SWNOVELS Chapter 17
BELLE
After leaving Liam’s apartment, he gave me a ride back to my place so I could take a shower and change out of my bloody clothes.
He wasn’t happy when I came out of my bathroom dressed in my waitress uniform.
“You are not working today,” he stated. “You need rest.”
“What I need is to make money so I can afford my apartment instead of being forced to live under a bridge like some sort of troll. My shift is about to start.’
I walked past him, grabbing my heels by the front door and sliding them onto my feet.
Liam looked huge in my tiny apartment. Although I suppose that wasn’t necessarily a hard thing to do. Anyone would look big in here. Hell, I looked big in here.
The entire space consisted of a single room with a sink, a few cupboards, a dresser, a tiny round table, and three chairs, and just enough room for the twin-sized mattress that was lying on the floor
in the corner.
There was a communal bathroom just a few doors down.
So, yeah, the apartment wasn’t much, but it was mine. I was just happy to be living on my own instead of depending on someone else.
“Belle, you opened and closed the diner last night.” Liam continued to argue. “They cannot expect you to keep going on like this. It’s not healthy. Or legal. You’re overworking yourself.”
I rolled my eyes. He was so dramatic. “I think I can handle it.”
He glared back at me, clearly not about to let the subject go. “I’ll be fine, Liam. I feel great—the best I have in months. I’m still a little freaked out over everything that happened last night.
“But I’m not in any pain, and I feel well-rested for the first time in forever. That vampire blood you gave me really is magic, Even my mark doesn’t hurt as much.”
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It was a miracle, really. Grayson’s mark on my neck still looked horrible-I think it may have been infected at this point-but it didn’t hurt nearly as much as it usually did.
The deep, under-the-skin throbbing had lessened significantly, and it didn’t burn anymore. It made me want to cry in relief.
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Was it possible that I might be able to actually enjoy my day rather than being incapacitated by horrible pain?
Or maybe, just maybe…it meant that Grayson had finally decided to leave me alone after feeling what I had gone through last night. Maybe he thought I was dead.
But that was probably just wishful thinking.
“I don’t care,” Liam continued badgering me. “You hardly slept last night. You need rest. Especially after everything you’ve been through.”
I laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, no thanks.” Sleep meant nightmares, and nightmares were the last thing I needed right now. I wanted Grayson out of my head, thank you very much.
Liam continued to argue with me for another ten minutes. He finally relented when I walked out the door without him, threatening to walk to the diner by myself, which I knew he would hate.
He begrudgingly followed behind me, leading me to his car and muttering under his breath about how I was going to work myself to death one day.
***
The diner was busy today. I was grateful for the distraction. Saturdays always brought in a huge crowd, making the time go faster.
When we got to Pom Pom’s, Liam reluctantly followed me in, still grumbling under his breath about how I hadn’t gotten any sleep last night and needed more time to heal.
When I ignored him, he found a booth in the corner and sat down to order breakfast.
“What’s up with you?” another waitress, Candice, asked me about twenty minutes into the breakfast
rush.
“What do you mean?”
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It was still early morning, and the general chatter of the cafe’s breakfast rush added to the pleasant atmosphere around us.
The sun shone in through the windows, painting the walls with a warm glow.
Candice grinned at me. “You’re smiling.”
I gave her a weird look. “Are you insinuating that I don’t normally smile?”
Candice shrugged, grabbing her last plate of food. “You’re just happy, that’s all.” She lifted the tray filled with meals over her shoulder. “It’s a good look on you.”
I watched her walk away, a warm, fuzzy feeling spreading through me. I was happy. Every second that passed, I felt better and better.
I sighed in contentment, picking up my own tray of food and carrying it around the counter, making my way to a table of high schoolers.
Before I got there, though, the front door to the diner suddenly slammed open. The glass door smashed into the wall, shattering, covering the floor in glass.
