I Am Jessamine

Jessie woke up slowly to the gentle listing and sway of the ship and she took deep breaths while her eyes adjusted to the dim light. She had a moment of confusion as to where she was, but it all came back to her in a quick flash of pain, sweat, and tears. Lying on the captain’s bed getting her wound cleaned and stitched up. Scrunching her eyes tightly shut she tried to push away the ache in her side and focus.

It was nighttime because she could see the stars in the velvet blue skies through the window beside her. Turning her head slowly back she saw a lamp on the desk and another two on the table where the charts and instruments were, casting a warm glow throughout the cabin. A faint movement brought her attention to the chair next to where she slept and she looked closely and allowed her eyes to adjust and focus and made out long legs and boots crossed at the ankles resting on the desk. Jessie ran her eyes along the legs and imagined the muscled shape beneath the dark well-used leather trousers. Her gaze continued up and to a flat stomach where, here too, she imagined the flesh beneath the clothing, and then her eyes slowly took in the white shirt over a clearly well-toned chest that needed no imagination whatsoever to arms that had the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, exposing those muscular forearms. The one hand she could see lay loosely hanging over the armrest of the chair and Jess saw broad hands with long fingers. Neat, short fingernails topped the lean fingers. Jess remembered the strength in those hands when he held her legs down by the ankles. Running her eyes back up his arm to the open neck of his shirt Jess saw a small amount of chest hair and then with mild surprise she saw his hair had come loose and it lay in a wavy, curly mass around his shoulders and across his broad brow. Jess looked at his sleeping face and took in the naturally arched eyebrows that any hot-blooded woman would kill for, his straight slightly pointed nose, and then his mouth. Oh my living god, thought Jess with a catch in her throat. He had the most beautifully bowed full mouth Jess had ever seen and it looked as though he was smiling in his sleep. His dimpled chin was worthy of a knee bent to the angels and gods to say thank you for utter perfection. This, thought Jess, is one of the most handsome men I have ever encountered.

Sighing she rolled her head aside to look out of the window and to cool her blood. “I may be over two hundred years old, but I’m not bloody dead!” Jess mumbled quietly to herself with a sly, crooked grin of her own. Then the reality of it all hit her and made her heart plummet into her bowels. She was meant to be a boy of about fifteen and not a bloody hormonal man-chasing woman gaping at a remarkably handsome man. The unfairness of it all made Jess groan.

The chair beside her creaked and she turned to look into the face of Captain Grayson Murphy who sat with his head cocked to one side watching her. Jess’s breath caught in her throat at the penetrating look he was giving her. “Are you in pain?” he asked getting up to pour what appeared to be rum into a small tumbler and brought it to her without waiting for an answer. Putting his hand gently under her head and lifting carefully he brought the glass to her lips and she took a small sip and gasped as she felt the liquid burn like lava down to her stomach. “If I didn’t know any better I would think you have never tasted rum before.” Turning to sit back down he put the tumbler back on the desk he laced his fingers and let his hands lie relaxed across his lap.

“The rum we have in the colonies is not as harsh as this. It is like the whiskey and cognac, much smoother.” Jess responded, choking quietly, hoping her response wouldn’t get her into trouble.

“Really?” he asked looking down at his hands and frowning, “So, your father, Benjamin McKellie, allows his daughter to drink alcohol?” he looked up and stared straight at her and his eyes bore a hot flame in her belly.

Her first thought was the usual one, game face Jess. So she pulled down the curtain, hid the shock and immediate fear and stared straight back at him, and replied, “If my father, Ben McKellie, had a daughter I am sure the decision would be his, and his alone, whether his daughter drank alcohol or not. Wouldn’t you think, Captain?” Jess spoke softly and never took her eyes off his face. Oh, that beautifully handsome face, thought Jess.

“Hmmm,” was all the response she got so she knew he did not take her word for what she just said. How the hell did he know she was a girl, she wondered. Her question was answered as he stood up and said matter of factly, “Lads aren’t shy about pissing in a bottle or a bucket, but when you were offered to take a piss your immediate response was to cover yourself with both hands. A very feminine gesture, I would say.” He glanced back at her and then stopped and spun around on his heel, “You’re not one of those laddies who has an affinity for other lads are you?” Shocked Jess stared at him and became enraged at how rigid this era was and the idea that homosexuality appeared to be an unforgivable sin. Just as she was about to throw out a nasty retort defending homosexuals Jess remembered where she was, why she was here, and clamped her mouth shut. Frustration made her blood boil and her stitches tighten and ache.

