Her Savior Alpha

After all of Reily’s advances, my mind felt like it was going to break apart. I was more confused than ever. I didn’t know what to do about Reily, and his constant trysts to get me to believe his sudden undying love for me was befuddling. It didn’t help that the bond tugged at my heartstrings, making me ecstatic that he loved me all of a sudden. It flipped in enthusiastic circles, making me want to hop into Reily’s arms immediately. But I knew it wasn’t my true feelings.

Or did it? My thoughts ran around in circles all night, rendering me unable to fall asleep. I couldn’t get his deep brown eyes out of my head, his sudden soft voice towards me, his astonishing moves of affection. It was a stark contrast from his previous behavior, and the contrast was oddly making him seem more…attractive. Yet no amount of sweet-talking and gifts could paint over the terrible memories that Reily was embedded in. Needless to say, I was balancing on a delicate seesaw.

Rising from the bed, I was lucky to have gotten a couple of hours that morning but gave up by eight o’clock. The mirror showed light purple skin beneath my eyes, two friends I hadn’t seen in a while, since I’d gotten my wolf and restored my body to better health.

I decided that after getting through most of my early-day chores, I would go for some solitary training, maybe try something new. I could use some weapons training, having given up on knife throwing all that time ago, then forgetting about it in the midst of getting stronger overall.

Rushing through my tasks, I quickly left the house and headed for the training ground. When I got nearer, however, an unwanted presence came into my vicinity. Damn, not him again.

“Vera! Just who I wanted to see,” Reily came running to me from seemingly nowhere, matching my stride. I hurried up trying to break away from him.

“I’m busy, I’m not in the mood to talk,” I snapped, nearly jogging at this point. Reily managed to keep him, his open jacket revealing a V-neck shirt that showed his chest muscles.

“Did you think about what I told you?” he said, a hopeful light in his eyes. Couldn’t he see I was far from believing him and agreeing to be his mate?

“You’re insane, go away,” I said, seeing the hill upon which the training grounds were, and praying the distance was quick. Time always seemed to move by much slower when it came to unfortunate occurrences.

“Vera, please, you have to trust me,” he pleaded, taking my hand into his and stopping me from continuing on my rapid-fire path. I stole it back quickly, feeling like a shock of eliciting just hit me.

Facing him, I powered a glare with the heat of a thousand suns. “Why the hell should I trust you? For the past five years, you’ve literally bullied me with your friends like a pack of coyotes. You never respected me or treated me like a part of this pack, much less like a living thing. So why should I ever believe you?”

He actually had the gall to look remorseful. “I know, and I’m realizing just now what a mistake it was. I-I wasn’t in the right headspace back then.”

“Back then? Uh, let me remind you that just last week you tried to beat the shit out of me at the training ground and lost.”

He scratched his head, his hair getting ruffled. “After getting used to my wolf, I’ve been given clarity. It’s helped me see that my past actions were useless, not to mention destructive for you. After realizing you’re my mate, I wish I could go back and right my wrongs.”

“Do you think I’ll believe you made a 180-degree switch overnight just because of some mate bond? It’s a fucking biological mechanism not a spiritual awakening,” I laughed without any humor, throwing my hands up in the air.

He sighed. “I figured you wouldn’t believe me, but I understand the gravity of my actions, I swear. I’m willing to take however long it takes to get you to forgive me.”

“Get me to forgive you? Reily, you can’t get anyone to forgive you. You of all people should know that,” I pinned a glare at him, knowing he remembered the point to his abuse towards me. He could never forgive me for being the cause of his parents’ deaths and this is what that led to. After the first year post-battle, I realized I couldn’t get anyone to forgive just by apologizing. In fact, groveling and begging for it was just popular modes of pleasure for revenge hungry vultures. Reily certainly laughed with mirth whenever I attempted to apologize. “You think a ‘sorry’ s gonna get them back?” He used to say. Other times, he turned red-faced with outrage when I asked for his mercy. “Just like you asked Beartown for mercy, you piece of trash? Cowards like you should never be born,” he blew up, before pounding me into a pulp. After all that, he really had the audacity to come here and ask for my forgiveness for needlessly abusing me for something I only recently learned from my Lycan wasn’t my fault.

“You never could forgive me, and that’s one of your principles. You have to either be joking or truly have hit your head somewhere and lost your memory to act like none of that stuff ever happened.”

“I feel like a monster. I am really regretting all those things I did, but I have no one to turn to. My brother has abandoned me, and my friends…well, I’d never talk about this stuff with them, you know.”

“Are you actually crying for my sympathy now?” I scoffed, absolutely stunned at how far he was willing to go. “And what about Gina, your girlfriend? Isn’t she on your side? Doesn’t she have something to say about this stupid ‘mate bond’?”

“I do love Gina, but I’m realizing now that it’s not in the way I thought. Being with her is nothing compared to what I feel when I’m with you. And honestly…I would break up with her for you. Please Vera…”

Disgusted, I tsked. “Talk about loyalty. This is ridiculous.” I whirled around to get along with my business.

A hand clamped down on my shoulder and a rush of desire hit me. Shoving his hand away, I snarled, “Don’t touch me! Now, leave me alone, I’m here to actually train.”

I stormed to the training ground, taking my place near the weapons rack. I heard his steps behind me, following me as I yanked a wooden sword, making sure it was heavy enough to put weight on my blows. Then, I turned and settled near a practice dummy, having planned to work on weapons techniques while building arm muscle.

“Vera, wait, just hear me out, if you’d just give me a chance--” He was still beside me for crying out loud.

With the wooden sword, I spun around and wacked him right on the shoulder. He hissed in pain, holding his shoulder with his opposite hand. I pointed a finger at him, “I will not give you a chance no matter how many times you try to convince me.”