Everyone in the diner jumped, some letting out surprised exclamations, before turning to look at the man standing in the doorway.
My gaze clashed with the red eyes of my former mate.
Grayson.
But, no, this wasn’t Grayson, was it? It couldn’t be. Everything about the man standing in front of me was larger, more refined, and far, far more terrifying.
His huge muscles strained against his black shirt and casual jeans, bigger than I ever remembered them being. He was at least a foot taller, barely even fitting in the doorway.
His
eyes stared at me from across the room, dark red and swirling with black, as his chest heaved up and down with breaths that were laced with low, malicious growls.
His arms were sprouting with dark hair, and his entire form was shaking intensely, making it clear he was close to shifting.
No, this wasn’t the Grayson I remembered. If his red eyes and ginormous form were any indicators… this was the Grayson of my nightmares.
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“Belle,” he said. His voice was deep and rich but somehow strained at the same time. “My Belle.”
I couldn’t think or speak or react. I was frozen in petrified fear. Sweat pooled on my forehead and the palms of my hands. My heart was beating rapidly in my chest.
A loud clattering noise sounded at my feet, and I realized that I had dropped the tray of food I was holding. The dishes shattered the moment they hit the floor.
Voices murmured around me, but my eyes stayed glued to the monster in front of me.
This wasn’t happening, right? I was in one of my nightmares.
He started to move. He took several long strides toward me, his steps only faltering when I stumbled backward in terror.
I couldn’t let him get to me.
His expression hardened, and he immediately began approaching me with even more determination. I didn’t have any time to react or come up with a plan.
All of a sudden, all the pain I had been feeling over the last few months came crashing back into me, only now it was somehow ten times worse than it had ever been before.
I doubled over, letting out a horrified scream.
I knew this intense pain was my body’s way of pushing me to go to my mate. My subconscious recognized him and knew he was near.
The bond was pushing me toward him, promising relief if I made contact with him. And, oh Go d, did I want to go to him.
I wanted to run to him and wrap my arms around his large form until I was sure there wasn’t an inch between us, and then never let him go.
However, even as my body demanded that I give in to the bond, my mind-the more logical part of me-was going into complete panic mode.
I could feel terror settle in as I watched him, almost as if he were in slow motion, get closer and closer to me. I knew I should move, run away, do something, but all I seemed capable of was standing there.
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My chest tightened. I couldn’t breathe. Oh Go d, I couldn’t breathe. My lungs were refusing to take
Memories of the last time I saw him came crashing to the surface of my conscience. I was suddenly back at the pack house with him on top of me as he tried to force himself on me.
I was standing in his room, watching his massive fist swing toward my face. I was opening his bedroom door to find him and some other girl about to have sex in his bed.
What was he doing here? What more could he possibly want from me? Hadn’t he already taken it
all?
A terrifying thought entered my mind. Was he here to play with me some more? Take me back to his pack house and cause more turmoil to my already broken heart?
I didn’t think I would survive if that were the case, especially now that he was so much bigger, so
much scarier than he used to be.
My heart was beating too fast, drowning out every other sound around me until all I could hear was the sound of my own raging pulse and gasping breaths in my ears.
The edge of my vision started to darken as I began hyperventilating. Oh no, oh no, oh no.
I was barely aware of someone stepping in front of me, blocking my view of Grayson and his path to me. I registered the person’s dark hair through my blurry, whirling vision.
Liam. Liam was standing in front of me. Why? I could barely make out what he was saying, but I knew he was yelling something at Grayson.
He was holding his arms out, trying to protect me. I nearly laughed. He wouldn’t be able to do anything to save me. The monster had found me.
And if he wanted me, no one could stop him from taking me.
Their voices faded away. I braced myself on the counter behind me, my legs suddenly too shaky to hold myself up.
I grasped at my throat, willing it to open up and let the air in that I so desperately needed, but it didn’t help.
My legs suddenly collapsed beneath me, and I slid down until I was on the ground between two bar stools, my back against the wall.
