SWNOVELS God of Pain: Chapter 27
The thing about demons is that they’re there for life.
Every time I think I’ve left them in the twisted past where they belong, they rear their ugly heads, bent on reminding me that they exist.
That they’re here to stay.
That no matter how much I attempt to focus on my hard-earned happiness, it might be just a phase.
It’s been so many years, but the memories are as vivid as if it were last night’s dinner.
They creak and roar and splash my mind with images of pain, weakness, and shame.
Lots of shame and regrets that I can’t contain.
I pace the length of the entrance, back and forth, back and forth, like a headless chicken.
I can hear the low sound of my snapping nerves, can feel the tightness in my stomach and the chaos bashing against my skull.
On and on, it mounts and shifts until I want to scream.
It doesn’t help that Adrian had an urgent meeting and has been gone with Kolya for most of the night and morning.
Thankfully, Yan has returned. He’s currently leaning back in a chair, sipping on a glass of vodka, and watching me with an unchanged expression.
“You’re going to give yourself vertigo if you keep going at that pace,” he comments dryly.
“I shouldn’t have let her go back. Maybe we can catch them if we follow them now, and I can bring her home and tuck her close to my chest where no one can find her?”
“You’re being paranoid.”
“That’s what you said when she was kidnapped as a child.”
“She wasn’t kidnapped, since we saved her before they could get her.”
“But she was almost kidnapped.”
“You sound like Boss when he excuses his overbearing behavior. ‘I’m shielding her too much because they’d use her against me,’” he mimics Adrian’s tone.
“It’s true, though.”
“Maybe, but you two need to know that she’s no longer a little kid. Besides, she’s with Jer. No way will he let anyone hurt her.”
“What if he’s also hurt?” I come to a stop, my breathing becoming so heavy, it echoes around us. “What if I lose both of them?”
He stands up and clutches me by the shoulders. “You’re overthinking. That’s paranoia and anxiety speaking, and those two are irrational fuckers that we hate. Would definitely murder the fuck out of them, decapitation style, if we met them in an alley… Now, inhale. Exhale.”
I release a long whoosh, sensing the dissipation of the black cloud that’s been swirling around my head.
A small smile pulls on my lips. “Thanks, Yan. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
“Probably driven yourself to the point of no return.” He lowers his head to stare me in the eyes. “Do you feel better?”
“A little.”
“A little is a start.”
We remain like that for a short moment as I attempt and partially fail to regulate my breathing. I honestly don’t know what would’ve become of me if I didn’t have a friend like Yan by my side.
He was the one who also convinced me that my fears about Annika sharing my fate with ballet are paranoia. That my daughter isn’t me and we won’t actually suffer the same things.
“You have exactly one second to remove your hands from my wife’s shoulders before I break them.”
Adrian’s closed-off voice reaches us first, then his larger-than-life presence follows.
I’ve known this man for over twenty-five years and I still crane my head to get a better look at him. I still go the extra mile to engrave every inch of him to memory.
It’s probably because of all the times I thought he was no longer part of my life.
His dark gaze falls on Yan, who has stepped back but still meets Adrian’s solemn expression with a smile.
“Don’t be jealous, Boss. It’s not my fault that I’m charming.”
“We’ll see how charming you actually are when you’re buried facedown six feet under.”
Yan pats his shoulder. “You and I both know that won’t be happening as long as Lia is alive. See you later, Boss.”
He leaves the house with a nonchalant stride, completely oblivious to Adrian’s deadly glare. I can’t help the smile that appears on my lips. Adrian and Yan’s relationship will never change.
I’ve got to admit that it’s entertaining. Yan can’t help provoking him, and Adrian is closed-minded enough to willingly fall for it every time.
“That fucker will meet his maker tonight. And stop smiling, Lenochka.”
My heart races like it does every time he calls me by that nickname. My fingers smooth the wrinkle on his black shirt and I flatten my palm against the rippling muscles of his hard chest.
