His Lethal Love

FOUR YEAR LATER... Scott POV.

"Cam, it's been four years." I pursed my lips, trying to find the right words to say. "Four fucking years. I'm an asshole, aren't I? I'm a bastard, fucker, dickhead that I treat you badly. You didn't deserve that..." My lips trembled as I was speaking. Every word stabbing my heart like a fucking knife. I know that saying sorry will never make things better, but I still regret every moment of my life. Living without you is worse than I have ever thought before, Cam." A small tear broke from my right eye as my jaw clenched harder. "I wish I could end my life. Why the fuck did I ask you to leave me forever? I should not have..." I gazed at the white roses I had put on her grave. They were spattering across pristine white marble, adorning her grave. "How wrong I was about you and I never gave you a chance to correct me...because I was fucking stupid."

I looked up at dark clouds hanging in the sky. There was a feeling that it was going to rain, but I couldn't care less about getting soaked. I wasn't done yet, and I would never be. There were a lot of things I wanted to share with her. She was listening to me, I knew it. If not, I hope she will. If only she could understand how difficult it is to live without her. Four years ago, I told her that I loved her and that I would never stop loving her.

"Mr...." Amos, my driver, ran to me as soon as he noticed it was raining. "Sir, it's pouring, please get inside the car."

As I gazed at her grave with my red eyes, my head hung low. It felt like a nightmare to me whenever her death anniversary came around. Every time I came here, my mind was filled with memories of her. How strange it was that your happy memories turned into your nightmares. The moment she left, I lost everything. I might be an influential personality in the world but the truth was my life was hollow without her. I never trusted the woman I loved the most. I never fell in love with anyone else but Camille Davidson.

I breathed sharply when warm blood seeped through my hands as I was gripping the rose stem tightly.

"Sir..." Amos kneeled next to me and placed an umbrella above my head. "What are you doing with yourself?"

I tore my eyes away from her grave and looked at the old man, who appeared to be worried about me. Amos had become my father figure ever since everyone left me. He had been there for me when no one stood for me. He knew how weak and devastated I had become. People believe that a woman has a special power to make a man devastated or happiest.

"It was not your fault... why are you torturing yourself?" he asked and took out a hanky from his pocket and cleaned my blood.

I broke into an empty laugh, staring at my wounded hand. "How strange it is, Amos...this wound doesn't hurt me as much as her memories. I wanted to feel pain. Different pain. No matter how much I tried to hurt myself, it didn't work out. Pain can cut the pain. But this pain..." I bit into my lower lip. "...is fucking impossible to wipe."

"It's not your body that has been hurt, sir," Amos said quietly. "It's your broken soul that has been tormenting you for years."

I said nothing and rose to my feet, heading toward my car but stopped the moment I spotted Rika Cruz. She was dressed in a purple floral dress with her hair put in a braid. She didn't notice me until she noticed my car and then her eyes snapped to me. Instantly hatred consumed her as she gripped the stick of an umbrella, glaring at me. She mouthed me, bastard, before heading straight to Camille's grave with red roses. I turned to her watching her as she kneeled in wet mud. In a second, tears poured down from her eyes. Her back was shaking as she was crying harder. She mumbled something which I was unable to hear. It took all my strength not to walk over to her and comfort her.

Sometimes I think about Rika a lot. I wished I could have a friend like Rika. She is one hell of a friend who could put her life on the line to save her friend. Damn! Where the fuck I was living when they tried to tell me the truth. I remembered twelve years ago Rika approached me several times. She had tried to tell me about my brother but I never listened to her.

Sighing heavily I turned around and walked over to Rika. Fishing out a hanky from my breast pocket I extended my hand to her. She froze and shot her eyes up at me, watching me with intense hatred. Her eyes were running with tears and her nose was red as she wiped her tears with the back of her hand and gritted her teeth. She snatched the hanky from my hand and threw it away. Her mouth curled with a snarl as she barked, "you piece of shit!"

Yeah, I am... I smiled.

"You bastard!"

