SWNOVELS Iceblade: Chapter 15
I FOLLOW MARIN BACK inside the house to the temporary infirmary. Deris is the only permanent resident and he looks no better than when I saw him yesterday. I stare at his fevered, unconscious body and start to understand a little more about how this new healing bond works. I didn’t find it too difficult to hold back with Lupine because I sensed she was winning her battle with the poison and would pull through without my help.
I don’t feel that with Deris. He is slowly slipping away from this world and I can’t bear it, knowing that I could prevent it. I think back over everything I have learned. Both Jantian and Deris have taken small amounts of surplus energy from me, apparently without ill-effect. If I can somehow control what I’m doing, keep it at that low level, then maybe…
This kind of precision would be difficult enough with space and quiet but I somehow have to do it in the few seconds I will have if I can distract Marin’s attention away from me.
“Marin, he doesn’t look good. Can you find the surgeon and ask him if there is anything we can do to help?”
Marin is too concerned about his friend to remember to be suspicious of me. He goes outside in pursuit of the medic who has just taken advantage of our arrival to head for the kitchen and grab something to eat.
It gives me just enough time to focus what I hope is the right amount of power in my hands and lay them on the hot skin of Deris’ neck and shoulders as close to the wound as I can reach in a hurry. I step back hastily as Marin re-enters the infirmary. He doesn’t speak but the way he looks at me tells me he has instantly guessed what I’ve just done. Guilt must be written all over my face.
“Marin, it wasn’t much. Honestly.”
He strides over to Deris, anxiously searching for reassurance that there are no ill effects.
“If you knew how it feels you wouldn’t wish it on anyone! You could be condemning him to a life of craving like the desperate kayin addicts in Corinium.”
The fierceness of his tone comes as a shock.
“Marin? Is that how it is for you?”
He looks round, reluctantly acknowledging that he has revealed something he was trying to keep from me. He lowers his voice, trying to sound casual.
“It is getting worse. I’m hoping it reaches some kind of plateau where I can get used to it.”
I wouldn’t feel so bad if I had actually saved Marin’s life when I healed him. It was more a celebration of what I could do. Or maybe I was just showing off or trying to justify my existence. I try to put his mind at rest about Deris.
“Marin, I’m learning to sense whether someone is going to make it through a wound like that without help. And Deris wasn’t going to. At least this way he has a chance.”
Marin looks me in the eye. “If he ends up like Trengar, are you prepared to put an arrow in his heart? Or will you leave it to Nem again?”
Only now do I fully understand what that operation in the city cost them. The thought of killing Deris of all people…
I try to keep my voice steady. “If it’s my responsibility, of course I wouldn’t push it onto any of you.”
He acknowledges silently then walks out of the infirmary without waiting for the surgeon to return. We sit a little apart from the others to eat dinner. I think both of us feel it would be too difficult to talk with anyone else after what we have just been through today. Brac is still busy with his drawings. Lupine lies at Marin’s feet, still a little slower than her usual swift self but I can tell as soon as I touch her that she will be back on wolf-form tomorrow.
I look around the dining hall and the ornate oak carvings lining the walls. There must be two score people in here, plus those on guard outside and Allantis and his archers patrolling the surrounding forest.
“Marin, where is the Duke? Doesn’t his family live here now? The only people here are Eldrin and a few of the king’s retainers.”
Marin keeps his voice low. “He was warned to move his entire household to his summer hunting lodge to ensure that he is the only one in his family who knows that the king is here. Safer, with Farang’s spies everywhere.”
I shiver, in spite of the warmth of the hall. With so many years to prepare, Farang probably has spies in every corner of Samaran by now, except among the Eldrin. His failure to find Maratic confirms that. At least so far.
Marin gets up to leave. “I have a surprise for you.”
I follow him out of the hall. His tone suggests a more pleasant surprise than most of the unexpected intrusions of the last few days but I try to keep expectations low. He opens the door to a room at the end of the main corridor and steps back to let me walk inside.
“Even with the king and his retainers in residence there is plenty of space, so I thought you might like the luxury of a real bed for a change.”
The room is not large by Blackthorn standards but it is far more luxurious than any of the houses in my village. The walls are painted with the usual intricate designs, thick carpets cover the floors and a huge four-poster bed stands at one side. Velvet-covered couches cluster round a fireplace in which the fire has already been lit, and a hint of perfumed steam wafts through the open door to the bath annex. I stand and stare, overwhelmed by the very thought of living in a place like this, yet at the same time…
“Ariel? Something’s wrong. I can tell.” Marin squeezes my hand.
“It’s just…” The crash of conflicting emotions is too much for a few moments. “It is beautiful. And comfortable. And really nice after so many nights out in the open or else sharing cave-space with a horde of bats.”
“But?”
“But it’s like the room Alina is trapped in.”
His arms fold around me. “I’m sorry. I should have thought of that. All the houses of the nobility are like this. Alina has to live in conditions that her visitors will feel comfortable in. Do you think you will get used to it, while you’re on bodyguard duty with the rest of us?”
“What is the alternative?”
He laughs. “Several more rooms like this one or else the servants’ quarters at the back of the house which are somewhat more crowded and noisy.”
Perhaps I have just grown used to sleeping under the trees. Anywhere inside this house is going to feel strange. The perfumed steam is reminding me of something else. I smile at the memory.
“The last time I took a bath that wasn’t a quick plunge in a freezing stream or a spring, I was wearing all my clothes, a mailshirt and I had a pile of weapons in there with me as well.” I’m already moving longingly towards the open door. Marin gives me a gentle push.
