Hidden In Plain Sight

After that time seemed to speed forward with no mercy, memories of laughter and smiles to pain and screaming all seemed to blend together in the mess that was her mind. Years passed and she grew older in a house that never changed, stagnant in time. What once was ‘tired’ became drunk, and her dad suddenly became her father as what once was a small red mark on her arm every week became the daily black and blue that was hidden under the ruffles of her dress, the sight of which made her want to throw up. But she never did.

Cause she was too busy smiling because Sebastian was here, or frowning cause she’d just lost at tag again or laughing cause Sebastian’d just tripped over her toy and fell flat on his face, or squealing cause Sebastian was chasing her around the house to throw her in the bath. Cause she was happy. She was happy. She was happy. She was happy. She was happy. She was happy. She was happy. Right?

She could feel the realities of her life weigh down in the back of her mind, but it was fine ’cause she had Sebastian, and she didn’t wonder about the world outside her walls ’cause she liked her home, and she wasn’t sad when she woke up in the dead of night to the silent walls of the only place she had ever known, and she didn’t still miss her mother, or want to play in the sun, or feel lonely when Sebastian was just in the next room over, or wish for more than her small world could give cause she was happy. She was happy. She was happy. She was happy. She was happy. She was happy- cause she had to be.

She pulled idly at the eye patch Sebastian had given her to cover her black eye, leaning against the kitchen table heavily as she watched Sebastian clean the kitchen.

“Sebastian, how old am I?”

He froze stiff for a moment, probably thinking, before he continued. “I believe you’ll be nine next year.”

Looking down at her fingers, she tried to remember the numbers Sebastian told her they each represented.

“So then I’m eight right now,” she lamented, flipping a few fingers down.

“Very good Miss,” Sebastian praised, wiping his hands off on a rag.

Time was like an enigma to her. She knew that it was always passing, even if it didn’t feel like it in her small world, but she never knew how to keep track of it. Nothing in this house changed with time, things always replaced before she could notice them age. She could only watch as she grew bigger, no longer needing the stools and steps around the house and she could move faster as her legs grew longer and she could bound downstairs and hallways without falling, most of the time.

She was sure that neither she nor Sebastian would ever be able to exactly pinpoint her age anymore. She’d only celebrated her birthday when her mother was still here and that stopped after her mother left. Now she only had the barest of memories regarding her birthday: hot candles, a sweet taste, the freezing cold air, something white, and lots of hugs.

The only person who probably knew her age was her father, and she knew better than to ask. She rubbed sorely at her patched eye, letting her gaze wander the walls once again, pausing on Sebastian’s jacket that hung on the wall.

“Is it cold outside?”

She had seen him wear the grey coat a lot recently, hanging it on the empty coat hanger by the door. Today, though, it had looked almost wet. Maybe it had been raining.

“Very much so. It’s even snowing today.”

“Snowing?” She had read about it in her books. It was when it got super cold and the raindrops froze on their way down, making fluffy white stuff you could play in.

“Yes.” He paused, his gaze lingering on her for a few silent moments before he spoke again. “Do… do you want to see it?”

Any bored thoughts that had been plaguing her mind were snapped away as she looked at him with stars in her eyes, feeling her head nod fervently before she could even think to move.

Looking up, she was met with one of Sebastian’s rare smiles, but his eyes didn’t seem to match the grin on his face.

“Well if you want to go out, you better hurry and get dressed before it stops.”

With that she quickly jumped down from her chair, hurrying up the stairwell to her room at a probably unsafe speed. Sebastian followed soon behind her and helped her get dressed once he got to her room. She didn’t have very many winter clothes, or any clothes made for the outside at all, but he managed to scrounge up some leggings and a short, thick dress with long sleeves and some knee-high boots with fur along the rim, topping it off with a short fluffy white shawl that he tied tightly around her shoulders.

She couldn’t help but bounce on the tips of her toes as she waited for Sebastian to get ready himself. She rarely left the house, only when Sebastian forgot to purchase food for lunch which was only ever once in a blue moon. Even then it wasn’t for long, and he always kept her hidden close behind her, saying her father would be mad if he saw her. So she only ever caught glimpses of the loud and busy world from between Sebastian’s legs or from his arms. People passing and talking and all the noise. It was always so loud, nothing like the domestic silence she was so used to.

She was too enraptured in her own head, trying to remember the small glimpses of all the stands in the market, especially the one she knew sold bread, that she didn’t notice Sebastian watching her, only snapping out of her head when his hand came down on her head.

“Looking at the door isn’t going to make it open, Miss.”

She blinked a few times, looking at the wooden door she had surely been staring at in her daze.

She sputtered out an answer that Sebastian only clicked his tongue to and ruffled her hair messily before standing up. Straightening her hair indignantly, she felt all her apprehensiveness squashed by excitement as he reached for the doorknob.

That was the first time she saw the snow.

A cold gust of wind knocked the air out of her lungs as she looked out the door in awe, her mouth surely hanging open. It was so white! She looked at the white ground, then to the snow covered buildings across the alley with wonder. Focusing in on the small specks of white that seemed to drift down from the sky, she felt a smile cross her lips as she let out a squeal, running into the open.

The first thing she noticed was how cold it was, the small puffs of wind sending shivers up her fingers as she held them in front of her, watching as the white dots drifted onto her hands with small spikes of cold before disappearing like they had never been there in the first place. It was like magic. Looking over her shoulder, a laugh forced its way up her throat as she looked over her shoulder at Sebastian as he leaned against the doorway watching.

Turning back she stooped down to a crouch, the hem of her dress dusting the top of the snow as she dipped her hands into the white blanket of snow. Immediately cold spread across her hands, tingling like small needles at the tips of her fingers.

An involuntary gasp escaped her at the sensation as she lifted her hands, holding the fluffy white powder as if it could disappear at any moment. Spinning around, the snow crunched under her boots as she thrusted her hands forward for Sebastian to see. He merely laughed from his perch against the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched her fondly.

Looking down at her hands again she scrunched her fingers in slowly, watching as the snow scrunched in her hand, tumbling and falling away till there was only a small sheen left on her fingers. An excited garble left her lips when she noticed the plume of steam form in front of her.

Just like the dragons she had read about in her books, she let out a large puff of air, watching as the wispy air seemed to form in front of her. She grabbed at it, but she was only left with a receding warmth in her fingers. Magic!

She looked back up at Sebastian with wide eyes. With that, he finally stepped out into the alley. Leaning down a bit, he collected some snow in his gloved hands, rolling it around till it held together in his hands.

What was he going to do with tha-

Pompf!

The snowball broke apart against her face softly and she squealed as the cold spread across her face. Looking up, all she could see was Sebastian’s smirking face.

No way she was letting him get away with that! She grabbed some more snow from the ground.

They seemed to go at each other endlessly, falling over one another in the snow as they dissolved into laughter. He taught her how to make snow angels and catch snow on her tongue, and she even made her first snowman, naming him Snowy as Sebastian gave her a carrot to stick on his face from the kitchen.

They played till their fingers went numb and then played some more, until she found her eyelids drooping as she sat in Sebastian’s lap, tiredly lifting handfuls of snow and watching as they fell.

She looked up across the mess that they had made, from the big and small-sized snow angels to the trampled footprints of their snow battle to the rows of scooped snow that had used to make their snowman, then gazing down to their snow-covered legs and wet patchy clothes.

“Why can’t-” she paused as a yawn found itself in her mouth. “... every day be like this,” she mumbled tiredly to no one in particular, letting one last handful of snow drop to the ground as she finally gave in to sleep, letting her eyes flutter shut as she slumped back against Sebastian’s chest.