SWNOVELS Hot Puck: Chapter 15
Long, quiet minutes passed while Beckett caught his breath and let his heartbeat come back to normal. But his head was still floating when he eased the weight of his body off Eden, rolled to his side, and pulled her with him. He curled around her, wrapping her in his arms, burying his face in her hair.
“Baby,” he whispered, “you fuckin’ destroy me.”
She hummed, and her hand slid over his forearm, pausing to spin the bracelet still on his wrist a few times. Her own arm was still adorned with half a dozen bracelets in different colors.
God, his heart felt too big for his chest. He ached with the fullness beneath his ribs. Every time he saw her, he learned something new, like peeling back another layer. And his feelings for Eden seemed to be multiplying at a terrifying rate.
He glanced at the clock on her nightstand. They still had time before she had to leave. He kissed her head and whispered, “Want to shower with me?”
When she didn’t answer, didn’t so much as move, he propped himself up on his elbow and leaned over to look at her. And found her asleep.
His heart squeezed, and a smile lifted his mouth. Beckett pressed his face into her soft, fragrant hair again, trying to make sense of the way this woman made his stomach twist, his heart float, and his body crave.
With a shake of his head, Beckett pushed himself up slowly, trying not to wake her. He looked around the room—really looked—for the first time. And it was even worse than at first, lust-hazed glance.
This wasn’t a room; it was a cell.
The basement had cinder-block walls, with two small windows on the back of the town house and two half windows on the front—all of them covered in bars. Exposed plumbing pipes crisscrossed along the ceiling, and utility carpet covered an uneven cement floor. The only furniture was the bed they were on, a wooden nightstand, a metal desk and chair, and one bookcase. And every piece was ancient.
Eden had obviously done what she could to dress it up. Despite the dim, depressing overall feel of the space, it was clean and neat and it smelled nice, filled with a relaxing, breezy floral scent. The walls were painted a pale yellow, adding a little spark. All her books were lined up neatly. Everything on the desk had a place except one textbook, open in the center. There was no kitchen, just a hotplate, a microwave, and a mini fridge.
A strange unease filtered into his post-sex high. He pushed to his feet and turned toward the only other door, which he assumed had to be a bathroom. Pushing the partially open door wide, he clicked on a light. Yep, bathroom. But…man, really nothing more than a toilet, a tiny stand-up shower she could probably barely turn around in, and a single sink basin, its pipes exposed beneath.
A heavy feeling settled in the pit of Beckett’s stomach.
He closed the door to try not to wake her and started the cleanup process, hoping to learn more about her from the surroundings. Folded towels sat on the back of the toilet, along with a shower caddy holding her toiletries, because there was obviously no other place to put them.
When he turned on the water, it came out brown, and he let it run until the old pipes cleared. As he cleaned up, he was both confused and…awed. Meeting her, he never would have guessed this was her living situation. She came off as intelligent and well-read and so totally together. He doubted just anyone got into Johns Hopkins’ paramedic program. And, frankly, he’d also assumed she’d come from money. Maybe because she hadn’t made a big deal out of his apartment or his car. Maybe because she never brought up his contracts or how much he made. Maybe because she’d never asked for or expected anything from him.
He dried his hands and patted his body dry. After only a moment of hesitation, he pulled open her medicine cabinet. Toothpaste, toothbrush, lip balm, Tylenol, Advil, and vitamins. On the bottom shelf there was one tube of mascara, a little bottle of foundation, and a pad of blush.
That was it? Seriously? The women he knew carried more than the entire contents of her bathroom around with them everywhere.
He turned off the light and quietly pulled the door open. Eden hadn’t moved. She was still curled on her side, her naked body smooth and sleek and beautiful. Her hair was a tousled mess spilling over the solid yellow comforter that matched the walls.