The chest that serves as both my pillow and my anchor. The chest through which I can listen to his heartbeat.
I’ve known him for so long and he still causes my stomach to flutter upon seeing him. He’s still the most dangerously beautiful man alive.
I shake my head. “You’re being irrational.”
“Were you smiling at Yan in this way? With your eyes shining and your face brightening?”
“Adrian!”
“Were you?”
I release a sigh. “You’re seriously impossible sometimes.”
“Only sometimes?”
“I suppose.” I stare up at his unfairly handsome face—at the sharp features, hard lines, thick brows, and dark gray eyes.
A face so closed off that it used to frighten me but soon became my haven.
This man is both my calamity and my salvation.
His brows dip as he cups my face with his large palm. It always amazes me how a hard man like him only softens around me—and our children.
If anyone had come to the younger me and told her Adrian would be a family man, I would’ve laughed in their face.
But I’ve witnessed firsthand just how absolutely devoted he can be. Yes, he’s an important man in his organization, but nothing and no one comes before us for him.
“Is something the matter, Lenochka?”
It takes everything in me not to break down here and now. Just how can he be this attuned to my state of mind? Sometimes, more than I am.
“The kids left,” I choke out.
“Kolya told me. Want me to order the pilot to bring them back?”
That’s exactly what I want, but I’d be acting on paranoia as Yan said, so I shake my head. “I think we have a bigger problem.”
“Such as?”
“Anni…our daughter has a boyfriend.”
His expression darkens. “Jeremy informed me of that and mentioned he’s not to be trusted. I told him to keep them apart until I investigate the fucker who thinks he can have a relationship with my daughter.”
“You don’t have to. I saw his picture on her phone and he…he has familiar eyes.”
“Familiar eyes?”
“Richard Green’s eyes. Not the color, the look.”
He goes still, his muscles tightening against my hold. “What did you just say?”
“Richard, Adrian. I think…no, I’m sure he’s related to him somehow, probably his son. I thought we were done with that nightmare, but how come…how come it’s here again? How can that nightmare be unleashed on Anni this time? She’s so sweet and innocent and doesn’t deserve to suffer for any of our sins. She was devastated and absolutely disappointed in me when I told her to stop seeing him. What if…what if it’s too late to stop this?”
Adrian wraps an arm around my shoulder and half carries me to the sofa, where we sit down.
His hand strokes my shoulder slowly, soothingly, while his other hand wipes away the tears on my face. “Breathe, Lenochka, breathe…”
I dig my fingers into his shirt and stare up at him with blurry eyes. “Are we being punished? Is that why Anni fell for him of all people?”
“There’s nothing to be punished for. Richard was scum who deserved death, and we will not, under any circumstances, diverge the blame toward us.”
“How about Anni? I told her I’d cheer her on and back up any relationship she has, but I pulled the rug from beneath her feet at the first test.”
“I will talk to her. She’ll understand.”
“No.” I pull away from him. “You’ll just tell her that if she doesn’t stay away from him, you’ll hurt him.”
“Which is the right thing to do.”
“No, Adrian. She’ll just fall in love with him more. At this point, any coercion from our side will only push her in his arms and muddy our relationship with her.” I sigh. “I don’t know when she grew up enough to even know the meaning of love.”
“Let me have a talk with the bastard who dared to touch my baby daughter and we’ll find out.”
“You mean, let your fists talk to his face?”
“The only appropriate language under the circumstances.”
“Adrian, no. I’ll speak with her. We’ll have the talk we should’ve had last night when I saw that picture. She deserves the truth.”
His dark eyes watch me with so much care that I drown in it. “Will you be okay?”
“No, but I’ll do this for Anni.”
“Don’t have any misconceptions about the results. She won’t be happy.”
“But she’ll understand. Our daughter has grown up so much. She’s no longer that sheltered child who followed your and Jeremy’s orders like they were the holy scripts. She’s matured and become a little spitfire.”
“I don’t like that,” my husband grumbles.
