How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You: Chapter 9
I was in shock as Mr Peterman put a wiry arm around each of us and escorted us off the stage and down to the audience.
‘Excellent. Excellent!’ he said. ‘Now, let’s see if any of you gentlemen trying out for Claudio can put in as impassioned a performance.’
Performance? What performance? I opened my mouth to say something but no sound came out. A group of about fifteen guys shuffled up to the stage.
‘Mr Peterman,’ I said, finally regaining control of my voice, ‘what do you mean Beatrice and Benedick?’
Mr Peterman looked at me like I was crazy. ‘The main characters, of course. My dear, your lively audition has won you and Hayden the prime roles.’
‘My audition?’ I looked at Hayden, who had a pleased expression on his face. Mr Peterman somehow thought that our antics had been rehearsed! ‘Wait a minute. Mr Peterman, that wasn’t an audition!’
Mr Peterman turned his attention from sizing up the heights of the potential Claudios. ‘Don’t tell me you weren’t happy with it,’ he said. ‘I can’t afford for you to redo it. I’ve got no end of tryouts to get through today.’
‘I don’t want to redo it,’ I said. ‘It wasn’t a real audition in the first place.’
‘Mr Peterman.’
I turned my head to see Benjamin Zane standing behind Mr Peterman with an outraged expression on his face.
‘Your decision is completely unfair,’ he said. ‘What about my audition for Benedick? You can’t just announce that these two,’ he glared at Hayden, ‘automatically have the parts without even considering the casting overnight!’
Yes! Someone else was protesting the decision. Even though it was just Benjamin Zane, wannabe Broadway star.
‘Look, Mr Peterman,’ I pushed my shoulders back, hoping to lend myself an air of authority, ‘I’m not the leading-lady type. You’ve got this all wrong.’
Mr Peterman raised his eyebrows. Uh-oh. Did he think I was questioning his ability as a director/casting agent?
‘I definitely want to be involved with the play,’ I added quickly. ‘Just in a minor role.’
Hayden spoke up. ‘I have to tell you the truth, Mr Peterman. It wasn’t a real audition.’
I have to admit that Hayden is scrupulously honest. Years of pass-the-parcel at birthday parties had taught me that.
‘But I really want the part of Benedick,’ he continued. ‘I’ll re-audition for you, so that it’s fair for everyone else.’
‘I knew it!’ Benjamin cried. ‘You see, Mr Peterman?’
I’d forgotten about Hayden and Benjamin’s legendary rivalry in the drama department. A few years ago, during a production of The Three Musketeers, Benjamin took a real swipe at Hayden while they were engaged in a duel onstage because he believed that Hayden had been given a better feather to wear in his hat. In Benjamin’s eyes, the golden feather was proof that Mr Peterman favoured Hayden.
‘I am the director here!’ Mr Peterman cried over their raised voices. ‘And I know from all the roles that Hayden has played over the years that he’s fully competent to take on that of Benedick.’
‘Thank you,’ Hayden interjected.
‘But —’ Benjamin broke in simultaneously.
Mr Peterman shrugged. ‘If you have a problem with this, Benjamin, I’m sorry. But this play is full of great parts. Why don’t you audition for Claudio?’
‘But —’
‘For Claudio,’ Mr Peterman repeated.
Benjamin set his jaw and joined the group of Claudios. They didn’t look happy about Mr Peterman’s suggestion. Benjamin might be obnoxious, but everyone knew he had talent. And ambition. He wouldn’t stop till he had a Tony. Or an Oscar.
‘Great,’ I said, bringing Mr Peterman back to the issue at hand. ‘So Hayden’s got the role.’
I’m not one to sabotage another’s happiness, even if it is Hayden Paris. Plus, if he was playing a main role, it meant that he’d have no time to persecute me.
‘But you’ve realised that I’m not suitable for Beatrice, right?’ I added, looking hopefully at Mr Peterman.
‘Wrong,’ he replied. ‘Aurora, I’ve been trying to get you to audition for years. It’s always been obvious to me that you have a talent for artistic expression.’
‘Well, thank you, but —’
‘No buts. Even if that wasn’t an audition, it still showed me that you have stage presence and a real chemistry with Hayden.’
