I Am Jessamine

Jessie found Willy down on the main deck dozing and lounging in his hammock swinging with one booted foot on the floor and an arm behind his head. Pulling up a stool she sat close to his head and he opened his eyes. Reaching a hand out he took her small one in his rough one and squeezed warmly, “Talk to me, Jessie. You look like you have the world on your shoulders and a hole in your heart.”

Holding nothing back Jess told him all she was feeling, all she had been thinking, all her hurt and confusion, and all that had happened to her including, without detail, what had happened just a short while ago. “I’ll fucking kill that bastard! Taking advantage of an injured woman. What sort of moron is he?” With flashing eyes, flaring nostrils, and a grim expression Willy fumed and made to get up and Jessie pushed him back, “Willy I don’t need this. I wanted to as much as he did, so there is no one to blame. I think you forget I am an adult capable of making her own decisions. Besides, that is not my dilemma right now. I want to tell him about Nick, but I am so afraid that if I do he will not understand. I don’t want to hurt him either, but I know if I walk away from him a piece of me will die and I will never feel complete again. I want to find Nick and hear what the hell he’s up to and make him hurt for being the cause of dad’s death. He has to be accountable.” Hiccupping Jess added through a thick and hoarse throat, “He was just dumped over the side of the ship into the ocean, Willy. He was looking forward to seeing my mother, the love of his life, again. He would have stayed, Will. He told me as much and I was okay with it.” Jess put her elbows on her knees and covered her face with her hands and mumbled, “I’m so tired of crying and feeling this pain, then looking at Gray and feeling nothing but passion and a love that takes over all my senses it makes me feel guilty and selfish. I am so confused, Willy. Please give me some good advice?”

Getting out of the hammock slowly Willy stood up and pulled Jess up with him and into his comfortable and familiar embrace. “This is a bit of a predicament, isn’t it? But we will work something out, Jess, we always do. But to be honest, I have been thinking the same thing for a while now and Ben and I did talk about it before,” Will never finished his sentence, “well, before now. Ben had grown fond of the Captain and he mentioned to me that he thought Gray could be trusted and perhaps we may have to tell him the truth. He’s an educated man and clearly not filled with the superstitions of this time. BUT,” he said forcefully, “it is still a big risk.”

“Let me hear him out first and when he is ready to listen, which I know he will, I will come and get you. Just in case he thinks we are totally bonkers and wants to toss us overboard I will at least have a companion.” She said with a rueful grin.

“Better make sure he tosses us over with two lashed-together barrels. One water and one ale. That grog is growing on me and if we die out there I will die pissed.” She punched him playfully on the shoulder and shook her head. “Typical bloody Irishman,” Jess murmured with a smile.

Turning to go back up on deck Jess was stopped by Tad. She reached out and squeezed his shoulder and he blushed beet red. “So you really are a lady then and a lady that fights like a man with swords and a dagger and climbs the rope and things and you are strong too.” Jessie touched his face and said gently, “Remember to breathe when you talk, Tad.” And the boy took a deep breath.

“Johnno always used to say that to me and now he is gone I don’t have anyone reminding me except the Cap’n but he is always busy now and I don’t like to bother him too much.” Reaching her hand up to his face Jess gently touched his cheek and the boy took a breath. He had tears in his eyes and Jessie felt hurt for him. “I am so sorry about Johnno, Tad. I know he was your best friend and he helped you and protected you. I will do my best to look out for you and I know Willy will too. The crew loves your singing and when you play the fiddle so they will watch out for you too because they don’t want to lose that pleasure.” She said kindly with a smile.

Taking another deep breath and letting it out in a faint whistle Tad closed his eyes and Jess could only imagine his confused state of mind right now. “I am sorry your father died, Miss Jessie. He was a nice man and he was always kind to me and shared his food and sometimes he would share his ale with me.” Instead of saying anything, Jess took a deep breath and he followed suit. “See? Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.” Tad burst out laughing and repeated the phrase, took a breath, and repeated it again. As he walked toward the galley he started humming a tune that made Jess’s blood run cold. The same tune of the song Nick was singing the morning of their escape from the pirate attack.

