I will be back

Aleida’s POV

I’m in bed with my pups on my chest, my lovely boys. As I waited to hold them in my arms, and now that I can do it, I don’t dare to let go, close my eyes, and sleep, afraid that they’re not there when I wake up. My job is no longer to put myself in the first place; now, it’s my boys who are the top priority. They’re so incredibly similar to their dads. I was worried that both boys would be related to only one of them, but my concern disappeared when I first looked at them. Alexander, whom I named the firstborn, is a copy of Kian, and Elias, is a copy of Miliano. It feels like I have my mates with me, which I have, at least some part of them; it feels like I’m in heaven. Finally, I have what I always dreamt of having; puppies, my beloved puppies. I’m breastfeeding when Clare knocks and walks inside the room. Her face always shines like a diamond when she sees my boys. She tiptoes towards me and looks down at us.

“What a beautiful little family,” she whispers and caresses Alexander’s forehead.

I smile and nod. Clare picks him up carefully and paces with him in her arms for a little while before she puts him down in the temporary hospital crib. She does the same with Elias, and I’m grateful; I needed to go to the bathroom for quite a while now. Quietly I rise from the bed and walk to the bathroom to do my business. When I come back, Clare is sitting at my bed with a tray in her hands. She smiles at me.

“It’s time for you to eat now, mommy,” she whispers.

I sit down at the bed and begin to eat my food; Clare is staring at me the whole time.

“What?” I ask

“When are you going to tell your mates that they’re fathers now?”

Her question makes me choke and cough. She pounds me in the back, and I try to cough quietly, which is impossible to do; my boys wake up. I immediately walk up and talk to them.

“Hello babies, are you good boys? Yes, you are! And so handsome, both of you,” I coo, and before I can think, I continue. “Just like your daddies.”

I whisper the last part, and my heart clench inside my chest, tears filling my eyes; I can’t deny the love I have and probably always will have for my mates. I’m a goner, living with an agonizing pain that I, myself, brought.

I calm my children and take a much-needed shower. Clare is now officially my son’s nanny. We decide that it’s easier this way. She deserves a high rank in our pack, and being the alpha’s children’s nanny is valuable. I’m glad my kids are with someone I trust. There’s no reason for me to worry when they’re with her. Because I know she’d give her life for those guys.

“Alpha?” A voice behind me makes me jump.

I turn around, and there’s one of our omegas. The woman is small and tender, but what bothers me is that she looks scared. As if I’m going to attack her at any moment.

“Yes, what can I do for you?” I ask with a smile and clasp my hands in front of me on the table.

She rocks anxiously on her feet, and it doesn’t seem like she dares to say what she wants to say. The mouth opens and closes several times. She looks like a fish when she does that.

“I need to be honest with you,” she says, sighing and settling down opposite me; I look at her curiously; what will she say next? “When I was shopping earlier today, I met a man ... He’s my second chance.”

Her words don’t get a reaction from me. It isn’t ubiquitous for someone to find a new mate when you’ve somehow lost your first, but it happens. I already know what the omega wants to say, and it’s hard for her because she feels that I gave her everything when she got her life back; she feels like there’s a debt that needs to be repaid.

“You want to be with him and leave our pack, don’t you?”

She suddenly looks up at me with an open mouth and wide eyes. It probably comes as a shock to her that I’m so calm that one of my members wants to leave us. Wolves of higher ranks often mistreat omegas, and this girl is no exception. I think she expects me to hit or at least scream at her.

“How did you know that?” she asks, baffled.

I laugh low about her question. Yeah, how do I know that? Because I myself miss my mates each eternal day and wish I could go back in time to do things differently if possible. But I know that my place is here with my fallen members, at least for the time being.

“You have that special aura of joy around you that you only have when you’ve been or are with your mate. When are you planning to leave us?”

“Are–are you not angry?” she asks with uncertainty.

“Absolutely not. You should value your mate and be happy that you get a second chance at real love. However, I want you to know that there’s always a place for you here if you would have to come back. Call me if you ever get in trouble; I’ll be there to help you,” I say and put a hand over her shoulder; she looks at me with such gratitude that it isn’t even possible to describe correctly. “So, when have you planned to go?”

“This afternoon,” she answers shyly.

“Okay, that sounds good. You have plenty of time to pack and say goodbye to the others if you wish. Let me know briefly before you leave; I want to make sure you have our protection out of our territory.”

“Of course, alpha. Thank you for everything you do and have done for me!” the girl says and embraces me in a hug.

