I am Wolf

WOLF

I can’t think straight.

As roughly twenty-four rogues pile into two black commercial vans parked near the mine shaft entrance, my eyes narrow as I watch them with a bitter taste in my mouth. If they touch a hair on Sasha’s head, any of these fuckers, I’ll rip their heads off.

That’s a promise.

Caius sent another group of mutts ahead on foot; he says it’s just precautions in case Fenris tries something, but I’m not so sure. We’re meant to get in, capture Sasha, and get out, but by the level of carnal excitement splitting through the air, it’s clear that there’s something else going on here. The mutts seem way too fucking eager for something to happen, and it has my wolf on edge; the itchy feeling under my skin has me wanting to tear into them as I stand here. It’s taking some serious fucking self-control not to.

Mason stands beside me, and she’s staring out in the same direction as I am at the mutts as they drive away. I’m not paying any attention to her, so when she murmurs,

“She’s just an alpha’s daughter; I don’t see why she’s so special. Caius should purge the entire pack and just be done with it,” My jaw tightens, my brows coming together in a scowl when I slowly turn my head to stare her down.

“You’re talking about killing innocent people like it’s nothing,” My voice is low and thick as I continue staring at her as my beast gets increasingly agitated with her presence. He’s never been a fan of Mason; that’s no secret.

Scoffing, she rolls her eyes when she shrugs,

“No one is innocent; there is no such thing. Haven’t you heard we’re all born in sin,” A throaty growl begins to push up into my throat. I’m about to retort with something like, ‘And that’s why we’re both so very different because I value life over death; I would never end someone’s existence if I didn’t have to.’ As I open my mouth to say those very words, Caius suddenly calls out from somewhere behind us,

“Let’s go, you two, in the van now!” We both turn around simultaneously to find Caius standing at the driver’s door of a slick black Dodge Ram. Damien’s already sitting in the front, riding shotgun, so it’s just Mace and me in the backseat; great.

The second she smirks,

“Well, let’s go pick up Caius’s little bitch,” My entire body tenses up, and before my wolf has time to react, I up my stride, closing the gap between me and the Dodge Ram in an instant before opening the back door and climbing in, slamming the door as I sit back in my seat.

I fold my muscular arms across my chest, and my entire body elicits some kind of warped energy every second I move closer to fucking up Sasha’s life for good.

I hate this; my cell phone is in my side pocket, and I’m itching to dig it out, reply to Sasha, and tell her to run. It won’t help, though; Caius has the upper hand, the Maldovite stone is in his possession, and he always carries the damn thing on him.

I still haven’t replied to Don’s messages either; I can’t. What am I meant to do, lie? I don’t need that shit on my conscience, so I would rather say nothing than send him a message with some big fucking lie attached to it. I could always tell him the truth, but then again, I can’t. I’m stuck in a catch-twenty-two situation. If I tell Don, they’ll take Sasha into hiding sooner, and she will die if I don’t help capture her. I’m a fucking horrible person; either way, you look at it, Sasha is going to hate me. I know she will; I fucking hate myself already.

“What’s got you all pissed off, boy?” My eyes narrow as I raise them to stare into the back of Caius’s head, but I don’t respond. Mason gets in beside me and huffs when she utters,

“So once we capture this little bitch, what do you want us to do with her?” Turning my head to glare at her, I’m biting down so goddamn hard against the inside of my cheek that a pool of blood accumulates rapidly. I swallow down the sloshy metallic fluid as I take a slow, deep, long breath, holding it there for a moment before blowing it out equally slowly.

Calm down, Wolf, just fucking breath...

At this point, I’m no longer listening to a word they’re all saying the second Caius pulls off the beaten track and onto the main road; he didn’t tell me the whole plan, only how to get to Sasha’s bedroom once I’m in.

Is it too much to hope that Fenris and his men are well prepared and expecting trouble to come to them tonight? I mean, surely an alpha with such a massive pack should be prepared for shit like this to go down, especially if he’s worried about Caius kidnapping his daughter, right?

My legs are jumpy; I’m about to catapult out of this van when Caius stops the vehicle. Switching off the ignition, he turns his head back to give us all a severe hard look when he mutters,

“We walk from here; everyone’s in position; remember, Wolf, get to the girl and get her out; we’ll do the rest.” My brows furrow in response as I stare at him suspiciously, but then I smirk as I shake my head and mumble,

“Whatever.”