Bowing her head she walked out into the sunshine and across the deck. She stopped to help sort out barrels that had toppled over and roll up excess rope and was relieved when the crew did not try and stop her. Instead, she heard softly muttered, “Thank you, Miss Jess,” or “Thank you, lassie.” And she smiled and nodded in return then decided she had stalled enough and went looking for Grayson.

She found him up on the Quarter deck looking out at the horizon behind them and he appeared deep in thought and Jess was hesitant to disturb him. Clearly sensing her he turned and she went and stood next to him with her hands on the railing and was fighting with herself and how to begin what she wanted to say without sounding like a complete mad woman, but whichever way she tried it always ended up sounding ridiculous, so she simply took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Jess, we need to talk.” Gray broke the silence. “I get the feeling there is a lot you are not telling me and you seem too afraid, but you needn’t be afraid of me, mo gra.” He reached over and placed his hand over hers and the small gesture sent ripples in her belly and made her feel warm and comfortable.

“I don’t know what you just said, but that’s why I came up here. There are things I want to tell you, but I am afraid to tell you. I don’t want secrets or half-truths between us, but sometimes the truth can be the cause of a collapse.” She looked up at him and saw how intently he was watching her and her tummy flip-flopped and she could not drag her eyes away from his.

“You have the most remarkable color eyes, Jess. Right now they are dark violet, but earlier they were a vivid shade of blue. I feel I could drown in them and die a happy man. You have a strength that is admirable and your loyalty is unblemished, but I want to share this all with you. Will you let me?” Nodding at his question, unable to speak over the lump in her throat, Gray put his arm around her shoulders and drew her close to his side and Jessie felt herself mould into his body as she wrapped her arms around his waist and they stood together looking out over the ocean, with the breeze blowing in their hair and for the first time since the attack by the pirates, Nick, and the death of Ben, Jess felt calm and relaxed.

The crew, who were up on deck, watched their Captain and the brave young lady who had saved their lives and they witnessed the exchange on the quarter-deck between them and saw for themselves the attraction and clear attachment that had already bonded them to each other. None of them could help but smile warmly and nod their heads with approval. Those of the crew who had been with Gray from the very first knew his tragic story and they all felt he deserved happiness. It certainly looked as though happiness was meandering his way after they had all but given up seeing him with a woman.

Without another word spoken Jess and Gray turned in unison from the railing and headed down the stairs. Jess felt a little self-conscious as Gray held her hand and walked in front of her down the stairs in such a gentlemanly fashion, but Jess also felt her heart swell at such gentility from such a big man.

Reaching the cabin door Gray stepped aside to allow Jess to walk in first and then turned back to Jock who was at the helm and had also taken over Billy Byrns’ position as Bosun, “Jock, please send a man down to find Mr. MacLeod and ask that he join us in our cabin please?” The use of the word ‘our’ was not lost on Jess and her tummy flip-flopped again as she pulled out the chair in front of Grays’ desk and sat down.

“How did you know I was going to ask that Willy join us?” she asked with a tilt of her head.

“He is your godfather after all and you arrived on this ship together. Or is he not really your godfather?” he frowned at Jess and sat down in his chair opposite her.

“Willy is my godfather, Gray and he has known me since birth. My mother charged him with protecting me before she left and he has done just that. He taught my brother and me how to use swords, daggers, dirks, how to make a bow and arrow and shoot with them and how to ride horses, and even how to fight while on horseback. My father taught us how to swim, sail, repair rigging, repair sails, and navigate by the stars. He taught us how to hunt, skin our kill, and make a fire on which to cook it. He taught us how to live off the land and medicinal botany.” At his questioning look, she explained, “How to, and where to, find specific plants and what to do with them for certain illnesses, injuries, or chronic problems.” Taking a deep breath she added looking him straight in the eye, “He also taught us how to be thieves.” With no reaction at all Gray sat back in his chair and laced his fingers together and rested them across his abdomen.

Just then there was a knock at the door and Gray called out and Willy entered the cabin. He looked at Jess, took a very deep breath, squared his shoulders and straightened his back, and walked forward to sit in the chair beside Jess. He leaned over and patted Jess on the knee and she looked at him and he gave a wink and a smile of encouragement while Gray sat back and watched the familiar exchange between them and felt a small amount of jealousy.