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*10082% 16:07 My legs suddenly collapsed beneath me, and I slid down until I was on the ground between two bar stools, my back against the wall.
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Just as I was sure I was about to pass out, I registered two massive arms wrapping themselves around me.
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I was pulled into a lap, legs on either side of him, my body being set against someone’s huge, hard chest. Delicious, familiar, explosive sparks danced across my skin everywhere I touched him.
It was Grayson.
At first, I fought against him. Having him anywhere near me only made my panic worse.
I gasped and wheezed and pounded my fists against his chest, trying desperately to remove myself from him. My terror rose when I realized it wasn’t working. His grip was unyielding.
He had me. Oh God, he had me in his control again. He was going to take me with him and do to me again what he had done the last time I was at his pack house. I fought harder.
I was surprised when Grayson allowed me to hit him, sitting back and taking everything I had to give him. He never let it affect his grip on me, but he also didn’t fight back or try to dodge any of my punches or slaps.
At some point during my fit of rage and gasping breaths, my body began to slow, exhausting itself. I could feel Grayson breathe out in relief as he also recognized my surrender.
It was then that he tightened his hold around me, bringing me so close that I was safely secured to his chest and unable to do anything other than lean into him, giving him all of my weight.
One of his hands gently cupped the back of my neck and tucked my head into the warm spot where his neck and shoulder met, nuzzling his face into my neck.
He kept me there, clutching me like that even when my gasping breaths turned into heart-wrenching sobs. I began to cry, soaking his skin and T-shirt with my tears.
The bliss of being held by my mate began to settle in. My body recognized his and craved him.
My heart lurched in my chest, filling with love and adoration for him all over again, almost as if nothing had ever happened between us.
I
gave into his embrace, melting into him, accepting the affection that my body so desperately needed and which he seemed so willing to provide.
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I knew it was wrong. So, so wrong. But I didn’t care. I had been in pain for far too long to deny his comfort.
My breathing and heart rate slowed, and my vision cleared even as I continued to cry. The blood stopped pumping in my ears, finally allowing me to hear again.
It amazed me how he was still able to calm me even after all this time, even though he wasn’t my mate anymore. It also terrified me. This proved just how much power he still held over me.
I had been in his presence for mere minutes, and I was already reduced to putty in his arms.
Jesus, what was wrong with me?
Relief, pain, and misery all came pouring out of me as Grayson rocked me against his form. I felt pathetic for reacting to seeing him like this, but the floodgates were open, and there was no closing them.
I let myself sob into his neck, clinging to him as if he were my lifeline.
The last time I had cried in front of Grayson, he reacted by yelling at me and calling me pathetic. I almost expected him to react like that again in this scenario. But he didn’t.
He simply continued to hold me and caress my back in a soothing up-and-down motion, leaving those familiar sparks everywhere he touched.
I was completely baffled but didn’t have it in me to acknowledge my confusion at that moment.
All of the emotions I had been holding in over the last couple of months were pouring out of me, leaving me incapable of doing anything other than sobbing my eyes out into the chest of the man I loved but who never loved me.
“Shhh, baby…I know. I’m so sorry. Go d, I’m so sorry, Belle,” I heard Grayson whisper against my hair. His voice sounded hollow and pained.
He moved his hands up and down my back, rocking us back and forth in a consistent rhythm, keeping his head in the crook of my neck. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. Everything is okay now. I’m so, so sorry.”
Shock flooded my system. Had I heard him right? Had he just…apologized to me?
I didn’t have time to worry about it. Although the rest of my body had calmed the moment Grayson touched me, the mark on my neck only seemed to worsen.
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i aiant nave ume to worry about it. Although the rest of my boay пaa caimea ine moment Grayson touched me, the mark on my neck only seemed to worsen.
I was already in his lap, every possible inch of me touching him, but the mark wanted more; it wanted to be even closer.
