Her Covert Protector (Rogue Protectors Book 4)

Dugal and Stephen were loaded into separate ambulances.

Colin went with his father while Nadia climbed into the one carrying hers.

As for John, he followed the emergency vehicles, fingers clenched around the steering wheel, wondering if all of this was his fault. Did he regret some decisions he made in his job? Of course, but he’d never dwelled on “what-ifs” until tonight.

What if he had left his investigation of Dmitry Vovk until after Nadia’s party? He would’ve been the one who picked her up at CTTF. He would’ve been there to protect them. Levi wouldn’t be feeling guilt-ridden. John hated the situation he put his man in. Not only that, what if he left thirty minutes earlier? None of this would have happened.

“Fuck!” He punched the steering wheel.

“Do I need to drive?” Bristow asked by his side. Levi and Declan hung back at the apartment as the detectives cleaned up the scene. Both intruders were dead. The man with the shorn arm was Cain Morris. The other one would soon be identified.

“I’m fine,” he clipped.

Their Escalade followed the ambulances closely, running through a red light as cars blared their horns at their opportunistic vehicle.

“We know where the ambulances are heading,” Bristow said. “Causing an accident by—”

“Zip the commentary, Bristow,” John snarled.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Damn you!” He glanced over at his passenger. “Shut the fuck up.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he spied Bristow raising his arms in surrender, finally falling quiet. The exit to Downtown Medical was coming up. John was beginning to hate that hospital so much.

His passenger didn’t say anything else until they got to the emergency room when John stopped short of entering. He exhaled heavily. “What if she doesn’t want me there?”

“Seriously?” Bristow scoffed. “If there’s one time for you to consider how people feel about you, now is not the time. She rejects you, you take it like a man and try again.”

He glared at the SEAL who seemed to bear witness to all of John’s moments of extreme conflict.

Bristow’s lips curled into a sneer and he got into John’s face. “Nadia is beyond shattered. Two of the people she loves are fighting for their lives. Make yourself vulnerable. Try to be everything she needs even if she pushes you away. You’ll never know what she needs by giving her space. Not this time, G. That’s the easy way out. She didn’t ask you for it. All her friends are at the apartment doing their part. You’re here. Do yours.”

“I wasn’t going to abandon her.”

“No. You were going to be lurking in stairwells and asking me to get you info.” Bristow folded his arms. “Guess what? I’m not doing it.”

John exhaled a fractured breath. That was his default behavior but not any longer. He’d accepted in the past week that the life he knew as a CIA officer was about to change. He couldn’t be who Nadia needed and stay in the shadows. He was going to be that man beside her every step of the way. Walking through the sliding glass doors of the emergency room, he tried not to flinch as several pairs of eyes flew to him. He felt every single disguise he ever wore peel away, and he tried to act rationally when he saw Colin embracing a sobbing Nadia in his arms.

Colin’s eyes were red, mouth set in a firm line, but he whispered in Nadia’s ear at his approach.

“Babe,” John said.

Nadia raised her head, and he flinched as he took in the despair reflected in her eyes.

Make yourself vulnerable. Bristow’s words repeated in his head.

He opened his arms, waited in bated breath for her rejection, his guilt weighing him down. Because despite what Bristow said, what happened was all John’s fault.

He promised to protect her and the people she cared about.

He failed.

“John,” Nadia’s broken voice whispered before she extricated herself from Colin’s arms and went to his.

His lungs labored to exhale as his arms wrapped around her.

Nadia tilted up her chin, tears running down her cheeks. “I’m scared.” He could barely hear her words.

“Hang in there, babe,” he told her. John never gave false promises, and he wasn’t starting now. Then he realized why she voiced her fears so quietly—she didn’t want to add to Colin’s anxiety. He raised his gaze to the Scot. “Your father is one of the fiercest men I’ve ever met.” And he was being honest. Pinning a man to a wall with a sword wasn’t for the faint of heart. “He’s not going to let those bastards win.”

Colin nodded grimly.

The sliding doors to the emergency room swished open again and Dugal’s son, Alec, arrived with Arthur and Clyde. The three newcomers approached and asked for an update. After giving them one, they moved to a row of couches and chairs.

There weren’t enough seats in that section for all of them and John had a feeling Nadia wanted to stay with the people who knew Dugal and Stephen the best, even though he wanted her right where she belonged.

In his arms.

Nadia drew him away, out of earshot of the rest of the group.

“I feel it’s my fault,” she admitted. “What if—”

“Don’t say that,” he cut her off. “It’s mine. All mine.”

