SWNOVELS Icebreaker: Chapter 33
CONSIDERING Henry started a fight with three guys last night, he’s surprisingly chipper, and from what I can see, he doesn’t have a scratch on him.
Henry flounces into the room, shoveling cereal into his mouth, and throws himself at the bottom of the bed. His face twists as he looks between me and Nate. “It smells like sex in here.”
“You’re on thin ice, Turner.” Nate gruffs, climbing back onto the bed beside me.
“You’d think sex would chill you out but apparently not, grumpy,” he mutters, spooning in another mouthful of Lucky Charms.
“I assume you know why I asked Nathan to get you,” I say, interrupting what will most likely escalate into a nonsensical argument.
He puts his now-empty bowl beside him and crosses his legs, leaning back against the bed frame. “I hope it’s not for a threesome because you’re not my type.”
Nate’s head falls back, his hand rubbing his forehead as he stares at the ceiling, groaning. I hope it’s not a migraine, but if anyone is going to induce one today, it’ll be Henry. Nate looks back at him. “Dude.”
“What do you mean I’m not your type?” I hiss.
“You’re too short,” he says bluntly. “You’re like what? Five-three? Five-four? Gotta be five-nine or above to ride.”
A lot of bad stuff has happened recently, and this is by far the absolute worst. I mean, technically I sort of have a boyfriend now, although that word currently makes me feel a little unwell.
“I want to file a complaint. This is discrimination.”
“Baby, I’m right here?” Nate says, raising an eyebrow.
Henry chuckles, winking at Nate. “It’s a good job because I think Anastasia wants me.”
“Remember when you were quiet?” Nate drawls. “I miss those times.”
Rolling my eyes, I nudge my shoulder into Nate. “We’re off topic. Hen, you have to tell me what the hell started last night.”
My palms are sweating, stomach twisting with anticipation. I want to know and at the same time, I don’t want to know.
“I don’t want to tell you, Anastasia,” Henry says. “Not because I want to lie to you, but because I don’t see what you gain from knowing. He was talking shit, I hit him, and he left. You don’t need to ever live with him again, even next year when Nate and JJ are gone, I’ll still be here to look out for you.”
I feel like the Grinch when his heart grew three sizes, the love I have for Henry is overwhelming. I don’t think he even realizes how sweet he is. But sweet or not, my brain is going to carry on creating situations in my head until I know.
“I’d still like to know, Hen. I mean, you took on three guys; it must have been bad. I didn’t even know you knew how to fight.”
He looks at me like I’ve got two heads, face scrunching. “I’m a hockey player, study art, and I have two moms. You think I’ve never had to hit someone before?”
“All right, tough guy,” Nate drawls. “Let’s not pretend you didn’t grow up in the cushy Maple Hills suburbs. Tell her, she has a right to know.”
Henry sighs and nods. “I was looking for Gen when I noticed him come in with two guys. They were clearly drunk. Aaron asked where you were, so I told him to leave. He said he wouldn’t, so I punched him.”
My eyes narrow as he looks everywhere but me. “You’re lying to me.”
“I don’t lie, Anastasia.”
“I know you don’t, so why are you lying now? Tell me what he said.”
Nathan sighs and tugs my body closer to his side, pressing his lips to my temple. “It started at the beginning of October. It was right after I asked you to bring Brin to Robbie’s birthday party. Said he’d enjoy watching you drop me like you do with everyone else.”
“And then what?”
His fingers gently stroke up and down my back. Henry sits silently opposite us. “Every time we had practice after you and you’d go into the locker room, he’d hang around Brady telling her you’re distracted, you’re out of control at parties, drinking and hooking up with strangers. It went on for weeks until one day, Brady fucking lost it with him.”
“We didn’t hear what he said,” Henry interjects. “But she said if he had such an issue with how you skate, he should look for a new partner. This was right before he got hurt.”
Coach Brady has been a lot nicer to me this year, but I assumed it was pity after all the shit we’ve been through. She’s still scary as hell, but I’ve noticed she’s not been as quick to pick me apart like she had been previously. It never occurred to me she didn’t want to give Aaron ammunition.
“Okay, so he was talking shit up to Halloween. He spent two weeks glued to my side, I made up with Nate, and I started staying here. It’s nearly Christmas, so what are you missing out.”