Beckett glanced at the time, bent over her, and brushed her hair off her forehead. When she didn’t stir, he smiled. She could have so easily turned him down outside her work. Or could have told him to take her home when he’d turned into the Y. She could also have interrupted his socializing and asked to leave. But she’d done none of that. And, looking around him, he was beginning to realize that Eden was struggling as much as those she’d helped raise funds for today. But she’d stayed on her feet for hours to cook after a long night shift.
And she never asked for anything. Never even hinted that she needed anything. Never got that greedy glint in her eye he’d come to expect in women.
The feeling inside intensified. Man, he admired the hell out of this woman. At least what he knew of her. He couldn’t believe how strongly he felt about her after such a short amount of time. But after so many wrong women, it wouldn’t take a genius to realize when the right one had wandered into his path, which was good, because a genius he was not.
Beckett pulled on his boxer briefs and wandered to her bookcase to read the titles. Her textbooks lined the top shelf. Topics included anatomy, physiology, advanced first aid, CPR, medical terminology, emergency care in the streets, advanced cardiac support, pediatric advanced life support, pharmacology and drug guides, trauma management, emergency obstetrics, psychiatric emergencies.
“Jesus,” he whispered. He got a headache just reading the titles. He’d definitely gotten the intelligent part right.
He crouched and looked at the second shelf. Brain, Mind, and Body: Healing from Trauma. The next book in line: The Power to Break Free.
He frowned. Those didn’t sound like they fit the program. He pulled the book out and looked at the cover, read the subtitle: For Victims and Survivors of Domestic Violence.
The way she’d flinched that night in the bar flashed in Beckett’s mind, and his stomach went cold. The skin over the back of his neck prickled, and the hair on his arms stood up. A wickedly intense protective streak burned a path through him. He’d known her flinching and startling pointed to something unpleasant in her past, but seeing that vague thought put into the cold, harsh words domestic violence made it far more real, far uglier, far more infuriating.
He clenched his teeth and read the other titles in the row. Domestic Violence Survival Workbook. It’s My Life Now, Starting Over After Domestic Violence. Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
From there, the titles transitioned into a new topic. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations. Angel Catcher, a Journal of Loss and Remembrance. Beyond Tears: Finding Light After Loss.
Beckett’s stomach churned, his body flashed hot, then cold, then hot again. His mind tried to make sense of the books. Eden didn’t strike him as the kind of woman to regret walking away from an abuser. He couldn’t envision Eden mourning the loss of someone who’d hurt her. But maybe the loss of her family when she left California had been harder to overcome than she let on.
He straightened the books and let his fingers float over the bindings, grateful they’d helped her in some way become the strong woman she was today. The woman who now pulled at him in ten different ways.
The covers rustled, then her sluggish voice murmured, “Shit. What time is it?”
Beckett stood. “Only one fifteen. Relax. I won’t let you oversleep.”
She pulled her hair off her face. “Sorry. I haven’t crashed like that in a long time.”
The fact that she trusted him enough to relax gave him more of a thrill than it probably should have. “I’m sure you need it.”
Sitting next to her, he gathered her into his arms, lay back against a couple of pillows, and pulled her to rest on top of him. She sighed, pressed her face to his neck, and kissed him, then leaned her head on his shoulder.
“Rest until you have to go.” He stroked his hands down her back. “Are you cold?”
“Not now.” She sounded sleepy and happy. “You’re like a furnace.”
He chuckled and wrapped her tighter, wishing he could take away all the ugliness in her past. The same way he wished he could wipe away the fears he still saw resurface in Lily’s eyes every now and then.
He was thinking about that similarity between Lily and Eden when she said, “Beckett?”
As soon as he refocused on the present, he felt the tension in the air. “Hmm?”
“Is this a…thing?” she said, voice soft and unsure. “Or…not a thing?”
He grinned, but his stomach still flipped and twisted. “Well, this is definitely something. So, yeah, I think this is a thing. At least, I’m hoping it’s a thing, because I’m already wondering when I can see you again.”
