Hate Notes

I couldn’t believe my eyes.

It was her. Reed’s ex-fiancée, Allison. At the bar.

What is she doing here?

My curiosity got the best of me as I inched my way closer to where they were standing.

Allison had blonde hair that was darker than mine. She was tall, almost Reed’s height. But she was gorgeous, and I couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy I felt as I saw them together for the first time.

For two people who had been so in love, though, they definitely seemed uncomfortable around each other at the moment.

My need to know what had actually happened between them was stronger than ever. I kept my eyes on them as if I would be able to figure something out from just observing them.

Reed looked distressed, fidgeting with his watch as they made small talk.

She took a deep breath, then exhaled. “You look good.”

“Thank you,” he said without making eye contact.

“I happened to see all of the tents set up as I was driving to my parents’ and thought I would stop by to say hello, see how you’re doing.”

I noticed he went to straighten his tie, but he wasn’t wearing one. It was like he didn’t know what to do with his hands.

It wasn’t my place to interrupt, but my instinct told me that he wanted a way out of the conversation. No, he needed it.

“I’m very sorry to interrupt, Mr. Eastwood, but we really need to discuss Project Squirrel. I have to leave soon and really don’t want to miss the opportunity to pick your brain.”

Allison looked between us. “Project what?”

Reed seemed like he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “Ah yes, very important. I need to attend to this. Allison, it was great seeing you. We’ll have to catch up again some other time.”

“Great seeing you, too.”

Reed followed me, and we just kept walking in silence until we were far away from the festivities. It felt like we’d walked at least a half mile.

They had so much land. And there were outdoor lights all throughout the multi-acre estate.

We finally stopped at a small lake that ran along the property. I sat down on the grass and Reed joined me.

He looked up at the sky as he spoke. “How did you know I needed a way out of that conversation?”

“Your face. You seemed very uncomfortable talking to her. I figured I would at least try getting you out of it. I told myself that if I was mistaken, you didn’t have to go along with it.”

“Thank you.”

“Was she supposed to be here?”

He simply shook his head no.

“Why did she come?”

“Her family’s estate is just down the road. She stopped by to say hello. Security knows her and probably let her in, thinking she was invited.”

I wanted so badly to ask again what had transpired between them, but then I remembered what had happened back at the hotel on Long Island when he snapped at me.

Reed was gazing up at the stars. To my surprise, he partly answered the question in my head without my having to even ask.

“She hurt me very badly when she realized the future she thought we were going to have was going to look a bit different than she’d always imagined it to be. Without going into details, she showed me that her love was definitely conditional.”

“There is no such thing as conditional love.”

“You’re right,” he said. “But it was difficult for me to realize that. I believed that I loved her unconditionally. When love is not returned, you have to learn to unlove the other person. The mind tells you that you’re not supposed to love them anymore, but the heart isn’t listening so easily.”

“Do you still love her?”

“Not in the same way, but my feelings are complicated.”

My heart broke for him, but at the same time, I envied Allison for having been the recipient of true love. Todd had never loved me. I knew that now. Knowing that Allison’s love for Reed was conditional definitely shattered the idea I’d had about them when I first discovered the blue note. I was realizing I didn’t really know anything at all, but I was afraid to pry too much. At the same time, seeing that he was still struggling with his feelings warmed my heart and gave me hope that there were men out there who were truly capable of love.

I stared at Reed’s profile. God, was there really anything sexier than a gorgeous man who just wanted to be loved by a woman?

He picked at the grass. “I really wish she hadn’t shown up.”

My eyes stayed glued to his long, masculine fingers on the ground. “I’m glad she did, because you have to be able to face her to move on. It was good practice. Plus, did you see the look on her face? She was really confused when you left. And that made it all worth it.”

“Project Squirrel.” He laughed under his breath.

I chuckled. “Project Squirrel. Definition: the nonexistent, top-secret business venture that hereby serves as the perfect way out of any uncomfortable situation.”

He sighed. “I could really use that drink, but I don’t feel like walking back just yet.”

I started to stand up. “Want me to go get us drinks? You can stay here.”

“No.” He placed his hand on my leg, prompting me to sit back down.

We sat in silence for a while. “Does this lake belong to you?”

“Yes. It’s part of our property.”

“Wow.”

Something amazing occurred to me in that moment. Well, I wasn’t sure if Reed would consider it amazing. But the wheels in my mind were turning. Apparently my joy was transparent.

“What do you have going on in that head of yours, Charlotte?”

