SWNOVELS Fractured Freedom: Chapter 7
Delilah
I yanked the car door from Dante’s grip and slammed it shut before he had a chance to.
What the ever-loving fuck was going on?
My whole body vibrated with fury by the time he rounded the hood of the vehicle and went to sit in the driver’s seat.
Dante and I weren’t like family. He said we were, but he was so wrong. So fucking wrong. I’d had an idiotic crush on that stupid boy since middle school. And he had my v-card. His assessment was enraging along with the fact that I knew something definitely wasn’t adding up about this whole situation.
He glanced at me as he put the car in drive, and I told myself not to be impressed by the veins on his forearm as he navigated us out of the parking lot.
Dante Reid somehow multiplied in muscles and height every time I saw him. I hated that he still smelled like sandalwood but dressed in freaking tailored pants and a snug T-shirt that showed me exactly how well he’d aged over the last few years.
“Talk,” I commanded louder than I intended to, but it was a great start. I needed to hold onto that anger and make it known that he owed me an explanation.
He cleared his throat as if he was nervous. “First off, Little Lamb, let’s calm down. I learned this Reiki technique—”
“If you call me Lamb again, I’ll claw your eyes out,” I spat. “I don’t need old nicknames and consoling techniques right now. I need the truth.”
He took a deep breath before he said, “Okay, let’s get back to your place, then. Are you still at the same hotel you stayed at with Izzy?”
“Yes. I live there on a month-to-month basis. The hospital set it up when I took the nursing job.” I typed it into my phone, and the navigation started.
He tsked before grumbling, “I know where this hotel is.”
“Great.” I blew off his comment because it wasn’t important. All that mattered was that they’d planned some idiotic part of this. “Now, explain how not getting Izzy out is doing what she wants, apparently.”
“It’s a long story, Lilah,” he said like he was all of a sudden too tired to tell it.
“The cobbled stones of Old San Juan, although beautiful, will make for a slow drive. So start explaining.”
He scratched his eyebrow before he continued. “Some of it’s classified. And some of it you and Izzy should discuss. She’s your sister and you two need—”
“Oh, please don’t start with trying to smooth the waters for me and my sister.” God, was he trying to be the peacemaker here? “And classified information? Wow, well, you can forget about that because obviously I already know too much.”
“Let’s keep calm.” His voice sounded the exact same way it had when I was younger and he was trying to keep me from freaking out. Too bad that technique had never worked for me then and definitely wouldn’t work now.
He grumbled, “I’m not giving you all the details, because you don’t need them. Information is classified so you’re not in danger.”
“You’re not— You owe it to me to tell me what is going on here, Dante,” I practically screeched.
His piercing green gaze narrowed on the road, and his muscles bunched as he gripped the wheel. Dante was harder, colder, fiercer than I remembered. “I owe you your safety, Lilah.” He glanced at me as he stopped at a light. “I won’t coddle you. You get what I give you. That’s it.”
“Izzy has been in jail with me for two days. A lot has been said, and none of it was that she wanted to stay holed up there,” I snarled before he could continue.
He nodded and rubbed a hand over his buzz cut. I used to love when he did that, like he wasn’t sure how to continue the conversation. Now, I hated that I knew all his stupid mannerisms. It just proved that I’d never had a chance at escaping him. Memories lasted a lifetime, whether you wanted them to or not.
Dante didn’t have brothers and sisters, so we became like a second family to him. Mostly he, Izzy, and my older brothers would run around like lunatics, and I’d sneak glances at him from the table where I did my homework.
“When Izzy called me—” he started.
“Izzy called you? From jail? Why the hell would she do that?” My mind pieced it all together, and I hated how fast I came up with the most logical conclusion. “Are you fucking her still? I thought you guys broke up!” I wanted to punch him in his big bicep and then go cry about the fact that it still sent pangs through my gut to think they were together.
We’d only had a minute together, but it seemed to last a lifetime when you fell in love with someone. I’d done that with him. And I’d ended it to save us both.
We would never have worked. The man was so far out of my league that I’d done us both a favor by cutting things off, especially with what happened after. Plus, he’d been trapped. I’d put the burden of my virginity on him. I knew Dante, he was raised like a gentleman. He’d always made the extra effort to be cordial with me, but that’s all it was.
We were never a real option, even if for a few weeks, I thought we could have been.
“Break up? We were never together,” he replied quickly, then shook his head and closed his eyes as we stopped at a light. “I mean, sure, I contemplated it. That’s not the point.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “What’s the point then? Why is she calling you from jail instead of calling my parents or a fucking lawyer or something?”
“You swear like this all the time now?” he almost growled at me.
The audacity he had to call me out on how I talked was infuriating.
