How to Keep a Boy from Kissing You (Aurora Skye Book 1)

The rest of the weekend was a blur of Get-Over-Him activities. There was list-making: Ten things I didn’t like about Tyler; and I presented Lindsay with the break-up journal, to chronicle her highs and lows, and note down all the things she wanted to scream at Tyler. There were some close moments. On Saturday afternoon I only just managed to stop Lindsay and Jelena from heading round to Tyler’s and slashing the tyres on his BMX bike. This made me decide to implement anger-reducing activities for Sunday, like a group jogging session and having Lindsay take out her aggression on our boxing bag (acquired before the NAD became a pacifist). By the time she’d completed all the physical activities, and I’d helped her remove all Tyler-related items from her bedroom (a massive job, let me tell you), Lindsay was too tired to consider revenge.

I have to say, I was quite happy to return to school on Monday, to get away from the Taylor Swift heartbreak ballads and angry Rihanna tunes that had dominated the weekend.

‘I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with the stresses of single life yet,’ Lindsay said as she unwrapped an apricot muesli bar during lunch. ‘In maths today, Jeffrey Clark yelled across the room to me, “Is it hot in here, or is it just you?” and wiped his forehead! I’ve been insulated against unwelcome advances for so long I didn’t even know what to do. I just sank down in my seat.’

‘You know, Jeffrey Clark’s depriving a village somewhere of its idiot,’ Jelena said.

We all laughed. The four of them were sitting on top of the monkey bars, swinging their legs. One of the advantages of sitting up there is it gives a good view of the entire quad. Jelena likes it because it puts us ‘higher than everyone else — like kings and queens on raised thrones’.

‘Oh, Jeffrey’s not that bad,’ I said, and swung myself up to join the girls.

‘Seriously, though,’ Lindsay said, tossing her newly styled hair (one of the first things to do after a break-up: get a fabulous do) out of her eyes, ‘you don’t think I gave Tyler a hard time, do you?’

A look I knew all too well came into her eyes. She was edging into overanalytical territory.

‘If guys are unhappy, they let you know, believe me,’ Sara said as she chomped on her lime and black pepper potato chips. ‘He could’ve spoken up any time.’

‘Maybe he couldn’t put his feelings into words. Guys have trouble with that kind of thing.’

Lindsay looked like she was ready to leap off the monkey bars and go grab Tyler to interrogate him about his emotions. Which, like most boys, probably ran the whole gamut from ‘I’m hungry’ to ‘Check out those wheels’.

‘He could have done a metaphorical pain dance, or pulled a face, or performed a puppet show,’ Sara said. ‘Just like that book He’s Just Not That Into You says.’

He’s Just Not That Into You is Sara’s bible. She brings it to school and reads excerpts at completely random times, like when we studied Hamlet. She told Mrs Kent that Ophelia could have saved herself a lot of pain if she’d just faced facts. Hamlet was self-obsessed and rapidly descending into a spiral of self-destruction.

I think a book called He’s So Into You would be more helpful, so girls could figure out if their crush was exhibiting favourable signs towards them. Hey! Maybe I could write it! They say if it doesn’t exist, create it, right? I could just see it on the bestseller list. I was so the next Dr Phil — spinoff show here I come.

‘Are you saying Tyler just wasn’t that into me?’ Lindsay had crumpled her wrapper in her fist and looked on the point of throwing it at Sara. There was a dangerous glint in her eyes.

I realised that someone was going to have to break the tense moment. This time, it was Jelena.

‘If anything, he was too into you,’ she said calmly, blowing a grape-coloured gum bubble that contrasted perfectly with her black and white outfit. ‘But we all know guys are terrified of getting serious. That’s why he’s pulling the “I need to spread my wings and fly” stuff.’

Cassie put an arm around Lindsay. ‘Don’t worry, the eagle will get lonely and beg you to take him back, just like Hayden said.’

I couldn’t believe she was quoting Hayden Paris. Next thing we knew, people would be asking him to write books on relationships. Well, I intended to have the market cornered by the time he started looking for a publisher.

‘Well, until he does get lonely, I have a fantastic idea to take your mind off Tyler,’ I announced. ‘It’s time to move on.’

‘Hey, speaking of moving on,’ Jelena interrupted. ‘Did you hear that Bradley Scott’s dating Tina Vaser now? He says their charts are perfectly aligned and he’s so lucky to have found his soul mate in the schoolyard.’

Now I wanted to chuck a muesli bar wrapper at someone myself.

‘Soul mate in the schoolyard? Please! It sounds like a country-and-western song.’ I laughed in what I hoped was a scornful way. So much for Bradley’s promise to schedule another date. He’d waited, what, eight days before moving on? Not that we’d been involved enough to even call his actions ‘moving on’.