“I feel like I’m ready to burst. I’m getting this urge to do something crazy.”

“Now?”

“I added a couple of things to my Fuck-It List recently. And one of them involves a lake. It just feels like the opportunity is being presented to me right now.”

“What you mean, ‘involves a lake’?”

“Go Skinny-Dipping in a Lake at Night. I’m never at a lake at night. God knows when it would happen again. This just feels like fate. But I don’t want to freak you out if you’d prefer I didn’t do it.”

“You seriously didn’t just make that shit up? That was really on your list?”

“I swear.”

He shocked me when he said, “Then I think you should do it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It would be the most fitting ending to this bizarre night.”

“Do you think anyone will venture down this far? I wouldn’t want to get caught.”

“I doubt it. But make it fast. I’ll stand guard. And I won’t look.”

“You’re really encouraging me to do this?”

“Call me insane, but I need all the distraction I can get tonight, even if it comes in the form of your crazy. I don’t feel like going back to the party yet, so we might as well pass the time. I’m turning around now.”

His back faced me. I squealed in delight as I swiftly got out of my clothes before jumping into the water, which was surprisingly warm.

Once my body was immersed, I called out, “Safe to turn around!”

Reed stood with his hands in his pockets as he watched me bounce around the water. He didn’t move from his spot and kept his eyes on me, occasionally looking back to make sure no one was coming.

I yelled over to him, “See . . . that’s one of the differences between a fuck-it list and a bucket list—the spontaneity factor. The fuck-it list is more spur of the moment. Part of the mantra of the fuck-it list is that if the opportunity comes to you, you need to take it. And that’s what I’m doing.”

It felt exhilarating to be naked at night on this property. It was also thrilling because it seemed so naughty, given that Reed was standing just feet away from me. My nipples hardened at the thought.

I was proud of myself for seizing the moment. I likely wouldn’t have considered doing something so spontaneous during the time I was engaged to Todd. In that sense, surviving the breakup had not only made me stronger but also more adventurous.

After I’d had my fill, I said, “I’m coming out!”

Reed turned his back to me. I slipped my dress back on over my wet body while the reality of what I’d done started to sink in.

“How do we explain why you’re all wet?” he asked.

“I don’t know. How are you going to explain it, Reed?” I grinned impishly.

“You’re going to put this on me, Darling? Is that a challenge?”

“If you want to take it.”

When we arrived back at the party, thankfully, it seemed Allison had left the premises.

People were looking at us, confused, particularly Max and Jared. Everyone was perplexed except for Iris, who was beaming.

“What on earth happened to you, Charlotte?” she asked.

I looked at Reed and waited for his response, trying my best not to lose my shit.

He finally answered his grandmother’s question.

“Charlotte and I took a walk to discuss business. She sees this squirrel run right into the lake. It was dark, and the rodent was flailing its little arms and legs for dear life, trying to stay afloat. She then decides to go and pull a Charlotte, didn’t even think twice, jumped right into the lake and saved it . . . set it free, saved its life.”

Reed deserved an Academy Award, because he delivered that ridiculous story with unwavering seriousness.

“Charlotte, you never cease to amaze me,” Iris said.

“Yeah, she’s pretty amazing.” Reed smiled.

I kept waiting for him to add something to ruin that sweet sentence, something like “pretty amazing for a crazy person.” But he never did.

I felt like I owed Reed big-time. He’d assisted me with my lake jaunt and played along so well after. Now that I knew how great it felt to knock that first item off my list, I was even more motivated to start helping him with his own bucket list.

The following Wednesday, I stayed at the office late to research choirs in the state of New York.

It felt like I’d hit the jackpot when I stumbled upon the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir. I immediately sent an email to inquire as to whether they were accepting new members.

The choir director returned my email right away and provided me with some dates for their upcoming open-enrollment tryouts.

Printing out all the materials, I wondered how Reed was going to react. When I got to his office, he wasn’t there, so I left all the information in a folder on his desk with a note that read: Paying you back. Let’s do this!

The next morning, I got to the office early to find another blue note from Reed sitting on the center of my desk.

Anytime I’d see this stationery, it would give me goosebumps and remind me about discovering that blue piece of paper inside of the dress.

I eagerly picked up the note and read it.

Dear Charlotte:

Do you know why squirrels love you so much?

Because you’re NUTS.

Reed

I shook my head and whispered to myself, “These are the kind of love notes you’re doling out now, Eastwood?” I laughed. “More like a hate note.”