She remained quiet for a long stretch, and Beckett let her have the time to sort that out. He had a lot of his own sorting to do. Like when to tell her about Lily. Like how long he wanted to wait before he introduced her to Lily. Like how to figure out how he and Eden could see each other with these insane schedules.
Like why she was living in this hole.
But first things first. “Do you want this to be a thing?”
She smiled, a cute, almost sly smile that made her look so young, but there were still shadows behind her eyes. “Man,” she said barely above a whisper. “I…”
When she shook her head, he lifted a hand to her chin, then turned her head until her eyes met his. “Say what you feel, Eden. I’m not going to pounce or argue or try to sway you one way or another. I really want to know what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours. I see a whole lot of thought-badminton going on in your eyes.”
She inhaled a shaky little breath. “It…scares me.”
His heart pulled so hard, he felt the ache all through his body. “I know. I wish I could make it easier.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“I know that too.”
Her eyes dropped away, ashamed, and she nodded.
Man, what was it about her injured soul that made him want to hold tighter? Moments like this made him realize how fundamentally Lily had changed him. A year ago, even the hint of drama sent him sprinting the other direction.
Her eyes slid closed in a look of intense longing. “I really, really want this to be a thing.”
As if a bunch of rubber bands had been holding his heart closed, they all released at the same time, spreading his heart wide open. He grinned and kissed her, and when he pulled back, her eyes were shining instead of dark.
“I hear a ‘but’ in there,” he said, “but I’m going to pretend I don’t. That way I can ask if you’d consider coming to see a game? Maybe bring Gabe or another friend who knows hockey? That way they could explain things while they’re happening.”
Her gaze turned curious and a little guarded. “You really don’t mind if I bring a guy?”
Beckett was learning to identify the hot buttons beneath Eden’s competent exterior. For a second, he considered cracking the egg and asking Eden directly what happened to her, what she was really afraid of. But he also got the distinct impression that if he pressured her in the wrong way, she’d shut down and they’d lose all the closeness they’d developed.
And he really didn’t want to lose this.
“Guys usually know more about hockey than girls. But if it means getting you to a game to actually watch me play, all you have to do is tell me how many tickets you want, and I’ll have them waiting for you at the door. You can bring the whole damn ambulance company if you want.”
A slow smile softened her eyes. “That would be a little overwhelming. I already lock myself in my bedroom when they throw on ESPN.”
“ESPN? Why aren’t they watching the NHL network?”
She laughed. “Oh, they do. Gabe’s the instigator.”
“Knew I liked that guy.”
She lifted a hand to his face. “And I know I like this guy.” Leaning in, she kissed him again, and the sweetness of it made him ache. But when she pulled back, she said, “Can I think about it?”
Her reaction was as foreign to Beckett as 90 percent of the topics she studied. And a split second of are we too different to make this work? passed through his mind before he said, “Absolutely.” Then he changed the subject. “Tell me about this place. You’ve got to admit this is pretty unusual, especially for a woman in this neighborhood. I especially don’t like the idea of you walking these streets from Metro.”
“It’s all I can afford right now.” She didn’t sound upset or angry about it, just matter-of-fact. “I’m careful. I carry the most powerful stun gun you can buy. And I’ve got a year of defense and fighting classes behind me. I’ve also gone out of my way to get to know the people who live between here and the Metro station. We sort of watch out for each other. I have no doubt I’ll be getting grilled about the guy with the Porsche before the end of the week.”
Somehow that didn’t set his mind completely at ease. “You know stun guns are illegal in the District of Columbia?”
She grinned, and a little rebel shone through. “I’d rather pay the fine and stay safe than the alternative.”
He sighed. “I suppose me offering a little help to find a safer place for you to live—”
“Would make your family’s resistance look like a toddler’s tantrum.”
He laughed and stroked her face, then pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love that tough streak. I just wish it wasn’t over a safety issue. Have you always had it?”
“Born that way. Unfortunately, most of the people in my past life didn’t even like it, let alone love it.”
