SWNOVELS God of Pain: Chapter 39
It’s strange how the world can flip upside down in a matter of minutes.
A few moments ago, I started hoping again, pining, dreaming of convincing Creighton to give up on his vendetta.
And that was after two days of nightmarish, bleak surrender. Due to his complete inflexibility, my heart broke to pieces. I lost all hope and became a shell of my former self.
The thought of him turning into this heartless person who only sees vengeance has been ripping me apart and I couldn’t withstand the torture. So imagine my surprise when he finally listened.
He stood there and heard me out.
He didn’t attempt to antagonize me. He was even…scared. It was the first time I’ve seen that fear in his eyes.
Hell, even when I pointed a gun at him, he wasn’t afraid. He was more like resigned.
He said he’d let me go home.
He embraced me in his safe arms and danced with me under the rain.
We were going somewhere and now we aren’t.
Now, he’s being held down by Kolya’s massive hand as he stands like a wall behind him and Papa points a gun at his forehead.
And the worst part is, he looks ready to kill him, and not just in a normal way, no. This is the second time I’ve witnessed Papa’s detached murderous face. The first was during my attempted kidnapping. His face is set, lips thinned, and his eyes are so dark, they’re unable to reflect the light.
I’ve always known Papa killed people, but this is the first time I’ve seen him as a killer.
A cold-blooded, ruthless killer.
His men circle us with methodical stratagem, all tall, dressed in black, and with assault rifles slung over their chests. It’s like they’re out to snuff out a rival organization, not a simple college student.
I search every face, but there’s no sign of Yan or Boris—the only two who might get on my side. They were probably left behind to protect Mom.
“You have the audacity to kidnap my daughter?” Papa’s calm words reverberate in the gloomy air, but the amount of rage that bubbles beneath the surface leaves me panting.
Creighton stares him straight in the face, his gorgeous features sharpening, showing no hint of backing down.
Grown men beg and implore in his position, especially if they know who Adrian Volkov is and what he’s capable of.
Not only is Creighton not panicked, but he also apparently has a death wish. Because he says, “Just like you had the audacity to take her from me in the first place.”
Papa hits him with the butt of the gun, sending his face flying sideways, and blood explodes from his lips.
“Papa!” The blow might not have been directed at me, but I feel it deep in my soul, and I don’t think about it as I run to Creighton.
To the gorgeously haunted man with demons who refuse to leave him alone.
“Stay back, Anoushka.” Papa stares at me, still holding the gun to Creighton’s forehead.
The way he looks at me is different from the way he regards the world. He’s not an emotionless killer right now. He’s a worried father with molten eyes and a rigid posture.
I can only imagine what he, Mom, and Jeremy have been through during the time they didn’t know where I was.
“Did he hurt you?” he asks slowly, menacingly.
“No, Papa. Please let him go.”
“I will do that after he’s tortured to within an inch of his life. I’ll hang him from the ceiling and lash his skin for every day he thought he could take you from your family.”
A full-body shudder slashes through my limbs and it takes everything in me to remain standing. “Papa, please…don’t.”
“Do it.” Creighton bares his bloodied teeth in a snarl. “Torture me. Kill me. Stab me to death then continue slicing my corpse like you did my father. You shouldn’t have left me alive back then, but now is your chance to fix that mistake. If you don’t kill me, I’ll come back over and over, and fucking over again.”
“What the hell are you saying? Shut up!” My limbs shake and a shiver skids through me and it has little to do with my wet clothes.
Papa tightens his grip around the gun, probably considering whether he wants to torture him first or just kill him and get it over with.
“Isn’t this what you wanted?” Creighton speaks to me, but his cold gaze is locked with Papa’s. “Isn’t your family everything that matters? I’m making it easier for you.”
It hits me then.
The realization is so fierce that I stumble a step back, my flip-flops sinking in the sand.
All this time, all those words, all that torture was because he thought I was choosing my family over him.
That I would always pick my family, the people who were behind his childhood misery, over him. That I would force him to either accept them or I wouldn’t stay with him.
How did my attempts to free him from the past become falsified to the point where it’s now the complete opposite?