She was shaking her head and starting to push away. “I can’t process this right now.” She glanced at the huddle. “I want to be there for Colin and Alec.”

“Of course.” What else could he say? This wasn’t about him, and he was still drowning in his own guilt.

Raising her hand and cupping his jaw, she gave it a squeeze, but said no more before she walked over to Dugal’s sons.

Three hours later, John was by himself, standing against the wall beside the vending machine. Bristow came in, took one look at John and then at the huddle with Nadia. The ginger-haired SEAL walked over to him.

“No go. Huh?”

“It’s fine. Nadia doesn’t blame me, but she needs them.” John nodded over to the group. It was the collective strength of the people who were closest to Dugal and Stephen that was necessary for all of them to get through this. A relatable shared love for the men whose lives were currently hanging in the balance. Where one would fall under despair, the other could prop him or her up with hope. “Any news?”

“Stephen is out of surgery.”

“How—?”

Bristow raised a brow.

“Never mind. You did work here before.”

“Still not my place to tell Nadia but that’ll be one thing off your mind too.”

“Any news on Dugal?”

“Shot once in the chest, twice in the back.”

John replayed the gruesome scene he came upon. “Morris got off two shots despite almost losing an arm?”

“I got the quick assessment from Kelso. Dugal hacked through Morris and went after Nadia’s assailant who tried to use her as shield. The patrol officer guarding the entrance heard the commotion and barged in and was initially stunned by what he was seeing. This allowed assailant number two to get off a shot at him and Dugal. Meanwhile Morris recovered, and was apparently ambidextrous and picked up his gun and shot off two rounds into Dugal’s back.

“Stephen tried to stop Morris and got shot,” John concluded.

“Yes. And the patrol officer managed to kill Morris.”

“Damn, did the patrol officer say if he witnessed Dugal impale our second attacker to the wall?”

Bristow grinned. “Kelso said the poor cop might be in therapy for a while.”

An aching fondness expanded in his chest. “That old bastard better make it.”

He has to make it.

Nadia thought miserably. The guilt weighing her heart was unbearable. If she hadn’t sent Levi away, would this have happened? She stared at her fingers. She wasn’t able to scrub all the blood from her fingernails. Her cuticles still bore the evidence of the carnage in her kitchen. The horror of not knowing who to save first.

“I’m fine,” her father gasped. “Hand me that towel and see to Dugal.”

She crawled over trails of blood, grabbed two kitchen towels, and pressed one on her dad’s shoulder, before scrambling over to Dugal who was groaning on the floor.

“You’re crazy,” she muttered, staunching the flow of blood right below his heart. “And what are you smirking about?”

“That was quite the charge,” he boasted.

But she couldn’t respond because a map of red began to pool from under him. “Oh my God.”

“He was shot in the back,” her father said.

“Here, take this.”

She glanced up to see John holding out a protein bar and a bottle of water. Three hours earlier, she received word that her father was okay. John checked on her periodically, asking her to be looked over by a doctor. She refused. It was hour six now. Nadia realized how thirsty she was.

She accepted the water but shook her head at the bar.

“You need to eat something.” His tone was firm.

“Not hungry.”

John sank to his haunches and held her gaze steadily. “Babe. You’re scared. I get that. But Dugal’s not going to be happy if he finds out you’ve been waiting in this ER without sustenance.” His expression turned somber. “Please take care of yourself too.”

She shook her head again.

A muscle bounced in his cheek, and she knew he was fighting with his steamroller nature, not to force the issue of eating, but her gut was twisted up with acid. His mouth compressed into a thin line and he nodded. “Please eat this. Put something in your stomach.”

He left the bar on her lap and stood, walking back to where he waited with Bristow.

“He’s right, lass,” Alec said. “Pa, wouldn’t have wanted you getting hungry, especially with the baby.”

“This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have been around your dad.”

Colin nudged her leg. “In case you haven’t learned this about Scots yet, fighting is in our blood. If you were in any sort of danger, Pa would’ve been the first one to protect you.”

“Aye,” Alec said. “There’s nothing like a Scotsman loving to be in the thick of it.”

The doors to the ER opened and an exhausted-looking man in scrubs walked out. “Dugal Cameron?”

Nadia surged from her chair with Colin and Alec. Arthur and Clyde rose up with them and crowded the surgeon.

“He’s out of surgery and is stable …”

Nadia heard no more. Her legs gave out as darkness swallowed her.

“Are you sure she’s fine?”