With an angry shake of his head, he glared at her and said between tight lips, “I don’t care who or what you are, just as long as you don’t cause a ruckus with the crew on my ship. You just keep your fancies and dandies to yourself for as long as it takes for me to offload you lot at the next port.”

“How dare you say something like that to me? I don’t care that you are the captain of this vessel, you have no right to make such assumptions about me.” Her fury and rage brought down her curtain and she wanted to shove her fingernails in his eyes. “Who or what I am is my business and I will not have the likes of you making assumptions and judging me.” Jess was shaking with anger. Not only anger at him, but she was extremely angry at betraying herself. This man had just made her so angry she forgot about everything else except wanting to defend her person.

He stood watching her and the emotions running across her face and walked menacingly slowly back towards her. “Are you telling me that you are, in fact, a girl? You are dressed like a lad for what possible reason?” He stared at her with an incredulous look on his face. Running his hands through his hair he had a concerned look on his face. “Speak, dammit!” he hissed through tight lips and Jess saw that he was very angry, so she decided to do what they had planned to do all along, stick to the truth as much as humanly possible.

Rolling gently onto her right side, where her injury was, Jess scrunched up her face with effort and sweat popped out on her forehead. Tears sprang to her eyes and she felt her arms shaking as she tried to sit up. Panting she felt his hands around her ankles gently helping her to move her legs into a sitting position. When she opened her eyes her head swam a little, but she focused on the stomach-clenching handsome face in front of her and the green eyes she knew she would never forget and took a deep breath.

“As you know we are from the Americas, but what you don’t know is that we are looking for my brother, Nicholas McKellie.” Jess could only hope that Nick was using his own name. “We got the news that he was in some sort of trouble, so we have come here to find him and help him.” She panted a bit and thought she was slurring her words. “Yes, I am a girl, but we decided that it would be safer and easier for me to dress as a boy. Dragging a daughter around would cause a stir and there would be many questions because it would be improper.” She shook her head at how nonsensical it sounded, but she was not in the twenty-first century she reminded herself. Feeling like her brain was floating outside her head she continued slowly. “We did not have a mother and we were raised by my father and godfather.” A worrying thought ran through her mind so she quickly added, “Please do not be angry at my father or godfather for this deception. We felt we had no choice in the matter and this was the safest way I could travel with them. They did not force me. I wanted to be with them to help find Nick.” By now the sweat was dripping off Jess’s chin and she felt like her body was on fire.

She heard him saying something about thanking Christ and still being a man attracted to women, or some such, but she couldn’t hear properly over the buzzing in her ears and she toppled forward and landed like a blob of mud on the floor with a resounding thud.

She heard Grayson swearing crudely and he bent down and carefully lifted her and placed her back on his bed and he touched her face. “Sweet Mother Mary, you’re burning up. Damn you girl! Don’t you die on me now, you hear?” Gray tore out of the cabin just as Jess turned blearily to look out of the window and watched as the sun peaked over the horizon. She closed her eyes and felt like she could sleep for a week.

Gray returned with Mr. Tora and beside him was Willy. The ship surgeon placed a hand on her head and tut-tutted. “De lad needs to be bathed in cool water, not icy cold, mind ye’s. I will bring buckets an’ sheets. We needs to remove his clothing and wrap him in wet sheets. Dat is de bes’ we can do for now.” And he turned to leave when Willy stopped him.

“I will remove his clothing and wrap him in sheets if you don’t mind. He is my godson and I know he will feel more comfortable if I do it. I don’t want the lad to be embarrassed.” Mr. Tora looked at the captain with a bemused look on his face and when Gray nodded he simply shrugged his shoulders and left to get the buckets of water and sheets.

Willy turned to the captain and bowed his head slightly, “Thank you, sir. I appreciate your understanding.”

