I Am Jessamine

Jess stood looking at herself in the bathroom mirror dressed as a young boy in a white long-sleeved shirt with a black vest, black breeches, stockings, and a pair of knee-high leather boots that were buttoned up the side. There was a jacket as well, but she had folded that tightly and packed it in her bag. The belt around her waist was long and had to be knotted once around itself and the tongue hung down her hip with a small money pouch which had several coins that Willy had selected, tied tightly. The thin sharp sword was in its sheath, attached to the belt, and hung on her left hip. Inside the vest was a smaller dagger in its sheath. Slung across her chest and over her shoulder was the leather satchel with a change of clothing and wrapped carefully in a small leather thong, hidden under an inside flap, was a blister pack of broad-spectrum antibiotics that Ben had picked up from a nearby pharmacy. She walked out of the bathroom and saw Ben and Willy dressed similarly in their garments provided for, generously, by the museum. Both men looked up at the same time and stopped what they were doing and stared at her open-mouthed.

Feeling her confidence wane just a little and being irritated by this unfamiliar feeling Jess blushed and then she frowned. “I look hideous, don’t I?” asked Jess with a frown.

Both men began to mumble and gesture and looked very nervous. Finally, Ben stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his daughter, and kissed her on her head.

“No lass, it is just you remind us of someone we had both known years before, that’s all.” Said Willy quietly. Ben nodded in agreement and turned Jess by her shoulders so that her back was to him. Pulling her hair back he used a strip of leather to tie her curly hair tightly into a little tail at the nape of her neck making sure to cover her birthmark. Turning her back around he said, “I never realized until now how much you look like your father. You are his image Jessie, but with Geneviève’s eyes.” She did not know how to respond to hearing that she looked like her biological father. She had lain in bed the previous evening for a long while thinking how every time Ben looked at her she was a reminder of her mother, the woman Ben had loved, and he must have hated Jess. Constantly being reminded that his wife had chosen to return to her second husband and the life she was accustomed to. Perhaps that was the reason Ben sent her to boarding school. But then again, she was only a weekly boarder. She was home every weekend. Be that as it may, it must have still been tough on him no matter who she looked like.

“I’m sorry, dad. I never knew and I can only imagine how tough it must have been for you.” Jess said quietly with her eyes misting slightly.

Looking at her Ben sniffed loudly and patted her arm. “Now, now none of that, girlie. It had nothing to do with you, my girl. I made my choice and I gave my word. If I had to do it all again I would change nothing. You and your brother have been nothing but a joy to me. Granted, there were times I wanted to slaughter the two of you for the stunts you pulled and the shit you used to get yourselves into, but that’s what being a parent, a family, is all about. It’s not perfect, it’s not always happiness and laughter, and it sure as hell is not always easy, but by god, I would never change a damned thing. Never forget that, Jess. If you remember anything at all, simply remember that I love you and when I die and don’t get to tell you that, it’s only because there wasn’t enough time.”

Pulling her in for a hug Jessie put her head on his chest as he held her close. “I love you too, daddy.” Squeezing him tightly she felt secure in his embrace.

Hearing Willy clearing his throat Jess and Ben drew apart and he reminded them, “It’s time for the final preparations. I will go find us some inconspicuous transport and we will need to dump our clothes somewhere. We can’t take it with us. Ben, you and Jess can strip the rope while I am away. You know how bad I am at doing that so I would rather not. You can also fill Jess in on certain protocols and give her a heads-up.” Willy nodded at them, placed his bag by the door, and then left.

Jessie raised her eyebrows and looked at Ben, “Protocols?”

“What he means is, you are going to have to shut up! It’s not like here and now where you can shout over others and exert your right to be heard. If you are going as a lad it means you speak only when spoken to and everything is ‘Yes Sir,’ and ‘No Sir.’” He picked up the rope and started to split and strip it. Jessie took the other half and copied what he did. “Keep your head down and don’t draw attention to yourself. Do not touch a woman, even on the arm. You greet with a small bow and cast your eyes down and you never look directly at anyone of the upper class.” Jess opened her mouth to say something, but Ben held up his hand. “You will recognize a member of the upper-class gentry when you see them. Believe me. Keep out of the way of horse carriages. They don’t have brakes like the Volvo or Land Cruiser.” Ben looked at her and they smiled remembering when Jess, at age thirteen, had driven their Volvo through the shed mistaking the gas pedal for the brake.

