SWNOVELS Good Behavior: Chapter 19
Charlie looks at Ant incredulously. “You aren’t going to be doing anything. The rest of us are putting a plan together, and we’ll go from there.”
“Why are you excluding me? You always exclude me!” he shouts, curling his hands into fists.
Charlie lets out a patient breath. “Ant, buddy. You’ve obviously seen the operational side of what we do, and that’s exactly why you can’t be a part of this side.”
“Why not? This affects me directly.”
“We don’t know what we don’t know yet, and I’m not going to include you in a damn thing without first talking to Bram and Levy.”
Ant gestures at the two brothers dismissively. “Why would they know anything about anything?”
Charlie’s look is patient and kind. “They live with you, Ant. They’ll be able to tell us if you can handle this kind of information. The way you’re handling it now makes me think I was right to question it.”
I grimace, thinking about the details I’ve already given him.
“I’m not a kid. I can handle the truth of what you’re doing.”
“Nobody thinks you’re a kid,” Charlie says.
Erik quickly shutters his disbelieving expression, but Ant sees it. Ant’s lip curls as he walks up to him, his anger almost making their height difference disappear.
“You do know I was made to look younger so the men could pretend they were fucking an underage girl, right? You do get that what that does to a person is the opposite of whatever a kid is, right? That, of everyone here, I’m the only one who’s seen and lived through this experience?”
All the guys with advanced degrees and rescue experience go quiet.
“You’re right,” I say, touching his shoulder so he’ll look me in the eyes.
I continue in Spanish, fast and low so the guys can’t pick up what we’re saying. “Just a guess here, but they’re worried you won’t handle this information very well.”
“Not handle the information very well?” He switches to English. “Nacho, I know you mean well, but there’s a big difference between information and…I don’t know, actually living through being fucked by an eighty-year-old man with a doll fetish.”
Bram goes to open his mouth, and I hold up my finger. I continue in Spanish, “They think your history makes you fragile. They think it makes you unreliable. Unstable. Then you have an outburst like this and all but prove their point. Look at Justin, Charlie, and Erik right now. You just said what happened to you and look at their faces.”
He follows my line of sight, and they are, in a word, horrified.
“And while you know you survived, they’re thinking about how you must’ve felt in the moment. They’re not thinking about how you knew how to survive. Because somewhere along the line, you made a decision to survive, didn’t you?”
“Fucking right, I did.”
“They would never be able to handle something like that, and they’re the guys in charge of everything. They can’t even begin to imagine how you were able to handle it. I know you want to be involved, but you have to prove you can handle being involved.”
Frustration hardens Ant’s features, showing more of his real age. “I had no say over what happened to me, and now again, I have no say. Why the fuck am I here if they’re just going to ignore me again?”
“They’re not ignoring you. They’re just not there yet.”
“Then why are you here? How did they know you could handle it when they needed you to translate for them? And what the fuck is Justin doing here?”
I grimace a little, looking around the room before I continue in Spanish, “They were losing control of the situation. Bram called me because I think he knew I’d be able to translate quickly and calm everyone down. Then two women needed me to translate what happened to them. I’m telling you, man, it was some of the most awful shit I’ve ever heard in my whole life. But I did the job, and I made them feel comfortable.”
“See! That’s what I mean! You were at least given a chance to prove yourself.”
“I wouldn’t have if there had been any other way. It was an emergency situation. While you’re not a kid, you’re still very, very young, and you’ve refused therapy. I’m telling you, listening to that shit? I need a therapy session.”
“I know exactly the kind of therapy you and Bram have going on.”
I don’t deny the truth.
“All I’m saying is you have to prove you’re ready, and I’ll help. I think you’re right. This shit that happened to you? They should be listening to what you have to say. But it would kill these men to cause you further harm. They’re not doing it because they don’t respect you. They’re doing it because they love you, and they want you to have the option of a life that has nothing to do with trafficking.”
Ant clenches his jaw, looking like he’s holding back tears. I open my arms, and Ant steps into them, letting me give him a quick hug.
Stepping back, he takes several deep breaths. I try to imagine the terrible nights he must’ve had, feeling so fucking alone. I envision a pre-teen Ant squaring his shoulders and deciding, fuck it, he’s going to live.
As much as I want to encase him in bubble wrap and make sure that fucking life never fucking touches him again, I know that’s not the solution. He’s like the buffalo that run toward the storm. He wants to confront these people. He wants to make them pay.
Can’t say I blame him.
Having calmed himself, Ant turns to Charlie and Erik. “I’m sorry for getting so upset. Can you please at least let me hear what your plan is? I promise, I just…I need to feel like I’m doing something. Even if it’s just listening.”