Sure... my smile widened.

"You motherfucker!"

I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Murderer!"

And my smile fell as my hands curled into a fist.

"Hold your tongue, young lady," Amos shouted while running toward me.

"You murdered her!" she screamed into my face and I swallowed hard, trying hard to hold her eyes. "You're a killer. You're a fucking killer... you let her go..." her voice cracked as she stood up and poked her finger into my chest. "She will never forgive you, Scott."

Without saying a word, I spun around and rushed to the car.

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"Sir...!" Amos screamed behind me and tried to stop me but my mind couldn't think straight as I jumped into the car and drove at full speed. My hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as my heart pounded harder in my chest. The rush of sorrow, remorse, and pain engulfed me. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Something was choking me and preventing me from breathing.

Her memories flashed in my head and I squeezed my eyes.

Camille was crying, begging for my help but I pushed her away heartlessly. I pushed her away far enough that she was unable to get back to me.

I killed her.

Dammit! I killed her.

I killed her love.

I killed her unborn baby.

I'm a killer!

Everything happened so quickly as the horn buzzed in my head and the next moment my car crashed into something very hard. I lurched forward, hitting my head on the steering wheel, and grunting in pain. "Fuck!" I hissed and fell into the darkness.

********

"Scott..." A female voice shouted. "Scott!" she shook me by my shoulder and cried again. "Wake up, baby."

I peeled open my eyes and looked at Maura whose eyes filled with fake tears. Clenching my jaw I sat down against the bed and glared at her. "What are you doing here?" I asked her quietly, trying to contain my fury.

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"I saw your news and flew straight to the US," she said worriedly. She slipped closer to me, making me smell her expensive perfume. "Your car crashed into a pole yesterday and you have been in a coma for twenty-four hours."

"I'm fine." I shrugged and gazed at my right arm which was wrapped in white plaster. "I was just driving in the wrong direction."

"I was scared to death when I saw your news on TV." she broke into tears again and clutched my left arm.

"I'm okay, Maura," I said with a hint of annoyance and got off the bed before walking over to the window, staring at the sunset.

She likes the sunset. I smiled and inhaled the fresh air of the evening.

"I just can't get over, Scott," Maura said with a pained voice from behind me and I understood what she was talking about. "You can't forget her, right? You broke our engagement just because of that bitch. Why don't you understand she is dead?"

"Shut the fuck up, Maura, and get the hell out of here!" I shouted without looking at her.

A moment later she left and slammed the door. I let out a sigh of relief and walked back to the sofa before plopping down. I grabbed a magazine and saw its cover. It was me who stood tall and arrogant with a sinister smile. Scott Martinez is one of the top-paid actors and the top ten most influential men in the world. I read its heading.

I scoffed and threw the magazine across the room. "This is all you have ever wanted, Scott," I gritted my teeth. "You wanted to be rich so that you could get revenge on her. You bastard, where the fuck are you now? See, you lost her." I grabbed my head between my hands, breathing hard. My eyes watered while thinking about her. Her death anniversary had been the most painful day of my life.

A knock on the door woke me up, and I was relieved to see Amos. "How are you feeling, sir?" he asked politely.

"Nothing." I let out an empty laugh and leaned against the sofa. He walked up to me and sat in front of me. "Amos, please I don't need your damn sympathy. I just hate that look in your eyes." I clenched my teeth and shook my head. "And mind your damn business."

"Just let me sit next to you for a while, son," he said and I squeezed my eyes. "You're trying very hard to be strong, son. If the world could see how you are spending your life."

"I'm not weak, Amos," I breathed out. "I'm not weak but I'm not strong either. No matter how much I tried to be strong, I failed. It has been difficult to live a normal life. I'm messed up, I'm fucking messed up, Am..." my voice cracked as tears filled my eyes. "I've never thought that being popular would be that torturous. I wanted to go back to the old days and rectify all my mistakes. The only thing my soul is asking for is her forgiveness. I don't know why but I feel like she is still alive. Her death seems so unreal to me."