“When Mr. Tora returns with the buckets of water and sheets we will leave you to it.” He said kindly and reached for his jacket and hat and walked out of the cabin.

“Jessie, can you hear me, lassie?” Willy whispered to her and she nodded slightly and whispered his name.

“Good girl. I have the anti-biotic with me so when the good doctor leaves I will give you a dose and then make sure you take them as you need. I am so sorry this injury has made you so sick. When I undress you, Jess, I will check the wound. If it is infected I will have to remove the stitches and clean it again.”

Jessie rolled her head from side to side and groaned mumbling no’s and saying that it is too sore for him to do that again.

’I know lassie, but we need to make sure it is clean.” Willy held her hand and the door banged open with Mr. Tora and Mr. McVane bringing in buckets and sheets and setting them down beside the bed.

“Too much fuss over a soppy little lad who can’t fight off a small scratch, if you ask me,” McVane said dumping the sheets on the chair.

Mr. Tora responded curtly, “Well, it be a good t’ing no one asked ye, McVane.”

At that McVane grumbled something under his breath and slammed his way out of the cabin. Willy and Mr. Tora looked at each other and shook their heads with a very similar thought permeating the air, that there always had to be one among the crew who was a shit.

“Thank you, Mr. Tora,” Willy said kindly, “I will take it from here.”

M.r Tora offered his services, should they be required, and said he would be out on the deck as soon as he had something to eat. Willy walked with him to the cabin door then closed and locked it after he had left. Rushing back over to Jess he pulled the small leather pouch out of his pocket and unwrapped the blister pack of broad spectrum anti-biotic. Popping two capsules out of their casings Willy filled a glass with water from the decanter that was on the round table and brought it over to Jessie. Lifting her head he told her to open her mouth and she did. He popped them in and made her drink water and asked her to stick out her tongue to make sure the capsules were down. Just to make extra sure he gave her more water to drink and then began undressing her.

Jessie lay shivering in her tight sports vest with her bandaged chest beneath the vest and a pair of boy-leg underpants. They resembled a tight pair of exercise shorts except they were made of cotton and not latex. Willy checked her wound and the stitching and told her it looked good and he could not see or smell any puss, so he merely cleaned it all again with the rum, and then after he had soaked the sheets in the buckets of water he started to wrap her gently from her shoulders down to her feet in the wet material. Jessie shivered and mumbled about being like a papoose and Willy said no, like a caterpillar in its cocoon and she was going to come out looking like a butterfly. Jess grinned weakly at this and Willy leaned over and kissed her forehead.

“I will stay with you, Jessie, and make sure you heal and get better. I promise you this.” Willy got up and walked to the door and unlocked it only to have the door open almost immediately and the captain walked in.

“I will sit with your godson so that you can go and get some breakfast before there is none left.” Just as Willy was about to argue Gray held up his hand and said, “You will be no good to the boy if you don’t keep your strength up. I don’t mind you coming back once you’re done.” He said kindly and then added, “You may as well bring the broth that I asked the cook to make back with you and try to feed some of it to the lad.” Making his word final the captain took off his coat and hat and sat down at his desk and began to write in the ship’s log.

Jessie vaguely recalled Willy coming to check on her and feeding her broth or soup and then making her swallow down more of the anti-biotic capsules. It did not feel too long before Jess started to feel almost human again and could talk for short periods.