There’s a moment of silence, with Charlie stroking his chin, appearing to consider Ant’s words while Erik shakes his head.
“Okay,” Charlie eventually says, even though Erik’s jaw practically creaks with disapproval. “The first thing we need is more information. We have to verify Nacho’s theory. From there, we need to understand the scope of this thing. If we go after them, does that bring a bigger threat to our door? Do they have people over there? How do we manage this? All we’re doing right now is assessing the situation. That’s why Justin is here. He’s going to help Nacho finish the work.”
“I can finish the work,” Ant insists, upset all over again. “What experience does he have that I don’t?”
Justin’s Adam’s apple bobs, and he sends Charlie a helpless look. Charlie grabs his hand, kissing his knuckles.
Erik lets out an annoyed sound. “Hey, I get you’re not happy about this, but it’s not your place to question our decisions.”
Ant’s eyes go shiny, and Charlie holds up his hands, looking desperate to avoid a meltdown. “Justin’s going because he’s already been part of two ops. He helped save a kid during a search and rescue on horseback and then helped me take down one of the guys who sold you. He knows the work. This is nonnegotiable.”
Ant stares at Justin, and I’m guessing this is new information to him. Justin sorta shrugs and nods, which pulls the knot out of the anger building in Ant’s body.
Crossing his arms over his chest, Ant takes a beat, then asks, “Can I ask what you’ll do after that?”
Charlie nods, and Erik rolls his eyes. “Of course. But the answer is…it depends. After we gather what information we can, we’ll first have to look at what we’ve got to determine the next steps.”
“But you will do something? Even if you don’t find anything?”
“Absolutely. If we don’t find anything, it’s probably because we’re looking in the wrong place. But that’s when we bring in the big guns. When we were on our own, Erik and I hit a lot of dead ends. But we have better friends now. We come when they call, and they help us when we need it. Nobody wants to see these people get away with it.”
Ant nods and takes a deep breath. He rubs his chest as he blinks away tears, as if relieved to know the extent Charlie is willing to go to save people in his exact previous situation. Even Erik, who’s been annoyed this entire conversation, sees his reaction and stands down.
“Ant,” he says, gentling his voice. “We saved an entire warehouse full of people, which should’ve been enough for anyone. But one person came forward with your name and the vaguest description of where you might be. Charlie and I immediately got in the truck and tracked you down because leaving you behind would have never been acceptable to either of us, okay? We will never not do something.”
“Then why won’t you let me help?” he asks, pain visible in his eyes.
“Because we don’t want you to get hurt!” Erik nearly shouts, throwing his hands up. “It would devastate us to rescue you from those fucking bastards only to lose you to them again. Don’t you get that?”
Ant is a small man, but the weight of his experience is enormous. Not being able to help other people going through the same thing…I understand the frustration.
“But I’ve been where they’ve been, Erik.”
“Do you have psychological training?”
“No.”
“Do you have defensive training?”
“I’ve taken Bram and Levy’s classes.”
“Do you have conflict resolution and de-escalation training?”
“No, but neither does Nacho, and you used him.”
“That was an emergency, Ant,” Erik spits out, frustrated. “Nacho is not doing exfil. What we did for you? That was an exfil operation, and he’s never gonna be anywhere near that kind of action.”
Charlie continues, “We may need Nacho for backup translation and to help people feel safe, but it will only ever be done from a distance.”
“I can do translation,” he says, stamping his feet.
“Cálmate, hermano,” I whisper. Brother, calm yourself.
Ant fists his hands but steps back.
Charlie is patient with his explanation. “Look, we got to see Nacho handle an incredibly difficult translation in the middle of an op. Doesn’t mean you can’t do it. It’s just that, with this, I need to go with somebody I’ve already seen in action. You say you want to help, so I need to think through how you can help. You and I will have a conversation. I promise.”
Erik gets a notification on his phone, which he reads, his shoulders tensing.
Ant grinds his jaw. “Fine. I still don’t understand why I can’t at least finish the fencing job.”
Justin and Charlie exchange a worried glance, then Charlie turns to Erik. “What’s going on?”
“Missing hiker around Enchanted Rock. Diabetic, insulin reliant. He was hiking by himself. Wife says he missed the check-in time twice now. They’ve done an initial scan of the walking paths but haven’t seen anything. County’s asking if we can bring in Moose to track him.”
Charlie rubs his forehead. “Okay, fine. We need to split this up. I can’t let the hiker stay out in the elements if he’s going through diabetic shock or whatever, and we need to move quickly on this thing with the property next door. Erik, can you handle that while we take care of surveillance?”
“Sure. I’ll grab Moose right now.”
