Chapter 20
The screen soon flashed on and Pixie saw images of a run-down apartment, and what seemed to be a single mother, as there was no man in any of the early scenes. There was, however, more than a few blackouts, which can’t have been good. The scenes then changed quite quickly to a train journey and then to what appeared to be another city altogether, again with just his mother present, as Pixie could safely assume by now.
She saw Rais going to school, having friends and living an otherwise uneventful life. Before long he was in a technical training environment, working on repairing and servicing aircraft. Rais was surrounded by men in uniform, which aligned with his described life in the Soviet military in what she presumed was Azerbaijan. Pixie could see some stern and serious faces talking to him in various military environments: in hangars, in aircraft and out on ground exercises. He appeared to be recoiling physically at times at some of the things being said to him, although Pixie could not understand the language being spoken. The words generally weren’t pleasant in their tone and, knowing Rais, she imagined he would not enjoy being spoken to in that way. In one particular scene Rais was in a dark office of what must be a superior officer, who was at his desk and surrounded by military paraphernalia including a large Soviet flag. Rais’ gaze was fixed on the scene while the officer yelled at him. Poor Rais: he would have had difficulty dealing with this tirade. She would have to wait until the post-life review to find out what this man and others were saying to him.
Gradually, he began to see a young woman more often and then there was a slow-down scene of their wedding, where the woman was smiling at him and kissing him. Pixie could hear Rais’ voice calling her Alina. He moved into a nice-looking apartment with her, but there were no signs of any children. There were some anxious expressions on Alina’s face from time to time, but it was hard for Pixie to tell what was going on. Rais was also visiting his mother too, who always seemed happy to see him, and she was clearly ageing by this time.
On the military base Rais was often in meetings in boardrooms and the like speaking what might be Russian. Occasionally he spoke English as well, especially when he was in some sort of military hearing. The rest of the time while on the base he was somewhere in an aircraft hangar, walking amongst the men doing repairs and service work. Pixie sensed he was some sort of leader amongst these men. They almost always smiled at him and talked in cheerful tones when they saw him. Later on Rais was boarding an aircraft, as he had done many times before. Once they were off the ground and had been flying for a while, he began looking around with urgency and there was a lot of shouting and concerned voices. The screen went briefly black and then white and misty as before. It was obvious to Pixie that the aircraft had crashed.
How was that, Rais? asked Lyri, as she removed his helmet.
“It was… what I expected. I knew I was military. I knew I work with aircraft. But I am like Neca. I do not know what I do that is so great. I do my job, I get married to Alina, I take care of my mother. How I end up here?” Rais looked at Kjersti expectantly. Pixie thought it was interesting that he hadn’t even mentioned the crash he died in.
You had a difficult upbringing, Rais. Your mother was in an abusive relationship and left your father while you were still a baby. He was affected by alcohol and was mentally ill, but it nonetheless damaged both your mother and you for many years. She struggled to feed you at times, and when the move from Volgograd to Baku occurred, you were both quite unwell and lucky to survive. Do you remember any of this?
“No. I have memory block of this time. It maybe very bad. I always think I was lucky man to end up where I did. Does this mean I get ascension from here?” Rais was still unsure, and Pixie had to admit she wasn’t making the links either.
To some degree, yes. These early hardships, and your survival of them, set you up for later on, continued Kjersti. You developed a close attachment to your mother, as well as significant mental resilience. Your devotion to your mother helped her heal. You treated your wife similarly with love and compassion through her own mental illness. The ground work that you had to do for both of them was quite challenging.
“Yes, it was hard most of the time.” Rais looked down at the floor.
For the rest of you, Thylen was explaining this time, Rais’ wife Alina had bipolar disorder. Rais supported her and his ageing mother, who never truly got over a brutal marriage, through his Soviet Forces career as a technician and then as an engineering officer.
Thylen glanced at Kjersti, who continued Rais’ story. Rais was often tired with his wife’s episodes and had to cope with quite strong personalities at work, whose opinions he often disagreed with. He was directly charged with insubordination on multiple occasions and narrowly avoided going to military prison. He was never insubordinate. His superiors simply did not like his leadership style, considering him not hardened enough for effective military leadership, and wanted him out of the military but had no easy and clear way to do it. So, they made up some charges and tried to make them stick.
“It was not easy, most of time, work with those people. I did not like what they think. They very fearful; I am not. I think life is good and you can be happy and expect best of people. My commanding officer said I should not be kind to my men. I say we in Air Force, not Army Special Forces. We do not need to be so hard like he said. I think military life too dark. I want to shine light into dark places. So I was nice to my men.” Rais was reflecting now and his expression showed that he truly enjoyed those moments with his troops.
They loved you for it, Rais. You made their working lives more enjoyable than most in the military. Kjersti’s tone was approving. You never mentioned your home situation at all when on the job, and you never let the lack of sleep or stress at home affect your work. Alina will be fine, by the way.