I could tell that Hayden was hiding a smile. I glared at him.
‘No protests, Aurora. You’re Beatrice.’ Mr Peterman gave a satisfied sigh. ‘Now, everyone auditioning for Claudio please line up at the left-hand side of the stage.’
‘But, Mr Peterman,’ I cried as the Claudios nearly trampled each other to be first in line. Benjamin took a confident sip of his Evian water.
‘Please sit down, Aurora,’ Mr Peterman said. ‘I do want to get home tonight.’
Hayden tugged at my sleeve gently. ‘Come on. Believe me: once Mr Peterman gets an idea in his head, you’ve got no chance.’
I followed him numbly into the audience. This couldn’t be happening. I had no Broadway ambitions. I spotted Cassie waving at me from the crowd and broke away from Hayden and headed towards her.
‘Congratulations!’ She leapt up and gave me a hug.
‘Hey, great job, Aurora!’ Scott beamed at me from the seat next to her. ‘Hayden’s had his heart set on playing Benedick. It was ingenious of you to audition together — it showed what a talented team you make.’
I was sure that my face was turning purple from suppressed frustration. A team? Hayden and I were arch enemies. Rival gladiators pitting our wits against one another.
‘A team?’ I choked loudly.
Everyone around me turned to see what was going on, including Jelena and Alex, who were sitting directly in front of Cass and Scott.
‘Shh!’ Cassie pulled me gently down to the seat on her left.
‘Cassie, why is everyone convinced that the ridiculous argument between Hayden and me was an audition?’ I whispered as the first Claudio took his place onstage and began reciting lines in a monotonous voice. Mr Peterman looked pained. Before he was a drama teacher, he used to act in a daytime soap. I couldn’t even contemplate the turmoil he must feel about the comedown in status.
‘Well, it all seemed so dramatic,’ Cassie explained. ‘Mr Peterman had just finished auditioning the other Beatrices and Benedicks —’
‘And let me say that there was a painful lack of talent,’ Jelena cut in, turning around to face us.
‘Next!’ Mr Peterman gestured for the monotonous Claudio to get off the stage.
‘Then we heard this ruckus going on backstage,’ Cassie continued. ‘Insults flying like mad —’
‘Hayden was being completely immature,’ I broke in.
‘By the time you two stumbled onstage, everyone was transfixed,’ Cassie finished.
‘Then the scene went to a totally different place emotionally,’ Jelena whispered, presumably so that Alex and Scott couldn’t hear. I looked at her warily.
‘Hayden had his head bent near yours and —’
‘Stop right there!’ I put my hand over her mouth. ‘I can’t believe this! Not only did Hayden drag me into the most embarrassing casting experience in the history of Jefferson High, but now he’s got everyone convinced that there’s something going on between us! I bet this was a set-up of his,’ I hissed.
Jelena prised my hand off her mouth. Scott and Alex were looking at us with curious expressions.
‘I was just a pawn in his game,’ I continued. ‘After all, it was his fault that we were late. Then he stages this scene by getting me worked up, and wins the role of Benedick! Diabolical!’
‘Aurora, no-one says the word “diabolical” any more.’ Jelena took out her nail buffer.
I turned to Cassie desperately. ‘And now I’m being forced into playing Beatrice. Cass, you know I’m not one to chase the spotlight!’
Benjamin Zane took his place on the stage, his dark hair shining under the lights. Now, here was someone who loved the spotlight. Any chatter in the audience stopped immediately.
‘My lord …’ Benjamin began in a deep voice.
As I listened to his monologue, I was reminded of why he and Hayden were always in competition for the lead roles. Benjamin had a magnetic presence onstage. He even threw in some gestures, something that had been too ambitious for the previous Claudios.
‘Weren’t there any other good auditions for Beatrice?’ I asked Cassie.
‘Well …’ Her brow creased as she considered my question.
‘Saying, I liked her ere I went to wars,’ Benjamin finished with a flourish.
‘Great job,’ Mr Peterman said.
Benjamin looked at him expectantly.
‘Like you said, Benjamin, I’ll need to consider the casting overnight.’
‘But —’
‘I’m now auditioning Heros,’ Mr Peterman announced.