Bram, who’s been silent this whole time, speaks up, “Charlie, if you’re serious about letting Ant help where he can, maybe he can go with Erik.” Turning to Ant directly, he asks, “Would you like to go with him? You’ll genuinely be helpful, but in a way that feels safe for everyone.”
“I can see what you’re doing,” Ant says, rubbing his arms. “Trying to give me the scraps while you do the real work.”
“I don’t do scrap work,” Erik grouses. “Saving a hiker is really fucking important. Besides, you’ve done excellent work with the horses, and we don’t have a lot of time. It would help to have another set of eyes up on horseback.”
Erik’s praise seems to have a spell-like quality on Ant’s entire attitude. Every bit of fight leaves his body, and he pulls his ponytail forward, playing with the hair.
“Okay. I guess.” He shifts on his feet.
Erik pats his head. “See? You’re helping.”
I share a look with Bram and stifle a groan. That is the way, way wrong thing to do to Ant at this moment, and the crestfallen look on his face pretty much squares it. They leave the room with Ant looking defeated.
Yeah…that’s a problem for a different day.
Once he’s convinced Ant is well out of earshot, Charlie turns to Bram and shares with him what we’re going to do next.
“I had Nacho and Ant act like they’d run out of supplies and would be back this evening to complete the job. I’ll go in with Nacho and Justin. Bram and Levy, I’d like to have you two here, monitoring the situation as backup.”
“No,” Bram says, his face resolute.
“No, you don’t want to listen in on comms?” Charlie asks, confused.
“No, you’re not taking Nacho in on a mission unarmed, untrained, not knowing what might happen.”
“Bram, all I’ll be doing is my job,” I say, standing in front of him, smoothing my hands over his upper arms. “That’s it. Easy. It won’t take Justin and me that long to complete, and if something goes down, I’m sure Charlie will have it covered.”
Charlie nods, but Bram’s scowl tells me he’s not satisfied.
“What about visuals?” he asks.
“Other than our eyes?” Charlie asks, frustration finally creeping into his voice.
“You’re telling me you don’t have body cams or something?”
Charlie takes a centering breath. “If it will make you feel better, we have a few body cameras we can set up.”
“It would,” Bram says, his eyes drifting to mine as his body loses some of its tension.
“Goddammit,” Justin curses, startling me.
“What?” I ask, lifting my chin at him.
“I owe Charlie five dollars,” he says, reaching for his wallet.
“Why?” I ask, looking over at Charlie, who has a suspiciously wide grin.
“You two are fucking, right?” Justin doesn’t wait for our response before thumbing a gesture at his husband. “Charlie thought he saw something, and I told him Bram’d be crazy to put his career on the line. But that look he just gave you? Damn.”
I try to stifle my laughter, which makes it come out as a snort-hiccup. Bram lets out a deep put-upon sigh while dragging me to his side and snaking his hand around my waist.
“Yes, Nacho and I are in a relationship,” he says as if begrudgingly announcing a change in the weather.
I wipe my mouth to hide my smile, and Charlie notices the gesture.
“So…you two aren’t just fucking.”
“Correct,” Bram says, nuzzling the side of my head.
He has to know I love the authority in his voice and this possessive little display of affection. We exchange a glance, and the lift of his eyebrow means I’ll be seeing a little more of Dr. Barlowe as soon as this is all done.
Charlie looks between the two of us. “Seriously?”
I crack up, planting a wet kiss on Bram’s cheek. “What can I say? I broke down my prison therapist.”
I emphasize this by buffing my nails on my shoulder and blowing the imaginary dust off them.
Levy barely holds back a laugh.
“You’re okay with this?” Charlie asks him, incredulous.
“I just found out myself, but…they seem pretty fucking happy.”
Charlie lets out an ancient sigh. “I don’t suppose people think Justin and I make very much sense either.”
Justin pulls him into a hug and kisses the side of his head, grinning.
“Y’all do know this is serious, right?” Charlie asks. “People’s lives are on the line, and if this relationship goes south, it’s mutually assured destruction if either of you speaks. Fuck, and Nacho hasn’t even signed an NDA.”
“I’ll sign it, but you don’t need one.”
“I have no intention of letting anything go south,” Bram says, looking directly at me.
I suck in my bottom lip. “Same.”
“Fine. Justin? You okay doing this with Nacho, and I’ll hang back in my truck?”
“I’ll wait in the truck with you,” Bram insists.
“With Bram, it seems,” Charlie amends, losing a tiny bit of his chill edge.
“Sure. This is what Nacho and I do all the time. In fact, we haven’t been able to work together in a while, so I’m looking forward to it.”
Justin and I bump fists. Then get ready to spy on a human trafficker.