“Oh, very good!” Rais was hopeful. “How?”
Her sister came down from Volgograd and will live with her.
“Ah! Tatiana, yes. She finally do some good I hope. Why she not do that before and come and visit more often? Maybe she think it all up to me.” Rais was relieved at this news.
Yes, Tatiana did think that. But she is now doing what she has to do. She has a hard road ahead, as you know, but she has accepted her responsibility and it will ultimately be for her betterment as well. You did wonderfully, Rais, on several fronts. Can you see that now? He nodded. There seemed to be nothing further for the moment.
“Thank you all for this. It is great thing you do for us,” he said. He resumed his seat.
Rocsi spoke next, and Pixie thought this meant it was going to be her turn. “Kjersti?”
Yes, Rocsi?
“I’m pretty sure I know what the slowed down scenes mean, but can you explain them in your own words?”
Sure. It means it is a significant or important life scene. A waypoint if you like. A different decision or outcome from that scene and the life changes dramatically. There are surprisingly few of these in one’s life. There is more to this than it appears. Later on we will show you how to conduct your own research into this sort of thing. I want you all to study and learn how lifetimes and choices work, especially with regards to ascension. I could explain it here, but I’d prefer you research it on your own: the learning is greater then, and it’s quite important learning, too.
“Oh, that makes sense, thank you. It is deeper, just as I suspected. I will enjoy doing that research, once you show us how,” replied Rocsi.
We certainly will do that. Do you want to go next, Rocsi? asked Lyri.
“To be honest, I’d like to wait a bit longer. I’m not ready yet. One of the others?”
Pixie wasn’t ready either. She glanced at Suria, who wasn’t making any moves at all, then at Rivo and Tau. Rivo got up out of his seat. “My turn,” he said.
Rivo’s life in Northern Italy was soon up on the screen. Pixie was seeing early childhood through the eyes of this kind and hardworking man. There were some fairly uneventful periods earlier in Rivo’s life, as he was growing up. His house was nice enough, and the streets of his town looked like she’d expect them to from a European city. She couldn’t remember where he said he’d lived: Florence, maybe? Yes, that was it.
Soon she was watching a rescue of what appeared to be an injured bird in the backyard of Rivo’s house. It was being cared for by a man who must be Rivo’s father. Rivo was clearly allowed to help and was fixated on feeding the bird, petting it, and giving it water. He sat with it often, and then one day it was able to fly again, and he fixated on it until it was out of view. The scene was quite cute, as the bird stopped several times, watching Rivo from higher and higher locations, as if saying goodbye.
Some fairly uneventful childhood scenes followed, with Rivo playing football at school and going on walks around town and in the mountains with his parents and siblings. As far as Pixie could tell, he had two sisters and a brother, and was the third child. Later on, Rivo was taking the family dog, a golden Labrador retriever, to the vet what looked like a routine check-up. While there, Rivo witnessed another distressed dog being brought in for treatment. It looked like it had been hit by a car. Rivo approached and began petting the dog, and this appeared to calm it. The vet staff therefore allowed him into the surgery, which he watched closely. The staff were grateful for his help and spoke in encouraging tones, albeit in Italian. This surgery experience was an important moment in his life, as he was soon studying and working in a training facility for veterinarian science. He was learning the skills needed to have a career in this field.
Rivo was then seen outdoors more often, engaging in animal rescues. These were mostly on the roads, but also in homes and on farms and the like. He was primarily involved in helping recover and treat injured animals. It looked as if he worked long hours, often at night as well as in the daytime. Pixie also saw Rivo attending some public rallies, much like Arias had done, where there was anger and violence between sections of the crowd. Interspersed with these scenes was a bit of hiking here and there, by himself. There did not appear to be any relationship in his life, although Pixie guessed he was in his mid-twenties in age. On one of Rivo’s hikes, the screen went the usual black, then white and misty.
Before Thylen or Lyri could ask him, Rivo volunteered his own thoughts. “Aah, I try to walk across that ledge; a shortcut. I should have gone the long way. I did not know my limitations.”
It was your time, Rivo. Thylen said.
“There is such a thing?” he asked, a surprised expression on his face.
There is. Actually, there are many life exits, depending on which path you take. Thylen’s response was a bit cryptic. He paused momentarily, then added: To understand this further you will need to do the study that Kjersti referred to earlier. If you do research later you’ll understand how life decisions, life exits and other related concepts work.
“I am here because I help animals, yes? That is how I ascend?” he asked, glancing between the three Pleiadians. Lyri responded.