As if Grayson were reading my mind, I felt his lips press down on the part of bitten me, leaving a gentle kiss there.
my neck where he had
I let out a breathy sigh. My shoulders loosened. Then, ever so slowly, his tongue ran over it, licking it. My entire body was immediately filled with fire.
I gasped and pressed closer to him, arching my back against him. Grayson growled, and the sound only added to my needy whines.
He didn’t hold back. His mouth latched onto the tender mark, kissing and suckling it.
My arms seemed to develop a mind of their own and wrapped themselves around his neck, tangling my hands into his hair and pushing him closer to my skin.
I slumped in relief as, for the first time since Paris, my mark didn’t hurt. There was no throbbing, no pain, and no shaking. My entire body was at peace.
I was home.
But this isn’t your home, I reminded myself. It never can be again.
He had rejected me and then slept with another. Even though he was here, holding me and apologizing, nothing had changed. He had still abused me. He was still mated to someone else.
Those thoughts only made me cry harder.
Grayson let me s ob into his chest for Lord knew how long. He just held me, alternating between telling me how sorry he was and kissing and lapping at my mark.
Eventually, my crying slowed to a stop. I breathed in slowly, finally able to process things now that my body had calmed down from its panic attack.,
My anguish was quickly replaced with awareness. I peeked up from the skin of his neck, looking around us. The diner was empty. Grayson and I were completely alone.
Everyone’s food was still on the tables, and coats were strewn in the booths, forgotten. It told me that everyone had left in a hurry. I didn’t blame them.
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Eventually, my crying slowed to a stop. I breathed in slowly, finally able to process things now that my body had calmed down from its panic attack.
My anguish was quickly replaced with awareness. I peeked up from the skin of his neck, looking around us. The diner was empty. Grayson and I were completely alone.
Everyone’s food was still on the tables, and coats were strewn in the booths, forgotten. It told me that everyone had left in a hurry. I didn’t blame them.
If I hadn’t been overwhelmed by my panic attack, I would have run too.
Grayson’s nose pressed into my hair, and he inhaled deeply, taking in my scent. He sighed in a way
that imitated bliss and relief.
Relief over what? Finding me and ruining my plans to stay away from him forever?
His hand drifted down my back and along one of my bare legs, peeking out from beneath my skirt on either side of his huge body, straddling him.
I sucked in a breath, basking in the sparks he left behind everywhere he touched. I could feel myself heating up as he started to slowly lap at my mark again before kissing and nibbling on it.
It felt intimate. Far too intimate for a man who was in a relationship with another woman.
That thought snapped me out of my trance, like ice-cold water being poured on me. What the hell was I doing?
This man ruined my life, and I was simply allowing him to hold me and kiss me as if nothing had happened between us!
Grayson must have sensed my change in demeanor because his entire body stiffened, and his arms tightened around me.
My heart rate spi ked. My mind was racing with scenarios as to why he was here. None of them were good.
He has a mate! I thought bitterly, flinching when my heart clenched painfully. He hurt me, broke me. Why is he here, holding me like this?
And, better yet, why am I letting him?
Without loosening his grip on me, Grayson leaned back until his eyes met mine. I expected to see his terrifying red eyes again but was instead met with his green ones.
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My heart rate spi ked. My mind was racing with scenarios as to why he was here. None of them were good.
He has a mute! I thought bitterly, flinching when my heart clenched painfully. He hurt me, broke me. Why is he here, holding me like this?
And, better yet, why am I letting him?
Without loosening his grip on me, Grayson leaned back until his eyes met mine. I expected to see his terrifying red eyes again but was instead met with his green ones.
Seeing him up
close, I noticed for the first time how tired he looked. His beard had grown out slightly, leaving him with a dark, scruffy face, and there were deep bags under his eyes.
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Somehow though, he was still gorgeous-by far the most beautiful man I’d ever seen, even in his obviously exhausted state. But I couldn’t let myself be taken in by his beauty or the sweet way he held me.