“Don’t stay in there so long you dissolve completely. I’ll see you in the morning.”
I turn back to face him. “Aren’t you staying with me? We’re always together in the forest.”
He hesitates. “But this isn’t the forest. I thought you would…”
I’m suddenly terrified at the thought of being in a room like Alina’s on my own, as if at any moment someone like Akadian might start beating on the door. It doesn’t make sense, as I could easily kill any intruder the moment he stepped inside. Maybe my fear is more about identifying with the way my sister doesn’t have that kind of security. I shiver, trying to imagine her courage.
“Marin, please stay.”
“You’re not worried about your reputation?”
The fear evaporates in a ripple of wry laughter.
“Any reputation is an improvement on ‘Blade adept’. Maybe it’s you who should be worried?”
He gives a non-committal shrug. “My reputation hangs on making the kind of decisions that protect the king, drive out invaders, and don’t get too many people killed in the process.” He seems to come to a decision as he brushes a kiss across my forehead. “I need to check on the guards. Then I’ll be back.”
He disappears into the hallway with Lupine at his heels and I retreat into the steamy atmosphere of the bath annex before it cools, scattering harness and clothes on the floor as I go. Closing my eyes and sinking into the warm water brings back memories of home and the hot tub in front of the kitchen stove. I can see my mother and Alina, and my father before he was killed, and…
It is like opening the floodgates to warm happy memories of a time that has vanished so completely and utterly there will never again be anything like it in the harsh uncertain future that lies ahead. I watch the salt tears falling into the scented water, wishing the ache in my heart would dissolve and disappear as easily.
“Ariel?”
Marin’s hand is on my shoulder as Lupine expresses her own concern by licking salt from my face. He heaves me to my feet, wraps a towel around me and carries me over to the fire to deposit me on one of the couches. His hair is wet and smells of soap, legacy of the more direct approach to bathing via the well and pump outside. He sits opposite me and pulls off his boots, then looks up and raises an eyebrow. He is not asking directly but I feel I owe some kind of explanation.
“Relaxing with happy memories doesn’t help the kind of hard face I need to wear for the kind of things I have to do now.”
He removes his boots from Lupine’s attempt at chewing and puts them out of her reach, then moves across to sit beside me.
“Ariel, I am amazed at the way you have handled everything that has happened to you and your family as well as learning to deal with the Blade’s gift at the same time. Don’t feel you’re failing if you have a few moments of weakness in a quiet space between emergencies.
I stare at him. I have been so aware of all my failures, and the narrowly-escaped penalties for them, I hadn’t really thought about how Marin might understand how hard I have found it. As he so often does, he seems to read my thoughts just by watching my face.
“Ariel, I don’t know if it affects you in the same way, but the last few days I have learned the hard way just how tiring it is trying to control it.”
Maybe it’s his ability to conceal any weakness or maybe I’ve been too focused on my own problems and anxiety over Deris, but this is the first time I have noticed the shadows of exhaustion under his eyes.
“Marin, I didn’t know how bad it has been for you. I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”
He brushes a hand across tired eyes. “Does it affect you the same way? Desperate for more power all the time?”
I focus for a moment just to be sure, then shake my head.
“No. Probably because I was given so much all at once. The struggle has all been about controlling what is there. Maybe if I finally succeed I might start wanting more, but I suspect that day is a long way off. I’m guessing it might be different for you because you were already in balance with it.”
I hesitate, then launch into something that has been worrying me for a while. “If the Emperor knew that I could pass Maratic’s power to others, I’m sure he would try to kidnap me to use for his own purpose, to empower his soldiers. If he thought you might also have that ability, he might go after you as well.”
“Which is why he must never find out. Brac and the others are sworn to silence.” Marin holds out his hands. “Can you feel if anything has changed?”
I reach out to him and focus, then look up into his eyes in alarm. The tension inside him is overstretched, brittle, starving. I can’t imagine how he can be using sheer willpower just to keep going.
“Marin, you can’t do this. I can feel what is happening with you and you’re almost at breaking point. If we are going to be in the middle of a fight in a few days’ time, you have to change the way you deal with it.”
He doesn’t answer but I can tell from the resigned look in his eyes he has already come to the same conclusion. I hold his gaze.
“If I give you just a little, each day, in between the same discipline practices you used for controlling what you were taking from Maratic, it might be all right. I know it’s a risk, but I also know you can’t go on like this.” I wait till I feel him relax the resistance in his hands, and then I push. Only the amount I gave Deris. It hardly tires me.
I watch him carefully. “Well?”
He nods silently and I feel the brittle tension in him easing a little. “Marin, I believe you can do this. I’m sure it’s just a case of controlling more power than any of the Eldrin have used for a long time. It doesn’t mean it has to be impossible.”
He lets out a long breath. “I’ll pass judgement after watching it for a few days. But thanks. You’re right. I was in no shape to lead a fight the likes of which we’re due to meet in the Northlands.”
He pulls me to him and I lean into his warmth, feeling the muscles rippling smoothly under his thin shirt. He picks me up as if I weigh nothing and carries me to the bed.
“You sure you want me to stay?”
I don’t answer, but I know he understands the way I pull him towards me and wrap my legs around his lean body. He runs his hands down my back and I press closer to him, seeking his lips for a kiss.
If we are to die somewhere in the Northlands in the next few days, at least we will have shared our dream of love for one night.