SWNOVELS HUGE STEPS: Chapter 12
I’m still kind of confused as to why Jamie’s over here, replacing a garbage disposal that I only briefly brought up before, but I guess I can’t really say no. And why would I? It’s true, the apartment manager had plenty of chances to take this darn thing out just so I could have replaced, but he never did, and it was just another thing to add to the growing list of things frustrate me about my apartment. I suppose I should be grateful that I have my space.
“I can actually show you how to do this if you want me to.”
It takes me a moment to recognize that Jamie’s talking to me, still kind of lost in my own thoughts. “I’m sorry, what was that?”
Jamie sits up from his spot on the floor, giving me a funny look. “I mean if you don’t want me to, it’s okay. I have no problem handling it on my own, obviously. I just thought maybe you’d like to see how it’s done. In case you ever need to fix anything with the disposal, yourself.”
I lick my lips. “Oh. You want me to — to help you?” I can’t fake the surprise on my face. No one’s ever assumed that I could help with something like this in the first place, much less ask me to. Something sweet and fleeting brushes through my chest. “Sure. I mean I don’t know what in the world any of this is, or what I can do to help but… yeah, yeah I can do that.”
Jamie’s smile is too wide for me to look at it anymore, so I bend down and watch as he pulls out some kind of tool…okay, just a screwdriver I guess, from his green bag.
“Okay, so the first step here is to remove the old unit. We’re going to start by taking off the drain arm, and then the tube.” Loosening one of the screws in place, he sets down the screwdriver and leans in further, a total look of concentration on his face. The way he sort of sticks the tip of his tongue out to the side has me trying not to breathe too hard.
“All right, so I’m going to need my slip-joint pliers, right there in the top of the bag,” he says, pointing to a yellow and red pair of pliers, I’m assuming.
I hold them up. “These?”
“Yep, those are the ones. So I’m going to take this and gently disconnect the drain arm from the main disposal unit, and then I’m going to take out the tube. See? Easy as pie.”
With a few snips from his tools and a quick tug, the entire old garbage disposal is pulled out at our feet. The foul smell hits both of us at the same time, and Jamie and I both cover up our noses with the collars of our shirts.
“Jesus! It’s a damn good thing I’m getting this out of here. Any longer sitting in there, and your kitchen would have smelled like this!”
I lean further away from the smelly piece of junk. “And then you would have found me passed out somewhere on the floor. Ugh.”
“Yeah,” he nods, “That’s definitely gonna need a trash bag.”
I listen along and help Jamie every step of the way, paying attention to all the pieces and all the tools he’s using. It may not all stay in my brain forever, but that doesn’t matter. At least he’s taking the time to show me and to fix all of it too.
His knee nudges up against mine more and more, until our entire legs and hips are pushed up against each other, and I’m trying so hard to keep it together. I don’t want to shy away from him, push him away like before, and I don’t want it to be obvious that this is such a turn on for me, so I have to play it cool. Besides, he didn’t come here to get me all hot and bothered. He came here to fix this stupid sink. Two totally different things. He’s just trying to be nice, that’s all.
Nice and brotherly.
I swallow, feeling guilty. I imagine our parent’s faces if they knew the things we’ve done. If they could hear my thoughts, they’d never speak to me again.
When Jamie finally sits back to inspects our work, he smiles over at me. “Voila! All finished! See, that wasn’t hard, was it? You could probably handle something like this next time, right?” He says this with a smile as though he actually believes it and something cold slices through me just for split second. “What is it?” he asks me.
“It’s nothing,” I quickly say, not wanting to drag Jamie down at my own dark thoughts as well.
But this is Jamie we’re talking about, and he’s nothing if not relentless. “You know you can talk to me, Abi. About anything.”
Warmth spreads through me, filling the cold void that my realization had caused. “It’s just that all of this maintenance stuff is something that I’m not used to, and it’s not just because I’m a woman or anything, it’s just that…well, Cody used to handle this sort of thing. And he never offered…”
“To teach any of it to you?” he finishes for me, sitting back up again. “Big surprise there. I’m more surprised that his dumbass could handle changing a light bulb, much less anything more than that.”
It always used to bother me when the twins talked about Cody like this, but now I could hardly care less. They were both absolutely right — Cody was a complete idiot, and the fact that I let him handle any of the house maintenance stuff makes me mad.
When Jamie shifts to the side to get a look at me, I find myself feeling a little overexposed, even though I’m wearing plain around the house clothes. The twins have this crazy effect on me where the moment they look at me right my eyes, I know I can’t look anywhere else.
“It’s not hard to learn, as you can see, and I’d be happy to teach you if you want. It doesn’t just have to be about foul-smelling garbage disposals, either,” he says, grinning as I make a face. “I think it’s a good thing to want to know how to handle anything that comes your way. I mean of course it’s not a substitute for hiring a professional, mind you, but it’s good to be able to manage your own pipes.”
Of course, this sets me off giggling like some stupid schoolgirl, bringing my hand up to my mouth trying to hide it. Jamie and his ridiculous dirty jokes, I swear.
“You’re probably going to have to get some caulk, you’re gonna want that on tap so that it’s there whenever you’re ready for it,” he eyes me, leaning in closer with a huge grin on his face, making me laugh even harder. “It definitely wouldn’t hurt to grease the pipes yourself though, there are plenty of oil-based lubricants out there.”
“Oh my God, Jamie, stop it,” I say, wheezing in between the belly laughs. It would be hard to find anyone who makes me laugh as hard as he does, and in a moment of losing my inhibitions, the cute smile he’s giving me sends a thrill down my spine. His eyes soften, and he has me absolutely hooked. There’s no way I could look anywhere else but directly back at him.
So I close my eyes, but instead of trying to avoid his stare, I only lean in further and bridge the gap between us, feeling my lips on his, already drowning in him, helpless.
His lips are hot below mine, and I feel myself rising up on my knees, my hands tangling around in his hair and just about to —
“Sorry. I have another job I need to get to,” he says gently against my mouth, effectively pulling away and leaving me feeling way too many things all at once.
I try and recover, quickly shaking my head. “No, I mean, of course you do. I’m sorry… I just…” I let my voice trail off. Now that Jamie is the one pushing me away, I have to respect it. I can’t just play with him and Jared’s emotions like this, and I looked down at the floor as Jamie pulls himself up to a stand.
“All right, well there you go. Lesson one, changing a garbage disposal because your shit landlord sucks,” Jamie says weakly, clearly trying to return things back to normal. “Just let me know if you have any more things that come up, anything else needs to be fixed… Yeah. I’ll talk to you later, Abi.”
I don’t bother waiting for a hug or anything else, for that matter, because I know I’d be waiting forever. When Jamie finally leaves the apartment, I lean against my kitchen counter, my head my hands.
How have I messed things up so badly between me and my stepbrothers? Just planting a kiss on one of them isn’t fair to either of them, but it’s like I can’t help myself anymore. Being around them does crazy things to my brain, drunk or not.
It’s like the both of them are two sides of the same coin, and I want to pocket that coin, keep it, never letting anyone else have it but me. It’s unfair to all three of us, but I’m starting to realize slowly that fairness doesn’t matter as much to me these days.