Honored (Book 2 of the In Search of Honor series)

“I still recognize myself as Dan. I have just added a great amount of understanding and skill to the repertoire I previously possessed.” In that monotone voice I could hear his voice’s inflection of words.

I wished he could be the Dan of my past, but this was still Dan. He had chosen to stay next to me, no matter what. I pulled my hand back and smiled up at his eyes that were staring intently down at me. “I love you,” I told him.

“You love the old Dan, just as I used to love you. Love is a useless emotion.” His retort hurt, but they had done things to him. He might not understand love anymore, but he was here because of love.

“You are Dan. I love you, even if you don’t care anymore, I still love you and will always love you.” It felt so strange, and so right to insist. Whatever came your way, he had given his life to be with me, and I would do the same.

“Hey lovebirds,” A woman’s voice called from down the hall. I recognized her voice as the one that had spoken right before I fell asleep again. “I’ve got the wheelchair for Liv. We have a lot we need her to deal with, so if we can hurry things up.”

Dan pulled away from me and stood up straight, facing the direction of the voice.

A Wall woman with a square face and her hair in a tightly coiled bun wearing a lab coat walked into view with a chair that had two large wheels and two smaller wheels rolling next to her. “It’s a bit old. We don’t really use these much around here.”

It looked exactly like the one I had used last time I was here. “I’ve seen this before. I used one last time I was here.”

The woman looked at the chair next to her, “It might be the same one. We really don’t have many of them. People tend to choose to go with bodily enhancement and exoskeletons over the wheelchairs as they get older, and we haven’t had some become paralyzed in a long time.”

Dan scooped me up in his arms. I hadn’t asked for him to pick me up! My heart pounded in my chest from the sudden movement. When had Dan gotten this strong? I remembered back to the destruction of the castle. He did a similar thing there. It must be the new parts the Wall gave him. He carried me over to the chair, and gently set me in it.

The woman held out a white stick-like object toward him, “This is the remote to the chair. You can connect to have direct access, and you can teach her how to use this remote.”

Dan took the stick and responded mechanically, “Understood.”

The lady then held up a white bottle, “This is pain killers. Right now she still has some powerful drugs in her and probably feels nothing. When the pain gets unbearable, give her these. When it gets too bad, bring her back. Remember, she doesn’t have much time left to make her decision, so make sure she understands the decision.”

Dan reached forward and took the bottle, “I understand. I will make sure she comes back.”

He started walking past the lady, and my chair followed. I waved at her as I passed. “Thanks,” I called out to her.

She gave me a sad smile, “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more. I’ll see you again when he brings you back.”

“What do you mean?” I asked as my chair took me away.

“Ask Dan. We’ve given him all the answers.” She called after me.

We turned a corner and she was gone from sight. “Dan, what does she mean?”

He looked down at me as he continued walking toward some place, “It is simple. Your body is dying. Do you remember what the doctor said to you when you first woke up?”

“Vaguely. Something about giving me an exoskeleton or turning me into a cyborg,” and I stopped, looking up at him as I my chair rolled along next to him. “Oh.”

“Yes, they want you to understand what it means to be a cyborg which is why they have tasked me with explaining it.” He lifted his hands and looked down at the metal that gleamed under the artificial lights. “It is silly to have me explain when I am still learning myself. I didn’t have much time between waking up in this enhanced body and needing to rescue you.”

I reached my hand out and gripped his cold arm. He stopped and the chair stopped next to him. “Be careful.”

“Of what?”

“Of Me. I can’t feel with these arms. They are working on producing better arms for me that have sensors, but they had to get me running quicker than expected to save you.”

He had sacrificed so much for me, “Thank you.” I had nothing else I could say to express the burning ache in my chest.

“For what?” He was still like a statue.

“For saving me so many times. For giving up everything. For being here, alive, with me.”

“It is my programming.” His lack of movement and inflection felt so unnatural. Did it have something to do with this word programming? Speech and mannerisms wouldn’t just disappear if someone lost their emotions. Those were instinctual habitual movements and responses.

“Does this word programming have anything to do with your loss of speech inflection and habitual mannerisms?” I wanted his soothing intonations of words back. I wanted his strange village speak in full lilt back. I wanted him to at least be himself even if he had lost his emotions.

“Yes. I haven’t had time for my brain to adjust to the chips and processors controlling my body yet. Eventually their programming will integrate itself with my brain, or my brain will adapt and rewire for it. I am told that as my brain rewires itself, my old mannerisms and speech habits will come back. If it disturbs you, I can study the speech patterns of myself before cyberization and I can rewrite the programming to use the old mannerisms. Currently I am using the base speech program.”

I wasn’t sure which I wanted. This programming thing sounded like it would be more of a facsimile of himself, and that eventually the old Dan would resurface if I waited. I still didn’t quite understand what he was talking about, and I didn’t want to decide without knowing more, “So what exactly is this programming thing, and what does it mean for you?”

“Programming is the act of writing code.” He stopped, his eyes locked on me for a moment, and it felt like he could see my confusion. “My code is like orders that tell me how to do things. Right now my emotion reading module is telling me that you are confused by the way your facial muscles are moving. I have base code that is locked and only Wall admins can unlock and edit it. This includes things like my core function. The core functions include things such as movement commands for my body and instinctual behaviors such as my core purpose of protecting you. Higher level programs such as speech and mannerisms are unlocked and I can edit them myself to adapt. This also helps allow the programs and my brain to slowly integrate better. For now, I think much of what I am runs on the programs.”

It still sounded so strange and weird. I wasn’t quite certain I could wrap my head around this programming verses his brain. Programming sounded like how people could change and update themselves, but they still ran on core motives and ideas. “I don’t think it’s my place to decide how you speak and act. If you want to change to sound and move like your old self, then I think that is your decision.”

I let go of his arm, and he immediately turned forward and started walking again with the wheelchair immediately moving next to him again. He looked down at me as he walked, “I will work on analyzing what is for the best and will adapt accordingly.”

That was all anyone could do. Figure out which course of action was best and take it. I wished I could reach out and hold his hand, but he would probably stop again if I did. And where was he walking to with so much purpose?

“Where are we heading?” I finally worked up the courage to ask.