“Is that why your family’s not helping you now? Or can’t they afford it?”
She snorted a laugh. “Oh, they could afford it. But what they spent their money on always held an element of self-benefit. My father would have paid for a business degree. Nothing but a business degree. I got into a handful of top schools out of high school, including his alma mater, Columbia. The funny part is that I wasn’t the one who applied. He did. And when I refused to go for business, well…”
She shrugged and sighed. “Doesn’t matter now. One of the most important things this job has taught me is how incredibly fragile life is. And how short. How you can be alive one moment and dead the next. Just…gone. No second chances, no coming back. That’s it.”
Her voice held a deeply emotional note Beckett couldn’t quite place. There was a sort of realistic sadness there, but something else too. Something painful.
“So I’m glad I didn’t cave,” she went on. “But even though I have a tough streak, I have an even wider pleaser streak, and I did spend too many years trying to find ways to make up for that huge failure in my father’s eyes. And that turned out way worse.”
So he’d been right about her coming from money too. That wasn’t making him feel good about the other hunches he’d developed. “Is that why you don’t talk to them now?”
“One of many reasons. After two and a half decades of their control, disapproval, and impossible standards, I cut ties. Came here. Started over.”
That might be part of the story, but Beckett heard a huge gap between the impossible standards and cutting ties. He was sure what she was telling him now was the tip of the iceberg.
“And you’re doing everything yourself?” he asked. “Paying for school, expenses, on your own? With the money you make at the ambulance company?”
“Mmm-hmm. It’s tight, but I manage. I don’t need much.”
No, she certainly didn’t need much. She demanded even less. “Do you miss it? The money, the comfort? I didn’t go to college, barely made it out of high school, but this doesn’t seem comfortable or safe or conducive to studying. Or even life, for that matter. It’s not like you could exactly hang with friends here.”
“Depends on the friends.” She lifted her face to his again, and a smile curled her lips. “You’re here.”
He laughed. “Good point.”
She stroked her thumb across his jaw. “I prefer this sparse, autonomous life to luxuries that come with a price tag in the form of emotional blackmail. And no, I don’t miss material things. Those equate to confinement at best, imprisonment at worst. Material things don’t hold any more importance to me than title or fame or money.” She shot him a grin. “Sorry, hotshot. I’m pretty crazy about you for you. And, come to think of it, in spite of all your trappings.”
The thrill that cut through Beckett shocked him. He pulled her closer, lifted her chin, and covered her mouth with his. She opened to him, kissing him with a hunger that mirrored the one stirring in his body again.
Beckett pulled away with a groan. “What I would give for a few uninterrupted days with you.”
She thought that was funny. “That’s so far out of my realm of reality, I don’t even know what that would look like. I like to think I’d be able to take some time off after school, between jobs, but that’s probably not realistic.”
“You’re not staying at Capital Ambulance?”
“They don’t offer advanced life support. They’re a basic haul-and-drop outfit. As a paramedic, my base rate will double what I make now.”
“So, where will you work?”
“I can either work for another ambulance company that employs paramedics or get onto a paramedic rig with a fire department. I’ll stay at Capital until I find a paramedic job, but the good ones aren’t all that common. I don’t want to work for a transporter, where all I do is move people from one place to another. I want a job where I’m working directly with people who need the help.”
“The front lines.”
“Exactly.”
He chuckled. “You’ve got a little adrenaline junkie in you.”
“I guess I never thought about it that way.”
“I live it, so I recognize the signs of illness.”
She grinned. “I’m nowhere near as sick as you.”
That made him laugh. “Truth. I’m terminal.”
“No, two years on DC’s streets has given me enough of the holy-shit factor. I wouldn’t mind a slower pace. Somewhere I actually get a few hours sleep during a shift.”
“Metro is so heavily populated. Where are you gonna find that?”
She didn’t respond immediately. “Actually, I’m so busy putting one foot in front of the other, I hadn’t looked that far ahead.”
