Humans Bite Back

I yelped and turned to fend off my attacker and found myself only fighting air. It took me a moment to realize that I was no longer in the energy drink factory but outdoors.

“What happened?” I wondered aloud as I touched upon the prominent bump on the back of my head and quickly recoiled when I realized my hair was sticky with some type of fluid.

I didn’t remember much past freeing Finn. I certainly didn’t know how I wound up outside, standing in front of The Great Oak, but I didn’t have time to ponder. I had to get back to town and find Finn and Kenny.

I gathered myself, prepared to trek back when a voice above me said, “Psst, hey you, up here.”

I gazed up into the branches of The Great Oak and saw only bushes of leaves. “Look closely,” the voice above me insisted. I knew better than to listen to disembodied voices but found myself obeying anyway. I immediately regretted my mistake.

Before I had a chance to react, a mass of orange and white fur dropped onto my face. Fluff filled my mouth, and the cat’s hind legs were clawing wildly at my neck as they did their best to find a sturdy resting place.

I seized the cat, intending to dislodge it, but this proved difficult. The cat sank its claws into my temples, causing me agony when I attempted to remove it.

I gripped the cat’s paws with both hands and pressed the pads of its feet. The cat reacted by retracting its claws long enough to remove it from my face. Once I had the cat in both hands, I tossed it to the ground.

Blood poured from my temples, but I had no time to assess the damage because the cat rebounded from the grass and resumed its attack. I threw up my hands to cover my face, not realizing the creature had been aiming for my gut.

The wind was knocked out of me, and I fell to the ground. Reactively, I forfeited my facial protection in favor of catching myself to soften the blow. As my bottom touched the ground, the feline retreated to my knee propping its tail end in the air as it prepared to leap again.

I reached out to grasp it by the back of its neck, but he dodged my attempts by twisting away. So that I couldn’t try again, he seized my hand with both sets of claws and held on for dear life. I fought the impulse to tear him away, knowing that I would only be doing more damage. I looked to The Great Oak and had an inspired Idea.

I gripped the cat with my other hand, ensuring that I had a firm hold on it as I struggled to get back onto my feet. My feline foe took offense. His tiny feline brain must have identified my opposite hand as the greater threat because he relinquished the hand he had triumphed to battle the new enemy.

I winced as his claws sank into the skin between my thumb and forefinger, but I resisted reacting as I approached The Great Oak. I touched upon the bark with my now bloody hand, intending to toss the violent furball into the recesses of the tree, but when the bark parted, my plan was foiled.

I had expected the empty nest of my childhood playhouse to be revealed, but instead, The Great Oak presented me with a dark red velvet interior and a carpeted floor. The cat I was holding lost interest in my hand as it turned to gaze with interest.

Cat still in hand, I entered The Great Oak, hoping the tree offered me something that would aid me in my mission, but to my disappointment, it was just a plain room with rather ugly carpeting. I turned, thinking I would toss the cat aside on my way out, but the bark slid closed, followed by a sharp dinging sound.

Confused, I touched upon the bark, urging it to release me, but the bark remained stubbornly sealed. A small light bubbled from a knot within the tree, it lit up, and I saw there was a tiny arrow, pointing downward, painted on the bubble. The bubble began flashing, and that was when I realized that it was a button.

Though I was reluctant to push the button, the alternative was staying put, in a red room, with a murderous feline, so with the tip of my finger, I reached over and pressed the button.

The floor beneath my feet buckled slightly before it began to sink, taking me along for the ride. My heart thumped against my chest, but before I was thrown into a full-scale panic attack, I reminded myself, “This is just a dream, soon enough, I will wake up, and all will be well.”

Suddenly, the floor came to an abrupt stop, bouncing slightly as it did. Another sharp ding rang out, and the bark in front of me parted to reveal what could only be described as paradise.

The cat in my hand fought itself free and pounced upon the lush green grass. A man dressed in robes and a pointed hat turned as if he had heard the feline approach from behind. “Ah, Tom, Your back,” the warlock cried as he reached down to pat the now-dormant feline on the head. The warlock glanced up and saw me standing in the open doorway of The Great Oak. He turned and called over his shoulder, “Hey boys, Bishop has arrived.”

Startled at hearing my name, I retreated into The Great Oak. Terrified that I had walked into another trap, I began to push the button, hoping to reverse the transfer. I lay my free hand on the clothed wall when nothing happened, hoping to connect with the oak as I had the rocks.

I had been so focused on my escape I had not noticed that the Warlock who had greeted the cat had approached the oak. “That button is worthless,” the warlock informed me, “We just thought it would add to the experience.”

