SWNOVELS God of Pain: Chapter 25
“Mom…?”
I slowly stand up, limbs shaking, and my heart thumping with the brutality of a torture device.
My mother remains frozen in place, her hands trembling at either side of her as she stares right through me.
It’s like she’s here but not really here.
And the sight scares the shit out of me.
Careful not to step on the broken glass and ruined snacks, I take my time approaching her until I’m toe-to-toe with her.
“Mom,” I call again, louder this time. I wave my hand in front of her face.
She flinches.
I flinch.
That’s the first time I’ve ever seen my mother flinch. Papa might be the bad mafia guy, but at home, they share everything. Just because she’s soft doesn’t mean she’s weak. In fact, she can be extremely powerful if the circumstances call for it.
She’s just not the type to flinch, period.
So why do her eyes look so…dead? They’re usually the liveliest I know.
The warmest, too.
“Mom!” My voice translates all the panic that’s spreading inside me.
She jerks, blinking slowly, before her attention zeroes in on me. And it’s like she’s seeing me for the first time. As if I haven’t been her daughter, her baby angel, for the past eighteen years.
And this expression?
It terrorizes me.
This must be what amnesia patients’ family and friends feel like when they realize they’ve been forgotten. That they’re the only ones who recall every small memory, every little detail, every laugh, every smile, every precious conversation.
“Mom? Are you okay?” I speak in a brittle voice, my heart thudding against my chest.
“What… Oh, I’m good.” She breathes heavily, her eyes flitting to my phone that I left on the bed.
“You look anything but good, Mom.”
“It’s probably exhaustion from working at the shelter. I just need a moment.” She sits on the edge of the bed and pats the spot beside her. “Careful of the glass shards.”
Relief zings through me, but the shadows of wariness linger in the room like a third presence.
An ominous sign.
The calm before the horror scare.
Still, I sit beside her and watch her carefully, so carefully that she smiles.
“I’m really all right, Anni.”
“You didn’t look all right a minute ago.”
“It’s just exhaustion. Happens all the time.”
“That’s the first time I’ve seen you like that, Mom.”
“Guess I’ve done a good job hiding it from you guys.” She smiles, ushers me to lie down, and leans my head on her lap so she can stroke my hair.
She used to do this a lot when I was a kid, but as I grew up, she did it less and less. Not that I’m complaining or anything. I’m the one who wants to be an adult sooner rather than later. But I miss her touch.
The in-and-out of her fingers in my hair is nothing short of a soothing lullaby. I close my eyes, picturing myself easily falling into peaceful sleep.
“Baby angel?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me about the boy in the picture you were just staring at with a dreamy expression.”
I wince, opening my eyes. “Was I that obvious?”
“Uh-huh. You were practically devouring him.”
“I was not.”
“Was too.”
I sigh, turning onto my back so that I’m staring up at her. “His name is Creighton and we’re…sort of going out.”
“Sort of?”
“We haven’t been together for a long time, but time is irrelevant because I share a special connection with him. The type I’ve never shared with anyone else.”
Mom’s fingers pause in my hair and I think her face pales a little, or maybe it’s the lighting. After a moment, she goes back to her soothing rhythm. “Why haven’t you told me about him before?”
“I wasn’t confident that we had a relationship. He didn’t really like me at the beginning, you know, so we had to get past that, and then, well, find compatibility. So I avoided telling you until I was sure about what we share.”
“And you are now?”
I grin. “One hundred percent.”
Her rhythm falters again, but only for a second. “Tell me all about him, his family, his personality. I want to know everything.”
“Where do I even begin?” It takes me about fifteen minutes to introduce Creigh and his family to Mom.
She never interrupts and listens carefully, attentively. Because my mom cares.
“It sounds like you have a lot of fun with him,” she says after I’m done.
“The best ever.” I sigh. “I actually miss him.”
“Can you tell me how the relationship started? Did he pursue you?”
I smile sheepishly. “It was actually the other way around. As I told you, he didn’t really like me at the beginning and said I talked too much. My pride was bruised and brutally stomped upon, I tell you, but then he started to grow fond of me. He even listens to me talk on and on, and said he likes the sound of my voice. Guess that means I brought him around.”