Oh yes. Her voice was emphatic. There was something personal involved here for Lyri, judging by her emotional tone. You saved so many little souls. It wasn’t just that, Rivo. Many people save the lives of animals, sometimes thousands of them. You did it with compassion and a genuine connection with the animal each time. You treated them as if they mattered as much as any Terran. As if they are sentient, with feelings and emotions, which of course they are. You knew that and made connections with all of them. They knew it too and it’s the reason why you saved so many of them. You may have thought it was a normal thing, that all Terrans connect with animals in this way. The truth is that it’s extremely rare. You worked so hard, too, and with so much love and we are grateful for what you did.
“You are?” Rivo asked eagerly, momentarily disrupting the humble expression on his face as he listened to Lyri.
She replied with a softness to her words. Yes. Our people share a close affinity with nature. Anyone who protects it or nurtures it is much loved by us. That said, we are very much about love in all its forms, whether it is for fellow beings or for other species. Your approach was much like we approach animals back at home, and rare here on Terra, as I said.
“But the vets, they do all the hard work and they make them better. I only give help. I was only a technician. They would ascend too?” he asked.
Not necessarily. Kjersti’s voice this time. Many do, yes, but it depends on whether they serve with love or not. Many who work with animals don’t always do this. They care and they’re dedicated and hard-working, but that vital personal connection is often missing. You did something else, Rivo, in campaigning for love amongst Terrans as well. Italy is a difficult place politically, and by joining the peace movement, you helped create stability in a volatile political climate.
“I just want the fighting to stop. I remember Arias say the same thing and it mean a lot to me.” He glanced over at Arias, who gave him a ‘thumbs up’ gesture. “So many people in my country fear foreigners and want to be on one side: left or right. They think violence will change people’s minds. They were wrong. They still are.” Rivo looked across at Kjersti for conformation that the situation in his country was still ongoing. She nodded.
Rivo was speaking to them all. “Too many bombs and too much violence. Never achieves anything. Just makes more violence and more unhappiness. I want no more fighting. Arias: I know why we such good friends. You do the same in your country.” At this, it occurred to Pixie that yes, they did spend a lot of time together. Their banter on the volleyball court was something she recalled. They regularly poked fun at each other if the situation was right.
“We do good, amigo. We help a lot of people, I think.” Arias had a degree of joy in his voice, now that he knew what his friend Rivo had done in his life.
“I think so.” Rivo paused for a moment. Then he saw Prina. She was looking at him lovingly, and openly so. It was sweet. At this, he went silent, having lost the motivation to speak any further. He brushed some of his long blonde hair out of his eyes then went to resume his seat before realising he’d forgotten something. He turned back towards the front.
“Thank you so much for that. It is good to know. But now I move on.” He sat down. Prina took his right hand in her left.
Aww, said Kjersti, with a gentle, appreciative tone, at this sight. You are most welcome Rivo. So who is next?
“Ladies first,” said Tau.
“Oh no, it’s okay as far as I’m concerned, Tau.” Suria was still waiting and it was difficult to figure out why. Pixie simply motioned towards Rocsi.
“Nope. I’m not going before you, Tau. Come on buddy, up you go!” she said. Tau looked at her with a somewhat resigned expression. He’d been backed into a corner.
“Oh alright,” he said. This was certainly going to be a change of scenery. Pixie knew nothing about Botswana at all and looked forward to find out more. It was Tau’s homeland, and he had talked about it often. She wanted to know how he’d learned to cook so well and what sort of things he might have done in that country to have earned ascension.
The opening scenes of Tau’s life were vastly different to any of the lives so far when Tau was outdoors. The reddish-brown soil and the unusual-looking trees were the first sign, contrasted against impossibly blue skies. At home, Tau was growing up in a moderately-sized family, with two sisters who appeared to be older than him. Family life presented as stable and free from arguments or problems. In particular, his parents seemed lovely, the way they spoke to and looked at him. She could hear English at home and outdoors when the scenes slowed down, which was not surprising given the country’s recent history as an English colony, as Tau has previously told them.
Above all, the outdoor scenes left the biggest impression on Pixie. There was sand everywhere, and the landscape in Tau’s part of the city was exceedingly dry, as if it hadn’t rained in months or even years. She wondered how the people survived. Tau grew up with no major concerns that were evident from his fast-forward childhood and adolescence. Soon enough he had left school and – as expected – started working in a restaurant. Before long he was moving out and opening his own restaurant in what she presumed was Gabarone, the capital of Botswana, which he had often talked about. Tau was seen surveying his opening night and then getting food ready for his first customers. Watching him cook from his own perspective was illuminating, the way his gaze shifted between different meal components and the skill he had with his hands in creating his menu. Pixie saw mostly happy and smiling faces in the kitchen. With Tau as the head chef and owner, presumably, this did not surprise her at all.
One scene slowed down as a group of important looking men arrived, being welcome personally by Tau. He addressed one of them as Mr. President, and Pixie realised that this was no ordinary lunch meal that Tau was going to provide. The president appeared to enjoy the food and the ambience, including the chef, as he became a semi-regular at Tau’s restaurant, often in discussion with him, appearing interested and engaged. In one scene, Tau was asking the president how his anti-corruption measures were going. The response was that they were going to be the cleanest nation in Africa, for the good of all. Tau was pleased at these words, and the president came back regularly, including with his family, which was pleasing to see.