Looking up at Gray she began, “I am going to tell you a truthful story and at times it will sound fanciful and totally outlandish and I may even sound like I am mad, but Willy is here with me to make sure I get the facts straight and to be my witness to the truth as we know it. I have to begin with Benjamin MacKellie’s story so my story will be clearer.” And so Jess began their tale and watched Grays’ face closely as she spoke. He did not flinch at the mention of traveling back in time and Ben landing up in Ireland. There was no flicker of emotion when Jessie reiterated the two-hundred-year gap in time, but as soon as Jess mentioned her mother’s name, Genevieve de Clisson, and her biological father, Rourke Deaglan O’Cleirigh, his eyes narrowed and he shifted in his seat. She spoke of the Scottish highlanders that were assisted and hidden from the wrath of the British and he gave a small nod and a grim twitch of his mouth.

The biggest reaction from Gray came when she spoke of Captain Rancliff and lieutenant Daniels and his harassment at Broch de Clisson and her mother and family. Gray stood up stiffly and walked over to the crystal decanters on the round table and poured three glasses of a golden liquid and brought them over and handed Jess and Willy each a glass.

Jess held her glass in her hands just to have something to do and she looked at Willy who, in one large gulp, downed the liquid and took up the story of how they had run for their lives and managed to steal a boat and return to the watery jump site and found their way back to the ranch. He did not elaborate on how dazzled he had been with the two hundred years ahead, but he continued with how Genevieve did not fit in and chose to return when Jess was only three months old. Making Willy Jessie’s godfather and protector. Ben had got her as far as he could and she had then rowed further until she had simply vanished from sight and Ben had returned to the ranch and became a professional thief.

Sniffing the liquid in the glass Jess could not fathom what it was but her nerves were stretched as tight as a bow string so she took a big swig and felt as though liquid lava was running down her throat into her belly. To her credit, Jess did not choke or cough, but her eyes did water and her sinus passages were instantaneously cleared. She realized she had just swallowed a good amount of whiskey.

Willy spoke of how the two children were raised, confirming what Jess had already told him and even though they went to conventional schools, they were also tutored at home exactly how Genevieve had requested. Willy spoke of Ben’s incarceration and then subsequent release and how Jess had taken over the ranch and turned it into a very successful venture without Nicholas or Ben. It had been her brain child and Willy had assisted because she had begged that they not return to a life of thievery even though they all got a fabulous kick out of it. Jess felt he didn’t have to add that bit, but seeing as they were being transparent and totally honest she just went with it.

He told of the syndicate and what their role was in the story and how Nicholas had joined them and then disappeared which was why they all returned and how Madame Valeria Brossard, aka La Rue, may also be searching for Nicholas.

At the mention of La Rue Grayson nearly dropped his glass and went incredibly pale. So much so that Willy asked if he was ill. Shaking his head Gray remained tight-lipped and continued to gaze at Jessie with slightly narrowed eyes.

After a few moments of silence, Gray leaned back again in his chair and said softly, “So you are both here from two hundred years in the future to find Nicholas and help him where you can because he is family?” he frowned as he asked this and Jessie felt her stomach twist achingly, “That is not all of it, Gray.” And he raised his eyebrows.

“My birth name is Jessamine Aine O’Cleirigh.” She said hesitantly and again he raised that eyebrow and nodded and then slowly a frown deepened his brow and he looked from Willy to Jess. Standing up he walked to the door and stepped through. Jess and Willy stared at each other and he shrugged his shoulders, stood up and brought the decanter of whiskey to the table and topped up everyone’s glasses. Jess nervously gulped down another mouthful and scrunched up her face as she, once again, turned her insides into molten lava. But the alcohol was affecting her and she was starting to feel very relaxed.

Soon enough Gray returned with young Tad and his fiddle and the precious child sat on the stool as Gray nodded at him. The boy brought the fiddle up to his neck and cheek and began to give a fantastic rendition of the song that had been heard from the captains’ quarters of the pirate ship.

Gray smiled at the boy and said, “Put the words you remember to that tune please Tad.” And young Tad complied.

’What am I supposed to do, with a girl like Jesamine? Though my eyes are open wide, she makes my life a dream.

When Jesamine goes a part of me knows I’m not really living, A butterfly child so free and so wild and so full of living …’

And that was not all. Clearly, Tad had better hearing than most and he managed to sing clearly and beautifully,

’When Jesamine stays, Though time goes so fast, This is my world at last.