Her voice was thoughtful, as if she was realizing how her job location could very well interfere with this thing they were starting. For Beckett, it was a huge concern. Partially for him, sure. He didn’t want to finally find a woman he could fall in love with only to have her move away and make a relationship even more difficult. But more so for Lily. And if Beckett didn’t feel comfortable introducing Eden to Lily, how could this thing really be a thing?
“I’m also thinking about continuing on with school,” she said, softly, as if these ideas were all gelling now that they’d brought them up.
“For what?” he asked.
She shrugged and looked away, and even before she spoke again, he knew she was going to play this dream down. “I’ve thought about going further in medicine. Maybe becoming a physician’s assistant. My instructors have been trying to sell me on going on to get my bachelor’s with the thought of going on to medical school, but that’s…” She shook her head. “Unfathomable, honestly.” She laughed, brushing the whole topic off with “See why I don’t think ahead? It gets messy.”
Sure as hell did. Yet after a year of working to instill self-confidence in Lily and encouraging her to dream big, he sure as shit wasn’t going to sit here and tell Eden any different.
He tipped her head back, lifting her gaze to his. “Nothing’s unfathomable. Especially not for a woman with your intelligence and grit. Go where your heart leads you. We only live once, right?”
The shift in her eyes mirrored the movement in his heart. She had the craziest way of tempting him toward those three words he’d never said to a woman. Often believed he’d never find a woman he wanted to say them to.
Eden pressed a kiss to his lips, then rested her forehead against his. “I better get dressed.”
When she pulled away, he added a quick “Can I drop you at school?”
She laughed. “You’re adorable. Hopkins is in Baltimore, handsome.”
“Oh, right.” An hour’s drive one way. He’d never make it back to pick up Lily.
“But you can drop me at Union Station. I jump the Acela at two. Gets me to class right on time.”
He forced a smile, even though he was pretty sure they were parting again with nothing more concrete between them than when he’d been standing in front of the ambulance company this morning. “Deal.”
Beckett was weaving his way through downtown DC toward his mother’s house when his cell rang through the car’s intercom system. Kim’s name lit up the dash.
“Shit.” He drew out the word with dread, decided he couldn’t avoid her any longer, and pressed the button on his steering wheel to answer. “Hey, Kim. What’s up?”
“Well, finally,” she said, her voice carrying attitude. “I’m in town, and I’d like to meet.”
He made one of those I-don’t-know-how-I-can-fit-that-in sounds. “This is a crazy week—”
“It’s about Lily.”
She knew what button to push with him, and it pissed him off.
“She’s fine, thanks for asking,” he said, still upbeat. “Great, actually. Listen, is this something we can discuss on the phone? Because—”
“It’s about the custody hearing. So, no, I think it would be better to do it face-to-face. I’m in the city now.” She named a coffee shop. “Or I can grab a taxi and meet you somewhere else.”
She was only six blocks away. He might as well get this over with. “No, that’s fine. I’ll be there in fifteen.”
Beckett disconnected and changed directions. On the drive, he considered approaches and tactics to use with Kim. He tried to call Fred, but his attorney was in a meeting. By the time he’d parked, all the happiness and relaxation Eden had created was gone.
He opened the center console and pulled out the school pictures Lily had brought home a few days before. After pulling the order sheet so he could buy more for his family, he headed inside.
Kim sat near the window, legs crossed, foot swinging restlessly. When the door closed behind him, she looked over and smiled. Sitting forward, she clasped her hands gingerly beneath her chin and kept her eyes on him as he approached.
He remembered why he’d found her attractive all those years ago. For starters, she was a beautiful brown-eyed brunette Barbie. She also made a guy feel like he was the only man on the planet, the way she was doing with Beckett now, never letting her gaze waver from him for a millisecond. Back then, she’d had a whimsical country-fresh girl quality with hemp bracelets, holey jeans, and white gauze blouses. Now, she’d graduated to the sophisticated hot-chick zone, decked out in designer jeans painted onto those long legs and a skintight blouse that showed all her cleavage. And she wore more jewelry and makeup than Beckett bet Eden owned.
