Humans Bite Back

I didn’t need to take the elevator; I was granted direct access to Hell on this occasion. Instead of parting doors, I emerged from a shaded wood. Hell was even better than I had remembered; the grass was greener, the sky was bluer, and the temperature was just right.

I spotted Felix standing on the sidelines as the rest of his order gathered around The Supreme Mother, appearing to taunt her.

“We don’t have wine,” one wizard declared, “Only beer is served in hell.”

“No wine?” cried in distraught, “What kind of place is this?”

“The kind of place that offers cocoa but skimps out on tiny marshmallows to top it off with,” another warlock chimed in before breaking into a cackle when he saw the expression of sheer horror on the witch’s face.

“You think that’s bad,” another warlock piped up, not wanting to be left out of the fun, “Wait until you take a soak in one of our hot tubes.”

“What happens when you do?” The Supreme Mother dared to inquire, “Does all of all of your skin fall off?”

“Worse,” another warlock sneered, “The heating elements burn out, and the water grows cold.”

Felix looked surprised to see me as I drew up next to him. “It seems like your order found a little piece of heaven in hell after all,” I quipped.

“Bishop, why in the world are you here?” he queried me. I displayed my now spotless palms as I said, “The high witch cut me with a laced blade.”

“Perhaps witnessing her torment can serve as your retribution,” the wizard commented.

“Fantastic,” I said, rubbing my hands together, “When will the punishment begin?”

Felix gestured to the warlocks teasing the high witch, “You’re looking at it, but it won’t go on for much longer. I told the boys to wrap it up before dinner.”

“What?” I fumed, feeling indigent, “That is all that will happen, a bit of bullying before a meal? What about all the horrible things she has done? Where is the justice?”

“Take a look around you,” Felix scoffed, expanding his hands, “What did you expect?”

I took a long gaze around at the rolling hills, bright sky, absence of a burning sun, and the lopsided volleyball nets. There were no screams for mercy, nor any lakes of fire for swimming.

“Seems as if the humans had gotten most of the details all wrong, except for the hounds; they got that one right,” I commented as I watched a Dachshund run around in circles with a large stick in its mouth, urging people to reward it with applause and adoration.

The entire scene threw cold water on my desire for retaliation. It seemed peaceful, a carefree existence. Nobody was rushing; nobody was concerned about the time, and no one seemed to be in any pain, just slightly annoyed.

“This isn’t a place to dole out vengeance,” Felix said, “It’s a place for reflection and acceptance.”

“I think I can suffer those consequences,” I said, after taking a moment to absorb what he was saying.

“And you will get to suffer them,” Felix said, then added, “One day.”

I was taken aback by the last part. “What do you mean? I’m here now,” I pointed out to him.

“Yes, but you still have choices, and I’m afraid this decision isn’t up to you,” Felix sounded wise when he said this, but I was quick to point out the fallacy in his logic, “But if I’m not the one who decides then it’s not a choice, is it?”

“You have not yet run out of options, which means that you still belong with the living,” Felix attempted to reason with me. “Sometimes events in your will be out of your control; the real choice is in how you decide to persevere.”

I crossed my arms over my chest to display my displeasure, “It hardly seems fair that I have to go back after everything that I’ve done.”

“Unfortunately, responsibility is the only reward for a job well done,” Felix said, offering me a comforting pat on the back, “I am afraid that your work isn’t done, and you must go back.”

“Can’t someone else handle it and just let me be?” I whined. I knew I sounded like a petulant child, but the only time I had felt at peace had been during my time spent in hell, and I wasn’t ready to relinquish that tranquility.

“Once all that The Grand Supremes have done is brought to light, the magical world will enter a new era, and you will play a role in the transition…one day.”

I threw up my hands, “Why is it always, “One day,” what’s the matter with now? What am I supposed to do while I am waiting for my time to come?”

Felix placed a hand on the top of my head, “Just be a young warlock, and make plenty of mistakes. Live a life where you find a picture in the cracks of a sidewalk.”

“I’m afraid to return,” I admitted, “Things will never be the same.”

“That isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” Felix assured me as he pivoted and placed a hand on my back, ushering me to The Great Oak.

