SWNOVELS HUGE 3D: Chapter 21
There’s a knock at my door that startles me from my book. I push away the tiny excitement that rises in my chest when I think that maybe it’s one of the triplets; foolish hope that won’t seem to go away. “Yeah?” I call out, smoothing my hair.
“Hey, honey,” mom calls. “Richie is cooking out on the grill. Why don’t you put your bathing suit on and jump in the pool for a little while? It might take your mind off…things.” I don’t miss the hesitation in my mom’s voice, or the weight of disappointment inside of me that it wasn’t one of my stepbrothers.
“I just wanted to uh, finish this book, mom. Maybe later.” A forced family interlude isn’t exactly on my to-do list today. Pretending to smile. Pretending to be fine.
I never realized how tiring pretending can be.
The door cracks open slowly, and Mom peeks her head into the room, looking for me until she sees me tucked away in my chair. “Come downstairs and spend some time with all of us, Milly. Please. I think Rich is doing this to cheer me up. God love him. He’s worried about me…” Her voice quivers as she pushes the door open wider. “Worried about us, honey, and I honestly don’t want to do this without you. Please? For me?”
I can see how much she hates having to ask. I know she does. Doesn’t mean she won’t, though.
To be honest, I don’t really have any good excuses to skip out on the delicious food that Rich is preparing, and it’s impossible to say no when Mom’s looking at me that way.
I guess a day of pretending is on the agenda. Another day of holding back all the things I want to say. I day of lying to myself and everyone else. I nod. “Okay, mom. I’ll get changed and come down in a bit.”
The hint of her pretty smile pulls at her lips. “Thank you, honey,” she says softly, and with that, she’s shutting the door behind her.
I put the book on my desk and stretch. This is going to be horrible, but maybe with some distraction, it wouldn’t be too bad…
I reach up to snag my phone. I know a girl who’d love to join our ‘happy’ family for an afternoon of bonding, and at least I won’t have to do all that pretending alone.
—
I’ve never felt more out of place in my own home than I do walking out onto the back deck today. The triplets are out here too, of course, messing with Richard’s selection of music that’s blasting over the poolside speakers.
Catching my mom’s eye, I give her a half-hearted thumbs-up when she mouths me a ‘thank you.’ She’s got her favorite orange one-piece on, but it does nothing to hide the way she’s putting on a brave face for Richard’s sake.
“Oh good, you’re here! Why don’t you take these salad bowls over to the table?” Rich suggests, setting two huge colorful bowls full of fresh veggies and croutons into my arms.
“Sure,” I mumble, nearly toppling over before I catch my balance.
“Thank you, Milly. And do you—what the hell, fellas? I didn’t tell you to mess with that!” he yells over the deep bass line in whatever rap song Drew’s changed the music to. I hide the smile that threatens to take over when he turns their way and get to work setting the table for all of us.
Debating on whether I should put on some sunblock or not, I fix the big floppy hat over my head, push my cat-eye sunglasses up, and lean back on the lounger beside Mom. It’s my disguise.
“Well, if it isn’t Audrey Hepburn, herself,” she muses, her heart not completely in it. Can’t say that I blame her. To be honest, it’s nice just to see her trying. Watching her going through the motions since Nana’s memorial has been awful.
I snort at her, keeping up the levity. “Hardly. How are you feeling today, Mom? I should’ve asked earlier…I’m just caught up in my own stuff. I’m sorry.”
She waves me off, gently patting my hand. “Don’t even worry about it. I’m okay. I’ve been better, but I’m okay. Rich is making it a little hard to mope around, in case you haven’t noticed.” Even with the heaviness in her heart, her eyes still light up whenever she looks at him.
Betraying every rational thought, I glance over at Dane, Dylan, and Drew. From the sound of it, they’re talking football with Rich. Maybe it’s my imagination, but they don’t seem that interested in talking, either. The usual pushing and ribbing on each other has faded away, leaving them standing around too still for my liking.
It takes a moment before I realize I’m staring at the three of them, and with Rich having gone inside for something, it’s very apparent. My cheeks burn as I look down at my hands in my lap.
“Why don’t you go ahead and make yourself something to eat? Looks like the burgers are ready, and you look like you’ve lost a little weight.” Mom nudges me before getting up and getting a plate herself. My stomach growls in agreement—reminding me that I haven’t eaten anything at all today.
“You don’t have to tell me twice.”
I’m nearly finished with most of my burger and all of my small salad by the time Rich finally appears again. “Ta-da!” he announces, brandishing a whole delicious-looking New York cheesecake, his personal specialty. “Who wants some dessert?”
It’s embarrassing how much my mouth waters just from looking at it, but when I get up to grab a smaller plate, the doorbell goes off inside the house. “I better go get that, it’s probably Falon,” I explain to Mom.
“Okay, honey. I’ll make sure to save you both a slice.”
I slide the door open and almost run smack into Dane’s wide chest. My mouth hangs open as I sputter a quick apology, my face redder than a tomato. The worst part is that he doesn’t even flinch, and keeps walking, practically ignoring my clumsiness.
Trying not to let it get to me, I race to the front door and throw it open. “Oh, thank god,” I whisper more to myself than to Falon as she steps through the front door in her cute blue bikini and coverall. Pulling her inside quickly, I look over my shoulder, glad to see it’s just us.