Beautiful days lost in her eyes, But then the whole world dies …”

After this young Tad began humming softly to the tune he was repeating and Jess closed her eyes and was too afraid to look at Gray.

Standing up Gray walked over to the boy and patted his shoulder and told him his rendition of the song he had heard from the other ship was beautiful and thanked him for sharing it with them. He then said Tad was free to go and attend to his duties. The boy stood up and smiled that toothy smile and happily walked out.

Returning to the desk and sitting heavily in his chair Gray ran his hands over his face and looked back at Jess and Willy. “I am surmising here that the song that was heard mentions your name and that it is a song from your time, or even written about you for all I know, so it would be safe to assume that the person singing on the pirate ship is from your time as well and by your separate reactions I am guessing there is more to this story?”

Knowing that there would be no easy way to say what she had to say and there would be no cushioning the blow Jess said quietly, “That song was not written for me or about me, but it was sung to me many years ago when I was a lot younger and the singer was too. The voice we heard was that of my brother, Nicholas.” Jess straightened in her chair and lifted her head and looked directly at Gray who was sitting with his eyes closed and gripping the arm rests of his chair until she heard the wood creak. His jaw was clenched and his lips a tight white line and she could see he was fighting for control. Willy sat as still as Jess and just as quietly as they waited for Gray to speak.

Getting up again Gray began pacing behind his desk and Jess watched various emotions play across his face while he processed all he had just heard. Finally, he turned back to them with a look of concern and Jess nodded slightly. He came forward and took her hands in his, “Jessie, I am so sorry that this was how you found your brother. If, indeed, Nicholas has chosen a life of piracy his days are numbered. He is clearly an amateur because he did not loot my ship and murder everyone on board as soon as I had yielded. The fact that he would only come aboard this ship at sunrise giving us, or at least you, the opportunity to effect a rescue and allowing us to overcome the pirate skeleton crew, which no self-respecting pirate would have done, was also a poor move and in turn, will create a problem for your brother as his crew would have been expecting loot to be divvied up. In all honesty, I would say your brother is up to his arse in trouble right about now.” He released her hands and walked back to his chair and sat down. “How long is it that your brother has been here? Do you know?”

“As far as we can work out he has been here no longer than six months, but no less than three.” Said Willy.

“You say you are not sure why he came here to this time, but you suspect this syndicate,” Gray narrowed his eyes at this word, “may just know what he was up to because of what La Rue said? Am I right?” and Jess and Willy nodded.

“Then why did you not join forces with this woman and let her help you?” he asked simply splaying his palms up.

Jessie replied simply, “She is not family and she was lying.”

“How do you know she was lying?” asked Gray with a frown.

Willy responded before Jess could, “Jess has an uncanny ability to tell when someone is lying. She won’t let you know that she knows you’re lying, but she will know never to trust you again and she will share this with her family.” He lifted his chin as though to dare Gray to try and contradict him.

Gray didn’t and he sat with his fingers steepled in front of him and Jess could see that he was processing and thinking deeply

“Jessie, and you too Willy, I may not understand all of what you have just told me, but I do believe you. I recognized those names you mentioned and I have a story of my own to share that will explain how I know those names and people, but it is late and I am sure you are both hungry and tired. Willy your shift on deck is the witching hour so you need to get your rest.” Gray stood up as did Jess and Willy and they turned and headed to the door. “I need time to think and process.” He said simply.

Gray then took Jessie gently by the arm and stopped her. “Jessie, please, I would like for you to use my cabin now that everyone knows you are a woman. I trust my men, but they are still men and I cannot, in all good conscience, make you sleep with them on the main deck.” Gray spoke softly, but clearly and firmly.

Jessie turned around and had every intention of informing him that she was capable of looking after herself when Willy said, “Thank you, Captain, that is very kind of you and I agree. I will feel better knowing Jess is safely in here rather than below decks when I am on my shift.”

“Don’t I get a say in this?” asked Jess bitchily with a frown on her face.

“No!” came the echoed response from both men and then Gray added, “Willy please would you ask Mr. Tora to send up a pot of whatever it is he has made to my cabin, and whatever belongs to Jess can be sent up a well. I am sure she will feel more comfortable with her belongings nearby.” Willy nodded, gave Jess a brief smile, and walked out and Jess saw that the lamps on the deck were already being lit.

