Guns & Roses

Tatiana

I turned my head around and saw Dimitri staring right at me. From the corner of my eyes I saw Boris shaking his head, a small smile playing on his lips while Anton on the other hand was clenching his jaw. What’s his problem?

“Um, okay” I said unsurely as I walked back towards his desk.

“Take a seat mishka, I have something to tell you”

His words brought an uneasy feeling as I tried to remain calm and composed. Okay, this it Tatiana, you’re going to finally get the answers you need. I looked at him in anticipation and his next words caught me off guard.

“Will you go out with me?” Dimitri asked seriously.

“Excuse me?” Did I hear him correctly? Did he just ask me out? Dimitri?

“Yes, mishka, I am asking you out, will you accompany me to the senator’s ball?

Holy shit! Did I just say that out loud? But the smirk on Dimitri’s face was enough to confirm my thoughts and I felt my whole face burn in embarrassment.

Clearing my throat, I looked anywhere but him, I have never been this frazzled because of a man! I heard shuffling and I looked up to see Dimitri walking around the desk until he was standing in front of me as he leaned on the table.

“So mishka? Is that a yes?” Dimitri inquired.

“Do I even have a choice?” Answering his question with a question.

“Of course you do, I don’t force women to do anything they wouldn’t like”

Women. Plural. And just the thought of it leaves me in a foul mood. Of course he had countless women before me, he’s just probably buttering me up like a bread roll before he ships me off to the enemies.

“Then no, I won’t go with you” Liar. A nagging voice in my head declared.

“No?” Dimitri asked.

“Yes, No” I countered.

“Is it a yes or no?” He asked teasingly.

“N-O, no Dimitri” rolling my eyes at him.

“What if I persuade you to come?” His voice dangerously low as he leaned down, his face so close to mine.

“I won’t change my m-”

Before I could finish my reply, Dimitri sealed his lips on mine. His hands went to my face as he urged me to kiss him back. I managed to resist for like a few seconds, pathetic I know, but his kisses were so addictive that resisting him was quite futile.

My hands automatically wrapped around his neck as he lifted me off the chair and onto his desk. His hands travelled down in an excruciatingly slow pace, while goose bumps rose where his hands had been.

When we accidentally pushed some of the items off the table, I snapped out of the daze I was in.

“Dimitri we should stop” I said, resting my hands on his shoulder gently pushing him away. But he didn’t budge as he directed his lips on my neck. When he kissed a certain spot, I can’t help but release a moan and I was sure he was smirking in accomplishment.

“Why mishka? I know you want this too” he said as he continued kissing my neck.

The sensation his lips were leaving on me felt so good that I didn’t want him to stop. But this isn’t right.

“Because... it’s not wise getting attached to something you’re just going to dispose off in the end” I whispered, looking down.

At my words I felt Dimitri’s whole body tense. He stopped kissing my neck and rested his hands on the table caging me in. He was looking down with his jaw clenched and his hands fisting.

“So you heard” Dimitri said. It was more of a statement rather than a question as he looked up to meet me in the eyes.

I only nodded in agreement, afraid that my voice might betray my tough façade.

“Don’t worry-” he started to say but I cut him off.

“I’m not worried, that’s my job after all, and the reason I’m here” I lied. I was worried, sad, frustrated and I didn’t know what I felt for Dimitri. I climbed off the table and stood up but Dimitri was still caging me in.

“It was the plan, but not anymore, not after I met you. I won’t ever let you go Tatiana, you’re mine now” He said with conviction as I searched his eyes for some clue if he’s lying but I only saw sincerity in them which scared me.

I couldn’t say anything, I was speechless. Who wouldn’t be? So I did the only thing I could do at that moment. I ran.

I pushed him off and bolted out of the door running like a madwoman. I felt the tears starting to fall and I willed myself to run faster. After a few left and right turns, I found myself in a deserted balcony facing the backyard. I leaned myself on the railing and closed my eyes trying to calm down my erratic breathing.

What the actual hell is happening to my life right now? First, I was contracted to kill some guy then it actually turned out to be a diversion to get me kidnapped. Next, my supposed long lost best friend with benefits is actually part of the mafia that kidnapped me. Oh, and let’s not forget his confession. After that, I was actually live bait by infiltrating the Mortellis which was practically a suicide mission since everyone knows Arturo is a fucking psychopath.

Hell, on top of that, the mafia leader just confessed to me and basically staking his claim on me. I felt like I was a doll being passed around to play with!

Opening my eyes, I started to climb the railing so I could sit on it. I enjoyed sitting at edges and heights were never a fear of mine. In fact, I find it calming in this fucked up life of mine.

Just when I was about to stand, one foot up the ledge, strong hands encased me from the waist pulling me down.

“What the-”

“Whatever you’re thinking, don’t do it! We’ll fig-”

“What the hell Viktor?! Let go of me!”

“NO! Not until you calm down” he said as he tightened he hold on me.

“I’ll fucking calm down when you let go of me! I’m not going to jump you dumbass!” I shouted.

“You’re not?”

“No! Why the hell would you think that?”

“I think everyone who’s in my situation would think so, sweetheart” he replied as he finally let go of his hold on me.

I went to climb on the ledge and Viktor actually followed suit, sitting beside me while we watched the sun go down. After a few minutes of silence, he asked the question I was dreading to hear.

“What’s bothering you?” he asked without looking at me.

“A lot of things”

“I have time”

“I wish more people were fluent in silence, don’t you think so?”

“Oh come on sweetheart, it’s me, you could talk to Dr. V” he said nudging me playfully.

Letting out a sigh, I started tracing the marble lines of the counter we were sitting on.

“Matters of the mind and heart could be quite confusing you know?” Viktor started.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“What I mean is, people are afraid of doing things that are potentially wrong even though it feels right. Just like how some people are doing the ‘right thing’ even though it feels wrong” he explained.

I was just staring at Viktor because for someone who jokes around the way he does, sprouting some deep analogy about love was the last thing I expected to hear from him.

“As fucking cliché as this sounds, just follow your heart and everything will fall into place” he said smiling.

“I’d agree with you on that one, but then we’d be both wrong” I said teasing him.

“You know I’m right Tatiana” he said eyeing me from the corner of his eyes.

“Feelings are a fickle bitch don’t you think?” I concluded.

Viktor just laughed at me and I can’t help but laugh at him too.

“Thanks Viktor, I needed that” I told him.

“Glad to be of service sweetheart” he said as I rolled my eyes at him.

After my so called ‘session’ with ‘Dr. V’, I made my way towards my room and skipped dinner with Anya and the others. I wasn’t anywhere near emotionally stable to survive a dinner with Dimitri, and Anton for that matter.

Locking my doors, I took a quick shower and changed into my night clothes. I laid in bed with a million things running on my mind.

Did I make a mistake by running away? Maybe. But in our line of work, things like this don’t happen very often, actually the word emotions are quite non-existent in our lives. So encountering that earlier was a totally foreign experience from me. Even if Anton had done the same, I didn’t feel the same intense emotions as with Dimitri.

Feelings shouldn’t be in our book, in my book. Although maybe pain is an exemption? But even that, we can’t show. Because showing pain is showing weakness and there’s no room for that if we wanted to survive.

I buried my face deeper into the pillows in frustration and let sleep take over.