I looked up and saw that the Warlock was looming at the door. “We don’t have much time, Bishop; why don’t you come out here and meet the others?”

Though I didn’t trust the warlock, I obeyed because I didn’t have much choice. When I emerged from the safety of The Great Oak, I saw that a table had been erected, other warlocks had gathered, and were enjoying an abundance of food and drinks.

“What is this place?” I asked the warlock who was leading me to the table. “Hell,” he said simply, “We are in hell.”

“Hell? The place that the humans invented,” I gazed around the place, there were no pits of lakes of lava, no screaming unless you counted the excited whoops from the group of people who were playing volleyball in the distance.

“It’s a pretty nice place; why does it terrify the humans so?” I asked as I accepted the seat at the table when the warlock offered it to me.

“It beats me,” the warlock said as he seized a mug, and it automatically filled with a golden liquid. “What is the difference between heaven and hell?” I continued to quiz him; though I knew my questions were a waste of time, I knew I couldn’t leave without satisfying my curiosity.

“They pour wine in heaven and serve beer in hell,” the warlock told me.

“The difference is beverage preference. What about those who don’t drink alcohol?”

“We lost the cola wars, so we only have Pepsi,” the warlock told me, “Would you like one?”

I nodded eagerly; my battle with the cat had left me parched. The warlock sat a glass in front of me, which immediately was filled with bubbling brown liquid.

I took a sip; it was neither warm nor terribly cold. “Do you think I can have a couple of cubes of ice?” I ventured.

“No ice either, I’m afraid,” another warlock at the table piped up. “Heaven has an abundance of ice, too much actually, Heaven’s patrons are always complaining about slipping on loose cubes.”

We were joined by another warlock, this one taking the seat at the head of the table. “We didn’t bring you here to discuss heaven and hell, Bishop, but what is happening on earth,” As the elder warlock seated himself, he said, “I am Felix, and I see you have become acquainted with my order.”

The new addition seemed oddly familiar; then it suddenly occurred to me where I had seen him before. I gasped as my hands flew up to my face, “You’re The Lost Chapter,” I exclaimed.

My revelation was met with a chorus of groans. “We prefer to be called The Order of The Felix; that “Lost Chapter” story was a ruse to cover up the warlock genocide committed by the factions following the orders of The Grand Supremes,” Felix huffed.

“Well, they failed; there are still plenty of warlocks,” I told him confidently.

“Genocide does not always require death,” Felix stated, giving me a pointed look.

I recalled the vision I had and what The Supreme Mother had ordered shortly after the final member of their order had fallen. “The curse of the warlocks,” I gasped, coming to the realization that it had not been a dream, but a peek into the past.

The elder warlock nodded, “Yes, she rid the world of us and crippled the magic of all future warlocks, but I had anticipated her end game and cast a counteractive spell.”

“It was your spell that prevented me from being bound,” I said, “But why me, out of all the warlocks, why did you choose me?”

“If I could have chosen someone more capable, I would have,” Felix confessed, “But it was a blood-bound spell, so only the next male born of my direct bloodline could be spared.”

Though I was sure that the wizard had just insulted me, I was too intrigued to care. “Why would The Grand Supremes order warlock genocide? Better yet, why would the other factions participate?”

“The Grand Supremes wanted power, not just over the witches, but to gain all the power the witching community had to offer. As you well know, when a witch passes, her power is equally distributed among their coven. The Grand Supremes reasoned that if all the covens were abolished, then they would possess all of the magic,” Felix explained.

“It sounds a bit greedy,” I commented.

“Yes, it is,” Felix agreed, “Witches were never good with greed; I suppose that The Supreme Mother had allied with the Leviathan to help them execute their plan. The Leviathan race is cunning, slick and to never be underestimated.”

“Is that why The Supreme Mother ordered your execution because you had learned about their partnership with the Leviathan?” I pressed.

“I had discovered their plan, and like a fool, I had confronted the high witches; after that, they hunted us like animals,” Felix leaned in, “You see, witches are unable to inherit warlock magic, so they had everything to gain and nothing to lose by getting rid of us,” Felix shrugged, “I suppose I would have done the same if I had aspirations to rule the world.”

“The Grand Supremes have a heavy influence over the witching community, so I understand why the witches partook, but why the other factions? What did they have to gain?” I asked, still feeling perplexed by their role in this horrific event.

“The Grand Supreme launched a campaign against the warlocks, using an ancient vampire technique called “gossip,” which is nasty business but very effective. Soon enough, all the factions were convinced that we were their enemy and were happy to oblige.”

“That was all it took to convince them, just a little hearsay?” I didn’t understand why this shocked me; this had happened plenty of times throughout human history. I guess it was because I always assumed that the magical community was somehow immune to propaganda. I was just learning how wrong I could be.