We find ourselves at the back perimeter of Erebus; it’s pitch black and dark out, with thunder and cracks of lightning lighting up the night sky in the distance. A breeze starts picking up, swirling around us as we get to the narrow gate Caius had spoken of. Erebus’s pack is enormous. It’s the first time I’ve seen it from the back, and even though it’s dark out, the bright outdoor lights give a pretty good indication as they cascade across the flat and curved outlines of the buildings of just how massive this packhouse truly is. Apparently, Fenris houses his entire pack on his property; they all stay on the territory, whereas the actual pack house is reserved for essential pack members only, like the alpha, his kids, betas, deltas, and the warrior in charge of the rest of the alpha’s fighters. The rest of his pack live in their own homes in what I believe Caius called a cluster of houses to cater to Fenris’s pack’s needs specifically. Yeah, he didn’t tell me any of that; I eavesdropped and overheard him mention it to mutts, but that’s all I heard. I wanted to overhear more about why exactly he wants Sasha, why she’s the key, and how she’s linked to that stone Caius keeps with him. But he never let up about any of that crucial information when I was close by.

As for the traitor working for Caius on the inside, who made sure to arrange a blackout on the property, I instantly make a mental note that I’ll have to thank him personally by driving my fist through his fucking face.

The minute Caius pushes the gate with his hand. It just swings right open, and my stomach drops as he leads the way into Erebus as we all infiltrate through the gate. So far, so good; no one within the Erebus pack has yet been alerted of our presence.

I’m hoping I can sneak in, get to Sasha, and leave without any problems; Caius has already given me a descriptive outline of the property and where Sasha’s room should be. Not that I need it; once I pick up my mate’s scent, it’s like my body has a mind of its own and is physically being pulled in that direction.

I take a deep breath in, and I’m practically boning; she smells so good, like Jasmin and Juniper berries; it’s a smell I’ll never forget now that I know what it is. It’s intoxicating, and my wolf pushes himself to the surface as he begins howling in my head.

“MATE!”

And it’s as if my legs can’t move fast enough to get to her; the power goes out all of a sudden, just like Caius said it would, and as I push through the back door, I start picking up the pace into a full-on sprint, my beast zoning in on her scent like we’re both druggies and she’s our fix.

I start climbing a set of stairs, two, three at a time; I don’t need there to be lights to see where I’m going; our eyesight is pretty damn impressive, even when we’re shrouded in pitch black darkness.

When I reach a door, it’s closed, and I inhale deeply; my wolf instantly begins swirling around behind my eyes. She’s in there; I can smell her sweet scent as it mixes around in the air. Gripping the door handle, I cautiously turn it, and when I push the door open, my wolf shimmers behind my eyes when my gaze lands on her.

She gasps loudly in response when her eyes shoot up to me; she doesn’t move; instead, she stands frozen as her wolf swirls behind the irises of her eyes.

A few candles burn, casting soft light around her room and radiating her delicate features. My heart is pounding behind my chest in response. She’s so beautiful as she continues staring at me, and that’s when I notice she’s leaning half over a backpack on her bed; she must have been shoving clothes into it quickly when I came in.

My eyes slowly trail up from the bag to her face. The moment our eyes lock, all the air escapes my lungs as she whispers my name with such relief and profound tenderness that all I want to do is close the gap between us, take her in my arms, and never let her go.

I feel like I’m in a dream, and I must remind myself that I’m stuck in a position that will quickly turn into a nightmare.

The look in her eyes as she stares back at me has me wanting to be that man for her, the one here to protect her, to love her, and keep her safe from all harm. I want to be everything she needs because I know that after tonight, I won’t be.

My feet begin moving on their own accord, closing the gap between us as her soul calls to mine. The second I take her into my arms, wrapping myself around her like a safety net, I wish we could disappear together; I really want to be her safety net right now.

Our bodies touch like sparks exploding as wolves stare through our eyes. It feels like I’m home; I feel like I belong for the first time in my life.

Gulping, my lips part to say something, but I can’t; I don’t want to ruin this moment; she smells like heaven, the way she molds into my arms, the feel of her soft dark hair waving even more of her scent around as it swirls around my nose, having me feeling lightheaded as I swallow past a thick lump forming somewhere in my throat.