At home, Tau had married a former co-worker from his original restaurant and did indeed have two daughters. Pixie had forgotten their names, but Tau said them more than once: Keeya and Masego. Such pretty names, and the girls were so cute, growing up. Knowing they were going to lose their father was sad foreknowledge for Pixie, though. In fact, not long after a nice family meal scene, Tau was in another city when he was suddenly unable to get out of bed one morning and then the screen went white.
“Wow,” said Tau, as he took off the helmet, not waiting for Lyri to do it. “I was sick and then I died. I don’t even know what I was sick from.”
You contracted malaria back in Francistown, Tau. You died within twenty-four hours of the first symptoms. Lyri was matter of fact about this. Pixie was realising that how someone died was almost a novel fact, rather than anything to be worried about in advance. Your last hours were painless and then we intercepted you before you arrived here.
“Intercepted, huh? Curious choice of word. Question for later then? I know you don’t want to talk about our arrival here just yet. So,” he changed tack before they could reply, “my wife and my daughters – they will be okay?”
Kjersti answered him. Your wife, yes. Your marriage was perhaps not ideal as you now know first-hand, but you stayed together for the sake of the girls and for family harmony. You and your wife did so well to keep your personal problems away from them. Your devotion to a stable home life for your daughters was very important to them.
“Yeah, I was a bit careless. I had no choice but to marry her. She was a good person, though. We just weren’t compatible. She gave me two beautiful girls and I am grateful for that. I still don’t feel love for them – you are right. I can scarcely believe it.” Tau really did look surprised.
Thylen was the one to respond this time. Carrying emotions or feelings from your past life gets in the way. It is a natural part of the process of ascension to leave them behind. If loved ones are meant to follow you, they will. If not, there are opportunities in future lives to reconnect. Separation is only temporary if both parties desire to see each other again.
“At the end of this life I can do that? I’d like to see my girls again. I know we were close, I just don’t feel it. Are they okay though?” Tau’s question hadn’t been answered yet.
Not yet, Kjersti continued her previous response. Your wife is doing a great job with them and they will eventually get back on their feet. You were young when you died and so are they, but they are not suffering any more than expected. It is a little hard to predict but it’s likely your wife will remarry, and this will help your daughters.
“No idea who?” asked Tau, offhandedly. He was only slightly interested.
No, but we are hopeful your wife will make a good choice.
“She’s pretty smart. Still attractive too. Won’t have any problems remarrying. This is good to know. So, another question: what did I do to ascend? Make good food? I thought it would be obvious to me, but it isn’t at all.”
Kjersti laughed out loud again. It was still something Pixie was getting used to. No, not your cooking, although I am sure it was great. Maybe I can try some in the near future?
“Oh, you have to come and visit us – Tau is an awesome chef. We are so, so lucky!” Rocsi was exuberant.
I certainly will do that, Rocsi, as soon as the opportunity presents. Tau: you made a major impression on your country. Your discussions with President Khama and several of his ministers at your restaurant may have seemed innocent enough to you, but they listened and they acted. They had good intentions, but you influenced their approach to corruption and to decency in government. Your words to these men over many years helped make Botswana the country it is today. The future is bright for the entire population and your contribution was significantly understated and almost unnoticed within your country. It was nonetheless important. Those in positions of power don’t always know what they’re doing. However, the smart ones listen to wisdom from any source. You were certainly wise, and had the ability to persuade, from a good place and for the better of all.
“Oh… really? They would have done things differently if I didn’t speak to them?” he was surprised yet again. Tau was not normally surprised too much.
Yes. Some of them completely changed their views, others decided to focus more strongly on keeping corruption out. They loved your food, but it was your words that kept them coming back.
“I remember them asking me to run for government. I didn’t want to. I loved my restaurant too much. I used to think politicians were special, brilliant people, but I soon realised they were ordinary people, like me, thrust into difficult situations. Thanks – all of you. That was great. I feel much calmer now.” Tau was relaxed in a way Pixie had not seen him before. This aspect of Tau’s past life review was most pleasing and Pixie wanted to rush up to him and give him a hug. There would be time for that later. She didn’t know him as well as she wanted to, but she vowed that would change from here onwards.
Tau walked back to his seat, but before he sat down, he motioned for to Rocsi to get up. She regarded Pixie and Suria briefly, with a shrug of mock resignation. As she got out of her chair, she poked her tongue out at Tau, before walking up to the chaise lounge.
Now there were three of them left. Pixie would soon have to confront her own life. The doubts were still there, but she was determined to go through with it. She was however intrigued at both Rocsi and Suria’s reluctance to go up there. Two of the most forthright characters in the village, in different ways, and they were almost last in a group activity of significance.