Feeling too tired to argue and wary of challenging Gray Jess simply sighed and thought that if she was honest with herself, staying here in the cabin with Gray held infinitely better possibilities than sleeping in a hammock in a massive room shared by a bunch of snoring, burping and farting men. Walking over to the chaise lounge and sitting down, Jess removed her boots and stockings, and then she took off the black vest and pulled her tucked-in shirt out of the waistband of her pants, rolled up her sleeves, and fetched the book she had been reading and climbed back on the bed while Gray lit lamps in the cabin and then sat at his desk to write in the ship’s journal.

Their pot of food arrived as well as her leather satchel with her change of clothing and money purse inside, as did Rogue in a flurry of fluffy grey fur, and Gray offered to dish some food in a bowl for her and she gladly accepted the deliciously smelling offerings. Jess sat on the bed with her legs folded and the book resting between her knees reading, or trying to, and enjoying Mr. Tora’s culinary offerings and sharing little tidbits with the purring cat.

She looked up as Gray closed the journal and said her name and asked, “So your name is actually Jesamine?”

“Yes, but I never really use it. Not because I don’t like the name, but because people ask where it originates from and I cannot tell them because I don’t know.” She shrugged her shoulders and spooned another mouthful of the aromatic stew.

“Jesamine is a Persian name meaning jasmine that much I do know. Who decided on your second name? How did you say it?” he asked and Jess thought he was just trying to make conversation.

“You say it ‘Awn-yah’ and spell it A-I-N-E. I know, it is also a bit odd, but I just stick to Jessie or Jess. According to what Ben told me, my second name was given to me by Willy. Apparently, a godparent may name a child.” She said getting off the bed and stepping past Gray to dish herself up a little more food. Without warning, he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her onto his lap. Feeling a little confused she looked into his eyes as he said, “That is a very old, but very Irish, name and it means radiant. We should ask Willy why he chose that name.” He brought his lips close to her ear and nibbled lightly on the lobe and Jess thought she was going to faint as his hot lips rained kisses and he nibbled behind her ear and along her hairline.

“Gray, aren’t you angry with me? I kind of deceived you and I know it’s a lot for you to take in so I will understand if you are upset.” She said breathlessly as he continued torturing her with his little kisses down her neck and his hands running up her back and along her hips.

“No, I am not angry Jessie. I feel very bad for you and angry at your brother for being the cause of your father’s death. I knew there was something different about you from the moment I met you and I am honestly not surprised that Willy is from this time. It is the way he speaks and carries himself that made me curious about him. Ben was similar in a way, but you, you are very outspoken and have opinions and you’re very independent. I think that is what attracted me to you more than anything.” He ran his hands up and down her back as he pulled her closer and Jessie forgot about her food and turned in his lap to kiss him and once again drown in the warmth and comfort she felt from being in his arms, it felt so right and natural. She felt the two of them could conquer the world when they were together.

He put his arm under her legs and an arm around her back and stood up, stepped over to the bed, and bent to lay her down, pushing the book aside and disturbing Rogue the fluffy cat jumped off the bed and went looking for a place to rest where he would not be disturbed. Leaning over her he kissed her deeply and began unbuttoning her shirt and pulling it off her shoulders. Taking the hem of her vest he pulled that up and over her head, stopping to look at the item of clothing and feel the material between his fingers. He stood back and looked down at her. Feeling a little self-conscious about her small breasts she brought her arms up. “No, don’t hide yourself. You have the most beautiful breasts I have ever seen and they suit your tiny frame.” And he pulled her arms gently away and held them above her head as he bent down and took a rosy little nipple in his mouth and sucked and nibbled gently causing wild aching spasms in her belly muscles.

Feeling like she was going to go mad from the ecstasy of his touch Jess pulled his shirt up and over his head and saw that some of his wounds were oozing a little blood she asked if he was sore or uncomfortable to which he said that he was most definitely unaware of his injuries at present and they both giggled softly. Sitting on the side of the bed he pulled off his boots and then helped Jess out of her breeches and he stopped and stared at her boy leg underpants with a frown. “What are those?” he asked pointing and looking intrigued and confused at the same time.