Finally managing to pull back slowly, I look down at her as I gently tilt her chin up to look at me, cupping her beautiful face; her big, green doe eyes swirl around with something so innocent, an expecting, longing, and needing look makes it clear that she wants to be touched by me.

My head slowly dips as I taste her breath against my lips, her soft, plump ones brushing against mine, and I’m almost coming undone; she’s so sweet and so fucking perfect.

The world comes to a standstill at that moment. Before I can stop myself, I suddenly devour her warm lips, which taste even better than I remember. I’m drowning in her, wanting nothing more than to stay here and never come up for air. I’ve never wanted to lose control as much as I want to do right now: take her and claim her as mine and run far away where no one, especially Caius, can find us. To hell with the consequences of being a rogue, she’s mine, and she’s fucking perfect.

But reality instantly comes crashing down, the reason I’m here. How do I tell my girl that I’m here to help kidnap her, that I’m not like them, like Caius? What I’m about to do is because I fucking love her; I’m doing it because I can’t watch her die.

It slices at the inside of my chest, but I don’t have a choice, so I pull away gently, breaking the kiss all too soon. As I stare deep into her eyes, I can see a thousand questions dancing around in her beautiful orbs, but before I can say anything, a deafening alarm starts going off like we’re in some kind of penitentiary or something. The sirens have my beast going wild, and her eyes instantly widen in panic when she exclaims,

“Rogues! They’ve breached the perimeter; we have to run, Wolf, come, we have to go!” Grabbing her backpack and flinging it over her shoulder, she quickly intertwines her fingers with mine. My fucking insides twist in unbearable pain when she leads us out the door, down the stairs, and towards the back.

It’s like she’s trying to protect me from the impending danger ahead; how am I meant to tell her that I’m the danger she should be running from?

It’s a combination of sparks and agony coursing through my intestines that has me feeling like I’m getting floored with the fiercest case of whiplash I’ve ever felt.

The moment we push through the backdoor, Sasha stammers, “This way, quickly, we can get out through the back gate; no one ever uses it; we’ll be safe once we’re far away from Erebus,” I suddenly stop. My whole body instantly feels rigid; I don’t fucking want to do this. She’s so trusting, so naive, and innocent, and I’m leading her right to the monster who wants to use her.

Her head jerks back; her eyes shoot up to mine in confusion when she mutters,

“What’s wrong? We have to go, Wolf, come on,” She tries to pull at my hand, but it’s as if I’m cemented in place, and I want to tell her; I want to say the words. I owe her the truth, and as I swallow down hard at the fear of what she will think or say once I do, I open my mouth to tell her when a booming female voice suddenly shouts out from beyond the shadows,

“Wolf! What the fuck are you doing? You have his bitch of a daughter now; let’s go before the entire Erebus pack descends on us.”

My eyes close as my jaw clenches; Mason, it just had to be fucking Mason.

It feels as if time stands still, my insides twisting uncontrollably the second I reopen my eyes, and they land on her. Sasha stares at me in utter confusion; the look on her face tells me she doesn’t understand what’s happening. And the second Mason pops up right beside us and grumbles,

“Wolf, did you hear a word I just said? Caius said to get her in the truck; now fucking move,” I’m still staring into Sasha’s confused eyes, her brows furrowing in response. Just like that, she finally puts two and two together as she narrows her eyes and pulls her hand from mine. The hurt and betrayal I see in them make me want to die right on the spot; her tiny frame tenses up as she balls her hands into fists by her sides when she mumbles,

“You’re working for him, aren’t you? That’s why you didn’t reply to...”, but a sudden crack of lightning cuts her off the second it explodes into fireworks above our heads, having her gasp in response as she steps back. And from that moment, everything happens so quickly that it’s almost a complete blur.

Sasha’s eyes well up with tears, her bottom lip wobbling as she shakes her head at me and whispers,

“You really are just a mutt, aren’t you?” Those words slice right through me, and the truth is, I can’t even argue with her because it’s true; I am just a mutt.

She takes another step back; she’s about to make a run for it when Mason screeches,

“Grab her, you idiot!”