“Hey,” he said, pulling a chair across the table from her. “Long time.”
“You look great.”
Nope, he wasn’t touching that. Instead, he lifted the envelope. “I brought Lily’s latest school pictures.”
She glanced at the envelope, then laughed. “How…cute. Who would have ever guessed such a badass hockey player would turn so soft over a kid?”
Her insensitivity or attempted jibe or whatever the hell it was didn’t bother him in the least. The fact that Kim ignored the photos bothered Beckett far more.
“So, what’s up?” he asked, setting the photos aside.
She reached out and put her hand over his. “How are you, Beckett?”
He gently pulled his hand back, but revulsion rolled beneath his skin. “I’m good, but I don’t have a lot of time. What did you want to talk about?”
She sighed, and her smile turned petulant. “I know how much Lily means to you.”
“Uh-huh.”
“And I know this custody issue is important to you.”
“It’s important because it’s the best thing for Lily.”
“And I’m inclined to agree to your request if you’d be inclined to agree to mine.”
Patience. Patience.
“It’s not a request, Kim. We had an understanding when I took over her care last year.”
“That was then. This is now. Things have changed.”
“You may have a hard time convincing a court of that considering the condition you left her in.”
“I really don’t want to take this to court, Beckett.”
Anger formed a rock in his throat. “What do you want?”
“Five million,” she said with a matter-of-fact air. “And I’ll sign over custody of Lily. Permanently.”
Beckett choked out a laugh at the sheer absurdity of the number. “Five million? Where the hell did you come up with that number?”
“Don’t act like that’s a lot of money to you.” Suddenly, she was disgusted. “I’m not an idiot. The way you’re playing, you’ll make that in your performance bonus alone this year.”
He shook his head. “Even if I did, I wouldn’t buy Lily from you. Lily isn’t property, and this isn’t a deal. This is about Lily’s welfare. Lily’s best interest. Lily’s health and happiness—”
“Don’t give me that shit. I know you’re not raising Lily. I know you’ve got a nanny doing all the work. And you’re probably also doing the nanny on the side. You’ve probably already got Lily’s boarding school all picked out and paid for. You don’t want her disturbing your lifestyle any more than I want her disturbing mine.”
“About that lifestyle,” Beckett said. “What does Henderson think of having to father another man’s kid?”
Kim’s lips pressed together, and her chin lifted.
“That’s what I thought.” He picked up his phone and offered her the envelope again. “Would you like any of Lily’s pictures?”
“No, I don’t want her pictures,” Kim spat, furious. “I don’t want anything to do with her. But you’re going to have to pay to get me to say that on the record.”
Beckett exited the café, stalking to his car and wishing he had a game tonight so he could smash some guys against the boards.
Since he didn’t and couldn’t, he spent the rest of the drive to his mother’s talking to Fred, which calmed him down enough to enter the house only a fraction as frustrated as he’d been twenty minutes before.
He heard his sister’s voice in the family room and headed that direction. She was on the phone, watching the girls playing in the yard out the window.
Lowering the mouthpiece, she whispered to Beckett, “Griff.”
Beckett could tell by her smile alone that Sarah was talking to her husband. “Say hi for me.”
He stepped outside, called hello to the girls, and sat on the steps. They yelled back in unison but didn’t run to him, and Beckett tried to remember that was a good sign, even if he really did need that hug right now.
The excitement and warmth in Sarah’s voice as she talked to Griff made Beckett’s mind drift to Eden. And as he watched Lily, Rachel, and Amy play in the leaves his father had raked into piles around the yard, his hopes for the near future plummeted.
Lily’s giggle rolled through the air and lightened Beckett’s heart a little. She could always make him smile. The screen door closed behind him, and Sarah sat next to him, curling her arms around her knees, her cell phone dangling in her fingers.
