Hunter's Secret

Titus’ POV

When I wake up in the morning, Ash is sprawled out like a starfish on the bed. Her silvery hair is spread all over her pillow and she is sound asleep. I don’t want to wake her, but I am also hungry, so I get up quietly and sneak out to the kitchen. I start a pot of coffee; I am going to need it today since yesterday afternoon and last night’s activities did not include very much sleeping. I had Raine stay over with Miss Sarah because I didn’t need to traumatize her. She will come back this evening.

I can’t help but feel a pang of guilt. Ash was not part of my plan. None of this was part of my plan. I touch my hand to my scarred mark and my thoughts drift to Lillian. I hope she is happy now. I hope she found someone else who could treat her better than I could. A part of me, albeit a smaller part now, still loves her. I know it has been six years since I met her, and I haven’t seen her in five years, but she was made for me. She was mine. Was. I sigh deeply and run my other hand through my hair. I thought ‘was’ this time. Past tense. I am interrupted from my thoughts by an icy hand on my arm.

“I know I am not her,” Ash softly spoke.

“I don’t want you to be,” I respond. We stand in silence, but it doesn’t feel bad. It actually feels reassuring, “How did you know I was thinking about her?”

“You always touch your mark when you think about her. I am sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“She still hurts you.”

I sigh and pour myself a cup of coffee before heading to sit down on the couch. Ash follows me, sans the coffee. I set my cup down on the side table and turn to face Ash.

“I can’t help it, Ash.”

“Can you explain it to me?”

“What part?” I ask.

“Any part? All the parts? Whatever you want to tell me, I want to understand how this is for you.”

I offer her a small smile which she returns, “The mate bond is complicated. When a wolf meets their fated mate, they are instantly drawn to each other. Like there is an invisible thread that has always tied them together, but they can see where the other end leads to now. The wolf side of you is ecstatic to find its other half too. The pull to each other is extremely strong and trying to ignore it once you have met them, will physically hurt to not be near them. The sparks that happen when you touch your mate’s skin are the best feeling in the whole world. Which is why so many fated mates quickly mark each other.”

Ash nods in understanding and I continue, “When mates mark each other, they are even more connected. They can feel each other’s emotions, sense their pain, calm each other down, heal each other, and sometimes hear the other’s thoughts. When half of a mated pair dies, the grief is more than just normal grief. Half of their soul is gone. This is why many widowed wolves either kill themselves or die from the heartache.”

I take a deep breath, trying to steady my breathing, “When a wolf is rejected after being marked by their mate, their mark turns into a scar, this only happens to rejected marked wolves, and they typically follow the same fate as a widowed wolf.”

“So, why didn’t you?”

“Because I had you. And Raine. You kept me alive.”

She gives me a sympathetic smile, “So, why does she still impact you so much?”

“Because she was my other half. A part of me died when she left. The pain was so overwhelming that I lost count of how many times I blacked out on my way home that day. That isn’t something you ever get over. You learn how to deal with the pain, but it never goes away. A part of me will always love her even though I know she does not feel the same.”

“Do you regret anything you did with me?”

“No,” I say firmly, “but I do feel a little guilty. I can’t explain it. I am sorry, Ash.”

She scoots closer to me and places her hands on the sides of my face, and my entire resolve crumbles. She wipes my tears away with her thumbs, not moving her hands away from my face. I feel defeated. She lets go of my face and moves herself into my lap, wrapping her legs around my sides and her arms around my neck. She lays her head on my shoulder, and I wrap my arms around her and lower my head to rest by hers. We sit that way for a long time.

Sitting back, her eyes meet mine again, “You don’t have to apologize, Titus. I won’t understand it all but I love you so I will try.”

“I love you too, Ash,” I surprised myself by my confession, but it is true. I do love her. It is a different kind of love than the love I had with Lillian, but it feels good and that scares me a little.

“How long?”

I blink, confused by her question.

“How long have you felt this way, Titus?”

“Since you and Raine made the picnic for me on my 22nd birthday.”

“Two years? Really?”

“Yes. But you made it very very hard to not do something sooner,” I honestly tell her.

“Do you feel sparks with me?”

“No,” I say, and her face falls a little, “but you make me feel safe.”

“You make me feel safe, too,” she smiles at me, and I smile back, trying to choke down an anxious thought. I fail miserably and she notices right away and just looks at me expectantly.

“Please, don’t leave me,” I beg, my voice cracking.

“I am right here. I am not going anywhere,” she assures me.

“Lillian said that too.”

“I am not her, Titus. I have already seen all of the parts of you, the good and the bad, and I am still right here. I am not leaving. I don’t know that I could have actually made myself leave in the first place. Even before I kissed you. I have slowly fallen in love with you and whether you like it or not, you are going to be in my life.”

“I do like it, very much.”

She laughs at me before leaning in to kiss me, but this kiss is different; this kiss is love.

***Five Years Later***

Ash and I decided to keep up appearances so as much as I craved her body in my bed, we knew that she would become a target if she moved in. I know she can protect herself, probably even better than I can, but still, I don’t want to give anyone a bigger reason to hate my pack. Accepting a witch into your pack is apparently illegal but being in a relationship with one? Unheard of.