Of course he doesn’t. Adrian has always been overprotective, so he doesn’t like knowing that his baby girl is growing wings that she’ll use to leave him.
But I’m proud of how far she’s come, and how she’s turned into her own person. Something tells me the change in her personality happened because of this Creighton.
Annika always wanted to spread her wings, but something held her back; whether it was apprehension or fear, I’m not sure. What I am certain about, however, is that she’s finally managed to live as her own person instead of what her last name suggests.
Adrian interlinks my fingers with his. “I’ll be right here.”
My heartbeat slows to a peaceful rhythm as I pull out my phone and FaceTime my daughter.
She picks up after a few beats, snuggling into what appears to be the plane’s seat with the face mask pushed up on her hair.
Annika has always been the life of the house. The sunshine, the joker, the bright light all of us looked forward to.
She’s Adrian’s little girl, which is why he vehemently refuses to admit she’s all grown up, the light to Jeremy’s shadows, and the girl after Ogla’s carefully-hidden heart.
This baby, who’s not a baby anymore, has had us all in a chokehold since the moment she was born.
So to see her downward expression and worn-out face squeezes my heart. She’s not even wearing one of her pretty purple dresses and has settled for an oversized hoodie and jeans instead.
“We still didn’t arrive yet, Mom. I’ll text when we do.”
“Anni, wait.” I swallow. “I wanted to talk to you.”
“If it’s about staying away from Creigh, then you can just forget about it. I already turned eighteen and I don’t need anyone’s approval to date whoever I like. I love you and Papa, but I won’t let you take the one thing I have of my own.”
Adrian tries to take the phone, but I keep it out of reach so that I’m the only one in the frame, then smooth my voice. “Can I tell you a story?”
She shrugs her shoulder. “If you want.”
“Remember when I used to tell you that a long time ago, I suffered mentally?” My voice chokes and Adrian squeezes my fingers.
The knowledge that he’s here gives me the courage to poke the demons from my past.
At Anni’s careful nod, I continue, “It was a lot worse than you could imagine. I was aimless, created a rift between me, your father, and your brother, and had the most hellish time in my life. Everyone has moments where they hit rock bottom, and that time was mine. As if that wasn’t enough, one of the power figures who was supposed to protect me—and people like me—used my circumstances to…try to sexually assault me as he’d done to several others before me.”
Annika gasps, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
“It didn’t happen,” I blurt. “I didn’t let him.”
“Oh. Thank God.” She releases a breath. “Where was Papa at the time?”
“He…killed him.”
“Phew. Good riddance.”
“You’re okay with that? I thought you didn’t like it when your papa hurt people.”
“It’s okay if he’s cleaning the world of scum like the one who tried to assault you and others.”
Adrian smirks, looking so proud of himself.
“That man was a mayoral candidate, Anni.”
“So what? That doesn’t give him the right to go assaulting people. In fact, he should be held more accountable.”
“True. But he had a family. A wife and a son.”
“Oh.” She purses her lips. “I feel sorry for them, but they’re probably better off without a bastard like that in their lives.”
“The wife attempted double suicide soon after the police started investigating her for abetting her husband’s serial rape crimes. She was found hanging from the ceiling in their home, but her boy barely escaped being asphyxiated to death by gas.”
It happens gradually, almost unnoticeably, but Annika’s face blanches and her eyes widen as recognition slowly sets in.
That means he probably mentioned the incident to her. Damn it. I’m pretty sure the doctor said he wouldn’t remember much of it.
He was so young back then.
I exchange a look with Adrian, whose face is closed off, probably thinking that this goes a lot deeper than any of us thought.
That maybe he approached her on purpose, after all.
“What…what are you saying, Mom? Are you trying to tell me that the man who hurt you, whom Papa killed, is Creighton’s biological father?”
“Unfortunately, yes.”
“But that can’t be… It just…can’t… Oh my God, is that why you acted strangely when you saw his picture? Does he look like his biological father?”
“Not really, but he has the same look in his eyes. I will never forget those eyes.”