The warmth from the sun felt so good when Jess finally opened her eyes and her head did not feel like exploding. Gently she moved towards the window and slid her arm out from under a very soft, silky sheet that was over her. Pulling on the latch she opened the window inwards slightly and felt the warm breeze on her face and smelled the salty ocean air. She couldn’t help but smile and enjoy the caress of the sun’s rays on her face and bare arm with the mild zephyr from the open window. Jess used her right hand to explore her injury and felt the stitches, but there was no pain only mild discomfort and tightening. Happily, she felt that she still had her vest and boy leg underpants on, so she knew Willy had kept his word. Her stomach growled loudly and Jess realized only then how hungry she truly was and couldn’t figure out how long she had been lying in the captain’s bed. That thought jolted her from leisurely semi-awake to fully awake and her eyes widened. She pulled the silky soft sheet up to her chin and caught a whiff of a mixture of rose water and a musky manly smell that made the muscles in her lower belly clench. Closing her eyes she tried to remember anything she could of her time spent in the captain’s cabin and his bed. But before she could locate any memories a small movement caught her attention and she carefully moved her head towards the movement and faint sound and was pleasantly surprised to see a very large, but beautiful fluffy grey cat sitting on the chair next to the bed. Smiling she put her hand out towards the lovely cat and it showed her affection by rubbing the side of its face against her fingers and then jumping from the chair onto her legs where, while it was making itself comfortable, she saw that it was a tom cat. “Well, aren’t you just the most handsome boy on this ship? Just look at you with those alluring green eyes and a soft fluffy coat. You rather look like your captain, did you know that?” She murmured as she scratched his head and behind his ears and he thanked her with the famous purrs only a cat can give and a few licks with his rough tongue on her hand before he snuggled down and closed his eyes for a snooze in the sunshine. Feeling very comfortable Jess closed her eyes too.

That was exactly how Grayson found them when he entered his quarters quietly. She had dozed off again with the cat and woke when she heard the faint creaking of the chair when the captain sat down. She did not immediately open her eyes, but she felt him scratch the cat and caress his fur when he said, “Cats truly reign supreme, don’t they boy?” Without opening her eyes she said softly, “They were revered as gods in Egypt so perhaps he still reckons he’s royalty.” Smiling she opened her eyes and looked straight into his handsome face. When he smiled his crooked smile back at her it quite literally took her breath away and caused all sorts of strange things to happen to her body. Her cheeks grew hot, her hands felt clammy and her belly muscles clenched until they ached. She had never felt so aroused in all her life. “He has only ever been around men so for him to be coddled by a woman appears to be more to his liking.” He looked at the cat and then back at Jess before continuing, “Are you ready to sit up and see how you feel?” At her nod, he came forward and slid his arm under her shoulders and easily, but gently lifted her into a sitting position and packed pillows at her back. Jess gripped the sheets around her in her fists and took deep breaths as her head spun. Leaning closer to her he placed the back of his hand on her forehead and nodded. “You’re looking much better, but you must be starved. I will go and get you some soup that cook made this morning and bring your father to see you. I am hoping to sail in to port within the next few weeks so you should be properly healed by then to disembark and go with your family to find your brother.” He said with a grim look on his face and a firm set to his jaw. He left the cabin and Jess started feeling deflated and cold at the thought of not seeing Grayson again.

Angrily she shook her head and chastised herself for thinking like a little school girl and reminding herself of her priorities, but she also could not deny what she had started feeling for the ruggedly handsome captain. Putting her hands over her face she took a deep breath and worked really hard at composing herself. Feeling the cat move on her legs brought her hands slowly down and she saw the beautiful cat watching her with sleepy, hooded eyes. Petting him gently he rolled onto his back and exposed a gloriously silky soft fluffy belly which he allowed her to gently stroke. “Well now, aren’t you the charmer, handsome? Gosh, you’re such a handsome young fellow and you’re stealing a piece of my heart already baby boy.” Without warning, tears sprang to her eyes and rolled silently down her cheeks. Oh god, Jess, don’t start this crap now, she admonished herself and quickly wiped the tears away only to have them start again when the cat climbed onto her lap and rubbed his head under her chin. “What are you doing to me? You’re making me feel all sorts of feels, baby, and it is making my heart ache just a bit.” And she snuggled him and kissed the top of his head between his ears knowing full well it was not just what she was feeling for the beautiful cat but for his master too, the cabin door opened and the captain walked in with a small pot, a bowl atop the lid and a cloth over his shoulder.

Looking at her face he suddenly became concerned, “Don’t tell me Rogue stepped on your wound?” he asked and made to remove the cat from her lap. Jessie held on to the cat and shook her head silently not trusting herself to speak and Grayson eyed her with a raised eyebrow. Looking a little uncomfortable he put the pot down and set the bowl on the desk. “Your father and godfather are having grub and one of them will be up as soon as they are finished. Are you alright, Jessie?” he asked softly and not unkindly. “You need not fear me. I will keep your secret and you will be safe while I am around. I will not let anything happen to you or allow anyone to hurt you.” Jessie’s heart nearly broke into a thousand pieces when he said this. Why, oh why, did she have to fall in love with a man who would probably never understand what she was, where she came from, and where she would ultimately have to return to? This was not fair and she railed at the gods and any other deity who may be laughing at her right now, chastising her for messing with fate or some other stupid belief.

