Chapter 19
Carli POV
A hole is tearing through my chest the further away I get from Parker, but I grit my teeth through the pain and continue walking, not sure where I’m walking to.
My mind is a mess. I wanted nothing more than to turn around and run back, throwing myself into Parker’s arms, leaving my dignity and pride behind. I know that’s only because of the mate bond, though. I can’t trust that feeling. I can’t trust my own desires. I have to use my head. I have to use facts and reasoning to talk myself out of doing what I really want to do.
First fact: Parker wanted nothing to do with me before 2 days ago.
Second fact: He knew for 4 years. 4 whole years, where he spent most of that time not only ignoring the mate bond, he was fighting against it, sleeping around, moving out of state, not reaching out to me once.
Lastly, this seems very similar to the way his father treated my mother. I don’t ever want to end up being anything like her. I don’t want to be with someone who is anything like him.
Casey is already ready to move to Blue Cliff Pack with me. I know we’re not mates, and I’m not attracted to him in that way, but he is much more of what I want in a mate, if I want a mate at all. I don’t want an a*****e like my stepfather forced on me. I’d much rather spend the rest of my life alone, or with a chosen mate.
I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, and choose to ignore it, thinking it’s probably Parker. It goes off 2 more times before I decide to pull it out and yell at him to just leave me alone. I should find some guy to screw before I answer it. I can be just like him.
When I checked the caller ID, it was not Parker at all, but Simone.
“Hello?”
“Hey, girl! What are you doing? Hillary told me you skipped guard duty today. Are you sneaking off to buy me a last minute birthday present?” her cheerful voice carries through the phone.
“I uh. . .I went to lunch with Parker,” I told her.
“Is he buying me a present too? Casey said he was following you around like a lost puppy today. Actually, he said following you around like a disease, but a lost puppy sounds cuter. How can a disease follow you around? Doesn’t make sense. What are you doing now? Is the puppy still with you?”
I laugh softly, thankful for Simone’s bullshit banter. “I’m actually on my own. Do you think you could come pick me up? I’m at Bayfront Park. I was about to get an Uber.”
“Um, yeah. But where is your brother? Did he leave you there?”
“It’s a long story. I’ll tell you when you get here,” I said.
“Okay, babe. Be there in 10 minutes. Meet me by the amphitheater.”
10 minutes later, Simone is skipping towards me in chunky-heeled sandals and a bright pink romper.
“Hey babe,” She smiles brightly at me, “Where’s your puppy?”
I chuckle, “I don’t know. I left him back near Skyviews.”
“Did you fight again? He back to being an a*s?”
I shook my head, “No. Not really. It’s. . .complicated.” I motioned for her to sit beside me on the concrete steps, “It’s been a crazy 24 hours.”
I told Simone everything, from making out with Parker last night, where she tried not to throw up before I quickly informed her that we don’t share any DNA. We have completely different parents. I tell her about my talk with the Gammas this morning, my meeting with Vivian Meyers, and then she growls when I tell her about my conversation with Alpha Jared. She’s more pissed than I was when I told her about the whole Clarissa bull shit.
Lastly, I tell her about my lunch with Parker, and about finding out he’s my fated mate.
“Girl, that’s some heavy s**t,” she sighs.
“I know. It’s like everything was just dumped on me all at once. It’s too much. I just want to move and be done with it all.”
“Casey’s going to be so sad when he finds out he’s not your mate,” she clicks her tongue.
“I wish he was,” I muttered. Everything would be so much easier if he was.
“You know, we’ve been friends for a long time, and I love you like a sister, but I’m glad you’re not Casey’s mate,” she says, offering me an apologetic smile.
“Why?”
“Well, no offense, but you’re a little too harsh on the opposite s*x. I love it as your friend, but as his sister, I was always worried you were too dominant for him.”
“What’s wrong with being dominant? He’s pretty dominant as well,” I scoff.
“Nothing is wrong with it,” she rolls her eyes and smirks, “I just think mates should balance each other out. You can’t have two tops in a relationship. I always thought Casey needed someone softer, more bendable. Your a*s is too stubborn.”
“Gee, thanks,” I mumbled.
“Don’t be mad. I just didn’t think you were a good match. You and Parker make much better sense.”
I look at her stunned, “How so?” We’ve both thought he was my brother for the last 18 years.
She shrugs, “I know he’s been an a*s the last couple years, but before then he had a real sister complex. You told him to jump, he jumped. He would literally do anything for you.”
“Bull s**t,” I shook my head in disbelief.
She tutts her tongue at me again and shakes her head, like I was crazy, “You were friends with my brother before me. I remember the first time he brought you over after a junior warrior thing for a play date. Me and him started fighting over something stupid like a slice of pizza or some s**t. You started bragging, saying your brother would have given it up for you. You were always telling us how awesome your brother was to you. Until one day, you said things changed.”
“Yeah! He found out I was his mate and could get away from me fast enough,” I huffed.
“Hey, if I found out Casey was my mate tomorrow, I’d s**t a brick. I would lose my f*****g mind. He thought you were his sister, chica. Sister. It sounds like he had no idea you shared no b***d until Matt told him at the cove yesterday. Anyone would have a hard time accepting their sibling as a mate. It’s. . .icky,” she gags, “Totally gross. I still think it’s a little disturbing you’re mated even as step-siblings, but it makes sense. He’s the son of the true alpha, you’re the daughter of the true Luna. They both f****d up by having families with other people. This is probably the moon goddess’s way of correcting their mistakes.”
I gnaw on my bottom l*p, contemplating her words.
“He still didn’t have to ignore me for 4 years. It feels like he just wants me now because of the possibility of me moving and him never seeing me again. I mean, he didn’t even tell me why he avoided me. He just went to his dad and withdrew my transfer without even talking to me.”
“Carli,” Simone shook her head, “You aren’t always the easiest person to talk to. You get defensive easily. He was probably scared you would run away from him, which you did do. Him being cautious doesn’t make him a villain. If you don’t want to end up like Alpha Jared and Luna Mary, then I would think twice about rejecting the mate bond. The moon goddess, though she gives us the choice to refuse, she does have our best interest in her heart. She wouldn’t put you with someone who you were incompatible with.”
“But,” I started, but she put her finger to my lips, stopping my defensive rant before I could start.
“Stop. You think because you’re some badass warrior, you have to prove yourself by acting like the typical male wolf would. No emotions, just rational thinking and the occasional fling to fill your carnal desires. You already have an obscured view on relationships. You don’t want to risk getting hurt, so you have an unhealthy view of s*x and only view the opposite s*x as something that will just disappoint you if you open yourself up to anything more. I know you had a f****d up childhood, but you have to quit using that as an excuse.
“Gamma Thomas, your real father, has always loved you unconditionally, even though he was told he couldn’t. Your brother, though he had that dark period, loved you unconditionally up until he found out you were mates. Yeah, he sucked the last 4 years, but I’m willing to bet he didn’t want to hurt you and that’s part of the reason he stayed away.”
Simone’s speech leaves me without words to respond. I don’t have an unhealthy view of the opposite s*x, do I?
Maybe I do. I don’t know. I never thought much about relationships in the past. I knew one day I would have a mate, but before then, boys were just toys. Is that unhealthy?
“Sweetie, I’m telling you this because I love you, and I want what’s best for you. I would talk to Parker again. Don’t completely write him off just yet. Now,” she slaps my bare thigh, causing me to yelp, then gets to her feet, “Let’s go buy me birthday presents before we head to the packhouse. I saw a sale sign at Sunglass Hut and Express. Put your mom’s credit card to good use before you lose it.”