Fragment of Destiny

Tess looked around her dimly lit room as the morning sky was already bright through her window. Clothes clean and dirty alike were strewn about the room, and her uniform was a wadded mess behind her open door. Daybreak had come too soon. Her body was a mass of pain, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep.

She stared at her uniform on the floor wishing she could just burn the damn thing. Giving a sigh Tess grabbed it and shook off as much of yesterday’s dust as she could, before balling it under her arm and heading for the wash. Today she let herself soak not caring if she arrived late to the academy. Tess let the water wash away her pain until she began to wrinkle. At last, she was forced to be on with this miserable day.

The house, unlike her room, was nearly spotless. Nana Amelia had always made sure of that. Tess tried not to look at the small slip of paper on the kitchen counter as she rummaged through the cabinets in search of something to eat. Try as she might she could not make the note go away and at last her gaze came to rest on it.

Tess exhaled a ragged breath remembering its contents. Her stomach turned sour, the desire for breakfast was quickly replaced with nausea. Tess closed her eyes and willed the feelings away, but it didn’t help. Leaving any thought of breakfast Tess made for the front door. All hope of today being better than yesterday was already gone.

Unlike yesterday there were no lines at the tram station or the Jr. Academy. The lobby was empty and so was the stadium. That was fine she didn’t want to be here anyway.

“Tess LaBou?” Came a voice from behind her.

Tess turned to see an enforcer glancing from her to a datapad.

“You’re late,” He stated as if she was somehow unaware. “You have been assigned to lead instructor Hansen. This way please.”

Tess followed him outside and across the wide dirt track to the largest of the outlying buildings. Inside the lobby was nearly identical to that of the main building. Only it was smaller in scale and had no large swooping hallway leading off to a grand stadium. The instructor took her down several twists and turns before entering a room seemingly at random.

Inside, the room was filled with row upon row of cot-like beds. The place looked like something more akin to a hospital than a school. On each bed lay a student, their head shaved with a complex array of contacts clinging to them like a tentacled beast. Tess blanched at the sight and was nearly overtaken by horror at the thought of losing her precious hair.

“This must be our stray,” Good work Mazamoth. “Get a station ready for Miss LaBou,” An older man said as they entered.

Tess glared at the man who had called her a stray. “What is going on here?”

“If you had shown up on time. You would know that already, wouldn’t you,” He said with contempt. Then his tone softened, “This is the grid room. What you see around you is how we find the neurological pathways in your brain. After which we can tailor your training to help you learn, retain, and access the information more readily when needed. As I am sure you are aware this academy has been dubbed, survival school, and rightly so. Do you know what happens when you graduate from here?”

“We will be dropped into the ascension storm to find our crystal.”

“Indeed, but you don’t just float around in the mist. As was shared by Enforcer Folcoolie. When you enter that storm, there is no telling where you will end up. Therefore, it is my responsibility to ensure every one of my students is ready for anything. The neural grid is a vital component in that.”

Tess looked over the room of students again. How many of them wouldn’t make it back alive? “Do most people find their crystal?” Tess asked.

“Yes, most do, but the numbers are not tracked by survivors. Instead, we keep track in lives lost. It is a number that blessedly has been on a steady decline since the inception of this program.”

“How many students don’t make it back each year?”

“Last year it was six from the lower class, two from the mid-level students, and two from the upper-level students.”

Ten deaths. At first, it felt like a shockingly high number. However, if what was shown on the first day was common. Only ten deaths would be a very high margin of success.

“Before the start of this program, the average loss of life was fifty-three students annually,” Hansen said.

Tess’s eyes went wide, and she could clearly see the pain of failure on the man’s face.

“Our best year we lost only three.”

“Do you think you will ever reach zero?”

“I do. I believe it is possible. However, Head Instructor Reynolds believes that some loss of life is inevitable each year. In truth, most of it is up to the students. How hard they are willing to work.” He fixed on Tess with an intensity that made her want to squirm.

“So, Tess LaBou, are you going to allow yourself to become a statistic? Or are you going to start showing up on time and taking your survival studies seriously?”

Tess thought back to the note she had found last night. Somehow the words on that paper had managed to snuff out her ambition. She knew the old man was right but couldn’t bring herself to care.

“The station is ready,” The jr. instructor said motioning Tess over. She followed like a prisoner resigned to the executioner's table.

In his hand, the jr. held a large pair of scissors. Just one of the many weapons in his arsenal. Beside him, on a tray, Tess could see buzz clippers and a razor. The thought of all her beautiful hair gone only made the feeling of dread and despair deepen. Tess covered her mouth to muffle a sob as tears began to stain her face. Bit by agonizing bit her thick hair fell into a bucket at her feet. She was so lost in self-pity that she hardly noticed when the connection apparatus was attached.

“Now close your eyes and try to concentrate. I am going to ask you to think of a few different memory types. First, I need you to think back to a time when you were sad. Other than right now.”

At once, her mind went back to last night. Her first day at the Jr. Academy was over. She was tired but excited to share her day with Nana Amelia. Tess could feel herself fading as the inside of her house came into view. Father would still be at the lab, but Nana Amelia should have been there. Instead, the house had been dark, the lights only coming on when she arrived.