“How’s Griff?” Beckett asked.
“Good.” Her smile looked the way Beckett’s had felt a short hour ago with Eden. “Only three more weeks.”
Lucky her. “Man, bet it will be nice to have him home awhile.”
“More than awhile. He’s getting a promotion. He’s going to be stationed at the Pentagon.”
The Pentagon was a short drive or Metro ride from Arlington, where Griff and Sarah had bought their house. “Hey, that’s fantastic.” Beckett reached around Sarah’s shoulders and hugged her. “Congratulations. Do the girls know?”
Sarah shook her head and focused on the kids. “I’m going to wait until he’s home to tell them. Otherwise, they’ll ask me a million questions I can’t answer.”
“And that way, you can say, ‘Go ask your dad.’”
“Bingo. Fair warning: he’s going to want season tickets.”
“I’ll wrap them up for him for Christmas.” He looked out at the girls again. “Hope I’m on the ice next year, not watching with him from the stands.”
“You will be.” She knocked her shoulder against his. “You’re having an amazing year.”
He grinned and nodded, because, yeah, on the ice, he was doing everything he was supposed to do and his game was falling into place. Off the ice… His game had gone askew.
“You’re going to have to pull out a rake when they’re done,” Beckett told her. “Or Dad will be all over you. Where’d he and Mom go?”
“I thought I’d leave the leaves for you. And they went out to lunch.”
“Good job, sis.” It was hell getting their parents out of the house and away from the grandkids, but he and Sarah agreed they needed their own time too.
They sat in a moment of silence while the girls jumped on the swings. But Beckett’s mind drifted to Eden and his sensation of being held at arm’s length unless she wanted sex. Which was ironic, considering that was really all he’d ever done with women. And that brought his mind back to Kim, and that frustrated the hell out of him.
“Everything okay with the team?” Sarah asked.
“Hmm?” Beckett glanced at her and found that worried crease between her brows. “Oh, yeah. Fine.”
“And Kim?”
In an effort to calm Sarah’s nerves, he decided to give her the information he’d learned in the car that had calmed his own. “I talked to Fred on my way over. I told him to go all-out, get all the ammunition he could, just in case. He had someone take a statement from the aunt.”
“Oh, that’s good, right?”
Beckett nodded. “And they’re in the process of interviewing people in both her past and current life with as few ripples as possible. He’s gathered Lily’s medical records and seems confident that if Kim doesn’t sign custody over willingly, it will be taken from her.”
Sarah exhaled. “That’s a relief.”
A slight relief, but after two and a half years of dealing with Kim’s manipulation, Beckett could feel the other shoe waiting to drop. And his sister didn’t need any more worries than she already had, so he hummed an affirmative. “Mmm-hmm.”
Another moment of silence lingered before Sarah asked, “Then what’s bothering you?”
He shook his head and watched Lily somersault down the far embankment and land in a pile of leaves. “Maybe I should start her in gymnastics.”
“She doesn’t have time for gymnastics. You’ve already got her schedule stuffed.”
He frowned at her. “Too stuffed? I don’t want to stress her out.”
Sarah laughed. “Does she look stressed out to you?”
Her cousins had followed Lily down the slight grade, and the three girls were now piled on top of each other, giggling at nothing. A grin broke out over Beckett’s face. “No. She looks giddy.”
“Then I think you have your answer. But she still doesn’t have time for gymnastics. Now what’s bothering you?”
Beckett heaved a sigh and leaned back against one of the porch pillars. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s her, isn’t it? The EMT.”
He smirked. Nodded. Beckett didn’t know how to put everything he was thinking and feeling into words. He hadn’t even straightened it out in his mind yet.
“You really like her.” The surprised realization in Sarah’s voice drew Beckett’s gaze.
“Why do you make that sound as shocking as a fish breathing air?”