She raises one arched blonde brow at me. “Whoa, whoa. Did I miss something? And what’s with calling me on a Sunday? Aren’t Sundays usually for your little family time, or whatever? How is that going, by the way?” she adds, a scandalous grin on her face.
“Shh! I’ll tell you all about it, just follow me.”
I give Falon the low-down of everything that happened with the guys, as fast as I can between the front door and the back door leading out to the deck.
“Ugh, I’m sorry Milly. I can’t say that I know what that’s like, but I know it has to majorly suck for you. Maybe you could just talk to them? Tell them everything you just told me?” she says, pulling me in for a quick hug.
Chewing on the skin around my thumbnail, I lean against the wall. “What’s the point? They hate me now, anyway. Besides, it’s not like it could go anywhere between us. All of us, I mean.”
“You’re a regular Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, and Juliet,” she chuckles to herself before clearing her throat as I glare at her. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine. Just come out here with me and make it less awkward, please? Our parents want us to play nice and I need a good distraction.”
She throws her arm around my shoulder. “Sure thing, Holly Golightly.”
—
After polishing off the last of Rich’s cheesecake, Falon and I decide to climb into the shallow end of the pool, grabbing a couple of bright pink flamingo floats. Inviting her over was a good call on my part. At least this way, I can pretend that I’m not sneaking looks at my stepbrothers in their clinging wet swimming trunks at the other end of the pool.
“I’ve had enough floating around. Let’s get some diving in!” Falon says, slipping off her float.
“No thanks. I’d rather chill out over this way if you don’t mind. Feel free, though,” I reply and push my sunglasses back up the bridge of my nose. I want to keep as much distance as I can between me and the triplets. It’s hard enough trying not to think about touching them, sliding my hands across their stomachs, arms…now that they don’t want to have anything to do with me, it’s way worse.
“Suit yourself!” she calls over her shoulder, laughing as she swims over to the ladder and hoists herself up.
It’s hard to miss the way all three of my stepbrothers seem to notice. I pull my hat down even further over my forehead, doing my damndest not to care.
“Come to hang with the lowlifes?” Dylan jokes, moving out of Falon’s way.
Even from this end of the pool, I can see the genuine smile on her face as she rolls her eyes. “More like I have a date with destiny. This diving board is calling my name.”
She does an elegant swan dive into the pool and the guys cheer loud as hell as she comes back up, splashing her for her ‘girly’ dive. It doesn’t take long for them all to try and outdo one another. Dylan trying to dive into a pool ring. Drew doing a flip as he jumps in. Dane cannon-balling his way in and soaking everyone else.
Usually, this is the point where I’m dragged into the middle of things, but no one bats an eye in my direction. Everyone is too busy to worry about what I’m doing, or at least to care.
Watching Falon shriek as Dane dunks her, my stomach churns with jealousy. It’s not that I’m mad at her—although it would be great if she could stay back and keep me company—I’m just frustrated because I miss them so much. I want them to throw me into the pool, not caring about anything else but having a good time. They used to be warm and friendly with me even before anything happened between the four of us, and now, well they’re cold and ignoring.
Mom and Richard are in their own little world on the deck, which part of me is grateful for. My heart clenches as I see the way she tries so hard to put on a happy face for him. Twirling my fingers around lazily in the water, I can’t help but think about the last thing Nana said again.
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve mulled her words over in my head since that night, wondering whether or not they really applied to me and my situation. It seems too easy, just following your heart and saying fuck it to the rest. There are so many different things to consider. Or at least there were…now, I’m not so sure the guys would be willing to hear me out.
Floating even further away from everyone, I chew my bottom lip.
No. I don’t want to be this miserable, mopey, jealous thing I’m becoming, just sitting on the edge looking in. It’s ridiculous to sit here, going around in circles with no one but myself to keep me company.
I slip out of the flamingo-shaped pool float, careful not to get my head wet. As I put my hat and sunglasses on the edge of the pool, I dip into the water, everything around me going silent as the water takes me under.
Swimming over the middle of the pool, I give Falon a little wave before she dives in again, my feet treading water where I can no longer touch the bottom.
It hurts seeing the way the triplets ignore me. It slices through me like a hot knife and it all hits me as I watch them clearly avoiding my gaze. I realize what I’ve done.
Dane, Dylan, and Drew aren’t some predators only trying to get after me to prove they can, or to claim me as a notch in their bedposts, and they aren’t the slutty man-whores everyone whispers about around campus. They’re real, as real as can get.
And I’ve pushed them away. The ones that have always made me feel good, even when it wasn’t their job. The ones who’ve always looked out for me. Who make me laugh, who feed me, and who have fiercely protected me.
I shake my head at myself, feeling my heart sink. I had all of that and I threw it away like it meant nothing to me, just by the simple words at the hotel. And now someone else is going to get them and make them happier than I ever did. Some other girl will be living my life, with my stepbrothers, and the worst part is that I won’t be able to get away from it. They’re always going to be there in the background of my life, and I’ll always be watching from the sidelines filled with regret.
Resolve builds up inside of me. I’m not going to let that happen. No fucking way.
This is my place. My home and no one will take them away from me if I can help it. If I want the triplets, then I’ll go after them and get them back. I’ll make them see just how wrong I was, and as cheesy as it sounds, the only person in charge of my destiny is me.
I know what I have to do now.
I may be sitting on the sidelines observing today, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to be here tomorrow…