“He…really didn’t pursue you?”
“No. And yeah, maybe a lady shouldn’t chase after a man, but that’s like a Middle Ages mentality. I say women should go after what we want. Also, he did warn me away, thinking we weren’t…compatible, but I soon proved him wrong.”
“Proved him wrong how?”
I chuckle awkwardly. “You don’t need to know.”
“Are you hiding things from me?”
“I just…would rather not talk about it. Everyone needs their own secrets.”
“Since when do you keep secrets from me, baby?”
“Since I’m all grown up.” I grin.
She sighs deeply, the sound slightly chopped off. Her gaze gets lost in the distance and I feel her escaping into another reality that I have no access to. Like earlier.
“Hey, Mom?”
She blinks, focusing back on me. “Hmm?”
“Remember when you told me that if I have someone I love, you wouldn’t let Papa shove me into an arranged marriage? Creighton is that someone.”
She pales, and this time, there’s no mistaking it. But her voice is still composed and soothing. “You’re still too young to know what love truly is.”
“Would everyone stop saying that? I’m not that young, and there’s no explanation for the feelings I have for Creigh besides love.”
“Anni, honey, listen to me. Love isn’t a crush or an infatuation. Love is when you go through life together, face your fears together, and at times, even hate each other in the process. It’s not love if it hasn’t been tested.”
I get up, forcing her to release my hair, and face her. “That doesn’t apply to everyone. And what are you insinuating, Mom? Does this mean you won’t help me convince Papa? Jeremy said he’d leave me alone if Papa accepts Creighton, and I need your help to make him see reason.”
She takes my hand in hers. “I think we should give it a bit more time before we bring it up to your father.”
“I don’t have more time. We’re going back tomorrow, and I can’t have Jeremy locking me up for sport. I’m so done with that.”
“Honey…”
“You said you’d help me.” My chin quivers. “You promised to be on my side in this world that treats women like second-rate citizens. I knew I could do it, because I have you. How could you turn your back on me?”
“It’s not that I’m turning my back…we just can’t be rash.”
A tear slides down my cheek and I wipe it away. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Papa or Jeremy said those words, because I know they don’t really trust me to be responsible for my own life, but it kills me that you don’t trust me either. I never expected this from you.”
“Anni…there’s so much you don’t know.”
“Then tell me. Don’t just keep me in the dark and ask me to accept situations I don’t understand.”
“I will, but as I said, I need time, baby. I’m just asking you—imploring you, begging you—to cut off ties with this Creighton.”
“Mom!”
“I’ve never asked anything of you, Anni. I only wanted you to grow up into the bright, cheerful, and absolutely beautiful young lady you are. I didn’t stop you from ballet even though I’m uncomfortable with it, I didn’t stop you from traveling to the other side of the world, although I was scared for your safety, but I’m begging you to let him go.”
“I can’t…do that. I love him.”
“You haven’t been together for long. Those feelings will eventually disappear.”
“You can’t possibly be serious?”
She stands up, releases a long breath, and whispers, “I’m trying to protect you.”
“By hurting me? You’re cutting me open by demanding I stop seeing the only person who’s not only embraced me for who I am but who’s also encouraged me to grow into myself.”
She strokes my hair back, a sad expression covering her face. “It’ll all get better with time. I promise.”
Then she steps out the door, leaving me with pain, sadness, and, most importantly, confusion.
What the hell just happened?
When I wake up after a restless sleep, the first thing I do is check my messages.
My chest immediately deflates when I find no text from Creighton.
Maybe he’s mad that the one-day deadline is over and I still haven’t made good on my promise to fix things.
So I type another one.
Annika: Morning! It’s morning here, so it must be around midday there? I’m going to find an opportunity to talk to Papa about us. I was hoping Mom would be my ally, but I guess that’s out after she weirdly opposed to our relationship last night. This will be the first time I’ve gone up against Papa head-to-head. Wish me luck! I miss you. I want to kiss you.
I wait for a few minutes in case he reads both my texts and finally replies, but there’s nothing.
Maybe he lost his phone.
I stroke the necklace he gave me, then text the girls’ group chat.
Annika: Morning! Did you get together with the guys this weekend?