And Raine, my sweet little girl is not so little anymore. She is thirteen now. Thirteen is hard for her and it is certainly hard for me.

“Go away! I don’t want to talk to you!” Raine screams as she locks her door.

Let’s just say that my attempt to make her feel normal about getting her period for the first time was not exactly successful. I got a call from the school that Raine needed to come home early today. I picked her up from school and I could tell she had been crying. She bled through her pants and was completely and utterly embarrassed. I tried to explain that it was normal and that she shouldn’t be embarrassed but that only made her more upset.

This is one of those times that I desperately wished she had a human mom who could explain these things to her. I never had a sister and Lillian was pregnant for a while but when she miscarried, the stress stopped her cycle too. I have never had to actually deal with this before, so I tried to prepare myself by researching and reading about it. But as much as I tried, I don’t think I said a single right thing the entire time. She just kept saying that she didn’t want to talk about it and eventually locked herself in her room.

“I am leaving to go to the store! I will be right back,” I yell down the hallway. There is no response. I quickly ran to the store and picked up several kinds of feminine hygiene products. I don’t know what kind is the right kind, so I just grab five different ones. I know from personal experience that hydrogen peroxide works really well to get blood stains out of clothes, so I got another container of that too. I get back to the house and quietly knock on Raine’s door.

“Rainey, can you please open your door? I have something for you,” I softly ask.

I hear the lock click and hear her get back on her bed, so I quietly open the door. I set the bags down in her room and the rustling of the plastic caused her to look up, only for her eyes to go immediately wide and she covered her face with her hands.

“Rainey, I know this doesn’t feel okay right now, but I am here for you. I won’t pretend to know what you are going through but I am right here for whenever you do want to talk about things.”

She gets up from her bed and surprisingly gives me a hug. I hugged her and rubbed her back.

“I am sorry for yelling at you, dad. You are the best dad in the world.”

“It’s okay. You are the best daughter in the world, and we will figure this out together. Do you want me to wash your clothes from earlier?”

“No!” she exclaims, “Maybe, yes? I don’t know.”

She starts crying again and grabs my shirt with her fists. I just hold her, trying to be comforting. She eventually sniffles out a thank you.

“Why don’t you give me your clothes from earlier and I will clean them up while you take a shower? And then we can go out and talk?”

She nods and hands me her clothes, not looking at me. She showers and I work on getting the blood stains out. I mentally face-palm myself for not seeing this coming. She has been acting differently for a few months now, but I didn’t really question it. I have never been a dad before and I am not a human and I am definitely not a girl. I have no idea what I am doing most of the time, I am just trying to be everything my dad was not.

I throw her clothes in the washer after I get most of the blood out and go and sit on the couch. She comes out a while later and looks more like herself. She comes over to the couch and sits on my lap, something she has not done for a while. I don’t complain and just hold her. I hope she knows how much I love her.

“Dad?”

“Yes?”

“I am sorry for yelling at you. You were just trying to help.”

“You already apologized. It is really okay, baby. Do you want to talk?”

I can feel her nod her head, “I already know about periods. I learned about it in health class. Thank you for getting me what I needed and for getting me from school. I just feel so emotional and crazy right now.”

“It’s okay. I know. I will do whatever you need me to do. Always. I will never leave you to figure things out by yourself. I will never leave you.”

“I know. I love you too. Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Why are you by yourself? Why do I not have a mom too?”

I swallowed, caught off guard by her question. She has never really asked these kinds of questions before, and my vague answers seem to have kept her happy until now.

“You know we celebrate our birthdays together because I met you on my birthday. When I met you, you were scared and hurt. Ash helped you heal because you were scared of me for a while.”

“Yeah, I know that. I know you are not my biological dad. But you are my dad in every other way," she pauses and I squeeze her a little tighter and she continues, "So, um, in my class last week, I learned that werewolves have a mate. Where is your mate?”

All of the students take classes to learn about their peers. Witches, wolves, and humans experience life differently but I wanted to make sure that everyone could learn about everyone so that no one would feel excluded.

I move her hand up to my neck and she runs her fingers over my scar.

“This is a mark. Something only your mate can give you. My mate was heartbroken after our baby died and she never was herself again. She decided to reject me and left which is why my mark is scarred now.”

“You had a baby?”

“Yes, but she died before she was big enough to be born. It crushed Lillian and I. Lillian was grieving and depressed and I tried to help her, but she was hurting too much. We were both eighteen. We were so young,” I explain, trying my best to not cry.

“I am sorry, daddy,” she states. I haven’t heard her call me daddy in a long time either. Even though she is a teenager now, she is still my little girl. Maybe this growing up thing will be okay.

I move her so she can look at my face, “You have nothing to apologize for. That was a long time ago. I met you about a year later. You are perfect in every way. I wasn’t ready to be a dad then either, but you reached out for me, and I couldn’t say no. I know I am not a perfect parent and I know I do things that make you mad and upset but I hope you know that everything I do comes from a place of unconditional love.”

“I do know that. I know you love me. I am glad I chose you to be my dad. I wouldn’t choose anyone else.”

She gives me a smile before laying her head back down on my shoulder. I hugged her a little tighter. She has no idea how glad I am that she chose me too.