Freedom: Sponsored by Capitalism

Aberrant Passing came on Thursday nights on one of these anonymous cartoon networks…it was an animated crime drama featuring a serial killer with supernatural powers. He walked about in black coveralls with such pale white skin that one could imagine that after bathing took a dip in a pool filled with alabaster-colored concealer makeup except for his black hair. After stalking his victim, he set up a clean room and put on a disposable black cleanroom suit. But in every episode, his victims were high school girls having sleepover parties and the host’s parents were out for a date night. Aberrant Passing would drug their soda pops or those wine coolers that the ‘cool mom’ bought for her daughter’s special night…but no boys were allowed hint… hint… wink… wink…then before the parents’ could get home their little darlings were burnt tidbits on the barbecue…this was a cartoon that Tam-Pam and Graves would watch when they got home from thirsty Thursdays and praying the Holy Rosary with Khaled at the Circle K…Aberrant Passing.

Half the episode was AP trying to convince the girls he was either a clown or a superhero who came to save their chastity and virtue while making some jokes about spanking and evisceration. The other half was cartoon violence with a sprinkling of teenage angst taboo sex and innuendos about masturbation with the lining of their intestines or making Menudo from the lining of their intestines, often…the song ’Menudo, a Menudo…” with some lyrics in the chorus about Ricky Martin’s time in the Hispanic Super Boy Band Menudo… Stab…Stab…make a pot of cannibal soup.

In one of the best episodes, an eviscerated cheerleader is semiconscious and begins to sing along with the Menudo song filling in the gaps with ‘I’d rather have pizza, don’t give me Menudo’ to which Aberrant Passing would sing the same word Menudo… 'Menudo…I truly love you, Menudo…I’d rather have pizza don’t give me Menudo…I truly love you,” and you get the idea. Like a duet from Sweeny Todd…but with clear innuendos that only the most perverted Panzones of all the men of Hispanic Heritage might find funny. Big Bellied men who still find high school girls pretty and wish to emulate that bus driver who kidnaped all those girls and then think…that guy was a sick fucker I was just joking…I should go to confession now and say the Holy Rosary preemptively…if the boss lady finds out…she either won’t love me any more or try to fit into her high school cheer uniform…aye dios mio…

Until AP put a chef’s knife through her eye and sets the house on fire along with his disposable cleanroom suit, paper booties, and vinyl gloves.

That was the plot of one of these Adult cartoons on an anonymous cartoon network…who comes up with this shit…the words this and shit have the same letters in different orders…