Grayson was able to change his personality to be whatever he wanted-correction, to get whatever he wanted. He might look sad and sincere now, but there was no way he actually felt that way.
He was putting on a show. Why he was doing that or what his goal was, I wasn’t sure. But I knew I wasn’t going to hang around long enough to find out.
He finally spoke.
“Belle.” His voice was barely a whisper. He sounded sad. Desperate.
The complete and utter anguish in his voice tugged at my heart. Even though he had treated me so horribly, there was still that instinct that urged me to comfort him and make him feel better when he was in pain.
But it didn’t matter. I had been moving forward. I was getting better. His being here was a huge step back for me. He didn’t deserve my comfort or pity after all he had done to me.
And he especially didn’t deserve it when he had a perfectly good mate at home, probably wondering where he was.
“Let me go,” I whispered.
He shook his head, his arms only tightening. Flashbacks of him holding me down on his bed and restraining me with his crazy strength came racing into my mind.
I gasped and pushed harder against his arms, trying to get out of his iron grip with even more
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“Let me go!” I yelled. I could feel panic creeping up my chest once again with every passing second that he continued to restrain me. “Let me go right now!”
Grayson’s hold on me finally loosened, and I was able to free myself from his arms. He whimpered when I scrambled away from him and ran to the other side of the room.
The sound came from deep within his throat, telling me it was his wolf. My body stiffened. I missed his wolf. Even when Grayson didn’t want me, his wolf did. He fought for me.
But that wolf was trapped inside the body of a monster.
I stood and backed away from him. My arms automatically wrapped themselves around my waist as if I could somehow protect myself from the undeniable pain I was about to endure.
I wanted to seem strong and unaffected by his presence, but that was impossible to do. I sucked in a breath when my mark began to throb with pain again, even though I was only a few feet away from
him.
S hit, what the hell was wrong with me?
I shut my eyes tightly and took a deep breath, still standing on the opposite side of the room, putting as much space between us as possible.
It was hard, though. He was like metal, and I was the magnet. I was drawn to him.
After a few more seconds of silence, Grayson spoke. “Belle,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
My eyes snapped open. So I had heard him right before. He was apologizing to
me.
“W-What?” I asked, my voice breaking. “What did you just say?”
Grayson stood but didn’t approach me. “I’m so, so sorry. You have no idea how much I regret what I put you through. You have to believe me.”
Something strange happened to me then. Hope filled my system. Hope that maybe this nightmare was over. Maybe Grayson wanted me back.
I stuffed that feeling down quickly, completely disgusted with myself for even having that thought. I wouldn’t let this man ruin my life again. I wouldn’t live in fear of him.
And I definitely wouldn’t let him walk into my life and try to apologize for something that was simply unforgivable. Never again would I let Grayson be a part of my life.
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“No,” I snapped before he could continue. “Get out.” I pointed at the door.
Grayson’s brows shot up in shock. “What?”
I continued to point at the door, never losing my stance. “Get the f uck out!”
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Grayson’s confusion was replaced by panic. “I know you’re upset, Belle, and you have every right to be. But you don’t understand what really happened-”
“And I don’t care,” I interrupted. “I don’t know why you’re here, and I don’t care. I don’t want you here. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
“No, please don’t say that. Belle, please, you have to listen to me-
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I swallowed down the scream of rage that threatened to bubble up in my throat. Was he seriously making demands of me?
“I don’t have to do anything!” I yelled.
“I don’t know what you’re doing here, but the fact that you think you have any right to just waltz back into my life after everything you did to me confirms that you’re some kind of insane person.
“I don’t owe you anything, not even a conversation. So leave,” I stated. “Now.”
Grayson stared at me for a moment, but he didn’t move, his eyes flashing with something unrecognizable. Was it anger?
A tiny bit of hesitancy filled me, worried that he might lash out. I tried not to let it affect my
confidence.