Smiling and shaking his head Ben continued, “Stick to the truth as much as humanly possible. You are with your dad and godfather and you are looking for your older brother. Your accent is different because you have come over from the colonies, where you were born, in search of your brother. If your name is required use the name Jessiah McKellie. That would easily explain ‘Jessie’. Don’t ever allow anyone to see that you carry a coin bag, you will be attacked and robbed very quickly so flip it over and tuck it into the waistband of your breeches now.” Jess complied quickly while Ben continued, “One very important thing to remember, Jess, never ever let anyone know you can fight. Or use a blade, bow and arrow, sword, or even a slingshot. I hope to god it will never come to it, but your hand-to-hand training will serve you well. You were always much better than Nick at that because of your size, but never underestimate anyone and no one is your friend. If you don’t know them, don’t trust them, and always shut up. Surprise will always be your best advantage. Think smart and think logically. It won’t always work out that way, but give it your best shot.”

The rope had been split and stripped and they now wound them up into two small bundles and Ben added after he had thought about it, “If at any time, we are separated you will need to make your way to Broch de Clisson, your mother’s family home. Such estates are always kept in the family and if her parents, your grandparents, have passed on it will have been left to the family. Whether a cousin, a nephew, or a son-in-law it makes no difference. The heir will always be male and it will always be a family member. In that era family was everything.” Jessie struggled to take this in and considered what she had been told about her mother. She seemed a formidable woman who would be quite capable of running an estate single-handedly so it would be a huge bitter pill to swallow to have to allow men only to inherit and run the place. Jess had to just keep reminding herself that they would be going backward in time and she would have to conduct herself accordingly.

Turning around Jess saw their tog bags with their few western twenty-first-century clothing tucked within and asked Ben, “Do you think we could drop off our bags in skid row? That alley we came through where all those homeless folk was? This stuff would vanish faster than a bunny in a top hat down there.”

“Good thinking. The less of a trail left the better. Where are your passport and other identity credentials?” he asked quietly while he zipped up the side of his tog bag after finding a stray sock.

“Everything is in the safe in the cellar.” She replied and Ben nodded.

They had a safe in the office in the house where they kept menial things like a copy of the deed to the ranch and the books and ledgers for the tax man, but their personal papers, important original documents, jewelry, and gold coins were stored in the safe in the cellar. This safe had been installed while Ben had been incarcerated and it was behind a wall of wine bottles that were covered in dust. The bottles of maturing wine and brandy were real and they made a point of not touching these bottles without gloves which were left on a peg in plain view. Jess had thought it was a brilliant idea and Willy had agreed.

“Right, I think we are all done here. Willy shouldn’t be much longer now. Listen, Jessie, if you are feeling at all overwhelmed by what you have learned, please you must talk to me. I know how mind-blowing this must all seem, and if it had not happened to me, I would be one of the doubters. But it did happen and we are now having to face this situation together. Willy and I have jumped in opposite directions so we got a taste of both sides. Jess,” Ben took Jess by the elbow and sat her down, “is there anything you’re feeling unsure of or you have any questions about?” He looked into her eyes and saw the familiar stubbornness but he also got to see pain and sadness. He knew she must be hurting after having learned her mother chose to leave her behind and return to her second husband. What Jessie didn’t know was why her mother went back and Ben would not betray Genevieve. He would wait and see whether they got the opportunity to see Genevieve. The frightening thought that she may have already passed on and the feelings of anguish and fear that cropped up with those thoughts got pushed out of Ben’s heart and mind as fast as they entered.

“You know me, dad. I will process and deal with everything as it comes, day by day. I don’t have the words to form the questions yet and I am not ready. One day, maybe.” She smiled and patted his hand. There was no way Jess was going to hurt her father by asking the questions only her mother could answer. Anyway, it was easier, for now, to push it all away and focus on the next step and then the next and so on until they had reached their objective – finding Nick.

Just then there was a light tap at the door and Willy entered quickly. “I don’t think I was followed, but there are four drones out there zooming up and down the streets. Nothing has come up this side yet, but perhaps we need to wait until it is much darker?”