‘That’s it!’ I said, and leapt up from my seat.
Before Jelena or Cass could question me, I’d joined the line-up of Heros. I ducked behind Diana, a tall redhead who provided excellent camouflage. I tapped my foot nervously as the girls in front of me ran through their auditions, most of which were pretty uninspiring. Diana finished her piece and I stepped up. Just as I opened my mouth, Mr Peterman gave a yell.
‘My dear! What are you doing? Beatrice and Hero have scenes together. There’s no way you can play both roles!’
‘Talk about ambition!’ the girl behind me whispered to her friend.
‘Both roles?’ I looked at him in confusion. ‘Mr Peterman, I’m just trying to show you that I’m far more suited to the role of Hero than Beatrice.’
‘Aurora, get off that stage,’ Mr Peterman ordered. ‘I don’t care if you’re more suited to the part of Dogberry.’
‘Don’t you go pinching my role, Aurora!’ Jeffrey yelled from the audience.
‘Mr Peterman, I don’t think I’m ready to play a man yet,’ I said. Why did he have such confidence in my theatrical talent?
Mr Peterman got a pained look on his face. ‘Aurora, are you going to be this much trouble the whole way through the production?’
‘Possibly,’ I answered brightly. Maybe the impression that I was a troublemaker would convince Mr Peterman to uncast me.
‘No, she won’t,’ Hayden said, leaping up onstage. ‘She’s just got a good sense of humour, right?’
‘Wron—’
‘And that will be really useful for playing Beatrice,’ Hayden butted in, pulling me down from the stage.
Jessica Harris used the opportunity to charge into her monologue.
‘What are you doing?’ I asked him.
‘Stopping Mr Peterman from having a heart attack.’ Hayden led me back to my seat. ‘I’m telling you, protesting his decision is useless.’ We reached Cassie and the others. Scott gave Hayden a grin and gestured to the seat on his right. Hayden sat down. ‘You’re only going to make him cranky. And a cranky director is no fun,’ he finished.
I slumped into my own seat. Was this what the next four weeks were going to be like? Hayden hanging with our group 24/7?
Thinking of our group, I realised two members were missing.
‘Where are Sara and Lindsay?’ I asked Cassie, a panicky tone rising up in my throat. ‘Don’t tell me they backed out! Maybe I can still reach them by phone and convince them to come.’ I rifled through my purse, trying to find my mobile before it was too late.
‘Aurora, relax.’ Cassie pointed out Sara and Lindsay sitting several rows to the left. Lindsay gave me a wave. Sara gestured at Hayden and mouthed ‘Hot!’, then gave me a thumbs up. I sighed.
Alex and Jelena had their heads together over a copy of the play. Jelena pointed towards the part of Don John, the villain. Alex shook his head.
‘Okay, those trying out for Don Pedro, aka Prince of Aragon, please make your way onto the stage,’ Mr Peterman called out in a weary voice.
‘A prince,’ Alex said, sending Jelena a blinding smile. ‘Bingo.’ He strode up to Mr Peterman.
‘So what’s our codename for Alex?’ I whispered to Cassie and Jelena.
‘Shh!’ Jelena said as Alex took his place on the stage.
I looked at all the athletic brand labels on his clothes. ‘He looks more like a Nike advertisement than a prince.’
‘Shh!’ repeated Jelena as Alex read the part confidently.
‘I’ve got it!’ I said. ‘Codename: AA.’
‘AA?’ Cassie looked confused.
‘Athletically Attired,’ I explained.
‘Amazing Adonis, more like it,’ Jelena said, smoothing her hair as Alex strutted back up the aisle to us.
‘Well, it’s AA, whatever it stands for,’ Cassie diplomatically replied.
Scott gave her shoelace a playful tug to get her attention. Another sign for my book! If a guy likes you, he’ll find any excuse to touch you. I sent Hayden a triumphant look. So much for Scott taking it slow. He and Cassie would be the school couple by next month!
‘It’s in the bag, baby,’ Alex said to Jelena as he took his seat.
‘So who’s going to explain what this play’s all about?’ Scott asked.
‘Why doesn’t Aurora tell us all about it?’ Hayden suggested. ‘As she insisted before, she’s the beauty and the brains of this relationship.’
