Hurdles - Cindy (Book 2)

I was determined to leave, I had three babies that needed me to be sane for them and no matter how good being married seemed this is not how I had imagined my life to play out. So the following morning I waited for him to prepare and go for work, as soon as he was off I went in to prepare my babies and by the time he was going back home I was in lusaka at my mum’s place.

I found her sitting outside and immediately she saw me, she stood up and got the babies. She worriedly asked me what the problem was and once we were settled inside I told her everything I was going through without holding back.

Mum has always been serious about education, and that is why when she told me that I wasn’t educated to just sit home I wasn’t surprised. She insisted I had the ability, skills and papers to work and look after myself and the babies.

I couldn’t respond because everything she was saying was the truth, I just sat there and cried my eyes out wondering why I had let myself go that much.

I stayed with mum for three days before Elias came to talk to mum saying he wanted me to go back home with him. He had come with his mum and they pleaded for me to go back promising he would change and things would eventually improve but I should have known better because my mother in-law was talking behind my back saying how ungrateful I was to walk away from her son. She claimed he was doing enough as a man because other men wouldn’t even build for their wives and children, she said a lot of mean things that I only got to find out later.

I listened, I was willing to give him another chance because of how he had come out.

Little did I know that things would only get worse. One time after returning home with him; I had run out of Lactogen for the twins and my breasts were not producing enough milk, they were hungry and there was nowhere I was going to get the money to get them the milk. They continued to cry and if I didn’t do anything quick they would get sick and that is how I bought fresh milk and made them drink. Little did I know that it was going to give them a terrible diarrhea to the point of dehydration.

I rushed them to the mine hospital where I was lucky to find a pediatrician who was willing to help only if I told her what I had done to the children. I explained that I had fed them fresh milk only because I had run out of lactogen and I couldn’t give them porridge because they were still young to stomach hard foods. She asked about my husband too and I explained my situation at home, what she couldn’t understand was why an engineer earning K7,000.00 a month would not provide for his children.

She treated them and asked me to find a job and talk to my husband too because if something like that happened again she would call him.

I started job hunting, if anything that situation had been a serious eye opener and I wasn’t just going to sit around. I finally got a job as an administrative officer with a mining contractor, my first salary was a K2,500.00 and I was more than happy because then I would start looking after my children better.

With the new job, I started meeting my own needs and got a maid to look after the kids. By this time they had all grown and were enrolled in school.

I was doing fine and I was feeling good about myself and it is this same time that Elias started complaining. From his complaints it’s like he didn’t want me to work or even look good.

One weekend he found me home after he had knocked off from work, I was wearing a dress that I had just bought for myself. It fit really well and the color complimented my complexion and for the life in me I was hoping that he would like it. I was in the kitchen when he came back, he walked passed me the first time, second and then third and it was only then that he talked to me.

‘Where are you going?’ He had asked

‘No where.’ I responded without minding him because I thought it was one of those questions

‘So why are you dressed like that?’

It was only then that I turned to look at him because his words and tone of voice had gotten my attention.

‘Elias I have already mentioned that I am not going anywhere.’ I said looking at him

I was about to move when he slapped me, I was too stunned to react because this is the first time he had laid his hands on me. I just went to the bedroom and changed into the usual baggy clothes I was used to wearing. I couldn't understand why he always wanted me underdressed when I was looking dirty and older than my age, he rejoiced in looking down at me and God knows those were red flags - at this point am beginning to ask myself if red was ever my favorite color because I tolerated so much.

What I didn’t know was that; that would be the beginning of gender based violence in my life and I welcomed it by not doing anything about it. Times without number I foolishly told myself that he was beating me because he loved me. My body has always been chubby and so it was hard for people to tell when I was swollen, even I would have to pay close attention to see it.

At every opportunity my husband would strangle me till I choked; he would say submit and I will stop beating you, what he never learnt was that anyone who is treated right willingly submits. Some matters we were fighting about were not matters of submission but discussion and agreement but he would say he was the head of the house and boss; therefore, even when he made a mistake, he wanted me to just watch. If I dared say anything he would talk from evening to morning repeating the same thing over and over again expecting me to pay attention.

By the time I was having my fourth child; being beaten by him had become normal even so in full view of my young children and I accepted by keeping it to myself and not asking for help.

..

Your Friend and Author

Winnie

🌺