“Words have power; that is why we bother to master language,” Felix stated as if he were quoting someone else.

If I could have, I would have remained and listened all day, but Finn and Kenny were still in trouble, so I decided to encourage the wizard to get to the point.

“As fascinating as this all is, what does that have to do with what is happening now? I informed him that the Grand Supremes were not after the witches; they had infected the humans with free energy drinks,” I informed him.

“The humans are not their targets; they are simply weapons of war,” the wizard scoffed, he pressed a finger against my already beaten and sore temple, “Think about it, use that brain in your skull. Magical creatures are bound from harming humans, but the same contract does not bind humans….”

“Making them the perfect weapon,” I finished his sentence for him. “Their potion has a flaw,” I told him, “The humans are not attacking only witches, but every magical creature.”

“Well, you forget about the pact between the Leviathan and The Grand Supremes. The only reason the magical community exists is to maintain the balance and prevent the Leviathan from enslaving humans and devouring the world. The werewolves would still pose a threat to the Leviathan, and don’t you think the other factions would rebel if The Grand Supremes became the sole gatekeepers of the magical realm?” Felix put forth.

“What happens to the humans then?”

“The Leviathan has already weaponized human gluttony to satisfy their greed, but it has always been their goal to enslave the human race,” Felix proclaimed, “now they are closer than ever to achieving that dream.”

“So, how do we stop them?” I demanded, allowing my gaze to wander around the table, inviting the other warlocks to speak up.

“Well, we do have one trick up our sleeve,” the elder warlock enlightened me, “The element of surprise. Witches can’t toil with warlock magic; they don’t understand it and can’t anticipate it, making it difficult to defend against.”

“Well, then let’s get up there and give them a taste of hell,” I rallied, expecting my call to action to be met with matched enthusiasm. But all the warlocks looked uneasy and shifted their gaze away when I attempted to make eye contact.

The elder wizard placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a comforting pack. I turned to him, perplexed, “You mean, you’re not coming with me?”

“The era of our order has already passed; if we returned, we would completely confound the world’s perception. I am afraid that you will be returning alone,” the wizard said, then gave me a hearty pat on the back, “There’s no need to worry; everything you need to know is in the grimoire.”

“There is nothing left of the book,” I confessed, “Some of the pages were stuck, and when I tried to access it, all the words disappeared,” my eyes began to mist as I said, “I’m just a warlock, I don’t understand how magic works.”

“There, there, take it easy,” the elder wizard reached over to pat my hand, but I withdrew it before he could make contact. “Don’t you tell me to take it easy,” I snapped, “The entire world depended upon that grimoire, and I destroyed it.”

The elder wizard rolled his eyes and let out a heavy sigh, “The grimoire isn’t a loss, being born in the technology age, I assumed that you would have realized what had happened,” he paused to hand me a box of tissues that suddenly appeared on the table.

“Blow your nose, and take heart that all is not lost. The grimoire didn’t evaporate; it just simply transferred the information; everything you need to know resides up here,” the old wizard said, tapping on the side of his temple. “You will have everything you need at precisely the time you need it.”

The elder wizard stood up, “I have complete faith in you, Bishop, and though I would love it if you could stay so we can get better acquainted, time is short, and if I’m not mistaken, there is quite a distance between The Great Oak and the crematorium, where your friend and your aunt are being held captive.”

“Wait, can’t I just reclaim my body?” I asked him.

“I suppose that would be possible if you weren’t already in possession of it,” he informed me.

I patted my chest, “So this is my actual body and not just my soul?” though I wanted the wizard to be wrong, all the aches and pains in my body confirmed that what he was saying was true. “How did I end up at The Great Oak if I’m still living?”

“Oh, that was me,” one of the wizards sitting at the table, “I took possession of your body right before I possessed Tom.”

“Who is Tom?” my question was answered by a meow that emanated from somewhere beneath the table.

“Come now, boy,” Felix prompted, helping me up to my feet without any participation on my behalf. “It’s time to say goodbye for now, but I hope to see you again, many years from now.”

Though I resented going, the time for procrastinating was over. As I boarded The Great Oak elevator, I turned to Felix, “Do you have any parting advice?”

Felix leaned in and placed a hand on each of my shoulders. “That girl you are chasing, she’s not ready for a romantic relationship and won’t be for some time. Be patient, and she will eventually come to you.”

I cocked my head back, perplexed, “Are you giving me dating tips?”

Felix threw up his hands helplessly, “You didn’t clarify what type of advice you were seeking.”

“You are as useless as a fortune cookie,” I proclaimed as I pressed the arrow that was now pointing upward.