“No, we can’t. Those drones will have those heat cameras and we will be detected moving in the direction of a jump site and draw loads of attention. Whereas if we move now we will just blend in with the rest of society. Only a jumper will know that sound where the site is. You just can’t miss it, but regular folk doesn’t hear a damned thing.” Ben said patting Willy on the arm.

“Wait,” said Jess, and both men stared at her, “what if I am not able to jump? Dad, you just said only a jumper will know that sound, right? What if I don’t hear it? What if I am not like you or mom or even Nick for that matter?” Jess sat heavily on the end of the bed and started taking deep breaths. She can’t be left behind. She just had to go with them to find Nick.

Willy and Ben looked at each other and then at Jess. They had honestly not considered the idea that Jess would not be able to time travel. It was a given that if Ben, Genevieve, and Nicholas could do it, it stood to reason she would. Walking forward and taking her by the shoulders Ben pulled her to her feet. “There is no reason to believe you can’t Jessie. I believe you can and so does Willy. When Nick used to talk about it he always said how he would love to see your face on your first jump. You can do this too, Jess. We are going to do this together and you will jump with us. There is no doubt you can do this. We don’t know how many jumps are in each person. I could travel through with you and then not be able to come back, or even Willy for that matter. It just is, for some reason. Nick did mention that a jump back may add on a couple of years or be less a couple of years, but that won’t make much difference. We all know that we have to try for Nick’s sake.”

“I have no doubts about you, Jess. It is a given that you will be able to do this with us. Don’t stress lass, you are a true traveler.” Willy smiled at her and patted her arm glancing worriedly over her head at Ben.

Taking a deep breath to get her nerves under control, Jess patted both her dad and Willy on the backs, “Thanks for that. Just a moment of stupid insecurities and nerves. Right, so exactly where are we going then?” Reaching for her tog bag and getting ready to leave the room, Jess turned around and smiled at them, “We are going to get some weird looks by a lot of the general public going out and looking like this.” She laughed at their faces as they looked at each other.

“We could be going to a fancy dress.” Said Ben with a cocky grin and shrug of his broad shoulders.

“Or some sort of re-enactment on a field somewhere?” added Willy laughingly.

They all laughed and headed out of the motel room door and climbed into the small green van parked outside. It was well after seven in the evening and it had grown progressively warmer Jess tugged the two top buttons of her shirt open and wriggled her stockinged toes in her boots. “I am feeling just a little bit overdressed in this heat.”

“You will be grateful for the clothing, believe you me.” Said Willy thoughtfully.

“So where are we going then?” asked Willy as he started the engine.

“There are two jump sites that we can use. Lucky for us these are the only two sites that are close by. They are usually very far apart and if what Nick shared with me is correct there is the one in the ocean and there is one more inland in a cave. The one at sea means chartering a boat whereas the one in the cave will simply require a couple of hours of driving and then a bit of climbing. I have the coordinates for both. So, we must choose now, which direction we go and hope to god we can get through.” Ben pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and folded it open.

“You unwittingly went through the one on the ocean and then returned the same way, didn’t you?” asked Jess, “So why not stick with what you know?”

Willy pulled out of the parking and into the traffic. “Caps on people.” He muttered and they all put their caps on. “It would be easier for the syndicate to keep tabs on the cave and the roads leading to the cave, which I am sure is the easier jump, but the one in the ocean will be a bit more difficult for them to maintain restrictions on. It is a bit out of the way and unusual, but I feel it is the better option. Not only that we are not sure where the cave will spit us out.” Willy said as he pulled into heavier traffic and drove towards the coast which could be seen glimmering thanks to lights in the distance.

“I am just going along with whatever you guys say.” She said nervously as she realized that this was it now, the proof in the pudding, so to speak and she began to remember how many times Ben and Willy had used those famous words, trust me, and she had, without question, and they had never let her down. Doubts started crowding her mind and with a huge effort and a literal shake of her head, she took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and looked forward when Willy slowed down on the street where they had seen a lot of homeless people Jessie opened the side of the van and leaned out to drop their bags near to where makeshift tents had been set up. Slamming the door shut, Jess felt good about someone in need making use of the clothing and bags that they had left for them.

