Fragile Sanctuary (Sparrow Falls Book 1)

I pulled the thick, fuzzy blanket over me as I looked up at the starry sky from the chaise lounge on my back deck. My head thrummed in a steady beat, but the dose of Tylenol had helped cut back the pain. It hadn’t done a damned thing for the ache in my heart, however.

“More ice cream?” Fallon asked hopefully.

She wanted to fix it and make everything better. But since I’d remained tight-lipped on the ride home and for the past hour or so, ice cream was the best she could offer.

“If I have another bite of double chocolate fudge brownie, I’ll explode.”

“We need to work on your ice cream-eating skills,” Fallon mumbled as she set her bowl on the table between us.

I chuckled, and it felt good to let the sound free. But it didn’t take root the way my laughter usually did.

We were both quiet for a moment before Fallon spoke again. “Are you okay?”

I leaned my head back to look up at the sky. Thanks to my concussion, the stars were a little blurrier than normal, but I knew that wasn’t what Fallon meant. I teased the corner of the blanket, my fingers looking for any signs of a loose thread I could pick at.

“I knew he had secrets.”

Fallon made a humming noise in the back of her throat. “Mister king of the brood? Of course, he did. Those eyes scream secrets.”

I turned on my side to face her. “So, why did it kill so much to find out what one of them was? It’s not like I have a right to know everything about the man.”

She studied me for a minute. “What’s going on with you two? The way he stormed through people to get to you today…that’s not just friends.”

I let out a huff of air. It wasn’t cold enough to see the expulsion around me, but I could feel it hanging there. “I don’t know how to explain it. We understand each other in a way I’ve never had with anyone else. He gets what I went through.”

I didn’t miss the tiniest flicker of hurt in Fallon’s eyes. She’d experienced her own loss. Her dad and brother. But it was different. While I knew she was always there for me, I hadn’t been able to show her the parts of myself that I was most ashamed of. The pieces I’d set out so easily for Anson.

Fallon pulled back the hurt, shoving it away so she could be there for me. “I’m glad you have that. That he gave you that.”

I licked my lips. “And there’s a pretty potent attraction.”

One corner of her mouth kicked up. “Is there, now?”

Heat rose to my cheeks. I was sure Fallon could see it, even in the dark. “He’s made me come harder than I ever have in my life.”

Fallon let out a hoot that made Biscuit howl in response from inside. “Why is this bad? Emotional connection. Physical connection. Sounds like a relationship to me.”

“It’s not. He’s not—” I didn’t know how to explain it.

“He’s not a relationship kind of guy?” Fallon asked.

“He said he doesn’t do them. And I’m not talking a he’s-sleeping-with-everything-that-moves-and-doesn’t-want-to-settle-down type of thing. He doesn’t want to care about anyone. He even holds back from Shep, and that’s his best friend.”

She was quiet for a long moment. “He might not want to care about anyone, but he does. He cares about you. You were there tonight. Anson was out of his mind seeing you hurt. It scared the hell out of him.”

“I hate that,” I whispered. “I don’t want to be a source of pain for him.” Even hurting as much as I was right now, I never wanted to inflict that sort of agony.

Fallon stared at me through the darkness. “You can’t truly live without some sort of hurt. If you’re so focused on avoiding discomfort, you end up living a half-life. You might get to skip the lowest lows, but you don’t get the highest highs either.”

God, she was right. And I’d been doing that. Even though I tried to appreciate each moment as the gift it was, all the things in my life that I was grateful for, I’d held myself back from letting new good into my life. Nothing that was permanent anyway.

Rental houses and foster pets. Even the flowers I favored tended to have finite timelines, ones that bloomed once instead of every year. And all of that was especially true when it came to relationships. I dated guys there was no chance of a future with, and kept the ones there might be something with at arm’s length. I was doing the same thing Anson was, just in a less obvious way.

“I’ve been scared,” I finally admitted to Fallon.

She sat up, crossing her legs beneath the blanket and taking me in. “I know.”

Tears burned the backs of my eyes. “Of course, you do.”

Fallon chuckled. “I love you, Rho. You’ve always been the sister of my heart. But that doesn’t mean it hurts any less that you lost Emilia. Or your parents. You lost your family in one of the most horrific ways imaginable. It’s completely understandable that you’d be a little gun-shy about starting a family of your own.”

My heart picked up speed, my ribs tightening around my lungs. “I have you, Nora, Lolli…our whole brood.”

She sent me a sad smile. “You didn’t have any choice with us. And I think you still hold back a piece of you, even from us. Keeping that somehow makes you feel safe.”

The tears came then, spilling down my cheeks. “I’m so scared of losing one of you. I don’t think I could take it.”

“Rho,” Fallon whispered hoarsely, then kicked off the blanket and crossed to my chaise, wrapping me in a hug. “I know. It’s terrifying. But don’t let it stop you from loving fully while we’re all here.”

I hugged her as tightly as I could, my arms aching with the action. As though if I just held on tight enough, I wouldn’t lose her, too. “I love you, Fallon.”

“I love you, too. More than you could possibly know. And I’m here for you, for the good and the bad, however messy the feelings.”

I laughed through my tears. “I’m glad, because I’m pretty sure I fell in love with a guy I don’t even really know.”

Fallon released me so she could take in my face. Easing back onto the edge of her chaise, she grinned at me. “On the upside, it sounds like he was a pretty badass FBI agent.”

I couldn’t return her smile. “It’s that he had this whole other side of himself that he didn’t share with me. And I showed him the things I don’t give anyone else.”

The grin slipped from Fallon’s mouth. “I know that had to hurt like hell, but I think you need to talk to him. Give him a chance to tell you why he kept it from you. Because it would be a shame to lose someone who makes you feel seen.”

It was more than that. Anson saw the dark, twisted parts of me and understood them. They didn’t scare him away or make him see me differently. And just maybe, he even cherished those parts because they were part of who I was.

“I don’t know if he’ll be back.” I spoke the fear I hadn’t realized was floating around in my brain. Now that everyone knew this piece of Anson that he’d been so desperate to hide, he might bail. Find a new town to disappear into, where no one knew the scars he carried.

A small smile pulled at Fallon’s lips. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”

A floodlight switched on at the side of the house, and I jerked up. Anson was illuminated in silhouette. He’d obviously showered and changed at some point, but deep ravines were carved into his hair as if he’d run his fingers through it countless times.

Fallon stood, sending me a grin. “I’m going to let you guys talk. I’ll get a ride home with Kye.”

My gaze flicked quickly to her. “Thanks, Fallon. For everything.”

“You know I always have your back.”

“Love you,” I whispered as she headed for the front of the house.

“Love you, too,” she called through the darkness.

My eyes were already locked back on Anson, taking in every inch of his ravaged expression.

“Can’t handle being away from you,” he croaked. “Especially not when you’re hurting.” He swallowed hard. “I didn’t want to care about anyone. But you shot that all to hell.”

My heart hammered against my ribs, butterfly wings dying to break free.

A muscle fluttered in Anson’s cheek. “You didn’t sneak past my defenses, you bulldozed them. Reckless to the bone. And maybe you made me brave enough to be reckless, too.”

I threw off the blanket, moving before I even realized I’d commanded my legs to do so. I ran across the deck, jumping the two feet down, and hit him full force. He hauled me into his arms. I didn’t care that my muscles ached or that my head thrummed. Because Anson had me in his arms. And he was letting me in.