FROM HELL

I never meant to say that out loud but the sudden silence that fell over the room indicated otherwise. I couldn’t look at anybody, I just stared into space not seeing anything. It reminded me of the days I did this all time, the time in my confinement. The torture, the demons and even the little dead rat.

I sensed cold hands grab my wrist and squeeze it lightly which made me turn to see a very worried Ashley. I looked from her face to her hand that gripped me.

It’s kinda ironic that the people I hurt are ones who cares for me.

“What in the world are you talking about”

Nate asked grabbing my other hand forcing me to look at him. I sensed Ashley moving closer to me.

Nate blue eyes bored into me searching my soul. I wanted touch him feel him but I stood there stock still staring back at those blue orbs.

Was I hurting him?

Was I putting his life in danger?

I don’t care what happens to William or his pack but Nate was a complete different story.

Am I risking his life by being with him?

All my life I had been on guard. Even if Lynn tried to give me a normal life, I never felt normal. I was hiding from the fear that was always been present. Even the repeated nightmares made me more and more cautious. Now I know the fear is real. That women is real and she’s looking for me.

Aren’t I getting Nate into more and more trouble by yanking him into this?

Am I willing to risk his safety?

I never meant to have any attachments to anyone.

I was yanked out of my train of thoughts when Melissa said

“Don’t get what he said into your head, dear. He’s just concerned about his pack.”

What am I supposed to say to that?

She was standing beside Nate and I felt an immediate guilt forming in the pit of my stomach. She had been talking for me, standing up for me and I just trashed all her effort.

Even if I loved Nate and wanted to be with him, I can’t just start living with him. I need to sort out the feelings, everytime I see him my mind lurches with so many unknown emotions I couldn’t quite understand. Everytime I see him with another person I just want to rip off their throat and I have a sick feeling that I wouldn’t regret it if I actually did it.

“Yeah. We’ll just leave for now.”

Lynn said coming to my rescue and turned to William and said in a sharp tone

“And if you or your pack need any help do yourself a favor and find another witch”

William looked hurt but he didn’t respond.

Gregory clasped his hands and stood up.

“If the discussion is over I would like to take my leave”

Melissa’s buisness look was back on and she said

“I need to talk to you, Gregory”

Gregory nodded and walked out of the room motioning Ashley to follow him which she obliged reluctantly. William and Olivia followed them silently.

Melissa turned and smiled at me

“I never meant force anything on you dear. I just wanted my son happy and when I saw him being kicked out so unfairly... Let’s just say my lawyer instincts perked up.”

She hugged me again and followed Gregory out. George patted Nate’s shoulder and looked at me.

“Thank you for saving me”

What? Sure I was in the fight but Nate was the one who saved him.

I opened my mouth to protest but Nate beat me to it.

“No, I wouldn’t have saved him if you didn’t had my back. If it was just us, we would be torn to shreds”

George smiled at me and left without saying a word and Dr. Charles scrambled behind him. Lynn gave me a sympathetic smile and followed them.

“Are you leaving me?”

Nate asked still staring into my eyes. The words pearced through my heart.

Can I possibly leave him?

I leaned in and placed my forehead on his chest breathing in his forest scents. It calmed me somehow,warmth spread all over my body. It’s infuriating that, by just standing still he can do this to me.

He had pinned me place just by doing nothing. I lifted my head and kissed his jaw.

Without me he will be safe.

I wanted to tell thousand words all at once but only 3 word came out.

“I need time”

I saw the sudden flicker of emotions washing over his blue eyes but replaced by nothing in an instant. He loosened his grip on my wrist slowly. A sudden loneliness washed over me and suddenly I regretted everything, wanted him near me. I wanted to hold him close, close to me but I didn’t do it or couldn’t do it.

He loved his family and I refuse to become the reason for him to loose it.

Even if he is not in good terms with his pack. He is a new wolf and new wolves needed their pack.

“Come back to me”

He said in a low whisper but I heard it loud and clear. My heart clenched when I heard the sadness in his voice.

Looking at him for some more time, devouring each and every detail of him with my eyes, I walked out. Every inch of my soul screamed for him stop me but he stood there stock still staring into space. Each step away from him felt like punches onto my heart.

I walked to the car were I sensed Lynn was. Lynn was sitting on the driver’s seat clutching the steering wheel and I silently took the shotgun. She smiled at me but the smile didn’t make her look happy. She was concerned about me, I gave her a tight smile and looked forward. Lynn talked about something but I didn’t hear it. My golden wolf filled my mind. His beautiful golden fur, how it felt like when I traced my fingers through it for the first time.

Why am I leaving him.

I wanted him, cared for him, loved him but still... I’m scared, I loved him too much.

This intense feelings scares me...