Both men were quiet and Jess knew that they had their thoughts rattling around in their heads but she just wished they would talk to her and fill her in on whatever they felt she would need to know. The silence was making her uncomfortably nervous and she thought to start asking questions again when Ben turned in his seat, “Jessie, there is no doubt in my mind you will be able to do this, but should we be separated please stick to the story and keep your guise as being a young boy. I know there may be some difficulties, but I am sure you will overcome them. If, by some ugly twist of fate, we separate during the jump please try to ascertain a date as soon as possible and act accordingly.”

“If we tie ourselves together I seriously doubt we will be separated so I honestly believe we will be together and be there to protect and guide you, lassie,” Willy added winking at her in the rearview mirror and nodding at Ben.

“I believe you and I trust you both. We just need to find Nick. He will tell us why he traveled and we can decide from there how we should proceed. I just know he needs our help. I am furious with him for doing this on his own, but I also know he will say it is because he didn’t want to endanger us so I have forgiven him already. He is no stupid man and surely must have figured out that something is very dodgy with the syndicate and it would not surprise me if he is going up against them alone.” Jessie frowned and thought of something else, but chose to not speak it out loud. If Nick had confided in Valeria his suspicions and doubts about the syndicate he would surely be in danger as she was still in the twenty-first century and Nick was gone. What if they had already tried to kill Nick and his only option was to travel back in time? Oh, for God’s sake, Jess stop it! There are many scenarios surrounding Nick’s disappearance, she thought angrily.

“What must be expected from the jump in the ocean? Will it be as chaotic as the one you described for yourself, dad?” Jess asked quickly to stop her overactive brain from creating an emotional storm within her.

“I had heard from Nick that it is not always as topsy-turvy as mine had been, but we have to prepare ourselves for whatever may come. That’s why I said to bring that rope and split it. We will tie ourselves together and onto something that floats.” Ben replied quickly, but then added “When we returned all those years ago the seas were a little choppy, but it did not end up being a fight for survival. We tied ourselves together and then onto a rather large log that we managed to heave aboard the small boat we stole and after that, it ended up being pretty straightforward. Well, as far as time travel goes, I suppose.” Ben got a sad dreamy look on his face before he continued. “We were not too far from land and managed to get to shore after nightfall and then I borrowed a car to get us as close to the ranch as possible. Money had been a problem so we ended up at gas stations, filling up with gas and then high tailing it out of there without paying and then taking back roads. It took us two days operating like that and finally walking the last few miles overland to get back to the ranch.” At this,, he glanced at Willy and they shared a knowing grin.

“Apparently when you travel from the cave you end up in the only other time-traveling cave that there is which won’t work too well for us, so perhaps going via the ocean is our best shot at following Nick and staying off the syndicates’ radar. We know Nick took to the water because his unmanned yacht got into a bit of a tussle with the ocean and lost.” Ben turned back around in his seat and Willy pointed ahead.

“There is the harbor and next to it the yacht mall and then there are a whole bunch of boats in the marina. It looks like quite a few are up near the harbor wall too.” Willy slit his eyes and looked carefully ahead. “It’s always been a mystery to me why folks would choose to live on a boat. Bodies so close together and no privy to take a shite!” He shook his head and looked quite disgusted when Jess and Ben laughed and Jess reminded him of how advanced the building of ships and boats had become where there was no need for all and sundry to do their ablutions over the railing of the ship or to use slop buckets. “Aye, but we are going back to a time where there is no such thing as a toilet, remember.” Ben and Jess stopped laughing.

“I suppose we just have to remember why we are doing this then, right?” Jessie tugged at her collar and pushed to the back of her mind the hardships she had read about during the eighteenth century. She wasn’t going to allow the idea of certain discomforts to dissuade her from finding her brother.

Pulling up to the parking area Willy chose a parking space at the farthest point from the entry, but right next to the wall dividing them from where they were and the boats near the wall of the harbor. “I will go out and have a quick look and see what we can do for transport. I will be back as quickly as I can so we can be underway. It’s only been a few hours since the museum alarm went off and I don’t think the frog and the syndicate have picked up on us just yet, but we still need to be vigilant.” Willy climbed out of the van and quietly headed off to the corner of the wall where he proceeded to use empty oil barrels as a ladder to clamber up and over the wall.

Ben and Jess took this time to wipe down the inside of the van with special wipes that had alcohol in them so that they may obliterate any prints mistakenly left behind. They knew what they had to do and did it efficiently and in companionable silence.

