Him

I’m struggling.

That’s the theme of today, apparently: flat-out struggle. But this is a struggle I’ve chosen. Letting another man into my body isn’t easy for me. I don’t know why. It just isn’t.

I want to, though. Every time I tense up against the intrusion, I tell myself the same thing: this is Jamie. It’s okay. And then I’m able to relax. Jamie’s taking it slowly. He reads me in the way a talented goalie would. He’s firm and gentle in this as in all other things.

Fuck. I love him so much.

Today was another reminder of the way things are. The first time I ever touched Jamie, I pretended to be giving him something when in truth I was taking. He forgave me, of course. Unfortunately, this summer has been more of the same. I give him my affection. And in return, I put him at the mercy of assholes like Killfucker.

Today Jamie lost his star player. He’ll probably never see that kid again. And it’s all my fault.

Jamie’s free hand warms my back while his other one preps me. “Baby,” he whispers. “Can you take more?”

I nod into his neck. A second finger joins the first one. At first I struggle against the burn. It’s Jamie. It’s okay. Another deep breath and I make myself relax.

“That’s it,” he urges. “I want you to ride me, okay? And when you come, I want you to shoot all over my chest.”

A bolt of lust races down my spine. I bear down on his fingers, and I’m rewarded with a brush against my prostate. Yes. That zing of pleasure makes me shiver, and I can feel Jamie’s smile against my cheek.

After a few minutes, he gets me to three fingers. I start riding his hand in small thrusts. He murmurs encouragement while I ask my body for a little more stretch. It’s been years since I tried this. I was hoping it would just seem easy, but like everything else in my life, I have to work for it.

But I do it. And it leaves me with yet another reason to appreciate Jamie. My daring, big-hearted man. He does this for me, and he makes it look easy.

He’s amazing.

I sit up a little straighter, kissing him hard to let him know I’m ready. Jamie’s mouth welcomes me in. I take a few more exquisite sips of him. For courage. Then I rise up on my knees, readying myself for him.

Jamie settles himself so he’s propped up on the headboard, pillows at his back. He applies some lube to his cock, and the sight of him rubbing himself makes my mouth water. He positions himself beneath me.

Right then, with those brown eyes looking up, full of lust for me, he’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

So I do it. I sink down onto his dick. Jamie’s mouth opens on a silent groan, and those beautiful eyes go half-mast. The burn returns, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. I give myself a minute to adjust, and I use the time to take Jamie’s gorgeous face in my hands. For a second I just admire the view. He’s flushed and sex-tousled, burning up with arousal. I came to Lake Placid hoping we could still be friends. I got much more than that. And I’m so grateful.

The kiss I give him tries to let him know that. He’s almost whimpering into my mouth now, so maybe he hears me. I give my hips an experimental thrust, and I like the results. So I brace my hands on Jamie’s shoulders and begin to slowly fuck myself on him. I shift my hips until I get the angle just right. And when I do, it’s miraculous. Pleasure pulses through my body each time I thrust. It’s so, so good.

Beneath me, Jamie takes my weeping cock in hand. His lips are parted, his throat working. I see yearning anywhere I look at him. It’s in the set of his jaw and in the ripple of his forearm while he jacks me.

He licks his lips. “If you come, you’ll take me with you.”

Now that he’s said it, I really want to. Closing my eyes, I slow my pace and focus on the pleasure of each stroke. Out and in blur together. There’s only the ruffle of bliss I get from him.

When I open my eyes again, it’s Jamie’s expression that finally takes me there. It’s a cocktail of desire and wonder so potent that I feel myself tip over the edge. “Jamie,” I gasp, chasing the sensation. Leaning into it.

I shoot and he shudders beneath me. I collapse on his messy chest before it’s over. My lips land beside his ear and I moan quietly while my ass clenches around his cock.

“Jesus,” he whispers.

Indeed. I wrap my arms around him and hold on for as long as I dare.

I honestly don’t know how I’m ever going to give him up when summer comes to an end.