I will never be yours

Selena pov

Closing the door I walk over to the bed and start to take my clothes on, pulling the shirt over my head before grabbing my pants and trying to get them to be comfortable over my stomach but they feel too tight.

I have to place them under my growing belly, I will have to buy myself new ones.

Taking the towel I walk over to the bathroom and hang it up before getting back to the bed and starting up my computer, there are some emails I have to go over when there is a knock on the door.

Seeing the door slightly open I hear Emma's voice.

"can I come in?" she asks and wait for me to answer, when did she ever wait for me to invite her in? She always just walks right inside!

"yes, you can come in!" I say when she pushes the door open and walks inside. Looking at her she gets right over to the bed and takes a seat on the other side.

"what are you doing?" she asks when I'm in the middle of answering a mail.

"I'm working!" I say and continue to look at the screen, she moves closer to the middle of the bed and looks at the laptop.

"Have you gone back to your work?" she says and I have to stop answering the email, can't focus on both things.

"I quit my job and started my own business, have started to take only a few clients until I have it all up and running properly. Couldn't go back there after everything that happened, only need to go there one day and get my belongings!" I tell her and try to get back to my response on the mail. She places her hand on mine and stops me from continuing.

" you have done what?" she says and I turn my head to look at her.

"I need a job to be able and provide for me and the children beside the pack, this job I know better than anything else, and why not work for myself instead!" I say when she turns her head and looks at me.

"you're telling me you are coming back to the pack as the alpha?” she says and I can see a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

" he didn't take the pack from me or stripped me from being an Alpha, he took over the lead as of now and I believe it's for the best at the moment. I have to focus on myself and my children for the threat that is out there and make sure to be prepared. Once it's over I will come back and need to have the finance in order!" I tell her when she gives me a big smile before she wraps her arms around my shoulders.

"I thought you had given up on the pack! You have no idea how happy you are making me!" she says to my shoulder, leaning my head at hers I have missed her these weeks.

"does Kian know about this?" she asks after a little while.

"he doesn't know a thing, today is the first time he spoke to me in all these weeks!" I say and lift my head to get back to what I was doing.

"you know he said he would provide the pack with everything we need! I believe he attends to do it" she says when I look up from the screen.

"After everything that happened I don't want to rely on anyone else, I need to have full control of everything that's going on around me and I will not run a pack with the good grace of someone else!" I say to her and mean every word.

This lesson has thought me that I have to have control over every little thing and a plan for how to make it work.

I will come back strong once I have it all figured out and a plan for how to move on with the pack, without Jacob as the gamma I have to choose someone else and I'm not sure what to do with Jessie. All that has to wait until the threat is gone and I need to focus on my training for now, the pack is in good hands with Kian and his men.

" you know what happened wasn't your fault!" she says and I sigh. I have come to terms with what happened, every fault on the way that lead to this disaster I have had a long time to think over, I know where I failed and I also know what needs to change.

This is a lesson I could have lived without having to go through but I believe it will change me for the better.

"I know my part in what happened and what I need to change, but the fact that they went against my orders lies on them. I have hoped for another outcome but we have to move forward from this!" I state and she falls silent for a long moment and I know she has something else on her mind.

" what is it?" I say and turn to look at her.

"We are worried about you! Michael called and told me you are using your gift as a shield to your feelings, I don't want you this off and get trapped this way!" she says and I can hear how worried she is.

"I have noticed many things about my new gift, both good and bad! It is attached to my feelings, if I'm angry it tries to become stronger by pulling strength from someone else's energy, in that state I easily get engulfed in that feeling and I can't get enough!” I say and see she is thinking hard

"It's like a drug I can't get enough of and when I was heartbroken after all that happened it took over and shielded me from breaking into pieces. For the first time I can block every attempt Michael does to try and take strength from me, I can pull on his without letting it consume me! I'm afraid if I put it down I won't be able to put it up again, I didn't do this on purpose and I have no idea how to do it!" I tell her all that happened, it helped me when I was devastated and I'm grateful for it I don't know how I would have survived these weeks otherwise.

"the way it is now I can protect my babies but what happens if I let it down and I can't pull it up when I need it? For them, I have to keep going this way until we are safe!" I say when she wraps her arms around my shoulders.

"I understand why but if you're not careful you will be cut off from your feelings completely and nothing good will come out of it! I can't let it happen" she says and I have heard it several times from Michael these weeks, I feel like I have it under control and I'm not worried about it.

"it will be alright!" I say when there is a knock on the door and she releases me and gets up to open the door, on the other side is Cannon and I hear them talking for a moment but focus back on my work.

"I have to go Selena, but I want to see you tomorrow again!" she says and I lift my head from the screen and look at her.

"Alright!" I say when she gives me a smile before she turns around and walks out of the room she closes the door after her and I take another hour and go through my work before closing my laptop and putting it away.

I have to go to the toilet again and my pants aren't doing it better for me when they place another pressure against my bladder.

Heading over to the bathroom I take off my pants when I'm on the toilette, it will be better without them and maybe I can wait until tomorrow morning before I need to go again.

Washing up I take my pants with me and walk back out to the room, making sure to lock the door properly before getting in bed.

I'm exhausted and I'm not sure my head had hit the pillow before I already was asleep.

Wake up early in the morning from the bed dipping behind me and I instantly try to sit up and find what's going on when his arm wraps around me.

"calm down it's just me!" I hear his voice before his face comes down to my shoulder when I hear him take a large inhale.

"I have missed you!" he says and presses his lips to my shoulder, I have to close my eyes when he stirs up feelings in my body from his touch.

He places kisses up my neck and small tingles play under his touch when he places one arm under my head and pulls me back flat against him.

"let me just hold you for a couple of hours!" he says next to my ear when I take a deep breath and let his scent fill up my lungs and I instantly get calm, his warm body being pressed against mine when his arm comes around my chest and hold me tight. I want to say something when he places his nose on my neck.

"Sleep love! I'll be here when you wake up again!"