Jelena smiled. ‘Somebody sounds jealous.’

Jealous? I wouldn’t have gone on another date with Mr New Age. I just felt hurt that he hadn’t recognised my uniqueness.

I rolled my eyes. ‘Tarot Card Tina’s welcome to him. Anyway, as I was saying —’

‘Yeah, let’s hear your independent woman idea,’ Cass said.

‘I think it’d be great if we all got involved in the drama department’s staging of Much Ado About Nothing,’ I said. ‘I researched the play on the net during computer studies and it’s got mixed-up love affairs, corruption and a faked death! Just like any good blockbuster. And if you don’t want to act, the audition poster says there are tons of backstage roles!’ I looked excitedly at them for a response.

‘I already saw Mr Peterman,’ Cassie said, naming the head of drama, ‘and told him I was interested in painting sets.’

I didn’t have to worry about winning her over. Cass is a brilliant painter who takes classes in the city twice a week. I knew those sets were going to be incredible.

‘Won’t it be a lot of work?’ Jelena looked down at her perfectly manicured hands.

I think Jelena must realise that running an international company is going to require a lot of effort, but figures that she’ll delegate.

‘I don’t know if I’m so keen,’ Sara said. ‘Do you remember when we did Oliver Twist? Pretending I was an orphan really affected me. I always get too emotionally involved in these things. We had to wear those clothes with patches all over them. I told Mr Peterman that I wanted a costume with patches that coordinated and he refused! So then I had to fix my costume myself, and the sewing lady got angry and —’

Sara was on a roll.

‘What if Tyler is there?’ Lindsay cut in. ‘That’s not going to help my recovery.’

‘Guys!’ I felt frustrated that my idea wasn’t being met with unanimous positivity. ‘This isn’t about uncoordinated costumes or ex-boyfriends! It’s about spending time together in the exciting and dynamic world of theatre!’

Jelena laughed. ‘Jefferson High’s drama department is hardly Broadway.’

‘Sara, I think you’d love it.’ I looked pleadingly at her. ‘Shakespeare’s plays always have strong roles for women.’

Sara had a thoughtful look on her face.

‘So, Cass, Sara and I are in,’ I said. ‘Lindsay?’

‘Tyler’s not going to be involved,’ Cassie said. ‘It’ll clash with footy practice.’

‘I guess it’s a good idea,’ Lindsay said. ‘And hopefully distracting.’

We all turned to look at Jelena. She was still blowing bubbles nonchalantly.

This was completely frustrating. One word from her and she’d have everybody changing their minds again.

I flipped to the ground in an Olympic-gymnast-takes-gold move. ‘Guys, Much Ado About Nothing —’

‘— is one of Shakespeare’s best comedies,’ Hayden Paris said, stopping as he strolled past. ‘Being involved in the production means a seriously good time. I’ve been looking forward to it for months.’

I couldn’t believe that I’d forgotten Hayden was a member of the drama club. The prospect of spending more time in his presence made me want to drop the theatre idea altogether. But there was no way that an independent woman like me would turn down an opportunity because of a man. I’d just have to grin and bear it.

‘What’s going to be a good time?’ Scott Ryder said, approaching us, Alex West by his side.

At the sound of Scott’s voice, Cassie took a quick, panicky breath. As she’d been munching on a chocolate chip cookie at the same time, her breath became splutters.

Alex gave Hayden a cool nod. ‘Alex West.’

I noticed that he looked Hayden up and down carefully, just like he had done to us last week, before deciding to come closer. Unfortunately you can’t fault Hayden’s appearance. Even I have to admit that. Last year he came second in our annual High School Hotties poll. Some of those who voted should realise that looks aren’t everything — what about his pain-in-the-neck attitude?

‘So, what’s going to be a good time?’ Scott repeated.

‘A party, right?’ Alex gave a confident smile. ‘I’m ready for that. Good music, good liquor, good-looking girls?’ He sent a wink in Jelena’s direction.

Jelena didn’t return it, probably on account of her opinion that excessive facial gestures lead to the need for Botox at an early age.

‘No, not a party.’ Hayden frowned slightly, presumably unhappy about the ‘good liquor’ remark. He’s a member of SADD (Students Against Drunk Driving), and Alex, like all of us, was underage. But he didn’t say anything further. After all, who was to say that Alex didn’t take public transport after consuming alcohol? Not that I condone hardcore drinking. I’ve noticed that alcohol just seems to lead to embarrassing situations. I have enough of those already.

‘I haven’t introduced Scott to you,’ Hayden said, turning to my friends perched on the monkey bars.

