I Am The Luna By Moonlight Muse

VALERIE.

"Is your Dad here?" I ask Zaia, as I cuddle the little Kaia.

Goddess, Zaia and Sebastian make the cutest kids.

She sucks her fingers before I remove her hand from her mouth and smile at her, tapping her juicy cheeks.

"He is. He's with Shelby," she says quietly.

Of course, they've been together for a while, but since she's taken ill she's been staying here as Hugh is often dealing with work.

"I thought he wasn't around because of Zade," I remark softly. It's still a delicate situation and even I'm not sure how things will go if they cross paths right now.

Zaia smiles sadly. "And that... but I don't want to push Zade into facing more than he wants to." She sighs softly.

“I think I'll let him know that Hugh is here, just in case he finds that out himself."

"That's a good idea." Zaia nods. "Dad is trying to stay out of his way, though."

I smile. "Thanks." We fall silent and I sigh, a wave of guilt washing over me. "You think about everything, Zaia. I wish that I was as responsible and reasonable as you...”

"No, I've made mistakes too, Valerie, we all do. But I worry for Dad... he is losing the one woman who genuinely loved him for him. The one woman who doesn't simply want to use him for her own selfish means..." She sighs softly, and I remain silent.

His life has been cruel...

"I hope she makes it," I say quietly. Shelby's health isn't looking good, her own cells are attacking her organs.

"So... did you tell Zade?"

I internally flinch at that question. "Yeah, and I..."

"You lied then?" she asks me gently. I had told her my feelings before Zade had shown up and I could tell she wasn't too keen on the idea of lying about it but I still did it.

"I did."

"And did he pass this test that you wanted him to?" There's a sad, sympathetic smile on her face, seeing right through me. She knows I regret it.

I sigh as I cradle Kaia. "Yeah, but I feel awful. That wasn't a test he needed to pass."

I feel worse than awful. I feel like shit for what I did. That was wrong. Even if he reacted badly, it would have been alright. I shouldn't have done what I did, but it's too late to cry over spilt milk. Well, I deserve to feel like crap; I brought it on myself.

"You can say I told you so," I add pointedly.

She gives me a wry smile and shakes her head. "No, Val, I won't. Because ultimately, we have the right to make our own decisions. I do want to say though, that I am so proud of Zade." Her smile warms as she talks about her brother.

"He is perfect. He really did get the short end of the stick being mated to someone like me," I mutter. "But still, I'm glad I got him... I'm selfish like that. Even if he does deserve better..." My heart squeezes, a wave of sadness at my own words washing through me.

"You both are worthy of one another," Zaia says as she sits down beside me and caresses Kaia's hair, looking at me. "You've been hurt in the past, and you have been through a lot, and getting defensive is your coping mechanism."

"Yeah, but it is unfair on him." I run my fingers through my hair as Kaia giggles, tugging at a strand.

Kids are adorable... There was a time I was unsure about my future and having kids, but I'm at that age I'd love a child, but I won't rush him. That is my unspoken promise to him. I will not mention it until he is ready, and he himself brings it up - if ever.

I've been selfish enough.

"I made you both tea," Sia says, and I look up at the 10-year-old who is holding a tray with two steaming mugs of tea as she enters the room.

"Oh, thank you, my angel," Zaia smiles.

She might be ten, but she's a sensible girl and so mature. She smiles as she places the tray down and comes to sit beside me, I plant a kiss on her forehead. "Thank you. It looks yummy." She's arranged some biscuits on a plate, too.