“Because this is different. I don’t think I’ve seen you like this since Stacy Dickler bailed on junior prom because of your broken nose. You looked hideous.”
He rolled his eyes.
“But you don’t look hideous now, and you’re making the kind of money women don’t chase, they hunt. So what’s the problem?”
Yeah, that hunting part was a problem. But not with Eden. “She doesn’t care about money.”
“I like her already,” Sarah said. “But that doesn’t explain the problem.”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure what the problem is. We’re good together. Really good. We don’t have a lot in common jobwise—she’s not a hockey fan—but we have the same values, the same sense of humor. She’s smart and sexy, and she doesn’t take any shit. Yeah,” he said on an exhale, thinking of all the intangible nuances about her that drove his affection deep. “I really like her.”
“Wait. She doesn’t care about money, and she doesn’t like hockey? Why is she dating you?”
“Ha. Good one.” But it got Beckett thinking. Maybe she really was only with him for the sex. And didn’t that suck donkey balls?
“What’s her name?” Sarah asked. “I haven’t heard Lily mention anyone.”
“Eden. And she hasn’t met Lily.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know if it’s going to work out, and I don’t want to introduce a woman into Lily’s life just to have her disappear, like Kim.”
Sarah stared, her brow pulled into the confused how-the-hell-does-your-mind-work look.
“What?” he asked, frustrated.
“The way you’re looking at it doesn’t make sense. Life, by its very nature, is unstable. Your job, for example, is terribly unstable. You could be traded and moved to the West Coast next week. Our whole family could lose Lily in an instant, which you know would tear us up. But that doesn’t keep us from loving her.”
She gestured absently. “And then there’s Kim. Until you’ve got her signatures on those custody papers, she could flip on a dime and demand Lily back. And considering it took her over two years to get around to telling you Lily even existed, then forced you to make all the effort in visitation for the next two years, I doubt Kim would be interested in fostering a relationship between Lily and her extended family. But that doesn’t keep us from forging a bond with her now.”
Beckett rubbed his eyes and nodded, but he was so focused on the potential guilt of hurting his family if he lost the Rough Riders or Kim took custody of Lily that he couldn’t figure out what Sarah was trying to tell him.
“And how does that relate to Eden?” he asked, already wincing in anticipation of Sarah’s frustration with his denseness.
His sister didn’t disappoint. She threw her hands wide. “How in the hell does your brain think so fast on the ice? I don’t get it.”
“Sarah.”
She heaved a sigh. “By not taking the chance, you may not have to deal with the downside of the situation, but you’re also missing out on the potential beauty of a relationship. For you and Lily. Besides, not having relationships because you’re afraid of hurting Lily in itself is hurting Lily. What kind of role model is that? Would you want Lily putting her life on hold the same way?”
He thought about it. “No.”
“No. And honestly, as long as you stay in Lily’s life, that’s all the stability she needs. Look at me and Griff and the girls. Griff goes away for long periods of time. We all live with the fear that one day we’ll be told he’s never coming home. You come and go from the girls’ lives weekly. And they’re fine. They’re happy and well-adjusted and thriving because I am their constant.”
“You think so?”
She smiled and gestured toward the girls, who were running to the top of the slope to roll down into the leaves again. “There is your proof.”
Beckett imagined introducing Eden and Lily and smiled. Nodded. Excitement sparked at the center of his body.
Lily splashed into the leaves, rolled, and sat up. Grinning ear to ear, autumn leaves stuck in her blonde curls, she looked at him. “Did you see that, Daddy?”
Beckett laughed, then told Sarah, “Maybe you’re right.”
“Go for it, Beck.” She clasped her hands around one knee and leaned back with a sly grin. “If for no other reason than so I can meet the woman who finally got you to walk away from a puck-bunny-threesome offer so you could make out with one anti-hockey chick in the corner. She’s got to be something else.”
Beckett was going to have to have a talk with the new Russian about keeping what happened with the team in the bars, with the team in the bars. “Fucking Andre.”