The bark parted as if to welcome me, and though I was reluctant, I crossed the threshold. Once inside the elevator, I noticed that the glowing button with the arrow had been removed.

Felix reached over and pressed a button that had appeared on his side of The Great Oak, “Enjoy your final ride,” he told me as the doors slid closed.

The ride wasn’t fast-paced, but I had no time to contemplate what had just happened. When the elevator finally came to a halt and the doors opened, resurrecting was as easy as simply opening my eyes.

Death had one major plus, the absence of pain. As soon as I came to, the aches and pains returned with full force. My joints were swollen, my hands felt raw where The Supreme Mother had cut me; though they were no longer bleeding, the wounds appeared red and angry. I cradled the back of my head like a lightning bolt of seeing pain zipped back and forth between my ears. I almost couldn’t believe that Felix thought this was something worth missing.

I grunted as I rolled over to hoist myself onto my hands and knees, which brought only new agony; I felt as if I were kneeling on a pair of rusty nails.

Though I lost my breath a couple of times and was sure that I would pass out at one point, I managed to get back onto my feet.

Now that the storm was over and the sun was shining once again, I could spot my abandoned sneaker, half-buried in the mud.

I retrieved my shoe and scraped out the mud, I thought it felt unpleasant when I forced the shoe onto my foot, but I decided to wear it anyway. The only parts of my body that had managed to escape unscathed were the pads of my feet, and I intended to keep it that way.

I knew I was a mess, and though all my impulses pleaded with me to go home, my feet had developed a mind of their own and pointed in the direction of the fairgrounds.

My body squealed and threatened to fail, a series of unlikely scenarios flashed through my mind, each having a bad outcome, but my gut ignored them as it urged me to continue to follow my feet.

The Silverdale County Fair often played horrible music and an assault to the ears, so I was relieved to hear that it had been drowned out by the chaos that ensued.

Screams erupted, tires squealed, and the horns of impatient humans honked as they waited in line to exit the fairgrounds. Fortunately for me, there was no line to wait in at the gate, and I was afforded free entry due to the unattended ticket counter.

I passed through an arch constructed of hay bales and was treated to a glorious sight. I had to pause to drink it all in and catch my breath before proceeding.

Several felines leaped from table to table, knocking drinks out of patron’s hands, scratching those who didn’t oblige while comprising gangs to protect the others from humans who had taken up arms. Even the wolves had joined in the fun, though most of them were busy scouring the ground for abandoned hot dogs.

I spotted the Grandmasters, who were laughing as they cast out the levitation spell we had learned. Though they had not yet been able to send cups hovering into the air, they seemed just as satisfied with tipping the drinks over.

“Hey, man,” I breathed as I clapped a hand on Kenny’s shoulder and leaned on him for support. Kenny glanced at me, then his eyes widened, and he was forced to take a second look. “Bishop, you look terrible,” he exclaimed.

“It’s my insides reflecting outward,” I told him. Bryce had paused in what he was doing so he could join us. “Bishop, you look like you dug yourself out of a grave,” he commented.

“Well, I don’t care about how you look,” Jacob said, coming around to my side and looping my arm around his shoulder to offer extra support. “I’m just glad you’re alive.”

“And there’s no better time for it,” I told him, attempting to grin as I said it, but my face hurt too much. I scanned the crowd, “I just wanted to see how things were going here,” I turned to Kenny, “I should get over to the crematorium and see how Finn and Dr. Briggs are fairing.”

“They got the message and came right over after Dr. Briggs sent the Leviathan packing,” Kenny scanned the grounds, “I can’t tell which cat is your Aunt Finn, but Dr. Briggs is over there guarding the drink dispensers.”

My eyes shifted to the direction in which Kenny’s finger indicated and saw a large silverback wolf baring his teeth at anyone who dared to come near. As Dr. Briggs ran off another patron who had dared to venture too close, Edna had been passing by; she halted long enough to toss Dr. Briggs the remainder of his hotdog, then reached over and treated him to a scratch behind the ears. As I watched the two of them, I thought I understood what Felix had meant by finding the picture in the cracks on the sidewalk.

Feeling comforted by finding my friends and family still in upright positions, I allowed my head to bob so my chin could rest on my chest. I believed that I would rest my eyes for a moment, but I began snoring even before I had entirely lost consciousness.