Hope Sundered

Keila was alone with her mother in Ginica’s quarters. Bonding with the Nokri queen had become part of their morning routine. She looked forward to their private talks and the opportunity to make up for lost time.

“The other Ronos have agreed to help the Wyndhamites,” Ginica told her daughter. They both had a cup of misra in their hands. “You and Sekka will need to assemble a group and ride at first light. If your meeting with the Eja is successful, send a runner and meet us in the Orharos Valley. We’ll formalize plans there before pressing north.”

Keila smiled, releasing in one triumphant exhale every bit of doubt and fear she’d carried with her from Chastin. She’d done it! The army she’d hoped and prayed for had become a reality. “I can’t thank you enough, Mother.”

Ginica returned the smile. “I’m so proud of you, my daughter. Granted, I wish you never had experienced such tragedy, but in spite of it you’re every bit the woman I would’ve wanted if I’d raised you myself. When the time comes, I know the Jitsa will follow you.”

Keila hesitated. “Are we…still talking about Wyndham?”

Ginica chuckled. “I’m not going to live forever. But fear not; I have many years left, Maker willing. You also have Sekka, who adores you, and Forizu. One day you'll be ready, and you'll be magnificent.”

Keila looked at her hands resting in her lap. “The night I fled Chastin, Father left me in charge of the women, children, and elderly in the boats. Somehow, we made it to Ob’riant, but I had no idea what to do from one day to the next.”

“Yajuel guided you,” Ginica offered.

“I suppose. But I left them there to avenge Father and Lark. Looking back, it seems reckless and I can’t help feel like I abandoned them, just when they needed me the most. If that’s true, what does it say about my ability to lead?”

Ginica shook her head. “You may have been driven by vengeance on the surface, but I believe underneath that grief was a genuine desire to protect those in your care, and the best way you knew how to do that was to defeat those who threatened them.”

She took a sip from her cup to give her daughter a moment to digest her words.

“You won’t always make the right decisions, Keila. I’m sure Losi made some mistakes along the way, and Maker knows I’ve had my share. We gain wisdom when we learn from our failures. No one has all the right answers. The Chastinites trusted you because they knew you’d do your best with what you had. This is all anyone can expect from us.”

Keila’s nod included both her understanding and gratitude. She finished her own cup and released a sigh. “I should find Sekka and begin planning our trip.”

“Take Ekard with you. He’ll further validate your case. Besides, you’re the only one he knows here, and I’m sure it’s been hard for him.”

Keila’s expression darkened. “Some of that is his own doing.”

“Don’t judge him too harshly, Keila. Not everyone is as open-minded as you are. You get that from your father, by the way. Besides, he doesn’t have the benefit of being half-Nokri as you do.”

For a heartbeat Keila debated whether or not to tell her mother about his desperate attempt to seduce her in the Wilds, but decided against it. He seemed ashamed of his behavior and there didn’t seem to be a reason to punish him further. And now he was a stranger in a strange land, more so than her. “I suppose you’re right.”

“He seems like a good man. He may not be Lark, but different isn’t bad; it’s unique, and that can be quite special.”

Keila hugged her sides and shook her head. “I don’t…care for Ekard that way. Besides, I’m not even sure if I want to be with anyone else at this point.”

Ginica shook her head and sighed. “I was afraid you’d say that, but I suppose I’m not surprised. Truly, you’re more Nokri than Avelirian.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nokri mate for life. Once they give their heart to someone, it’s given fully, with no desire to get it back. It’s almost unheard of for a Nokri widow to remarry. Even if your father had died the day I left, I never would’ve remarried.”

“But you married Karga.”

Ginica’s eyes narrowed. “My father forced me to marry him. Karga had my body, but never had my heart.”

Keila cringed and hung her head. “Forgive me, I meant no offense.”

“It’s alright. I don’t regret having Sekka, and I’m grateful for the man he’s become. At first, I struggled to understand why Yajuel would allow me to endure such heartbreak, but now I can see a bigger plan in motion, and I know he’s working for the good of the Jitsa, in tragedy as well as triumph. All that being said, you still need to move on with your life.”

“But you just said—”

Ginica raised her hand to silence her daughter. “Moving on doesn’t have to mean finding another mate, but you still have to say goodbye. Clinging to something conjures hope, and hope creates expectation, but if you hope in what cannot be, the pain of it will drive you mad.

“I never lost hope of being reunited with your father until you told me he was dead.” She paused to halt the growing tremor in her voice. “A part of me died in that moment as well, but now I must say goodbye, and shift my hope to seeing him again when I’ve passed on from this life.

She took a deep breath. “It’s your choice whether or not you wish to marry, but make sure you’ve said goodbye to Lark either way.”

Rising, she crossed the short distance to her daughter and kissed her gently on the forehead. “I’ll be praying for your journey to be safe, and your encounter with the Eja to be successful.”

“Don’t worry, Mother. I’ll see you again soon, and I’ll have the Eja with me.”

They embraced and held each other for a lingering moment, attempting in vain to halt time and duty from pulling them apart. Today would soon become tomorrow, held only in the tenuous grasp of memory.

Ginica released her daughter and smiled wi. “Ah, my Keila. My heart. The best of both worlds.”