Hurdles - Cindy (Book 2)

The day for the meeting finally arrived and it was to be held at Elias’ parents place, well initially we are the ones that called for the meeting so I didn’t see the reason why we had to do it at my mother’s.

I travelled to Lusaka a day before and spent the night at mum’s, I didn’t have to explain to her what had been happening in my house because I had been very upfront with her all along. The day of the meeting I explained my position, I told her I was done with Elias and the only thing that I wanted was for him to at least offer support to the kids. Not that I couldn’t provide for them but they were both our children after all.

I wasn’t at all surprised when we went for the meeting only to find Elias with his entire family waiting for us, when it was just Mum and I from my side. That was one of the days that I appreciated the importance of a father figure in one’s life because of how we were received, if I must be raw we were treated like animals.

Elias had already brain washed them into believing that the reason why he had walked out of our matrimonial home was because he had caught me with another man, his people went on to explain that I was a prostitute and any other man in their right mind would also leave me.

‘I am not interested in getting back with Cindy, I can do much better than her.’ He had said shocking my mother

I wasn’t at all surprised at his words but what was shocking was that these people had not called for this meeting and yet they were in the forefront talking without according us an audience, I mean if they had something to say wouldn’t it have been better for them to call for the meeting?

He went on to say that he would give me the papers for our matrimonial home on condition that I signed to say I would never claim anything from him. It was absurd, this man took me for a fool, I bluntly refused to sign any papers and I dragged my mother out of their house. On top of what I had already gone through with Elias in my life I felt humiliated to be treated like that by his people. Mum never said a word, I guess she didn’t know the depth of what I had been going through and now it was just hitting her. What was heart breaking was to hear Elias’ mother say to our face how she knew from the beginning that this marriage would crumble.

One thing was clear I was on my own, I had always been and I would have to fight this to the very end. I went back home and I told myself I would ask for grace from God to accept all this, yes Elias and I had our good moments but that was just about it. We were done, it was over and done with and there was nothing I could do that would make things any better. I told myself instead of praying and fasting for him to come back to his senses, I would pray that I receive healing. That I got over everything I had ever been through.

I started slowly, with affirming to myself that I was stronger than I thought I was, if I was able to put up with all the things Elias had made me go through then I would as well heal from the broken heart and I would eventually let go of all the bitterness.

It wasn’t the easiest decision I have ever made but it was one of the wisest, I was easy on myself. Some days I fell and cried and broke down but I picked myself up, there was no way I was going to allow this anger to take the best of me. I started to search within me again for the things that once made me happy, I read books, I watched documentaries, I went for seminars. I was on fire to find myself and without even knowing it; my self-esteem began to rebuild itself. I worked on my skin, all the dark patches that Elias’ hands had left I was getting rid of. When all this was going well I decided it was time to talk to Elias concerning the kids because I didn’t want him to wake up one day and accuse me of keeping them away from him but like the big headed person that he is, he only had pride.

He said I should have known better than to try and make him change, honestly I was getting tired of all this talk and I was almost tempted to cut the line until he said something else.

‘Cindy you are nothing but a simple thief; a gold digger out to get my wealth, I took you to school with my money for you to make something out of your life but you put your papers away because you just wanted to depend on me. I was waiting for this day to come, when you would call me because I know you are nothing without me. You can never sit on the same table as me to make decisions because you are not even close to being as intelligent as I am.’

All this while I listened, this is a man I had been married to. I couldn’t believe I had gotten so used to his words that they no longer hurt me.

‘I know you are trying to use the kids when in actual sense it’s you who wants to come back to me, now when you are ready to beg for my forgiveness we can talk. I will take you back on my own terms, if anything has to be done it has to be on my terms not yours. if I say jump you will ask how high, I am your master and my word is law if you can't do this then you can't keep me as a husband, you can't keep a man, you are a useless thief trying to reap were you did not sow.’

He continued to belittle me with his words, I couldn’t even hear anything any longer because it just became noise to my ears. And then it hit me, this man had stopped loving me a long time ago. It's me who had remained loving him, my love for him was bigger than his love for me. Even God forgives if you ask truthfully from your heart, he even promises that even though your sins are as red as Scarlett he will wash you as white as snow and here we are in this day and age Elias asking me to beg him as if he was the son of God.

This is how my epiphany continued; I purposed myself, I was going to make myself better. I was going to be everything I wanted to be and more. I was not going to die bitter and broken.

Before being a mother and a wife I was going back to being me. I had gotten so lost in building a home when I was breaking myself, I mean I couldn’t even recognize who I was anymore. I was going to live my life, I was going to free myself from the Elias shackles, I was going to fall in love with loving myself without holding back. Because sixteen years was such a long time to live for an ungrateful man.

And I cut my hair, letting go of a part of me that reminded me of him. Hair that I had kept long all these years because he loved to see it like that, or maybe because it was easier to pull it whenever he hit me. I changed my wardrobe too, I removed all the bad clothes and got new ones ...I was going to look my age - in my thirties and not the grandmother I had turned myself into. I was risen, from my ashes like a Phoenix.

..

Your Friend and Author

Winnie

🌺