Taking a deep breath, and sniffing loudly enough for him to hand her a kerchief, Jess blew her nose, pushed her hair out of her face, and smiled her bravest smile, “Thank you for saying that. It does make me feel a lot better and I am humbled that you would be so kind to someone you don’t know or owe any favors to. I think I am just being emotional because of having a fever and feeling weak. I will be fine soon and be able to pull my weight on your ship to pay my way for your kindness.” Jess took the bowl of soup he offered with shaking hands and icy cold fingers. How she wanted to run her fingers through his wavy black hair and kiss that beautifully shaped mouth. Instead, she shoved a spoonful of soup in her mouth and was quite pleasantly surprised at how good it tasted and her hunger took over. Leaving a little soup in the bowl Jess placed it snugly between her knees and allowed Rogue a share of the feast. He obligingly lapped up every last drop and then sat back and licked his white whiskers and then his paws happily as Jess looked smilingly on.

Grayson had been sitting watching her and shook his head, “Rogue thinks he is in heaven. Just look at that face and how satisfied he looks?” he grinned and then spoke to the cat, “You’re meant to be catching rats not charming the lady, lad.” Jess laughed softly.

“If you don’t mind me asking, exactly how old are you, Jessie?’ he asked cocking his head to one side.

Jess took a small breath, “I am twenty-five years old.” She said flatly and saw the surprised look on his face. “I think because I am so short and small people assume I am much younger. Hence the reason we decided me portraying a lad would not be difficult.”

Staring at her with wide eyes he said, “Good god! I would never have thought you twenty-five! And you’re not married yet? Why has your father not found you a suitable husband?”

Jess burst out laughing at the incredulous look on his face but quickly quieted as the ache in her side made her catch her breath. “In the Americas some families allow their daughters to choose their own husbands and I have not yet found anyone that I wish to settle down with. If I may, how old are you Captain Murphy?”

He stared at her in stunned silence with a frown knitting his brow and then he answered, “I am thirty-two years old.” He looked a little flustered and Jess wondered if she had overstepped, but decided that he was contemplating the ways of the folk from the Americas.

“And is there a Mrs. Murphy waiting for you at home?” appearing to be taken off guard by the question he cleared his throat and turned to his desk and started pushing papers and books around and mumbled something Jess couldn’t hear, “I beg your pardon, I never heard what you said.”

“I said, no, I do not have a wife.” Just then there was a knock at the door and Gray called out and Ben and Willy entered. Willy was carrying her clothes which appeared to have been washed and mended, her boots and satchel. They both had the biggest smiles on their face and Jessie could have cried out loud at seeing their faces.

Ben bent towards Jess and gently hugged his daughter and Willy kissed her on the top of her head. Behind them, Mr. Tora walked in with a large bucket of steaming water in each hand and a big towel over his shoulder. He pulled soap out of his pocket and then proceeded to set up a small tub for her to have a bath.

Pointing to the cat Willy said, “Making friends wherever you go, Jess. Typical,” he scratched the cat on the head, “animals gravitate towards you like bees to flowers.”

“It’s good to see you sitting up and smiling, Jess. I have missed you and I am so grateful you are on the mend.” Ben turned to Gray, “Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, Captain, for your kindness towards my Jess.” Ben said sincerely and bowed.

Before anyone else could speak Mr. Tora said, “I need to be checking de wound an’ dem stitches an’ den de lad can wash bad juju from his skin. I will burn some herbs in de burner an’ you breathe it in. It is good to clean out your breath passages an’ lungs.” Turning to his little black bag he removed dried leaves and twigs and placed them on a burner.

Willy raised his eyebrows and Jess smiled at him. “I am really fine and I am sure I will manage bathing myself, as long as Rogue doesn’t mind keeping me company.” She smiled at Rogue and cuddled him closer.