“Good luck Rocsi. I change my view of Americans forever because of you.” Rais surprised everyone with his comment, right as Rocsi was about to have her helmet put on by Lyri.
She sat up again and faced him. “I love you Rais. You’re such a wonderful human being. Thank you for those lovely words.” She was clearly touched. Pixie was too. The Cold War was non-existent here. The significance of a Soviet and an American expressing love for each other, even platonically, was not lost on Pixie. This really was another world. Rocsi laid back down. Thylen was beaming, his approval of their obviously loving group dynamic clearly showing.
Rocsi’s early life was pretty much unremarkable. Up on the big screen Pixie saw a city that was much bigger than the one Rocsi had told them about. Maybe this was Detroit and not Ann Arbor? Rocsi had talked about both places. At home, she had a little brother and her parents looked happy enough. Rocsi liked to draw as a little girl, and loved colouring books, quite beyond an age where most other children might have stopped using them. She graduated onto art quite easily, drawing cartoons in her spare time. One scene showed her accepting an award for an art competition where all of the other entrants were much older than her. The judge who awarded her the prize said how impressed he was that a nine-year-old could produce something so creative. He said it was rare for someone so young to win an under-sixteen competition, but she deserved it.
After this, the family moved and now she was living in the smaller city that Pixie suspected was the one Rocsi had told them about: Ann Arbor. Pixie saw, through Rocsi’s eyes, some colourful sport that must be American football, with a team in blue and yellow colours. She also saw some pretty houses and some beautiful tree-lined streets. Ann Arbor looked like a nice town. On one important day, Rocsi was in a crowd watching Martin Luther King making an appearance on campus of the local university. He spoke of equality, peace and love. Rocsi must have been inspired because she never took her gaze away from him.
Rocsi was soon in high school and then on some dates with an African American man whom she seemed quite keen on. Sadly, Pixie could see others directing abuse Rocsi and her boyfriend. Pixie guessed that it was because she was in an interracial relationship. Through Rocsi’s eyes, Pixie saw the expressions on people’s faces in the street, and especially at school, even in the fast motion imagery. It was clear they did not approve of her and her boyfriend. There were more than a few brief blackouts during this part of Rocsi’s life, so the reactions of others must have been unpleasant. The relationship ended, sadly, as the boyfriend stopped appearing.
Shortly thereafter Rocsi was looking at a letter she was writing to a local newspaper about her treatment and why interracial relationships should be tolerated and accepted as normal. She wrote that many interracial couples had to keep their relationships hidden, even in a progressive state like Michigan. She kept copying the same letter over and over, such that it took on the guise of a campaign she was waging, perhaps on her own. Soon Rocsi was having further dates, again with black men. This extended into college, still in Ann Arbor, as Pixie was still seeing the same house and similar street scenes. Rocsi was now studying cartography – as she had said she did – with lots of colour present in her work, as it had been throughout her life. Whatever Rocsi produced at university, it was not grey or boring, in keeping with her personality.
Next, she was with a new boyfriend, speaking at a racial equality rally on the college campus. At least here, she and her boyfriend were accepted as equals. There were others on stage with her, and many in the crowd, in similar situations aiming to change the social landscape. They were doing so now. There was a blackout or two during this rally, perhaps due to Rocsi’s anger that had been building, or perhaps something else. Pixie hoped it wasn’t violence.
Pixie wondered if this aggressive stance was causing Rocsi any problems within the wider community. Just as she had this thought, the screen view switched to late at night in a big city. Pixie had no idea which city it might be. Some Caucasian men approached her and her boyfriend, anger in their eyes. The screen went black briefly and then white.
Pixie knew what had happened. She was on the edge of tears for what Rocsi must have gone through, and for her courage. She turned to Suria, who was pale herself. Pixie could only imagine what it must have been like for Rocsi to re-experience that life-ending scene. Perhaps she didn’t see all of it: most of the bad scenes had been avoided so far for everyone else.
Are you okay Rocsi? asked Lyri softly as she removed the helmet.
“Yes. I will be. I’m glad I didn’t feel those emotions again. I remember them though. People can say very little but hurt so much. If only they knew. I remember the hurt, but I can’t feel it. That is obviously a good thing.” Rocsi spoke slowly and quietly in a way that was significantly out of character for her. So much so that Pixie just wanted to rush up there to the chaise lounge and give her a hug. She almost did.
As if picking up on this, Pixie heard Thylen’s voice, with a degree of concern in it. Rocsi, you said “you will be”: are you sure you are okay? We can help if needed. Please let us know.
“No, I’m okay. I’m a bit annoyed at those negative attitudes, that’s all. It will pass. Thank you for caring. As if you wouldn’t! I’m thinking about how I was always fighting the injustice and hating that I had to keep doing it. I’m glad it’s all over in that sense. I needed to see it, but it’s the main reason I kept waiting and waiting before going up. I knew roughly what was coming. I feel whole now, just like everyone else has said. Thank you again, you guys!” She sounded better and more herself as she kept talking.