“That’s not…” My voice gets stuck in the back of my throat. I’ve always found it easy to talk about everything and nothing, but now I’m stunned into silence.
I can’t find the right words to relay the explosive feelings whirling inside me.
“Your biological father was a scum and died like a scum. He assaulted my wife when he was clearly ordered to protect her, so I killed him,” Papa says coldly with enough cool to make me shiver. “Your biological mother was of a similar breed, too. They both deserved their fate, and as I told your adoptive father, I will not apologize for protecting my family. However, you were only a kid and didn’t deserve to suffer the downfall of their actions, which is why I made sure you were adopted into a good family.”
Creighton’s jaw relaxes and mine falls open.
“Papa, you…you made sure of that?”
“No.” Creighton shakes his head. “You didn’t know.”
“Of course, I did. I followed Richard’s family’s downfall long after he was dead. I had men watching your house, recording your mother’s desperate attempts to seduce the DA, an Italian mafia leader, a bank employee, anyone who could get her out of trouble. The night she lost all hope, committed suicide, and attempted to kill you, I was there.”
“Shut up.” Creighton’s voice comes out so raw that I want to hold him.
“I found you passed out by the front door, face blue, and vomit streaked all over your face. I gave you CPR and carried your small body to the hospital. Once you were recuperating, I entrusted you to Rai so she’d get you out of the States and free you of the bloody pit your parents dug for themselves. That’s how you got adopted into the current family you have. I might have taken your past life, but I gave you a new one. So even if you had a grudge, you should’ve come after me, but you were a coward who went after my children and I will not forgive you for that.”
Creighton’s breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling in a deadly rhythm. As if he’s trying to expel a gloomy cloud that’s been festering inside him for years.
As if he can’t breathe hard enough or purge the energy bubbling inside him fast enough.
I tremble in sync with him, trying to see the revelations from his perspective.
He’s devastated, even more than when I shot him or when he found out the truth. The fact that the man he hated with all his heart, my father, is the same man who gave him the precious family and life he currently knows is ripping him apart.
I inch closer, wanting, no needing, to hold him in my arms, but his cold words directed at my father stop me.
“Kill me,” he spits out. “If you don’t, I’ll never stop.”
“Foolish fucking coward.” Papa clicks his magazine in place and I know I have seconds to react.
I don’t think about it as I snatch a gun from one of the guard’s side holsters. I’m so fast that when I grab it, he has no time to stop me.
Creighton’s gaze finally falls on me, his eyes devoid of life, of that silent but caring Creighton I want back.
I’d go to unimaginable lengths to have him back.
Keeping my gaze on him, I point the gun at my temple.
“What are you doing, Anoushka?” Papa’s calm voice carries masked anger.
“Let him go,” I whisper with enough assertiveness that I believe myself.
It’s strange how simple and easy things become when you make up your mind. Peaceful, too. Like it was always meant to be.
The wind caresses my cold skin, no longer swaying me. It’s hugging me, holding my finger on the trigger and warming the barrel that’s glued to my temple.
“Annika…give me the gun.” Papa’s warning tone would’ve made me do anything not so long ago.
Not today.
“Let him go, or I swear I’ll shoot myself.” I don’t sound distressed, but more confident, because I’d do it.
I will not choose between them anymore. I won’t survive it.
Papa slowly steps back, gun still by his side. “I did what you said, now stop this madness.”
“Promise you won’t hurt him anymore.”
“I can’t do that after what he did to you.”
“That’s between him and me. You have no place to interfere. I’m not a kid anymore. And you hurt him enough for a lifetime. It’s time to stop it.”
He purses his lips but doesn’t say anything.
“Promise me, Papa.”
“Fine, I promise. Now, come here, Anoushka.”
I shake my head.
Creighton stares at me with the same fear he regarded me with when I was at the top of that cliff.
Only now, it’s so much more prominent that I taste it with sea salt.
“Drop the gun,” he whispers, voice strained.
“You asked me what I’d choose if you went head-to-head with my family again.” I dig the gun farther into my temple. “This is my answer, Creighton. I’d choose me.”
He struggles against Kolya’s hold, and when my father’s second-in-command pushes him down, he growls at Papa, “Let me the fuck go!”
