His Soul & His Shame

It's been two weeks since the pizzeria's incident and I have been ignoring Ezra completely. I have two reasons to push Ezra away from me, one being him seeing me as an only friend and the second reason! It has some time for it but it was the main reason I am being distant with Ezra.

He is not good for me, I just can't be just a friend to him other than being someone's girlfriend. Ezra is the reason I never dated. When I was in school he threatened every boy in my school and fought with some and from then I decided to never try.

Some may wonder why my world revolved around Ezra. When I met Ezra he was this lonely silent boy with hard features on his face. I didn't understand why he is like that but as time went I understood why he has to be mature at an early age. He comes from a toxic family where the parents always fight with each other and don't care for him. He doesn't have anyone in his life other than his parents and he doesn't know what true love is.

I was always with him, no matter what. Ezra is so goal-oriented, passionate, and hard-working. I love these qualities in him. These things made me fall for him but now I need to get away from him to keep my heart safe.

"Fay! Ezra is waiting for you downstairs. Come on." My mom knocked on my door. Everyone knows that I am avoiding Ezra and they didn't ask me the reason why.

"Ask him to leave mama, I am not feeling well." I collapsed my body on the bed and covered it with the duvet.

I was avoiding him at the University too when he came to pick Mitch up. I don't want to see him, if I see him then I will melt easily. It's better to be like this and I feel somewhat relaxed because of not feeling anything other than numb. "Baby girl? Are you in?" I heard Ezra's voice in front of my room and I sat upright in my head hearing him after this long. I have never been away from him ever. Tears pooled in my eyes hearing him, maybe I am being hard on him and myself. Am I too selfish to think only about myself? He doesn't know how to love, why I am being so heartless now just because I love him more than a friend. I don't know what to do but now I know what I have to do.

I slowly took steps towards the door, tears streaming down my eyes and my hair is in disarray but I don't care about my looks now. I just want to hug the hell out of him and inhale his deep rich chocolate scent which I crave.

I opened the door and launched myself into his arms hugging him so tight like my life depended on him and yeah in a sense it is dependent on him. He is my first and last love and I'll never love someone as I love him.

"I... am so... s... orry Ezra, s... sor... ryy." I cried in his arms hiccuping and I don't care if I am ruining his shirt, what means is me being in his arms surrounded by his scent and warmth. He is my home, this is enough for me for now. I don't want anything for now but what I am gonna do is hard on me and him. I just hope everything will be fine at last.

"Shhh..... Baby girl, it's okay. It's okay." His arms were around me and he buried his nose in my neck inhaling my scent and I know I am the calming effect for him but I don't know if I am his home or not.

"I will never push you away Ezra, I am sorry, and I.... I missed you so much." I cried out some more, uttering those words and meaning them. His arms around me tightened some more making me feel warm and relaxed.

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"I know baby girl and I missed you too and I am sorry for that day. I know you are embarrassed that day because of me but my intention was not that." He released me, looking at my teary-eyed face which is red due to crying finding answers for my actions.

"It's okay Ezra and please forget about it. I don't want to talk about it." I moved towards my room after saying that it's okay for whatever happened that day.

"Hmm, okay." He hummed following me inside my room and sitting on my bed. My mind always plays dirty scenarios in my head whenever Ezra sits on my bed. I have to cleanse my head with holy water. I grumbled inwardly at my thoughts before taking the chair to sit in front of him.

"so, what were you up to?" Ezra asked, looking at me with those Unique green eyes which are so deep and mesmerizing. I cleared my throat before answering.

"umm, nothing! Just university stuff, what about you?" I asked knowing that he is busy preparing for one of the events held by his company. His family owns an Ad agency and they manage every brand and the upcoming fashion event is them launching the winter clothes collection.

"Same work and planning the event which is going to be on the 14th December." He removed his phone from his pocket which is vibrating non-stop.

"Oh, yeah I forgot." I lied to show him that I don't have any plan to attend or interest. His face changed seeing the contents of the phone and his head is not here but on the person who sent texts and called him.

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"uh! What?" See I already guessed it right.

"Nothing, I said nothing Ezra," I said, giving him a small smile. Covering my hurt behind it. Maybe it is just a worktext or calls and not from the person I am thinking of. Still why I am bothered by it. I already made up my mind that I don't care anymore. He is just my friend and nothing more. I will stick by it.

"Okay but you are coming to the event and I am not going to listen to any excuses and if you want to bring your annoying friend then bring her too." He grumbled the last part before standing, ready to leave.

"But Ezra, I have tons of work and I can't come." I pleaded knowing it's not going to work but still a girl can plead to save her life, haha note my sarcasm.

"No way baby girl, I have already selected your dress and it will be delivered on that day and we are going to wear the same color." He hugged me before hurriedly running out of my room downstairs, not giving me any chance to say No or give him any excuses.

Ughh he is so annoying, why do I have to get a best friend like him? It's so tiring to attend Ezra's rich events. I can't even fake a smile at these events but this time I will have Joanna with me. It's going to be fun with her and I can't wait for it. I squealed before going into my room and launching myself on the bed and slept the day away.

I hope everything goes as I think and smoothly without any problems. I am looking forward to this event.