Another giant crack of lightning rumbles through the sky, momentarily distracting Sasha as she looks up, and that’s the moment I leap toward her, grabbing her around her waist and pulling her firmly to my chest. She immediately starts screaming, crying, flaying her arms, kicking, doing all that she can get away, everything except shifting into her wolf, which seems odd; it would be the first thing I would do if someone forcibly held me against my will.

The hardest thing about holding onto her is not letting go because I want to. I want to release her so badly, to give her a chance to get away, but I can’t; my wolf is so protective of her that he’s holding on even tighter than I am.

It’s the most confusing and frustrating situation to be in because, while she’s doing all that she can do to get away from me, the mate bond is doing everything in its power to calm her down; it’s hard-wired that way, like magnets, mates are meant to bring out each other’s strength’s and to calm and soothe each other; I’ve done a bit of research these past few days on the subject, so I have a better understanding about how the mate bond works.

And that’s exactly what’s happening now because as much as she’s trying to fight me, the mate bond won’t let her. And vice versa; the more I want to let go, the tighter I hold on to her. My beast rumbles through my chest, instantly having her still in my arms. the fucking mate bond is about to make me lose my goddamn mind, and I’m sure she feels the same way.

We’re still fighting this internal battle only we know about when Fenris and Don suddenly appear from the shadows with their betas by their sides, deep growls reverberating from all of them as they glare fiercely at me, more threatening, deep, rumbling growls echo through the air. It’s official: I’m fucked; there’s no way I’m getting out of this alive.

Fenris’s expression changes as he keeps staring hard at me; it’s a look of surprise and shock as it radiates off him in waves. I can’t quite place the look as his eyes move between Sasha and me. Even though Don is looking at me the same way, it’s not a look of hatred and aggression; it’s like they see something in my eyes that has them spooked, which throws me off for a minute.

Fenris is about to say something when Caius suddenly appears beside me, smirking at Fenris as he cocks his head and chuckles; the sinister intent behind that action has my wolf wanting to rip his throat out.

Sasha remains silent as she stares between Fenris and Don, her chest heaving as she reluctantly backs into me even more; my arms hold onto her protectively as a soothing rumble reverberates through my chest.

Fenris turns his attention towards Caius as his glare intensifies into hatred,

“Let my daughter go, and I’ll consider not killing you, Caius.” His voice comes through rough but still laced with full alpha command.

Scoffing, Caius shakes his head when he mutters,

“Do you think you’re in a position to make those kinds of threats to me, Fenris?”

He is joking, right? Even with all his rogues, Caius is outnumbered. Erebus is a giant pack with ferocious fighters, and if Fenris links his army, they’ll be on us in seconds.

Fenris and Don’s wolves are pushing to the surface as they stare Caius down hard,

“Today you die, Caius, I swear it!” Fenris’s voice booms across the air as lightning thunders across the night sky. I can smell the rain, the breeze picking up as the wind begins to push past us.

Caius merely smirks at Fenris’s threat when he grumbles,

“Are you quite sure about that, Fenris?”

My eyes dart between Fenris and Don; I know it’s all over; if they shift into their beasts, we’re all dead. None of us can stand up against them; it’s what makes them Alpha blood; they’re powerful by nature.

At that exact moment, the heavens suddenly open up, the rain I smelt a few seconds ago coming crashing down in a thunderous downpour; it startles everyone for a second. A second is all it takes for everything to change.

Fenris launches himself toward Caius but then suddenly stills as his back arches, his entire body stiffening as complete horror etches across his face; his eyes widen when he groans in agony.

My brows furrow in confusion; what the...?

But then I see it; the dagger launched into his back, being held there by his beta. My jaw drops as my eyes widen in response; ‘Wait, what... his own beta is the traitor?’

Sasha lets out a guttural scream, echoing through the air as more thunder crashes through the sky; she attempts to scramble out of my arms as she screams for her father. But I’m holding her to me like a vice grip as we both watch in horror as the beta drives one final blow into her father.

Fenris suddenly drops to his knees as his tormented eyes fall on Sasha; she keeps screaming for me to let her go, her body thrashing in my arms as she tries to get to him, when suddenly, two rogues come out of nowhere and grip Don on either side of his arms; he struggles, growling fiercely as he screams for his dad. Fenris gasps for air; it’s clear where the blade pierced him because the blood pooling through the front of his white shirt leaves no confusion about how bad his injury is; his beta stabbed him through the heart.