Henry sighs, rubbing his jaw with his hand. “Tim, a guy from the team, was at a Titans basketball game and was sitting behind Aaron. Tim didn’t think the two guys he was with were from Maple Hills.”
“All of Aaron’s friends go to UCLA, so he never bothered making friends here,” I explain. “He was supposed to go there with them, but he got accepted here. It’s how we ended up together, we were both pair skaters whose partners didn’t get an offer from UCMH.”
“It might have been them, I don’t know. But Tim could hear him talking about you. He said Ryan ghosted you because he realized you’re just a jersey chaser.”
“Original.” I scoff. “What else?”
Henry’s eyes dart to Nathan, looking for guidance. Out of the corner of my eye I see him give Henry a nod. Henry shuffles on the bed and my palms sting from my nails sinking into them.
“Tim heard him say your parents are broke, so you’re latching onto guys going pro. He called you a slut, said you’d always been one, and you’re trying the same thing with Nate.”
Don’t cry. “Okay. Is there more?”
Henry nods and my heart pounds in my chest. “He said you would trap Nate with a baby. You didn’t have the talent to go all the way in skating, and it’d give you an excuse without having to admit that you’re not good enough. Said that’s probably what Coach Brady did.”
My words get caught in my throat. I don’t even think what I’m feeling is hurt; Aaron has said worse to me himself. It’s the embarrassment. The knowledge these people, Nate’s friends, people who respect him, have had to listen to how I’m this awful person who wants to trap him. “Are we up to last night yet?”
“Last night, he said he was coming to take you home where you belonged. I said you weren’t going anywhere, and he said, ‘So you’re fucking her too?’ I told him to get out, but he carried on.” Henry looks to Nate again, looking uncomfortable.
“Go on,” I urge. Nate’s hand slips into mine, his thumb rubbing over the nail marks gently.
“He said you’re using us for a place to live, just like you did with him. That Nate was deluded if he thought you actually liked him, because you’re fake. Then he said…fuck.” Henry drags his hand down his face and stares at the bedding. “I’m sorry, Stassie. I’m sorry I have to repeat this…He said no one will ever be able to love you, because how could they when your own parents couldn’t, and the ones who bought you only want you to fill up their trophy cabinet.”
“Fuck,” Nate snaps.
“And that’s when I punched him.”
“Nathan, you’re hurting me,” I whisper, looking at my pink fingers where he’s gripping me too tight.
“Thanks for telling me, Hen,” I say, steadying my voice. “And thanks for defending me. I’m sorry I brought this drama to your door.”
He looks uncomfortable and I feel it too. “Sabrina said I’m not allowed to talk about whether you two love each other or not, but I love you, Anastasia. I was serious when I said I want you to live here. Whether you two are together or not, if you get tired of Nathan you can sleep in my room. I’ll get the air mattress again.”
There’s a loud, dramatic sob threatening to rip out of me but I push it down, nodding my head instead. “I love you, too, Henry.”
He grabs his empty cereal bowl and leaves the room, and when the door closes, Nathan pulls me on top of him and leans back, cradling my head on his chest as I wrap myself around him. “Let it all out. You’re safe. I’m here.”
So, I let the dam break and hold him tight, while every emotion I’ve been suppressing hits me all at once.
Nathan lets me cry until I wear myself out, and when I’m finally silent, he tells me what he’s been patiently waiting for me to be ready to hear.
“I know you’re not using me. I know you’re not trying to trap me. I fucking love living with you. The guys love living with you, we all want you here. I know you like me, even though you definitely hate it,” he adds, chuckling as he presses his lips to my forehead.
“Really, really hate it.”
“I don’t know how much you care about my opinion on this, but you’re an incredibly talented skater. I have every faith you’re going to achieve all your goals. I would not be forcing my tree trunk body into fucking yoga positions if I didn’t think you and your talent were worth it.”
“Nate…”
“I’m not done. You’re a good person, Anastasia. I’m sorry I don’t tell you every day. You make me feel cared for, feel listened to, and the other stuff I don’t even know how to put into words properly. You make me feel valued, for who I am as me, not who I am as team captain or whatever.”
“I do value you.”
“That isn’t a feeling I’ve had in a long time. Not since my mom was alive. I love the guys, but it’s not the same thing. I can’t think how to describe it…It’s like there’s a spot in your life you keep just for me. One I don’t have to share, one where you don’t expect anything from me. Do you know how amazing it is? How lucky I feel to know you? You make me want to be the best I can be.”