Now everyone had ‘What happened before?’ written across their faces. I was never going to hear the end of this. I frowned at Hayden, but I wasn’t going to refuse a challenge.
‘Okay. The play begins at Signior Leonato’s house, where we hear that the war is over. Leonato has one daughter, the beautiful and obedient Hero. His niece, Beatrice, also lives with him. Beatrice is lively, witty and totally against marriage. At the very beginning of the play we hear that the prince, Don Pedro, and two of his trustiest soldiers, Benedick and Claudio, are coming to visit Leonato. Claudio is young and enthusiastic, and Benedick is clever and wary of marriage.’
‘Like Beatrice,’ Cassie broke in.
‘Right,’ I said. ‘When these VIP visitors arrive, Beatrice and Benedick get into a fight, but Claudio takes one look at Hero and falls in love.’
Scott smiled. ‘Love at first sight.’
Was he a believer? I sure hoped so.
‘We also see that the prince’s bastard brother, Don John, has arrived with the group,’ I continued.
Mr Peterman’s voice resounded through the theatre. ‘To interrupt the auditions for a moment, I would like to see those who want to work backstage.’
‘Ooh! Let’s go!’ Cassie leapt up from her seat and into the aisle.
Scott, Jelena and I followed her, and joined Sara and Lindsay and the large group of volunteers by the stage.
‘Excuse me, Mr Peterman?’ Jelena raised a slim arm to grab his attention. He looked over at her. ‘You didn’t say anything about stage manager.’
‘Stage manager?’ Mr Peterman looked surprised. ‘My dear, I have always looked after that department.’
‘But don’t you find it stressful trying to direct and manage?’ Before Mr Peterman could reply, Jelena continued, ‘Exactly! You need someone who can devote their entire attention to the stage management, thus relieving you of that heavy responsibility.’
‘Jelena,’ Mr Peterman protested.
‘Mr Peterman, I am the girl for the job. I have excellent organisational skills and a flair for communicating with others.’ She sounded like she was reading off a résumé.
‘Jelena,’ Mr Peterman tried again.
‘Does set design involve the use of spray cans?’ Matt, the school’s resident graffitist, chipped in, looking excited.
‘Mr Peterman, I really think that you can tell me now if I’m playing Claudio,’ Benjamin Zane said. ‘What’s the point in waiting till tomorrow? I have a lot of acting obligations at the moment and I need to know how this will impact on them.’
Benjamin Zane’s casting agency has already got him two carpet commercials and a crowd scene. Supposedly, the talent scouts are impressed.
Mr Peterman looked around at everyone, not sure who to answer first. His eyes drifted onto me.
‘Aurora! Get out of this line!’
‘But, Mr Peterman,’ I protested. ‘You can’t deny me the chance to work backstage! That was my original reason for coming here today!’
‘I can! You have the female lead —’
‘I don’t want the female lead!’
‘And you’ll have no time for anything but learning your lines and rehearsing with the other actors,’ Mr Peterman finished firmly.
‘Couldn’t I assist with costume ideas?’
‘No,’ he replied, turning to answer an impatient Jelena.
‘Mix paints for the set painters?’ I tried. ‘Type up programs?’
‘No!’ Mr Peterman folded his arms against his chest. ‘You are Beatrice. Just Beatrice. No costume design, no painting, no programs.’
An argument started between two wannabe lighting operators.
‘Backstage hostilities negotiator?’ I asked.
Mr Peterman’s jaw tensed. ‘Hayden?’
‘Already on my way,’ Hayden answered as he reached my side.
‘Please take Aurora home,’ Mr Peterman said.
‘What?’
Why did I need to go home? And if I did, I so didn’t need Hayden to take me there.
‘There’s no reason for you to be here,’ Mr Peterman told me. ‘You should be devoting yourself to learning your lines and getting into character.’ He gestured towards the door.
‘Come on, Princess,’ Hayden said, grabbing my hand.
I pulled it away and tried one last time. ‘Couldn’t I be a line prompt?’ I said in my sweetest voice.
‘Home!’ Mr Peterman cried.
Hayden placed a hand on my back and guided me out the door.
‘But —’
Next thing I knew, the stage door was shut firmly behind us.