“I don’t allow my crew to carry weapons, but your dirk and sword are over there near the round table where I keep the decanters.” Grayson motioned with his head towards the table he spoke of. “You may keep the dirk with you, but not the sword, although you know where to find it.” He didn’t look at Jess but simply guided Willy and her dad out of the cabin.

“Right, let me take a look at dem stitches den.” Said Mr. Tora and Jess dropped the sheet and moved slightly to one side. After inspecting his handiwork Mr. Tora proclaimed his efforts a great success and took full honors for her recovery. Jess never said anything, but her breath caught in her throat when Mr. Tora turned to her and said, “I’ll not be spreadin’ de truth about you missy. It best be a secret well kept.” He nodded and tipped his hat and left the cabin leaving Jess staring after him. So much for looking like a lad, thought Jess.

Setting Rogue on the pillows Jess gingerly put her feet on the floor and slowly stood up. She felt stiff and sore, but not as dizzy as she thought she may have been. Walking over to the little tub Jess gently pulled off her tight vest and then the bandages binding her chest. Looking down she could swear her breasts had got a little bigger, but then, she thought, it is probably because they had been bound and flattened they now appeared bigger. She laughed to herself being amazed at how she actually missed her little boobies and carefully stepped out of her underpants and dropped them in the tub.

Reaching down stiffly and holding on to the side of the tub Jess climbed into the hot bath and sighed as she sat down and then hissed as the water touched her wound. Sitting with her knees bent and her head back Jess watched Rogue stretch up the side of the tub and peek in at the water. Not liking the look of it he walked away stretching as he went and clambered up onto the chair, walked in circles, and then lay down to sleep again. Shaking her head and smiling at him Jess washed her underpants and then gently started washing her hair with one hand because stretching her right arm up and above her head was not possible just yet and then bathing herself. Scrubbing the last few days’ grime from her body felt wonderful and Jess reflected on how easy it was to become accustomed to such simple things as bathing and washing hair in hot water and it felt glorious.

Standing on slightly wobbly legs and stepping out of the tub Jess dried herself with care and then put her wet underpants back on, bound up her breasts, and then dressed again noting that her shirt and vest had been mended and made a mental note to thank whoever had done such a good job. She felt so much better albeit a little shaky. Folding the used towel and placing it on the bucket with the soap Jess then found her dagger and returned it to the inside of her buttoned-up outer vest and made a note of where her little sword was. Scrubbing her hair as dry as she could get it with a smaller towel she looked around for the leather strap used to tie up her wild curls but not finding it she decided her dad or Willy may still have it.

Walking over to the desk she felt the pot on the desk and it was still nice and warm so she dished herself up another bowl of the tasty soup and this time savored each spoonful. Afterward, she carefully remade the captain’s bed and as she was busy setting the cushions out there was a knock at the door. She called out and Grayson walked in and stood staring at her as she glanced over her shoulder. Feeling a little self-conscious she tried to smooth down her wild curls and muttered shyly dragging her eyes away from his face. “I can’t seem to find the leather tie for my hair.”

Without a word, Gray walked over to his desk and opened a drawer and pulled out a thick black velvet ribbon, and made to pass it to her but then changed his mind and stepped forward, and with his hands on her shoulders he turned her around. Using his fingers he ran them through her hair like a brush and gathered her curls into his hand. As his fingers touched the skin on the back of her neck Jess felt electric prickles run down her body and she quietly closed her eyes. Excitement grew in her belly and the need to turn around and be held in his strong arms was the only thought in her mind. The image of running her hands through his hair and pressing herself against his warm, strong chest made her breathing difficult. Then reality hit her like a log to the head and she brought her thoughts under control and as he removed his hands a sadness that she had never felt before filled her chest like ice.

“There, now you look like a lad again. I am just happy that I remembered how to tie a bow and I never thought I would be grateful for having a little sister whose hair was forever coming untied, but there you go, a lesson not to be forgotten.” He said patting her shoulders and turning away from her. “Now that I know you’re a young woman I cannot believe I was fooled. You have the most remarkably strange colored eyes that sometimes appear dark blue and then at other times almost violet and your eyelashes are very thick, as though the good lord gave you an extra helping.” He looked back at her and smiled his crooked smile and Jess felt that now familiar squeezing of her stomach muscles. “Your mother must have been a very beautiful woman. You certainly don’t appear to have any of your fathers’ attributes.”