“Rocsi, you’re amazing.” Tau’s voice really did have emotion in it. “You’re my hero.”
“Aww, thank you. I did the only thing I could do. Spoke out against a wrong. A very big wrong. I mean, Mr. King talked about it. It is all so easy if we change our thinking a bit. So I like guys with dark skin. What difference does skin colour make to anyone? It’s just an aesthetic I enjoy personally. Or I did… I… I don’t know.” Rocsi was looking down. Pixie knew what was going on and glanced at Tau. He had the most curious smile on his face, before realising mostly everyone was looking at him, whereupon he suppressed it. Pixie turned back to the front.
When Rocsi looked up, she had turned and faced Kjersti, who had been patiently waiting for her post-life reaction questions to start. “That was it, yeah? My stance for interracial relationships to be accepted as much as any other?”
That was a big part of it, Rocsi. It is such a toxic issue in America, especially in certain parts of the country. Michigan is a better place than most for these sorts of things, but there is still a lot of anger. You changed the landscape, almost by yourself. Your determination in leading the cause inspired so many others to come forward. You probably don’t know this, but there is an advertising campaign being worked on, in your name. Your parents have started it.
“Bill and Lena: they were good people. Are good people. I was lucky.” It was strange to hear Rocsi to refer to her parents by their first names. It was not unexpected, though. Rocsi had unique expressions and ways of seeing the world.
She continued reflecting. “Why did they have to shoot us? We could have talked. They would have seen that he – we – are good and normal people. The whole skin colour thing is way out of proportion. It means nothing. It should mean nothing.”
We could not agree more Rocsi. Have a look around you. Pixie did look around at Thylen’s words. She saw eleven different-looking people who knew and loved each other as if their countries of origin and appearances were irrelevant. Race and skin colour had never once been mentioned amongst the twelve of them. Not even for a moment. They treated each other as equals, and the wide variations in their ethnicity did not matter. It was only through Rocsi’s life that they remembered that these divisions occurred regularly back on Old Earth. Pixie was extremely thankful this was all behind them now.
Thylen continued. There’s another aspect to your ascension, Rocsi.
“Oh?” she said, raising her eyebrows.
You said yourself that dark skin was an aesthetic that you preferred, but do you remember how it started? Or when?
“No… not really. I mean I’m trying, but a lot happened in my life. You know something I don’t?” she asked.
Thylen continued. Back in your fourth grade, as you call it, you had a friend. Remember her?
“Monique! Yes I do. She was lovely… and she was… she had dark skin.” Rocsi was getting there in her understanding.
Maybe you don’t recall, as you were only young, but you saw the person and not the skin colour. She was being bullied, too, and you became her friend. Her only friend. You saw the true person inside her, the goodness that many don’t look for. You saw a little girl who was vulnerable and lonely, needing someone who would be a refuge, and then maybe a friend. You became that friend when no-one else would. She loved you for that, far more than you realise. That friendship was brief, but it left a lasting impression on her. She moved away with her family, but she never forgot you and your kindness changed her life. You missed her more than you knew and from then on you always saw people first, not skin colour.
“I… yes I can see that now. I thought that was how it all worked, how everyone thought. Y’know? I was naïve. When I got older that changed. I get it now. It was a whole host of things and not just my activism on the interracial stuff. It was my mindset and my reaching out and being kind. I’ve seen that with a lot of the other past lives too. It all makes sense. Thank you Thylen, Kjersti, and Lyri. I needed to go through with that life review, but I’m glad it’s over. And then there were two,” she said, looking straight at Pixie and Suria with a grin on her face as she walked back to her seat.
Suria’s body language was clearly evident: she wasn’t wanting to go through with this, but she had no choice now, at this late stage. Pixie volunteered instead.
“Alright, I’ll go,” she said.
“No.” Suria put her arm out gently but unmistakeably. “I don’t want you going before me. I’ll go. It’s alright.”
Pixie loved all of them, and was close to Le, but Suria was her best friend, her housemate and the first person she had seen in this new existence. Finally, they would both see what her missing memories held. They would see them together. Pixie wished she could sit up there on the lounge and hold Suria’s hand. She was perilously close to asking if she could do so, before realising that more than a few of them had been through difficult lives and had coped with them. Suria was in good hands: Pixie had to trust that. She thought about their time together since they’d first met. All of their conversations, laughter and shared experiences from the last few weeks all came back at once, in a rush. It was in this moment that Pixie realised how much she loved Suria. She hoped that these past life reviews they were both about to have did not change their lives too much. She had to have faith that they wouldn’t and it would all be okay.