Papa nods at his guard and when he releases him, Creighton all but runs in my direction.
I step back. “Don’t come any closer.”
He stops in his tracks, his body rigid, and it’s the first time I’ve seen him look so helpless.
“Anoushka, I already released him. Don’t do this.” Papa’s voice deepens. “Think of your mother, your brother. Me.”
“I can’t…” Tears stream down my face and I look at Creighton through blurry vision. “I can’t live knowing you’re full of rage and pain. I can’t live knowing you’ll always hate my parents, the same parents who gave me everything. I’d rather die than see that. Maybe if I do, you’ll finally let go of your grudge.”
“Listen to me, Annika.” His voice carries in the cold air like a whip. “You’re the only person who ever reached inside me, saw the ugly, rotten parts, but stayed anyway. You gave me yourself in spite of knowing how empty I am. You even filled me up with your endless energy, purple color, and fucking violets. I didn’t understand how you liked me when I didn’t like myself, how you fought to make me experience normal things despite my disinterest. When I found out the truth about my childhood, the only thing that broke me was knowing I couldn’t be with you anymore. And when you didn’t choose me and pulled that trigger, I became a bitter wanker with a death wish. I didn’t care what happened as long as I had you, which is why I brought you here. But I realize now that it wasn’t the right thing to do, which is why I chose to let you go. What you’re doing isn’t the right thing either. You might be able to live without me, but I won’t survive a day without you, so your death won’t solve any-fucking-thing. If you pull that trigger, mark my words, I will follow right after you.”
My fingers tremble as an onslaught of emotions overtakes me. “You’d rather die than let go of the past?”
“I would rather die than live without you.” His chest rises and falls with violent ferocity. “You don’t complete me, you’re a part of me. If you go, that’s not different than erasing me along with you.”
His words sink into the marrow of my bones and flow into my bloodstream. “It doesn’t have to be like this, Creighton. Neither of us has to die if you just promise to try and leave the past behind. For you. For me. For us.”
“Will you love me again if I do?”
A small smile grazes my lips as I lower the gun, place it in one of the guard’s hands and walk toward him with purposeful steps.
He meets me halfway, his strong hands wrapping around my waist as my arms circle his neck. “I never stopped loving you, silly.”
His eyes shutter slowly, and a long breath rips out of his chest. When he opens them again, they’re clear blue.
Resigned.
“You win, little purple.”
“I win?”
“All of me. My heart, body, and soul are yours. My grudge is also yours to do whatever you wish with.”
“Including moving past it?”
“Including that.” His hand falls on my hip and he strokes gently. “I lost to you a long time ago. I love you, Annika. I love you to the point I see darkness without you and light only when I’m with you. You’re my sanctuary and the one person who makes me whole.”
A tear slides down my cheek. That’s all I ever wanted from Creighton, to be the person he leans on, the one person he trusts to show everything inside him.
Because he’s it for me.
He was the one long before I realized it myself.
I’m about to kiss him when the clearing of a throat stops me.
Shit.
I forgot Papa and the others were here all along.
Slowly, I release Creighton, but he holds my hand, interlinking my fingers with his when we face Papa.
This time, I don’t try to run away or hide like when Jeremy found us. This time, I stand by his side and refuse to move.
“You’re bold to think I’d let you have my daughter,” he speaks to Creighton, but at least his gun is hidden from sight.
“I won’t leave,” Creighton announces point-blank.
“Willingly,” Papa supplies. “I can find methods to make you leave.”
“Papa!”
“We’re going home, Anoushka,” he announces.
“Like fuck—”
“You’re coming with us,” Papa cuts him off.
“W-why?” I stammer. Please don’t tell me he’s taking him back to kill him as he promised.
“I’m sure your mother would like to meet him.”
“Oh… Oh!” I say again with a grin. “Does that mean you approve of us, Papa?”
“No,” he says bluntly. “But I would rather have this little fuck under surveillance so I can end him before he attempts anything funny.”
He glares at Creighton, who glares right back. As if this is some sort of a challenge.
Things won’t be easy, but I’m ready to fight.
For him.
For us.