Fenris reaches out his hand towards Sasha before falling into the muddy rain. Gulping, my chest begins rising and falling hard, and when Don screams traitor, his eyes glaring at his father’s beta, my eyes land on him, my brows furrowing when I notice his beta standing right behind him. ‘Why isn’t he doing something? How can he just stand there?’ The shocking truth is revealed when his beta pulls Don’s head back, and he instantly holds a blade against his throat.

At that moment, my beast wants to surface; I’m shaking as I try to control him. My widened eyes shoot up to Caius as water runs down my face,

“Don’t you fucking dare, Caius!” I bellow as the rain continues pummeling down against us. I’m about to step toward him when he quickly pulls the moldavite stone from his pocket, cocking a brow; he grins wickedly as he shakes his head at me. And I freeze... Looking back down at Sasha as she hysterically whales in my arms, I’m powerless to do anything; if I do, he’ll kill her.

My eyes shift back towards Fenris’s beta the second I watch him pull the blade from Fenris’s back, pull his head back out of the pool of muddy water, and hold it against his throat.

No, no... fuck.

My panicked eyes travel over towards Don; his eyes are piercing mine, and his jaw is clenched tight when he mutters,

“Keep her safe, promise me you’ll keep her safe,” and I need to do something; I have to stop this. I’m about to step towards Don when Caius growls,

“Do it, and she dies,” My entire body freezes, and Don’s bottom lip quivers when he looks at his sister before breathing,

“I’m sorry.”

And I know what comes next, the tangible tinge of it hanging heavily in the air; swinging Sasha around in my arms, I instantly crush her to my chest as I bury her face against me, my jaw clenches in anticipation, staring directly into Don’s eyes as his beta slices his throat. Fenris’s beta does the same, and as blood starts gushing from the wounds, I close my eyes and block Sasha’s ears; the gurgling sound of Don choking on his blood gets muffled mainly by the heavy rains, but you can still fucking hear him drowning in his own blood.

I hold her tighter to me, wishing I could swallow her pain. Her sobbing form shakes in my arms as she continues to cry for her family. The second Don’s lifeless body hits the ground, and it’s clear that both he and Fenris are gone, I slowly release my tight grip around Sasha; she carefully turns her head, and when her eyes land on them, she gulps hard.

The rain slows down to a drizzle, and Sasha goes quiet in my arms; the only thing holding her up is me as she silently stares at the bodies of her father and brother lying on the ground. I don’t know what to do; being this close to her has me feeling her pain as it slices through my soul, and all I can do is stand there, trying to console her even though I know that after tonight, she’ll never want anything to do with me again.

We’re both sopping wet, our clothes clinging to our bodies like a second skin. Sasha’s drenched hair sticks to her face, but she’s not even shivering; the moment she pushes out of my arms, I let her go. She falls to her knees; her widened eyes stare at the lifeless bodies of her father and brother as she sits against her knees in the mud, her chest heaving as she starts to sob silently.

It’s all over, but not for her. The gutwrenching pain of witnessing her father and brother murdered in front of her will stay with her for the rest of her life, and I’m to blame; I should have done something and stopped it.

There isn’t a goddam thing I can do or say to make this right.

I turn my head to glare at Caius; I want him dead. I’ve never wanted someone dead as much as him, and I swear to myself on this night that I will make it happen, no matter what it takes.

Sasha doesn’t even flinch the second a couple of rogues grip both the betas on either side, them growling and trying to break free when the rogues slit their throats in an instant; it happens so quickly that I hardly have time to digest what I see; before turning to look back at Caius, glaring at the fucker; I want to rip him to pieces, but my responsibility is my mate, and I have to put her first. If I do something wreckless, it will only get me killed, and then who’s meant to watch out for her?

Caius looks bored when he sighs; turning to look at me, he shrugs with a devious smirk when he mutters,

“Fucking traitors, I hate them more than alphas.” He grins before turning away and whistling for his rogues to round up and move out,

“Come on, you fuckers, we’ve got what we came for; let’s go back and drink to our victory.” A round of rowdy cheers echoes through the air, making me feel sick as I stand there. Slowly turning my head to look down at Sasha, she doesn’t move, her sobs turning into soft whimpers as she sits in shock, staring at her family like she’s willing them to come back to life.