Before Pixie knew it, Suria was on the chaise lounge and being suited up. Or helmeted, to be precise. Pixie felt more butterflies of anticipation than with anyone previously. She sensed that Suria’s recent disquiet was due to a fair bit of reluctance, possibly due to sensing something bad in her life. It wasn’t long before they would both know.
Suria’s early life featured a family of four, which included an older sister. Suria’s parents came across as strict and harsh, and Suria herself was on the receiving end of quite a number of verbal barrages, in both English and Mandarin. Pixie wondered why these weren’t blacked out, even though they were in fast motion.
Suria’s father was apparently an important man. There were dinner parties, where the children were expected to stay out of sight. On one occasion, Suria appeared to be quite ill and had ventured out to seek help her parents. Her father made a pretence of being caring, but as soon as her mother got her out of sight of the dinner guests, the screen went black. Something bad had happened and Pixie was concerned for Suria. There were a series of similar events, where there was anger and then a black screen. Aside from being disconcerting to watch, Pixie was not enjoying seeing such a beautiful soul as Suria enduring what appeared to be parental abuse. Pixie was sadder than at any other time during the past lives, by some way and then there they were: the waves of peace.
She’d forgotten about them. They were here, as needed, as always.
She remembered that Suria would not experience the same emotions, and the Pleiadians were probably sending her waves of peace anyway. She would be okay. Thankfully, the angry household scenes reduced in frequency as Suria got older. A housekeeper had arrived, and in her Suria found a form of refuge. This lady was Caucasian and spoke with what Suria thought was an Eastern European accent. Possibly she was Romanian or Bulgarian, but this was only a guess. Suria called this woman “Ginny” and she was often giving Suria hugs and talking nicely to her. Pixie was glad of this and, along with the waves of peace, was more optimistic about Suria’s life.
Suria had a good friend at school named Mei and soon they were living together while Suria was at university, studying pictures of the brain. She was of course studying psychology. There were lots of men in her classes with her; she was clearly in a significant minority. She had no real friends within her degree as far as Pixie could tell, but outside of it Suria had a happy and carefree life in a small but cheerful apartment right on the harbour foreshore. She would regularly ride the bus to university, through the busy streets of this extensively populated city.
Suria spent a long time at university. Pixie thought she must have gone on to do postgraduate study. She was present at what looked like academic conferences in ornately designed theatres and auditoriums that could scarcely be more different than the one they were now in. Suria was speaking to quite large audiences in Mandarin, and in English, depending on the conference. Pixie then saw Suria talking regularly with clients in what looked like a makeshift office in a new apartment she was now sharing with Mei. Pixie assumed she had started her own psychology practice. There was a subsequent scene where Suria was looking outside at the heavy rain and then the screen went black and then white.
Suria woke up and removed the helmet. “How did I die?” she asked. “I didn’t see it.”
The rain caused a landslide behind your apartment. Lyri was telling Suria this as if she was describing something she’d ordered for breakfast that morning. Death was so matter of fact. Pixie knew it was feared by many on Old Earth but she now thought that notion was quite meaningless, if not almost humorous.
“They warned us that might happen. I didn’t think it would. Oh well. Mei was nice. We were such good friends. I hope she won’t miss me too much or did she die too?” asked Suria.
Mei wasn’t home, she was out getting your shopping for the week, replied Lyri.
“Oh that’s right. Any other week and I’d still be there and she’d be … somewhere else. I don’t want to assume she’s going to ascend. It wouldn’t surprise me. She was so selfless and caring. You all would have liked her.” Suria was back to her normal talkative self. Her past life review was over now, and it had fixed whatever was troubling her. The general strangeness of the morning and the constant revelations about their existence here had probably also contributed to Suria’s prior mood.
She continued: “So… let me work this out. I’m here because I fought for gender equality? I didn’t think that was too special.” Suria, like Neca and a few others, was clearly not impressed with her own past life.
Kjersti responded. Yes, partially. You did forge new ground for women in Hong Kong, and for women in psychology. You were quite underrated within your profession and marginalised in a an andro-centric society. You influenced and inspired a lot of women in Hong Kong to follow you. Your practice was just getting off the ground too. I am certain you would have gone on to great things had you survived that landslide. I am glad you are here, though. Pixie had been watching Kjersti as she spoke with kindness and almost a parental regard for Suria. In this moment Pixie recalled that Ginny – Suria’s housemaid – had blonde hair too and looked a lot like Kjersti. The coincidence was not lost on Pixie and wouldn’t have been on Suria either.
Thylen picked up the conversation. There is another reason for your ascension, Suria. It was a noble and selfless thing that you did. You are the psychologist. I think you can analyse your own life and tell us where you got so much service-to-others from. Thylen paused as he watched her intently.
Suria had turned half-way back towards the group now, as if searching their faces for answers. She didn’t find any. Thylen knew what he was doing. He had set Suria a quite difficult challenge, knowing that she liked solving problems. The silence persisted for a good twenty seconds or so. Suria was still thinking. Then realisation dawned on her face. Her eyes shone, and she had clearly answered Thylen’s question in her mind and knew she was right.