‘We’ve already met Aurora, Jelena and Cassie,’ Scott said, waving at us three.

‘Lindsay and Sara,’ Hayden said, completing the group.

Jelena, mid-conversation with Alex about some of the wilder parties at his former school — ‘and then we built a flying fox to launch ourselves over the pool’, he was saying — suddenly slid from the top of the bars gracefully and glided towards a picnic table, without looking back at us. This move is known as the Location Indication. When talking to a guy, to assess his interest in continuing the conversation you abruptly move towards a new spot. If he follows you, it means he’s into you rather than enduring your company out of politeness. Jelena likes this move because she says it makes you look like a leader, not a follower.

Alex strolled after her and they sat down at the picnic table across from each other. Cassie, Lindsay, Sara and I, all clued in to the manoeuvre, joined them. Scott placed himself next to Cassie on the bench. With everyone crowded at the one table there was only a smidgen of room left for me at Cassie’s end.

Hayden made an elaborate gesture of sweeping the bench with his napkin. ‘All ready, Your Highness.’

I rolled my eyes but sat down. No-one wearing the nude heels that my mother had bought me on our ill-fated shopping trip would refuse a seat. The shoes were killers.

‘Hope you don’t mind if I sit next to you.’ He didn’t wait for an answer. Suddenly Hayden was squished up next to me, his elbow and knee touching mine. ‘We always sit near each other in class …’ he started.

‘Not by choice.’ I pulled my hair away from the side he was on.

‘… so I decided I’d better stick with what I know,’ he continued. ‘You know, in case breaking the routine brings on panicky feelings.’

‘Don’t you think this bordering-on-claustrophobic level of proximity is more likely to increase panicky feelings?’

We were practically sitting on top of one another.

‘The soothing scent of your perfume is calming my panicky tendencies,’ he murmured in a low, mock-Mills-&-Boon-hero voice.

I leant as far away from him as possible, virtually knocking Cassie into Scott’s lap. She blushed terribly. Oh well, she’d thank me later. No woman on earth would have complained about being in close contact with Scott Ryder. Unlike my situation with Hayden.

‘Vanilla, right?’ Hayden asked in a normal voice.

‘Vanilla what?’ I replied, distracted by Cassie’s embarrassment when Scott asked her a question. She had to ask him to repeat it, obviously distracted by their close contact.

‘Your perfume. Anything to do with Cosmo’s useful fact for the month of January that men associate the smell of vanilla with attraction?’

‘I’m worried about you, Paris. How many of those magazines are you reading? Is there something you’re not telling us?’

I missed Hayden’s reply as I heard Jelena saying the last thing I’d ever expected.

‘We’re all getting involved in the production of Much Ado About Nothing. Everyone who has the tiniest shred of attitude will be there.’ She raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

‘Attitude, hey?’ Alex raised an eyebrow of his own. ‘When’s the audition?’

‘Tomorrow afternoon. Are you thinking of getting involved?’

Jelena’s tone was light, but I could tell she really wanted an affirmative answer from Alex.

I couldn’t believe she was claiming my idea as her own. She hadn’t cared less about the play ten minutes ago. Jelena was going to have no problem running an international company if she was already so quick to take credit for other people’s ideas. I could feel a scowl forming on my face. I supposed I should have been happy that Jelena was now on board for the production, but I didn’t like the fact that her swift turnaround was probably driven by her realisation that the play could give her better access to Alex.

‘Well, as it seems that the most gorgeous girls at Jefferson High are involved, I’d better be too,’ Alex replied.

A satisfied smile spread over Jelena’s lips.

‘Hey, Ryder. You into auditioning for the Shakespeare production?’ Alex asked Scott.

Before he could form a reply, I spoke up. ‘Cassie’s going to be painting the backdrops. She’s a fantastic painter.’

Cassie shot me a you’re-being-so-obvious! look. Little did she realise that guys are completely clueless when it comes to girls’ crushes. You could hire a skywriter to scrawl your feelings above your crush’s house and he’d still scratch his head and go ‘hmm’.

‘You paint?’ Scott’s voice was suddenly excited. ‘That’s so cool. I sculpt! Do you work in other mediums as well?’

A common passion — this was so going to up their chances as a couple!

‘I like watercolours best,’ Cassie said, ‘but I also use acrylics and pastels. I’m thinking of trying oil paints but maybe that’s a bit ambitious at the moment.’

At that moment, the bell sounded.

Alex grabbed his bag. ‘Ladies, we’ll be seeing you at the audition tomorrow. Right, Scott?’

We all turned to hear Scott’s reply. I had a feeling Cassie was holding her breath.

‘Without a doubt.’ Scott gave us a wave and headed after Alex.