“No, no, no…” Tears stream down her cheeks with the persistence of an overflowing river.
“Anni?”
“No, Mom. No!” She sobs. “This…this just can’t be true.”
“I’m sorry, baby angel. I’m so sorry.” It takes everything in me not to break down and cry with her. I wish she were here so I could hug her, try to make it better, but all I can do is be strong for her.
Her image shakes, probably from the way she’s grabbing her phone. She brings it impossibly close until I can see every streak of tears, every wretched emotion pouring out of her.
“M-Mom…you don’t understand… He thinks that time shaped who he is, and he wants revenge. No…this can’t be true. If it is, if it is, he…he…he’ll hate me. I can’t… How will I live if he hates me, Mom? How can I face him, knowing Papa is the reason behind the darkest moment of his life?”
“You don’t.” Adrian slides my hand over so that we’re both in the frame. “You stay away from him and move on.”
“I can’t just do that.” She glares at him. “I’m not a robot, Papa. I can’t simply erase him from my memories.”
“You’ll learn to. He’ll never have affection for you anyway, considering his past. Since you already know he’s so attuned to it, then you should also know that he’ll only use you to hurt me and your mother. Maybe even your brother. Needless to say, I will not allow it. I’ll give you a few days to pack your stuff, say your goodbyes, and return to the States.”
“Papa!” She cries harder.
I snatch the phone from Adrian’s hand so that it’s only me again. “Don’t cry, baby. I hate it when you do. We’ll do our best to make everything all right.”
“How can it be when it’s all…wrong?”
My heart splinters along with hers, and her pain streams through my veins as if it’s my own. It takes all my strength to remain calm. “Let me ask you this. How does Creighton remember? He was adopted soon after his mother’s death, so he can’t possibly recall all the details from such a young age.”
“You know about his adoption?” Her lips part, letting the tears stream inside her mouth. “Don’t tell me you shadowed his life all this time?”
“No, of course not. I’ve never met him, but after I heard about the incident, your father and I asked Rai to find him a better home. Her sister does a lot of social work and she agreed to sponsor him. He was soon adopted by European parents and left the States.”
I was glad the innocent boy would have a better life and that the nightmare was finally out of our lives. I never liked the media play I later found out that Adrian had conducted, or the way he dragged Richard and his family through the mud because he considered death by so many stabs was too little of a punishment.
I just never thought those European parents were actually English and that we’d send our daughter straight into the boy’s path.
“He must’ve found out the truth,” Anni whispers, her voice spooked. “That’s why he’s been ignoring my texts.”
“There’s no way for him to know,” I soothe. “This event is a mystery to everyone except for our family. Even his adoptive parents weren’t given the full recounting of events, and from what Rai disclosed about them, they’re people of great status and wanted to erase that part of his origin. I doubt they would tell him anything.”
“But he has to know. He’s been searching for the truth for so long.”
“You will not meet with him, Annika.” Adrian slides into the frame again. “It’s dangerous.”
“But—”
“No buts. We’ll see you back home in a few days.”
And then he ends the call.
“I didn’t finish talking with her,” I protest, dabbing at my eyes with the back of my hand.
“Anything you offer her would be an excuse that she won’t understand in her current state. She needs time to process what she’s learned, and hopefully, she’ll come to the logical conclusion that whatever she had with the boy is ill-fated.”
“The boy had nothing to do with what his father did. He was only a toddler back then.”
“No, he didn’t, but the truth remains that I was the one behind his parents’ deaths and his family’s demise. He’ll only look at Annika as my daughter, and I will not allow him to put her through such torture.”
“She’ll hate us…”
My husband’s large hand cradles my cheek and he strokes gently, causing tiny shock waves to erupt on my skin. “A few years down the line, she’ll know we did this to protect her.”
But at what price?
Adrian has always been methodical and solution-oriented, so he doesn’t care much about feelings, but I do.
And I know, I just know that we might have accidentally killed a part of Anni that we’ll never be able to get back.