I told myself I didn’t owe him anything-not my heart, not comfort, not even my time. I was in control now. And I wasn’t going to let him boss me around anymore.
“Okay,” he finally said. I could tell he was trying to rein in his wolf, his eyes switching from their normal green to a deep black. “You’re right. You don’t owe me anything. You aren’t obligated to listen to me.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, not sure what to say. I hadn’t expected him to admit defeat so easily.
“But I’m not leaving,” Grayson continued. There it was. “I’m not leaving this town until you know what really happened between us.
“I’m going to be one step behind you everywhere you go, protecting you, making sure your pain is
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I squeaked in shock. He started to move his mouth against mine the way he had done so many times
before.
For a moment, I forgot where I was, and all that mattered was Grayson’s lips against mine. I kissed him back, the longing in my chest too painful and persistent to ignore.
His tongue swept over the seam of my lips, and I automatically opened for him, letting his tongue into my mouth. His flavor burst across my taste buds, and a needy moan left me.
Grayson growled and tugged me closer, wrapping his arms around me. Heat flooded my system and pooled at my core. My legs pressed together as the most intimate part of me started to throb, longing for attention.
After a long moment, he carefully removed his mouth from mine, even though I tried to pull him back to me. He kept his hands firmly placed on either side of my
my face.
My breath caught when his forehead met mine, and he looked deep into my eyes.
Keeping eye contact, he muttered, “Please don’t make me leave. Not after I’ve just found you again.”
I studied him, memorizing every part of his face so I could remember him after he was gone.
“You broke me,” I whispered.
His huge frame shook at my words. “I know.” His thumb wiped away a tear running down my face. I hadn’t even realized I was crying again.
“But, please, just listen to what I have to say. I need you. I need
you,
Belle.”
More tears started to pool in my eyes even though I tried to stop them. “No, you don’t,” I replied, trying to step back and detach myself from him but failing as his grip on my face only tightened.
It wasn’t painful, but it was unrelenting and final. “You’ve never needed me.”
He shook his head, keeping his forehead against mine. “Yes, I do. I do need you. So badly. I love you, Belle,” he said.
My heart did a flip in my chest. “And I know I don’t deserve your love in return, but I need you to know it. I love you. There is an explanation for everything. Please, if you would just let me—”
I jerked back so suddenly that Grayson was taken off guard and not able to keep his hold on me. I shoved his hands off of me, suddenly completely furious with myself for giving in to his touch so easily.
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shoved his hands off of me, suddenly completely furious with myself for giving in to his touch so casily.
He knew that physical contact with him was my weakness, and he was taking advantage of that knowledge. I couldn’t believe I had let him go as far as he did. I let him kiss me. And I kissed him back!
“Don’t touch me!” I screeched. “I’m not going to let you explain because there is no explanation good enough to excuse what you did to me. It was unforgivable.”
I took a deep breath. “You don’t love me. People who love each other don’t treat one another the way you treated me. They… They just don’t.” My voice broke, which only made my fury grow.
“Which is why, if you come near me again, I won’t hesitate to call the police. I’ll get a restraining order if I have to or do whatever I need to do to get you out of my life.
“I want you out of my life, Grayson. Do you understand me? I never, ever want to see you again.”
He sucked in a breath. His hands curled back into fists by his sides, and, for a moment, I couldn’t tell if he was holding himself back from comforting me or attacking me.
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised by either, which terrified me.
“I’m not leaving you,” he finally said. “Call the police if you want, but you won’t like what happens when they get here. No one is going to take me away from you.
“I’m here, and I’m not leaving unless it’s with you by my side. You’re mine, Belle, whether you like it or not. And sooner or later, you will hear me out.”
“No.” I shook my head, swallowing down my never-ending tears. “Leave. Now.”
Grayson watched me for a few silent seconds before nodding stiffly. “I love you, Belle. Please come back to me soon.”
He turned and left the diner.