“I didn’t hate my parents.”
That’s my girl! Thylen was surprisingly effusive in his response. He had been more reserved than this prior to now. From what Pixie could tell, he had much in common with Suria. Pixie hoped Suria could find time to talk with him, and perhaps learn from him, some time later.
“After all they did to me, all the beatings and the… I don’t want to say it.” Suria looked downwards, trying not to remember.
That’s understandable. What they did to you and your sister could have and should have had major repercussions on many levels. They were both mentally unwell and didn’t realise that what they were doing was criminal. You went to the hospital far too many times for someone so young. They lied about your injuries every time and got away with it. Thylen was still speaking.
Suria finished his line of thinking. “It was so hard, yes. But because I didn’t hate them, their guilt was minimised. They didn’t punish themselves as much, so I saved them a lot of grief, as well as myself. I get it. I just yielded every time, did not break mentally, even through all the physical pain, and tried to understand why they did what they did. They were wrong and misguided and mentally unwell like you said, but I almost never let my assessment of them show on my face. Not once I got older, anyway.” Suria was bright and happy for the first time since the whole past lives session had started.
Yes, Suria, this was exactly what you did. Kjersti was speaking again now. It would have been easy to hate them. They thought they had a job to raise you as a correct and proper English girl, in the British way, but they overdid it, by a long way. Abuse teaches the recipient nothing. It’s simply abuse and after a while the recipient knows only fear and misery and doesn’t learn the lesson that supposedly is being handed out with it. Your parents believed that being strict was the way to turn you into a lady; one that would be appreciated and respected in society. You were, but not because of them. Your intelligence, your inner strength and your impeccable morals gave you that. They should have loved and supported you.
“But they didn’t. Thank god for Ginny. She showed me what love is.” Suria was staring off into the distance at these words, contentment and happiness on her face. It was clear she could feel this emotion now, in this dimension, and she was enjoying it.
Yes, she sure did. Would it surprise you if we told you we sent her to you?
“Ah, no…” Suria paused for a moment, thinking this over. “But…how?”
We ‘impulsed’ her. She was looking for work in the area, and we drew her to your parents’ advertisement in the newspaper. We knew she would be perfect for you. You had been tracking close to ascension for some number of lifetimes, and this was the one in which we thought you were ready. It might have been derailed because of your parents, so we gave things a gentle nudge. You still had to do a great deal of difficult inner work, but she helped, we think.
“She sure did. Thank you so much for doing that! Ginny was my oasis. I tried to find her only when my parents were gone, lest I lose her as a source of comfort if my parents sacked her or something. What about my sister?” Suria had not apparently noticed the word ‘impulsed’ regarding the recruitment of Ginny. Pixie was curious about it, but now was not the time to interrupt.
Lyri answered Suria’s question about her sister. That was part of your achievement. She was inspired by your resilience. She was older, but that did not matter. It must have been hard, but you did it. You survived an exceptionally difficult childhood, and did not let it damage you, or anyone else. It’s not something just anyone is capable of. That experience would have broken a great many people. Not you – you’re special, and that’s why you’re here.
“I am… I’m here. I’m grateful. Thank you all for your support and your praise. I really appreciate it.” Suria was considerably calmer now.
You were worried about your review, weren’t you? Thylen this time.
“Oh yes. I can see the value of this now. I thought I would be the odd one out, but I was wrong.” Suria was smiling broadly. She walked back to her seat, looking at Pixie with pure happiness.
“You’ll be fine! Whatever it is that happened to you, you’ll be okay. Don’t worry! I can’t believe I doubted this whole existence here. I’m okay now, I promise!” Suria’s words, following immediately after her review, filled Pixie with hope. Nonetheless, there was no avoiding it. It was her turn to re-live her past life. Finally, after all these weeks, she would get answers. Even if it was bad, like Suria’s was, she would ultimately be okay. So what did she have to lose?
She got up and walked somewhat carefully up to the chaise lounge. It felt mystical to her. This was a big moment, and she could feel her nerves building. This time she looked Thylen in the eyes and didn’t look away. He was so handsome, especially up close. His gaze was soft and gentle. She wanted to melt right then and there. She felt protected and safe, and her nervousness disappeared almost as quickly as it came.
The beautiful Lyri then approached her with the helmet device, whatever it was, smiled at her and placed it over her head. It was soft and gentle, and comforted her. She laid down. The chaise lounge was soft too and was way more comfortable than she expected it would be. It relaxed her further. Much of the room faded from her awareness and she started to feel sleepy. The helmet was continuing to do strange things to her mental state. She began to feel even more drowsy, so she closed her eyes. The last thing she heard was Thylen’s voice, in her mind.
Ten…. Nine… Eight… Then, there was simply blackness.