The compliment was not lost on Jess, but she knew she could not do anything about how it made her feel. They were two very different people from two very different times, she reminded herself. She could not fit into his world and he could not fit into hers. “So you have a little sister then?” Jess chose to change the subject and forced a smile to cover her inner turmoil. “I only ever had an older brother too.”

Standing watching her Grayson remained silent with a sad look on his face as Jess wondered about this but she also felt as though he could see right into her soul and he knew that she was not telling him the whole truth. She looked away and started searching for her boots which she finally spotted on the other side of the cabin beside a bed-like red velvet and wood chaise lounge. Walking in her stockinged feet she sat down carefully and pulled her boots towards her and bent slowly forward to put them back on. Feeling the stitches pull tightly Jess gritted her teeth and gave it her best effort until his large black boots appeared in front of her. Looking up at him he shook his head with a frown and a stern set to his mouth. He knelt down in front of her and pushed her hands aside and slid the boot over one foot as he held the back of her stockinged calf. Oh god, this is not normal, Jess grumbled silently to herself. How is it possible that the touch of one person can cause an explosion of emotions? Doing the buckles up the side of her boot Jess had the strongest urge to touch his hair and the need to reveal to him everything was incredibly strong. She just knew he could keep secrets, but her secret was something out of fantasy novels that, in this era, would be seen as the devils’ work or black magic. Tears sprang unchecked to her eyes, blinding her, and rolled silently down her cheeks and pooled under her chin.

Gray was quietly setting the other boots buckles to rights when her tears dripped on his hand and he jerked his head up and stared into her swimming eyes. “Christ lass, if I was hurting you why did you not say anything?” and he took her face in his hands and used his thumbs to wipe her tears away.

Without thinking about what she was doing she leaned closer and cupped his face in her hands and stared into his green eyes. Drawing his face closer her lips touched his and his body stiffened. The pure pleasure, warmth, and softness that Jess felt, was like dropping into a whirlpool and surrendering to the motion. Wrapping her arms around his neck and feeling him relax she pulled him closer and deepened the kiss and she felt the tip of his tongue touch her lips as he leaned into her. The heat built up between them and Jess felt as though her insides were vibrating. Tracing the inside of her top lip and then her bottom lip and then slowly exploring the rest of her mouth brought soft groans from Jess. She explored his mouth and her hands ran gently over his neck, muscular shoulders, and then down his muscled arms. His large hands were unbelievably gentle as he ran them down her back and then up again. He took hold of her hips and pulled her closer to him as he held her close against his chest. Jess wanted to tear at his clothing and her own to cool down but also to feel his skin beneath her fingertips and she would have if there had not been a loud knock and a shout at the cabin door.

Pulling apart they stared in shock at each other and Gray put a hand over his mouth. “My apologies Jessie. That was unforgivable of me.” He looked so ridiculously shame-faced that Jess felt crushed and wanted to let him know that she wanted it to happen, and more, but he stood up and turned away to roughly open the cabin door and stepped through.

Jess looked down and saw her hands shaking. This can’t happen again Jessie, she said to herself. You are a stupid idiot and clearly, you’re a masochist to inflict such suffering on yourself. Angry with herself she buckled up the last buckle on her boot and stood up just as Tad and Johnno appeared at the door.

Smiling Tad walked carefully toward her as though his movement might just cause her pain. Jess smiled at him and he appeared to visibly relax. “The Cap’n says you are allowed to work light duty so that means you work with me, but we have to answer to Johnno an’ he gets to tell us what to do.”

“Tad, you need to breathe when you speak!” Johnno said rolling his eyes and ruffling Tad’s hair. Smiling at Jess he motioned for her to follow and said, “I will take you to where your hammock is and then show you your duties for now.”

Relieved Jess followed the two boys out onto the deck and into the warm sunshine, happy to be breathing fresh air and hoping that this new state will put a bit of sense back into her head, knowing that what she had just experienced with Gray in the cabin would take a lifetime to forget.