They saw Willy climbing back over the wall and got out of the van when he motioned them to where he was.

“There is an old fishing boat, the Merry Molly, standing empty a few yards down the jetty. It’s moored and looks as though repairs are being carried out. No one saw me taking a good look and it appears that it is good to go. It is a very old boat, but I reckon it will do for what we have in mind.” Willy spoke as he was giving Jess a hand to climb up onto the barrels. Using his hands for Jess to put her foot in Willy hoisted her up onto the top of the wall and she was able to jump down. Next came Ben and then Willy followed.

“If it is an old boat don’t you think we could pick up problems with it? Especially seeing as it looks as though it is undergoing repairs?” asked Jess worriedly.

“No, not at all. It is perfect. It means no electronics which in turn means no tracking. For us to find our coordinates we will have a map and a compass. That’s all we will need for what we want to do.” Answered Ben.

Hiding behind a wall of pallets and boxes and piles of rope it finally dawned on Jess what it was she was about to be doing. Her heart started beating faster and she put her forehead on the crates in front of her, breathing in the usual smells around her. Smells she knew from sailing with her father. The salty air not only filled her nostrils but also filled her mouth and she tasted the salt. The wood, the rope, and the smell of fish. So much she took for granted would no longer be and she would have to keep her mouth shut and try to fit in as they searched for Nick. Feeling a hand on her shoulder Jess looked up and into the eyes of her godfather. “I will always be there for you, lass. As god is my witness, upon death, I will protect you. Where we are going is not for the faint-hearted because life was tough, but there are also many joys. Stay focused, keep that head of curly hair down and your mouth closed unless you have to say something of importance. You make a really pretty lad and there may be a few unwanted attentions if you know my meaning?” He grinned and winked and she couldn’t help but smile back. Patting her shoulder Willy turned away and his eyes scoured the jetty near the harbor wall. It amazed Jess how her godfather and father had warned her to keep her opinions, words, and ideas to herself. She clearly had a bit of a mouth on her and she grimaced at this thought.

Ben, who had been a little further away, turned back to them and flicked his head, and motioned to Willy. Willy crept past Jess and went to Ben and they whispered among themselves and Ben motioned for Jess to join them. “We have a minor hiccup hovering around here.” And he motioned with his head again and looked up into the sky in the direction of the harbor wall.

“Oh shit! I am going to spitball here and guess that’s a drone sent by that bloody syndicate and it’s looking for us already?” Jess grew angry at the mere thought that a bunch of men was creating a problem over something they had no right to own. “What do we do? If I had a slingshot I’d be able to get it down easily.”

“No! That would bring their attention to where we are and make our trip very difficult. We have enough to worry about without them biting at our heels.” Ben said as he motioned for them to move back further under the cover of their hideout of pallets, crates, and ropes.

“It won’t be much longer before it moves off anyway. We’ll just have to show restraint and be patient.” Willy said with a sly smile and Ben and Jessie glanced at one another and then back to Willy.

“Do you feel like sharing whatever it is you know that we obviously don’t?” asked Jess curiously

“Remember your idea of ditching our clothing in skid row? Well, I thought a bit of a diversion might come in handy, so I took my spare mobile phone and put it in your tog bag. Now, before you give me a tongue lashing, it was the phone for the ranch that I always used, but they would eventually find out about it and trace it. I kept it to make final arrangements for the new heads of cattle and their branding. Then, of course, I had to arrange for the vet to check them all over and once that was done I turned it off having every intention of tossing it in the drink over there.” He motioned to the sea. “But I chose rather to keep it with our clothing when you suggested the donation of our things to the needier. You can only imagine those homeless finding the clothing and the phone. Someone will have used it by now or sold it to another for whatever reason and that person will use it.”

“Alright, I think we get it and you are to be given a good pat on the back for that bit of forward-thinking, thank you.” Said Ben with a roll of his eyes and Willy smirking.

Looking at Jess with a twinkle in his eye and a grin on his face, “I have always been the canny one between the two of us. Your dad knew that so making me his right-hand man was to his benefit.” They all laughed softly at this and Jess realized that Willy must have his reservations about returning to his time. “Willy, are you a little apprehensive about going back?” Jess asked him and Ben looked on enquiringly.