He still stepped forward, the damn asshole! “I know you hate me…”

I hit him again on the side and he grunted with pain. “I loathe you, Reily! That’s the only logical thing that I can do after years of your bullying. I will never-” I dragged the sword across his chest, and this time he dodged, stepping back. I swiped again from the other side. “-never, ever feel anything but hatred for you.” He avoided the hit again. Frustrated, I threw the sword to the ground, dashing forward. I punched him in the stomach and he didn’t do anything but groan. I punched again with my other hand.

“I know I’ve done unforgivable things and treated you like shit, like the last thing anyone would ever do to their mate.”

“Yes, you have!” I yelled, scratching and clawing at him with a frenzy. Sometimes he caught my wrist before it landed, but let it go quickly so I could give him another hit. I kept it up, hitting him like a solo session with a dummy. It angered me to no end that he still didn’t retaliate.

“Why the hell aren’t you fighting back?!” I growled, driving a knee up into his stomach. He collapsed forward, arms around his waist.

“I’m telling you all this….” he started, moaning in between his words. His long blonde hair like sand under a hot sun fell over his face, hiding it. “Because I want you to know that I’ll never do it again. I would never dare to lay another finger on you, if not in love and affection. I promise to never send another hurtful, terrible word your way.”

Reily got up from nursing his wound. His eyes were sincere, but I couldn’t let my guard down. I couldn’t trust him. To be honest, my insides throbbed with pain every time Reily received a hit. Something within me couldn’t stand to see him hurt, probably the ridiculous bond. I ignored it as best as I could.

Lifting a boot, I shoved it forcefully at his chest. My kick threw him back five feet, and he lay sprawled flat on his back, hair spread around him like a halo. But I wouldn’t be fooled; he was still a devil in disguise.

“Fight, dammit!” I kicked his side. “Get up and fight! You never hesitated before, you shameless--”

“Do you not understand, Vera? I am done being that dark, twisted person I was. I wanted to be better for you. I know you’re angry, so that’s why I’ll let you hit me as hard and as much as you want. I deserve it. That’s why I won’t fight back.”

I realized now that nearly everyone on the training ground had paused or at least slowed down to stare at our unusual commotion. To be fair, it was a strange sight, and I wouldn’t be surprised if people thought their food was spiked and they were seeing things. After all, the bully who had once terrorized and encouraged shunning the pack pariah, who had sealed our fate in the battle against Beartown, was now confessing his devotion to and asking forgiveness from her. What a dramatic turn of events, indeed.

I shook my head slowly, not sure where to go from here. I wanted to fight him, not hear his jarring words of submission, words that I wished to hear many times before, but not like this. Knowing it was from the mate bond, which had prompted this sudden change, it didn’t feel real or authentic, even if he meant it. I wanted Reily to know truly what he had done to me, how he left me laying broken and bleeding day after day, how he destroyed my hope and morale. I wanted him to know the dark things that resulted from his actions, my feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, my despair, my loneliness, and at my lowest, my desire to disappear just like everyone wanted. If he didn’t know that, he couldn’t possibly deliver his apology and make it sound genuine. He didn’t know what he did and he never would. If he thought a few simple hits from my end would make things even, he was dead wrong.

Giving up, I turned to leave. A grip around my ankle stopped me in my tracks. I turned back to see Reily on his knees. What the hell was he doing now? I Was literally going to get an aneurysm from dealing with this lunatic. He stared up at me with puppy-eyes. At this point, there wasn’t a single pack member who was not enraptured by the scene. Reily, all pride and ego and stomping on those weaker than him, was actually on his knees in front of a girl? He’d never even do that with Gina.

“Vera,” he whispered in a broken voice. “Please. I’m begging you. You’re right, I deserve more than this. I deserve to die. But I can’t live without you. My wolf and I, can’t live another day knowing that you might reject us. Please…”

I was stunned. On the inside, something yearned to forgive Reily, to cradle him in my arms and comfort him. The other part of me, the real me, that larger me who seemed to be getting diminished more and more with every attempt Reily tried to get me in his good graces, was simply disgusted. I couldn’t believe my bully was on his knees groveling

My mind went back-and-froth between these two opposing stances. I was torn, even though I knew I didn’t have to be, but the mate bond was messing with me badly. It was making me have all sorts of delusions of a life together with someone who would no longer hurt me but protect me. I would have a place in my pack, and he could have a say against Dane and keep me away from my grandfather’s claws.

“I could love you, Vera,” Reily implored with sadness in his eyes. “I could make it up to you.”

My heart nearly swayed right there, but couldn’t help but remember who I was talking to. What if after the first few months of newly-mated bliss, Reily got bored and returned to how he used to be? What if I became even more stuck under his control, his power, his ferocity. What if the mate bond faded with time and Reily snapped out of it? Could I deal with the disappointment?

I didn’t know. There were too many unanswered questions and I wasn’t even sure of my own values anymore. I looked around at everyone making a spectacle of us, hanging on every word and move. My gaze returned to the young man before me, hand gently but firmly holding onto my leg, who may as well have been another person. I didn’t recognize him. Where were the heated glares and the foul mouth? Where was the roughness that went along with his wild hair and piercings dancing on his ears? I missed him; life would be so much simpler if he was still that terrible person. Instead, I was left with a decision I couldn’t make, and foreign feelings I couldn’t shake. Truth and false had become so intertwined, I didn’t know what to do.

It felt like everyone was waiting for my response, but I had nothing to say.

“I-I don’t know,” I said finally, my voice sounding lost. I tore my foot from his grasp and left the grounds.