Her Volkovs #Book 1

Belle's POV

The days have passed in a suffocating blur. It's like my world took a halt while everything around me went on living. The last words of Nikolai keep on coming back over and over again. I have been living in a lie with Nikolai. I fell in love with a person who has been playing me. He's right I was easy. I'm stupid. I was nothing but a stranger to him.

I have stayed in my room and in my bed for three days. I have decided to leave this place. I disposed the phone Nikolai gave me and anything that could remind me of him. I have already talked to my landlady for the early termination of my lease contract. I also decided to quit my work at St. Mary's. Dr. Thomas did not accept my resignation but he gave me time to think about it. He told me I can take a few weeks off if I want to.

I have nowhere to go to and no one to be with. Dylan hates me, Sawyer is gone, and my family and bestfriend are a thousand miles away. I'm all alone, heartbroken and close to being broke. I had to pay up the landlady for the early unilateral termination of my lease. I don't want to ask my parents for support because I know they will just convince me to go back home. I have already called a motel for my temporary place. I'm at my front porch just waiting for the cab to arrive. The air is kind of chilly just like the first time I arrived here. I was happy, content and a whole person back then. Now I can't even find the right words to describe who or what I am.

The cab arrived a few minutes later. While the driver places my bags in the trunk, I looked at my door for one last time. My poor door. So many memories and so many lies.

I turn around and glanced at Nikolai's house. I spent most of my time there, in his room, apparently that did not mean a single thing. It was all part of Nikolai's play. I blinked twice and run the back of my hand on my eyes to remove the tears that are threatening to fall.

I arrived at the motel. I have heard gross stories, about motels but I would rather stay in this disgusting place than be reminded of Nikolai every single time back in my apartment.

The old man holding a cat gave me the key to my room. He looked at me blankly while handing me the key. This place is sad and dusty. The whole atmosphere of the motel looks like rats and other pestilence that god has sent to mankind can live here. It's a two story old building. Few lights are on. The whole place smells like cigarette smoke. My room is at the corner most part of the building. When I entered inside my room, I'm kind of surprised to see a decent looking bed with white sheets, windows, a thin white curtain and a small closet.

I placed my luggage beside the bed. I grabbed my own sheets from my bag and place it over the existing sheets. I'm not going to remove my things from my bag because I don't intend to stay here that long. As soon as I find another job, I'm going to look for my own apartment and start anew. The money I have in my bank account would be enough for the payment in the motel for at least a month.

I bought cup noodles from a convenience store across the street. I have not eaten a decent meal in days but I still don't feel like putting this food in my mouth. You have to eat Belle. You need to eat so you will have the strength to find another job, drown yourself in work so you will forget the pain.

I forced myself to finish my food. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I look myself in the mirror. No one is coming for you Belle. It's just you now. This is exactly what you want right? Freedom? Now you have it. Think of Nikolai as a detour. A bad turn. You lost focus. Now it's time to go back on track.

I wandered on the streets near the motel hoping to find another job. After several blocks of walking my legs are getting weak again. Please legs cooperate with me. Don't do this to me. I sat on a sidewalk chair to rest and just as I am about to give up, I see across the street a small bookstore with a wanted help sign on the door.

I massaged my legs for a few seconds and then walked towards the bookstore. When I opened the door, a bell rang. I entered and took the sign from the door. The bookstore is just small, it has four large wooden stalls with at least eight racks each. The bookstore is selling mostly vintage books and vinyl records. I approached the counter but it seems like no one is here.

"Hello?" I called out.

Suddenly, someone from below the counter stood up. It looks like he's been stacking up books from the floor. He's a stout old man. His glasses are on top of his nose and his hairline is way back his head. "Oh Dear I am so sorry, these books have been lying around for days. My grandson has bailed on me a couple of times. Young men these days don't know how to value the importance of... oh I'm so sorry dear what can I do for you?"

Suddenly he held his back like he's in pain.

"Are you okay sir?"

I quickly went behind the counter to assist him towards the chair.

"Oh yeh yeh, it's just my back. I'm an old man what can I say. Anyway, what can do for you?" He then saw the sign I am holding in my hand.

"Oh dear, I do apologize but I will be honest to you, honesty is quite rare these days don't you think?" You have no idea.

"Well what I'm looking for is, uh, how will I say this to not sound discriminating." The old man placed his index finger on his lips like he's thinking of something. "Well, I'm looking for a man. You know to move the books from one rack to another, inventory stocks and such and such, you get it don't you?"

I acted hurt and placed my right hand on my chest.

"Well sir, you have deeply hurt my feelings and what you have just said is a disservice to all the magnificent women like Marie Curie, Edith Wharton, Elizabeth Blackwell, Sacajawea, not to mention your own wife and mother. How could you sir." I then gave him a wink.

The old man laughed so hard it boomed all over his small shop.

"I can carry books from one rack to another just fine, I'm good at inventory as well, numbers and organization is just easy pizzy for me." I gave him the sweetest smile that I could give considering my circumstance.

"Very well...."

I did not even let him finish. "Thank you very much you will not regret this sir." I quickly gathered the books from the floor.

"Call me David."

"Hello David, my name is......Mary. Where do I place these?"

"Over there Mary, the second rack to your right." I quickly turn my back from David because I can feel my tears are threatening to fall. Pretending to be fine when deep inside my heart is slowly dying is not as easy as I thought it would be. I wipe my tears off in between placing the books one by one.

I'm back at the motel room. I ate a piece of bread for dinner. It tasted like paper.

I lay in bed in fetal position. It's like every move I make I see Nikolai's face and his beautiful green eyes. When we were together, everything felt so true. I saw it in his eyes. It turned out, behind those eyes were dark and blank emotions. I pinch myself so hard hoping that what happened was all just a bad dream. But it's not.

I drowned myself in work. Every day since I started working at David's shop I made sure that I got so tired that whenever I get back to the motel I'm already exhausted to even eat or cry. Every day for the past three weeks my life has been close to hell.

"Mary, time for lunch dear."

"Yah, you go ahead David. I'm still not hungry."

"You have been here since seven in the morning, I don't think you even ate breakfast. It's past twelve already." David looked sincerely worried. I then placed the books back on the floor and joined him for lunch at a bar across the street.

He ordered his vegetarian plate while I ordered a sandwich.

"Is that all you're having?"

"Yes David, I told you I'm not hungry." David takes a look at my sandwich and looks at me.

"What happened dear? Why are punishing yourself?"

David sees right through me. I know that he has been wanting to ask me this but I did not give him the chance. Whenever I felt that he's going to ask about my personal life I stayed away and avoided having long conversations with him.

"Nothing really David. I told you that you will not regret hiring me. I'm just proving it to you."

"Yes indeed you have proven yourself exceptionally. I even think that I'm underpaying you. I'm just worried that you land in the hospital."

"Don't worry about me, I'm perfectly fine." I gave him a faint smile. I'm not fine David, I'm dead inside.

David eventually got tired of asking me questions. We ate in peace for a few minutes then we went back to his shop.☐☐☐☐☐