“Nana?” She heard herself say and she felt her lips move of their own accord. Then she found it, an official letter from the capitol. Tess hadn’t even finished the first line when she realized what it was. An assignment termination notice. Tears stung her eyes and the letter slipped back onto the counter, little dark splotches wrinkling the page. She was supposed to have her for another year. The pain in her chest began to fade as she was pulled like a loose thread from the memory.

She was suddenly aware of the Instructor as he snapped repeatedly in her ear. Wiping away tears she could feel a growing ache at her temples.

“Now I need you to think of a memory where your primary emotion was anger.”

Again, her vision faded away and the image of a slender girl holding an instruction packet came into view. Around her were students of the Jr. Academy, milling about or talking in clusters by the walls. A stocky boy and his group of friends crashed into the girl nearly knocking her to the floor. At once the flames of outrage erupted inside Tess. Before she could act the memory was over and she found herself in the grid room once more.

“Now a happy memory.”

Her thoughts flickered and she was plunged into lingering darkness. The sound of rain on a window filled the void around her and soon the familiar classroom of the primary school came into view. The lecture on Imperium history had just ended and everyone was pressing at the door wanting to be the first to the tram. Outside a group had formed clogging the narrow hall. Tess pressed her way through to see what was happening. A smaller boy sat on the floor, books, and papers strewn all around him. He looked frightened and his lower lip was bloodied. Back then she had only known him as the quiet kid that no one talked to. Some of the others nearby smirked or snickered at the scene. Another boy, who was much larger, wiped something red off his hand with the end of his uniform.

“So, you like picking on smaller kids, do you?” Tess heard herself say. It was the voice of a little girl attempting to be threatening. The bully sized her up and laughed. True at the time she had not been much bigger than the little boy on the floor. Tess could almost feel herself smile, she knew what was coming next.

A moment later the bully was holding his face and squealing in pain. Tears and blood ran freely into his cupped hands. The boy on the floor looked at her with wonder, before settling on a gap tooth smile. Hoisting him to his feet she dragged him down the hall leaving the books and papers where they lay.

“We gotta jam before the teachers get here, with him wailing like a baby like that. I’m Tess by the way, what’s your name?”

“Demetrius.”

Tess was stirred awake by the sound of soft laughter. The jr. instructor was covering his mouth with a hand, but Tess could still see his smile.

“Ok… good. Two more to go, I need a time when you were confused.”

Tess nodded as she drifted again into the dream-like state of her past. She could see smoke like a thick pillar climbing into the sky. Her tiny fingers tugged at Nana Amelia’s hand as she pointed at the black column. Seeing through those small eyes again, Tess could feel the confusion, it was still third winter not time for fires yet. Amelia’s phone chirped, and her former self mimicked its call playfully. Though she could not hear the conversation, young as she was, she knew something was wrong. Tess attempted to suppress the memory.

“Let me out!” Tess shrieked inside her mind.

Her vision flickered and she was standing outside her father’s study, the door was locked though she could hear sobbing coming from inside. The image went black as Tess willed the memory away. Her mother’s death was something she had buried long ago. She would not let them resurrect it now. A lump formed in her throat, and her eyes burned. Damn that son of a bitch. He had no right to that memory.

The instructor sighed and shook his head. “Last one. I need you to think of a time in which you were trying to understand something and you had an ‘aha’ moment,” He said, his voice was low and almost kind.

Taking a deep breath Tess attempted to steady the turbulence inside her. Everything felt so foggy and the aching in her head was becoming more intense. Slowly the soft light of her father’s study came into view. Tess found herself again with tiny hands and fingers. She sat on her father’s lap just able to look over the edge of his desk. She could feel this little girl’s bubbling excitement as her father played with two small pieces of metal. Father stuck them together and pulled them apart again and again. Then he flipped one over and tried to put them together, but they moved on their own sliding away from one another every time they got to close. At last, after persistent begging father let her try.

“This is how skimmers work, and the tram? How they move without touching the ground, isn’t it?” Tess said, her words the half-intelligible speech of a small child.

Something clicked in the distance and the memory snapped off. In a moment, Tess could feel her body again, stiff and throbbing with pain.

“Alright, we are done with the scripted memory locators. Now we can start the grid,” The jr. instructor said.

“There’s more?” Tess asked feeling dead inside.

“Those were control questions, but don’t worry, I am not going to ask you to sit here and remember your entire life. Your subconscious will take it from here. All you need to do is take a nap,” The instructor said as he opened a drawer containing a syringe and a small bottle. “This will induce a deep sleep. When you wake up your grid will be complete.”

Tess felt a small prick in her arm, then the world faded to darkness. There were voices in the black though the meaning of their words seemed to slip away.

“Poor kid.”

“How so?”

“She had some pretty traumatic control questions. Do you think it will affect her chances?”

“Best not to risk anything. Once her grid is complete, flag them for suppression.”

The voices faded away, and a restless sleep came over her. A mix of memories from every part of her life mashed together in one crazy dream. At times it seemed so real she could not tell if she had woken up or was still asleep, but more than anything she felt tired. Like she was suspended between waking and sleeping unable to fall to either side.