Cecily: With Remi and Bran, yeah.
Annika: How about the others?
Cecily: What others? Eli and Lan don’t hang out with us.
Glyndon: She means Creigh, silly. And no, Anni. He didn’t come along.
My fingers tighten around the phone and I frown.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s spent all his time sleeping, but ever since we got together, he doesn’t sleep as much.
I was hopeful—and probably delusional—enough to think he probably preferred my company over sleep.
My screen lights up with another text.
Ava: Creigh was inseparable from He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. Looked like they were up to no good.
Cecily: And how do you know that? Have you developed stalker tendencies?
Ava: Bitch, please. I only caught a glimpse of it when I was borrowing something from Bran.
Glyndon: Borrowing something from Bran, huh? *giggling GIF*
Cecily: Leave her be. She said she caught a glimpse. More like glimpses.
Glyndon: Maybe in compromising positions.
Ava: I’m blocking you two.
Ava: Not really, but I might.
My frown deepens, but I choose to remain calm as I change my clothes and then go down the stairs. I keep obsessing over my phone, checking the unread texts over and over.
Just because Creighton is spending time with Eli doesn’t mean he wouldn’t reply.
The more I think about it, the less it makes sense.
I find Mom and Jeremy having breakfast in the garden and whispering among each other.
The moment I approach them, they swiftly push back in their seats, putting an abrupt end to their secret conversation.
I’ve always envied the relationship Jer has with both our parents. Papa sees himself in him and Mom dotes on him as the firstborn. Her angel, as she calls him. She sometimes treats him like her best friend and her confidant.
Apparently, he’s the one who brought my parents together. Something I can never measure up to.
So whenever they’re having their moments like these, I feel left out.
“Morning,” I mutter as I fall onto a chair and pour myself a coffee.
“Morning, baby. Did you sleep well?”
I make an affirmative sound. “Where’s Papa and the others?”
“They went out late last night for some errands.”
Errands? More like to kill people. I shake my head, not wanting to picture that.
Mom fixes me some toast. “Jeremy was just telling me about the rivalry between The King’s U and Royal Elite University. It seems intense.”
“So what of it?” I lose my cool. “Is this another way to convince me to stay away from Creighton for reasons you refuse to divulge? If that’s the case, save it, Mom. I happen to be an REU student, and not once have the people there treated me differently just because I’m an American or a Volkov.”
Jeremy glares at me over the rim of his cup. “Don’t speak to Mom in that tone.”
“You guys are obviously ganging up on me. Did you expect me to lower my head, follow your orders, and just go with it?”
“You have no choice, Anoushka. I spoke to Dad last night and he agrees that you are not allowed to see Creighton King anymore.”
The cup of coffee shakes in my hand and I place it on the table before it falls and shatters. “We agreed that I would talk to him.”
“We only agreed that he’d be informed of the situation, not that either of us would talk to him. Upon returning to Brighton Island, you’ll break up with him or Dad will find you a suitor for marriage.”
I stare at Mom as if I’ve been stabbed in the chest and she’s holding the knife. “You said you wouldn’t let this happen.”
“Anni…”
“Forget it. I’m going to speak with Papa myself when he gets back.”
“Don’t, Anni,” Mom says in a soft voice. “You’ll only anger him and get yourself hurt. This is for the best.”
“Whose best? Yours? Papa’s? Jeremy’s? It’s certainly not for mine.” Frustration bubbles in my veins. It keeps mounting until it’s bursting at the seams.
And the worst part is that I have no clue how to placate it.
Make it better.
I’m so disappointed in Mom and angry at myself for being so trusting. For getting trapped in a situation where the only way out is to lose.
All doors are closing in my face and Creighton still isn’t answering my texts.
Will he say it’s for my sake, too?
Jeremy’s phone vibrates on the table and when he checks it out, a crease appears between his brows.
“We’re leaving,” he announces, abruptly standing up.
“But you just got here,” Mom protests.
“There’s an emergency back at the island.”
“What type of emergency?” I ask in a haunted voice.
“The bad type.”
He storms in the direction of the house and I jog to keep up with him. “What happened?”
“Nikolai was kidnapped and the kidnapper is asking for me.”