John’s gravelly voice hovered overhead.

“She’s dehydrated.” An unfamiliar female voice answered him. “And the stress just got to her.”

“She’s pregnant.”

“Yes. I checked the records sent over by Dr. Ryan. And we agreed that since she’s not spotting, an ultrasound right now might be too stressful since it’s early in the pregnancy.”

“I know that!” John snapped.

There was a moment of charged silence before the doctor—at least Nadia presumed she was a doctor—added, “I’ll check back later, but she has the best care with Bristow here.”

A door opened and closed.

“I’m going to wring her neck when she wakes up,” John muttered.

“No, you’re not,” Bristow said, amusement lacing his tone. “You’re going to be all over her and not let her out of your sight. Ever.”

“Got that right.”

“Are you bullying me even when I’m unconscious?” She croaked as she opened one eye, and then another. The blurry image of John slowly came into focus. He looked terrible and a bit feral.

“I fainted,” she announced.

“And damned near shaved fifty years off of my life,” he snarled. “I thought to give you space, that you needed other people around you more.” An expression she’d never associated with John was carved into his face. Remorse. Distress. “I’m sorry I fucked up. If I’d picked you up when you told me to, this wouldn’t have happened.”

Was that why he was blaming himself? Nadia thought. Well, she could see that as much as she could see her own fault.

“I called the DNI and told him I’m out—”

“Whoa, hold on—” He was making her dizzy.

At this point, Bristow had backed away to the door. “I think you two need to have this conversation alone.”

“Can you check when I can see my dad and Dugal?” she asked.

“I can do that.” The SEAL retreated from the room, closing the door behind him.

At the soft click, John continued his tirade. He edged his seat closer, grabbing her hands in his. “I should have held off the intel gathering on Vovk. Nothing matters more than you, but you’ll have your pound of flesh, Nadia. I’ll be the best costumed Locke Demon at StreamCon and you’re going to be my demon bride—”

“Okay, back up,” Nadia interrupted.

“No. Listen to me—”

“John, I —”

“I’ll be damned when you fainted and I was clear across the room and couldn’t catch you—”

Nadia extricated one of her hands from his grip, leaned forward, and slapped it over his mouth. “Staaahp.”

They glared at each other.

“Let me speak, dammit. You’re stressing me out,” she growled.

His eyes panicked. “Do I need to call the doctor?”

“If it’s to make me relax by kicking you out, then by all means.”

His mouth flattened, and he sat back in his chair. “Obviously, I’m missing something.”

“You’re missing a whole lot, buddy,” she grumbled. “I never blamed you for Dugal and Dad getting hurt at all.”

Garrison’s jaw hardened. “You should.”

“Then I should be wracked with guilt too because I insisted Levi go home. But you know what? In that waiting room? Colin and Alec didn’t blame any of us because they know the man their father is. He will protect his friends like his own family.” She inhaled and exhaled raggedly. “None of us could have predicted that Sally would have escaped Morris and come to me.” She paused as her mind did a rewind. “I did hand over my phone to Kelso, right?” Everything from the evening was a jumble.

“They were able to piece together what happened from those messages.”

“They weren’t after me. They were after Sally.” Nadia emphasized the words. “There were more than enough officers there to guard me, but the confusion of Halloween … ” she trailed off.

John closed his eyes briefly and opened them again. “Yeah.”

“Now is the time I say the words back to you.”

A corner of his mouth quirked up.

“Suck it up, John Garrison.”

His mouth twitched. “Yes, ma’am.”

“So you’re going to call the DNI back and say you’re not quitting.”

John sighed. “I was pretty final when I talked to him.”

“What did he say?”

“He said I should sleep on it. I told him that’s not going to change anything.”

“You’re going to give up your pursuit of Dmitry Vovk? I thought you’ve been after him for thirteen years?”

He sighed. “It appears I’m not getting through to you, so I’ll state it plainly. You’re more important than any job, got it?”

John’s gaze was piercing and held her captive. He’d wrapped both her hands in his two as if to make a point.

“I don’t know what to say.” Her lips trembled. Nadia couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth, but his the emotions in his eyes were too turbulent to interpret.

He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. “Nothing. Just accept me as your man. Your protector.”

“I do,” she said. “But, you can’t give up on the Argonayts case.”

He sighed again. “I know.” His mouth turned wry. “Because the LAPD needs my access.”

Her lips curved. “You got that right.”

“I feel so used,” he deadpanned.

Her smile grew wider. “Suck it up.”