“A little apprehensive, you ask? How about a lot apprehensive and nervous enough to feel like there’s a bag of squirming eels in my belly? Aye lass,” his thick Irish accent sounding so comfortingly familiar, “I am fighting two emotions within me. Excitement and apprehension. I left my own time not expecting to be made your godfather and then becoming thoroughly smitten from the day you were born.” He leaned over and touched her face and then touched their foreheads together. An old habit between them.

Jess chose to take what he had said and leave it at that because that would be about as good as anything he would share. Feeling a little guilty Jess took comfort in knowing Willy felt a little of what she was feeling and, as usual, Ben was revealing nothing of how he was feeling and nor would he contribute to the conversation in that regard either.

Looking over at her dad Jess met his eyes and surprisingly she saw he had a small frown and his lips were tight little bows. Maybe she was wrong or maybe, just maybe, she was starting to be able to read her father.

Hearing the whirr of the rotors on the drone Jessie craned her neck to see where it was and was quick to note that the little black object had started moving away from the harbor wall, but not far enough for them to move yet. Jess sat back and started going over the items she had on her person, making a mental inventory. The hidden dagger in her vest gave her a small sense of comfort as well as the short, thin, and sharp sword, but having her dad and Willy made her feel much safer. She remembered all the silly games Willy had made her and Nicky play where they had to pretend to be pirates and soldiers and they would sword fight and then wrestle. It had always been one-sided for many years because Nick had been the bigger and stronger of them.

That had changed when Jess grew up and found that her size was not at all a disadvantage and she had learned how to move, jump, slide and glide using her size advantageously. Nick had once nearly lost his balls when Jess had scrambled between his legs and he’d gone to grab her ankles and she had raised her head right into his groin. They had both never forgotten that move, but for two different reasons. Jess smiled as she recalled their finer moments as so-called enemies and their dueling and jousting. Jess couldn’t help but think Willy and Ben had somehow been preparing them for this moment in their lives.

Turning to them she asked, “Did either of you ever have any idea that we would be doing this one day?” Jess looked at them both closely and saw a mutual nervousness and Ben finally cleared his throat and said, “I had planned on telling you about your mother, but I never got around to doing it. To be fair, you never asked about her or showed any interest, so I thought you weren’t interested.” He shrugged looking away from her.

“That’s not what I asked, dad. I finally gave up asking about my mother when I realized how much you hurt to talk about her. It’s not because I was not interested or that I never cared. I did care and I did want to know, but I felt loyalty to you more than anything so I put everything else aside in the hopes that you would one day say something to me about her. I waited for you to tell me that I looked like her, I act like her in some ways, anything. But you didn’t, so I did not press it because I did not want to see the sadness in your eyes and hear the pain in your voice. So, let’s leave that alone now then, shall we? Just answer my original question.”

Ben could see he had hurt Jess and made her angry. He thought what a selfish bastard he had been all those years and how he had not realized how Jessie would need a mother or at least she would need to know something about her mother. Feeling very frustrated with himself and angry that he had hurt her, Ben turned away and said, “I had wanted to sit you down and tell you everything, and Willy and I had spoken of it and we thought that there would never really be a good time to tell a child all that we had to tell you. But what we had agreed on is that it had to be in your blood, or inherited from a parent or both parents for you to be able to travel through time. So, to answer your question, yes, I had every intention of telling you and traveling with you if you ever wanted to go and find your mother. But Nick has changed all of that for us and it is all happening now. I am sorry, Jess. I really and truly am sorry.”

“Sorry? Dad, you have been a selfish shit for as long as I can remember and I know now that some of the reason for that is because of my mother and I also know it probably has something to do with my biological father too. That is stuff I have never had any control over and I have never had a say. I understand how you may have felt, but I had a right to know. But be this all as it may, our priority is getting to Nick before the syndicate does and then working through all the other crap later.” Jess would have added more but Willy’s hand on her shoulder stopped her and she looked towards him and saw that he was looking up to a clear sky that was still light as the sun always set later in the summer.

Ben and Jess followed his gaze and as one they stood up in a row beside one another, as a family, ready to do whatever it is they needed to for Nick. Whatever may or may not happen, they were and always would be, family.

Present. Then back to 1819