I don’t know how to react correctly; therefore, I awkwardly pet her over her back with my palm. This whole thing about touching any other than my kids, Michael and Luis, is alien to me these days. Somehow I’ve built up limitations around contact with another person’s body. Hence, it also often became a very embarrassing mood. Handshake is what works best for me. I guess life and the events in it are what shape you in the end.

“Go and pack now; you don’t want to let your mate wait unnecessarily, do you?” I ask with a smile.

She shakes her head and runs, smiling out of the dining room. I stay and drink my coffee; I’m glad that omega has gotten another chance, at the same time, I’m sad. Mainly because it reminds me of my own mates, are they still looking for me? I hope not. They deserve to be happy, and they’ll never be able to be that with me, not after everything that has happened. The chance that they’ll understand and forgive me is virtually zero. No, it’s a dead race. I know, however, that someday I’ll have to tell them the truth about their puppy, or yes, puppies. Even though they don’t know, there are two. They have every right to meet their pups, and that right I can’t take away from them. It’s not morally right. They don’t even deserve that I take out the opportunity to be in the process of giving birth, it’s my fault, and I’m well aware of it. The guilt and shame that I’ve disappeared from my mates at all mean that I can’t call them; my pride is again standing in the way.

“Alpha, we need to go through the preparations for the gala,” Michael says and takes me out of my mind.

“Of course,” I answer and walk out into the kitchen to leave my cup in the dishwasher.

It’s the omegas who should do it, really, but I didn’t particularly appreciate having to rely on them all the time; I have my own legs, arms, and hands, don’t I? I follow Michael up the stairs and into my office. He sits down in the armchair in front of the desk while I sit in the chair behind it.

“To begin with, I want to know how you feel after everything?” he asks.

“I’m happy and grateful to the moon goddess for giving me healthy puppies. They’re my world. The more they stay awake, the more tired I am, though,” I answer, smiling fondly.

“It’s the life of parents with newborns for you,” he laughs before getting serious. “How do you feel about the gala?”

“I’m nervous and personally don’t want to go, but I’m also very well aware that I can’t avoid it either. We have hidden my identity long enough; the truth must come out. Besides, I’m tired of the werewolf society’s view that female alphas are weaker than men. That’s simply not true, and I intend to prove that at every single moment. There are a lot of sexist wolves, believe me,” I answer, snorting.

“You’re aware that there’s a great risk that both your brothers and mates will be there, right?” he asks me, quivering.

“I know that; their betas will certainly be there too. Therefore, we need to go through the plan for the evening. I’m going to need you, Luis, and the trio. Just as we talked about before, no one comes near me without my permission. I’m only there out of respect for the traditions around that all alphas should be present and nothing else.”

He nods thoughtfully. I see him contact someone through the mindlink. My guess, the trio, yes we call the guys the trio because they’re with each other constantly. A few minutes later, it knocks on the door, and in tumbling comes the trio. They give me an apologetic look before Hannes opens his mouth to speak.

“You called us, alpha?”

“Yes. I have a proposal that I think might interest you. Please, have a seat,” I answer; the trio of boys sit down in the armchairs and the sofa. “You’ve been waiting for an opportunity to use your warrior training, haven’t you?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Ashton says, and the other two men nod.

“That’s great. I have a suggestion. You three will accompany me to the alpha gala as my bodyguards.”

“What do you expect of us in place?” James ask.

“Your job will be to keep me safe and other alphas away from me. My mates will probably be there, and I’m not interested in talking to them yet. Also, my brothers can be there. In short, there’ll be many wolves from my past life who will want my attention. I don’t have time for that right now. Not when, moreover, I have to assert myself to all the other alphas. That’s enough.”

The trio nod understandably; they stand a bit away and whisper to each other. It’s cute, to be honest, just like they’re boys, having a treehouse where girls aren’t allowed in. I wait patiently for them to finish talking. They know I can order them or choose someone else. But they also know that I don’t exert coercion for no reason and that I allow them the opportunity to come along because I trust them. They finally turn to me with particular facial expressions.

“We’re with you all the way, alpha,” Hannes says, and it makes me smile big.

“Thank you, that’s all. You’re dismissed.”

They walk out of the room and close the door behind them. I get up from the chair and look out the window. Down on the lawn, Clare is sitting with my puppies in her arms.

“Sam and Tomas are assigned to guard my pups while I’m away. Clare is part of it; she should also get protection. That’s an order.”

“Of course, alpha. Should I go talk to Sam and Thomas right away?”

“Yes, it’s equally good that everyone’s well prepared,” I answer without looking away from my pups.

He nods and leaves the room noiselessly; sighing, I sit down again. Everyone will be prepared; everyone but me…