Laughing she explained what they were and he tugged them off and threw them over his shoulder and they landed on his desk. He stood staring down at her with blazing green eyes and a crooked smile on his face with his wavy curls coming loose and hanging around his face. Jess reached towards him and started unbuttoning his leather pants and became short of breath when his arousal sprang out in all its masculine glory. Jess could not take her eyes off him and marvelled at his toned and muscled stomach and legs. Slowly he lowered himself beside her and his exploration of her body began in earnest. Jess did not hold back as she explored his body with soft fingertips, soft kisses, and moist tongue. Finally, she pressed him onto his back and trailed kisses down his chest and stomach. He lay completely compliant with a wistful crooked smile on his lips.

Her own lower belly muscles clenched at her arousal as she gave him pleasure and her senses were heightened as she heard him groan and squirm beneath her. At last, she reached her destination and experimentally took him in her mouth. He sucked in air through his teeth and she felt his thigh muscles tighten and she bent his knees. She felt his climax grow as she used her mouth and hands. She felt an unusual sense of power giving him pleasure that was in turn giving her pleasure. Before he reached his zenith she released him, moved up and straddled him and she smiled at his confused expression until, lifting herself above him, she reached down and placed his engorged arousal at the already slippery entrance to her throbbing sex and gently lowered herself back down on him, allowing him to glide into and fill her completely. She smiled as he closed his sparkling passion-glazed eyes, tilted his head back and a groan escape his lips and she started to move. Slowly at first, she rocked back and forth as he held her hips and then as their passion grew and as the flame flared between them she felt a wildness growing within her spurring her on. With her hands on his chest she rode him like a wild woman. Throwing her head back, his hands on her breasts she reached back and took his sensitive orbs in her hands and gently fondled and pressed and laughed softly when he gasped out loud again.

Pulling himself up he grabbed her around the waist and flipped her onto her back without missing a stroke and plunged into her without much gentleness. Jess cried out at the pleasure it brought and locking her legs at the ankles around his waist she met him thrust for thrust. Their climax was, again, a twin release as they both climbed and peaked together and held on to each other as the waves of erotic pulses overcame them. Moving together as one and soaring above the heavens they shared the eruption and the slow ebb of their climax and clung to one another for all their life was worth.

Jessie knew they had something special and she knew Gray felt it too and she prayed with all her heart that no matter what they did together or where they went, their love would be able to sustain and bring them through and back to each other.

Still joined they rolled together on their sides facing each other, legs entwined, and stared into each other’s eyes and Gray kissed the tip of her nose. “I think I am falling in love with you, Jesamine Aine O’Cleirigh.”

Jessie’s stomach clenched and her heart swelled as she said softly, “I am already madly, deeply in love with you Grayson Murphy.” He pulled her closer and kissed her warmly and passionately before saying, “Grayson Iain Murphy.”

“I like that name. It conjures romantic images in my mind.” She smiled against his chest and his arms held her closer and she felt as though she could climb into his skin.

As Jess fell asleep in his arms Gray worried about how he was going to tell her all he needed to, and honestly. He wanted nothing but honesty between them because he knew deep in his heart that she had been totally honest with him. He wanted no lies and no secrets because that would be the one thing that would cause Jess to walk away from him. He just knew it.

The unknown filled his belly with a hollow ache and he pulled her closer still and she sighed and relaxed against him as he thought of their future. What will happen after they found her brother, Nicholas, the pirate? He could tell that Jess was hurt and angry enough to cause her brother serious harm and he certainly felt the same way. Would she want to return to her time and continue with her life on the ranch that she worked so hard for? Would she stay if he asked her? Would he go, if he could, with her to her time? There were so many unanswered questions that he was certain had run through her mind too and feeling the way he did, he knew it was tearing her apart and scaring her now that they found each other. Their souls matched each other perfectly and he felt grateful that he lived a life where he experienced this and held it close to his heart.

He look drowsily down at her sleeping face and marveled at her tiny frame and beautiful face, haloed by silky, yet wild hair. Even with the bruising and the injury that was sure to leave a scar she was beautiful. He had noticed that she had a few scars on her body and he made a mental note to ask her about them before he finally drifted off to sleep holding his life in his arms and knowing he would be fully prepared to shield this woman with his body and blood.