If He Had Been with Me

Finny wouldn’t approve of me trying again if I am pregnant. I could argue with him all I wanted, but he wouldn’t budge. Finny couldn’t stand to let worms die on the sidewalks; I would never be able to convince him that it would be for the best.

I can see the expression on his face. His frown of disapproval. I try to explain to him and he just raises his eyebrows at me.

People do things like this. Aunt Angelina did.

We could live with The Mothers at first; they would be happy to have us. I could wait tables and save money and go to college a few courses at a time. I could still write at night, maybe not every night, but still.

Just because something seems impossible doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try.

And of course, it wouldn’t be like having him back. Not really. But it would be better than not having him at all. I remember him holding Angie’s baby at the hospital, the way he stared in wonder at that small face.

And Finny smirks at me because he knows he has won.