I know we have to go; I don’t have a choice. It’s not like Caius has even half a heart to allow Sasha a few more moments, but I don’t want to drag her away; this is her family. How the fuck can we just leave them like this? So, turning to stare at Caius as he walks away, I suddenly shout out,

“We can’t just fucking leave them like this?”

Turning to look over at me over his shoulder, he shrugs,

“Unless you want to join them, I suggest you get you’re fucking ass in the truck now; they have pack members who can deal with that shit. Now move.”

Mason gives me a questioning look as she furrows her brows before heading off with the rest of them like she’s having difficulty understanding why this affects me so much, but I could care less what she thinks; this isn’t right; you don’t just leave people like this.

Gulping, my throat thickens. I know I have to move her, but I can’t just force her away. I’m not a monster; I’m not Caius.

Slowly moving forward to crouch beside her, she’s just sitting there in silence, with soft whimpers escaping her chest every few seconds. Taking a deep breath, I have to do this; I must convince her to come with me.

Gently placing my hand over hers, she instantly yanks it away, her bloodshot eyes shooting up to glare at me when she hisses,

“Don’t you touch me; don’t you come anywhere near me!” She jumps back onto her feet, her hands balling into fists by her sides, her green eyes suddenly shimmering furiously, revealing the beast within her, when she snaps,

“You did this; they’re gone because of you; how could you? I trusted you, I...” She whimpers, her body shaking as she shakes her head; wrapping her arms around herself, she begins sobbing hard,

“You are nothing but a mutt, a monster, just like Caius; I hate you,” swallowing hard, her words slice deeper than any weapon ever could. My brows come together, my jaw taut as I watch as hatred fills the place in her eyes where love used to be.

“We have to go, Sasha; we don’t have a choice.”

Her eyes harden as she stares me down, and the words that follow are laced with the pain she feels as it comes out hard and cold.

“You always have a choice, Wolf, and you chose to kill my family.”

Clenching my jaw, my body stiffens as I stare at her; she must hate someone. I’m okay with it being me, but keeping her alive is more important, so I’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

“We have to go,” I say sternly as I take another step toward her. My hand stretches out for her to take it, but she moves back, shaking her head when she smirks,

“Have you lost your mind? I’m not going anywhere with you!” She screams the words, and that’s when my wolf suddenly loses it; he surges out through my eyes, launching himself straight at her when I grip her around her throat and sweep her feet right from under her, shoving her down against the dirt as I growl, suddenly unleashing something that’s continuously trying to claw to the surface, it’s something more profound than my wolf or me, it’s something else, it’s deeper, way more threatening than I could ever usually be.

Her eyes widen in response, her entire body stilling as she goes silent; my chest rises and falls hard when I rest my forehead against hers. I feel my wolf rattling to get to her, and I need to calm him down; he can’t. He knows he can’t. Gulping back the carnal need to shift, my voice comes through low and demanding when I mutter,

“I hate that he’s hurt you, and I promise you he’ll pay for that. But if we don’t go now, he’ll kill us both; I die if you die. And how am I meant to make him pay if we’re both dead.” My breath fans her face, and she looks up at me in silence for a moment when she finally whispers,

“You mean, it wasn’t you?” Her voice breaks at the end, and I quickly shake my head when I murmur,

“I could never hurt you.”

I need her to believe me because it’s true; I would never do something like this to her, and as if by some miracle, her eyes begin to soften as she continues to stare up at me, swallowing hard, she wants to say something, there’s a brief moment where I think she’s going tell me that she understands, that she forgives me, but then, she suddenly breaks eye contact with me as she shoves me back hard, I roll off her as I watch her get to her feet, and that instantly has me jumping to mine as well.

She quickly takes a few steps away from me, having me close the gap between us, when she suddenly stops, groans, and grabs hold of her head before collapsing. I grab her just before she hits the ground, scooping her into my arms as I hold her unconscious body against mine.

The rain begins to pick up again, coming down hard as I look down at her. As I wiped damp hair from her face, the formidable lump in my throat continued to grow. Her eyes were closed, and all I wanted to do was take her and run, run as fast as I could to get away from Caius and this curse. But I know there’s no point in running.

You can’t outrun a curse.