courtyard. I needed to forget about Kay and just leave, if he could convince people that he had done something he had not, then he could convince someone to give him a method of transportation home.

I trotted out of the manor grounds and about two hundred yards down the dirt village street before I remembered Gawain. I suppose I did not have to help him, after all, something about his laid back disposition bothered me, I am not sure why but it did. He was my cousin though, and he had at least tried to help me, so I went back for him. I could at least try to convince him to return home to Orkney.

“I had a feeling you were coming back” Gawain said as I dismounted just inside the manor courtyard.

I smiled and walked my horse back over to the willow tree at which I had previously fastened it to. I noticed that Kay was nowhere to be seen.

I sat down in the shade of the drooping willow tree on the soft field grass of the courtyard. There, in America it seemed that all the grass on people’s property was all trimmed short so that not one piece was out of place. Although I considered myself a perfectionist in the things I did, I did not like the American way of making everything perfect. From bathrooms to trees on the sides of streets, it seemed that there were constantly people in place to trim and critique everything so that it was perfect. Some things are not meant to be perfect however, like grass. Grass was wild. It had been here since before people roamed the earth, tromping over beautiful things like dirt. Grass was meant to be long and yellow and form a bed for whomever wished to lie on it.

“I suppose I should tell you to go home.” I said, sitting with my legs crossed, facing Gawain.

“So why do you not?” Gawain asked with a lilting smile tugging at his mouth.

That was what bothered me about Gawain. He was arrogant. He had the same sort of way about him as the young knighten who walked about the palace as if they owned the world.

“Because I do not want to tell you what to do with your life” I said, I picked a piece of grass and rubbed it between my fingers. “I have had enough of that in my own experience.”

He flipped his long, thick, dark hair out of his face. Gawain had beautiful hair, in fact, Gawain just seemed to be a very beautiful person. Almost beautiful like a girl. That bothered me too. I knew that girls would look at him instead of me if we were together.

“Alright.” He said. I basically just made this deep confession of my life’s experience to him and deeply explained why I did not wish to command him and his reply was alright. Add that to the list of things that bothered me about him. He was too stupid to give meaningful replies.

I looked at him for a moment. He made no move to extend his reply. “So are you going to go back to Orkney or not?”

He did not pay any attention to my question. “Do you think your parents would recognize me?”

“No” I shook my head. I squinted at him, trying to decipher what he might be thinking of. “I did not recognize you.”

“Let me come with you to Camelot.” He said. It was more of a command than a request, I did not like that.

“Why?” I asked, I noticed my friendly tone gradually trickling out of my voice.

“I have a plan.”

And that was how Gawain came to Camelot.