“Oh…”
“You’re smart and determined, and you are so fucking worthy of love, Anastasia. So worthy. You’re surrounded by people who love you, and we’re all on your team. Aaron isn’t, and it’s why he’s trying to hurt you. I’m sorry you had to listen to it.”
“Thank you for saying, well, everything. You make me feel valued too.”
“It’s the truth, and I wish I’d told you before this. Look, I don’t feel like it’s my place to talk about your parents, but from what you’ve told me about them, it sounds like you’re the best thing to ever happen to them.”
I nod, saying nothing more. He’s answered every question or doubt in my mind. It’s not enough to stop the noise, but it has turned the volume down a little bit.
We lie on the bed in silence for a while, and when I promise I’m feeling a little better, Nate gives me the space I’m craving to process. He heads to the gym with Robbie and Henry, leaving me home with JJ and Sabrina, who claim that working out is for losers. In their ultimate wisdom, they’ve both decided to keep me distracted by furthering my culinary education.
Sabrina has been feeling guilty about the whole meal plan disaster, scolding herself for not paying closer attention. Like me, she doesn’t think Aaron did it on purpose, but she thinks she could have weighed in more and prevented the whole mess.
Since then, she’s been trying to teach me some more of her favorite dishes. Well, she was, until JJ banished her from the kitchen and told her to sit on the other side of the kitchen island when she started criticizing how I cut chicken.
JJ told her if she wasn’t going to play nicely, she wasn’t allowed to play. Brin called him Daddy and it all got very weird for a moment.
We’re making butter chicken because—quoting JJ—basic white girls like me love butter chicken. JJ has already told me it might suck because we haven’t marinated the chicken long enough, but we’re sticking to it anyway because Johal-Allali-Allens aren’t quitters.
He watched me add baking soda to the dry ingredients for our naans, checking I remember after he taught me last week. Now I’m flipping the fifth one on the tawa, he’s lost interest and is swiping on a dating app.
Learning to cook new recipes is healing my relationship with food. I’d be lying if I said looking at the cream we put into the chicken didn’t have my fingers twitching to open my calorie app, but I’m trying hard to enjoy the moment.
Putting on seven pounds in the past month was a huge blow; obviously, I cried, because all I do these days is cry it seems, but Nate was quick to point out it’s muscle. I’m leaner and I’m beating all my personal bests every workout as I get stronger. I’m fueling my body properly for the first time in so long, and as hard as it is, I’m trying to forget about the numbers. I never realized before how toxic my view of food was, but I’m trying to be better every day, feeding my body what it needs, not what I think it needs.
JJ finally looks up from his phone as I put the last naan on the plate. “Are you two moving in here?” he asks bluntly.
“Where’s your filter, Johal? Didn’t wanna ease into it?” Brin laughs.
“I’m a busy man, Brinny. Gotta cut to the chase.”
“I don’t know what we’re doing.” I sigh. “We’re going to talk about it when I get home from Colorado.”
“Well, I’m sure Hawkins has given you a full speech and promised to lay down his life for you or whatever, but so you know, I’m cool with you both living here. My instincts about men are impeccable and I’m telling you, Aaron is a walking, talking red flag.”
“If your instincts are so good, why are you single? Where’s your boyfriend?” Sabrina teases, joining us in front of the food to inspect our handiwork.
JJ snorts, tilting his phone so we can see how many people he’s texting. “Have you met the men on this campus? The ones in this house are an anomaly. It’s carnage out there.”
“We’re aware,” Brin and I say together.
“I think it’s unfair of me to tie myself to one person when there is such a wide range of people to spend time with.”
“How did you manage to make you being a manwhore sound sweet?” Sabrina shouts, throwing her head back, laughing.
“I’m a sweet guy.” He smirks, winking at the both of us.
The front door opens, and the guys come in, all looking sweaty and tired. “God, that smells good,” Robbie praises, rolling into the kitchen and immediately reaching for a naan.
I swat his hand away before he even gets to the plate. “Patience.”
After what feels like forever slapping hands away of hungry boys trying to sneak a taste, I finally plate up the food and make everyone sit at the table.
“This looks good, Stassie,” Henry says, not even one hint of something backhanded coming my way.
“I’m so proud of you,” Nate says, leaning over to kiss my temple. “It smells amazing.”
Fuck you, calorie app.