“Yes, I do.” I didn’t. I only swore when I was mad. “And fuck you for thinking I don’t talk like this.”
He sucked on his teeth. I knew that sound from him. Good. We could both be irritated.
“And let me guess, this is what you wear all the time now? Even to an airport,” he grumbled.
If I throttled a military official, would I end up back in jail? “Is what what I wear all the time now?”
“That bra.”
“It’s not a bra. It’s a crop top.” What a jackass. I’d left my sweaters at home and embraced this casual look. I had maxi dresses, flowy skirts, and bright colors to wear for my stay here.
“Your tits and stomach are on display. It’s a bra.”
Jail didn’t seem so bad at that point. I mean, I was willing to go back if it meant I could knock one of his teeth out. “We can agree to disagree.”
“Your brothers would agree with me. They’d be pissed.”
“Oh, you’re concerned with my brothers being mad at how I dress now? Get real. You all hook up with girls dressed in half of what I wear all the time back home.”
“You having someone keep an eye on who I’m hooking up with back home, Lilah? Because from what I know, you haven’t been home in years.” He smirked like he’d won a point. “Even if that’s the case, I know your brothers wouldn’t want their baby sister drawing unnecessary attention with hundreds of guys around.”
“Well, I drew enough attention when the TSA officers took me away like a criminal. You can tell them I graduated from ‘baby sister’ to felon,” I threw back, so frustrated with myself that my stomach dropped at him calling me their baby sister.
I should have been happy I was nothing else to him now, but the title still hurt, like it always had, coming out of his mouth.
He took a deep breath, and then I saw his hands tapping on the wheel while he murmured something to himself.
“Are you seriously meditating right now?” Like I was the one pissing him off.
“If I don’t, I’m going to lose my shit on you,” he said, his voice low.
“You’re the one critiquing my outfit.”
The light turned green, and he practically floored the gas as he snapped back, “You’re the one dressing like you want a guy to lick you all the way from your pretty head down to those toes.”
“Oh my God.” I couldn’t believe this was where the conversation was going. “I’m so happy you haven’t seen the rest of my wardrobe.”
“If it’s anything like what you’re wearing, you’ll be getting a new wardrobe.”
I scoffed. “You’re ridiculous.” He’d always seen me as this young girl. And even after everything, he still wasn’t veering from it. I was an adult now. I’d had my legs around his head, for God’s sakes.
And yet when he talked to me like this, I was reminded that he was also the guy my mom asked to drive me to school when no one else could, because she trusted him that much. I’d gotten so ready for that day, knowing I’d be alone in the car with him. Then, even though the conversation in that car had been going so well, we’d been halfway to school when he said softly, “My mom told me you got your period for the first time yesterday. Let me know if you need anything.”
Yep. That actually happened.
I’d literally wanted to die.
He’d meant well.
That was Dante, always caring, always present. Always there for every embarrassing story but not actually making fun of me. The guy would have gotten me tampons, I swear it.
It felt like, to him, I was a little girl he was taking care of as a family duty.
Our relationship was doomed from the very start.
Handing him my v-card had been a colossal mistake. One that grew in me for two-and-a-half months after.
I’d carried his baby.
I’d thought I’d have to raise a child on my own. I struggled with so much that first semester at college that I could barely bring myself to go to class.
And through it all, my twin sister was gone, the only one who probably would have understood my pain. When she was released after a few months, I’d planned to tell her. But she’d continued to hang with other people and continued to ignore me, continued down the wrong road. We talked still, but it wasn’t the same. Then, that next summer, she called, so happy to report that Dante was taking her on a date.
Somehow, Dante, the man I dreamt about was going out with my prettier, more rebellious sister, even if he’d given me the only orgasms I’d had that year.
Not that I could blame him. I’d pushed him away. I’d pushed everyone away after my miscarriage. I was depressed and had to seek so much help for it.
And even though Izzy told me nothing big happened between them, I knew they talked. I knew they were good friends. I knew Dante had accepted her like he’d never accepted me. As an equal. Not as a kid sister.
“Just so we’re clear, my twin sister and your friend were probably dressed worse than me.”
“Izzy’s always dressed differently than you.”
“You would know,” I grumbled.
He sighed and pulled at his shirt collar before he continued. “Lilah, I don’t want to frustrate you anymore than you already are, okay? This is awkward for both of us.”
“Awkward because Izzy and you have some sort of relationship that you’ve been hiding?” As much as I hated to admit it, my voice sounded dejected.
Had they been sleeping together all this time?
Back when I’d heard he was taking her on a date, I almost called him to tell him off. But at that stage, I’d been trying hard to handle my emotions better. I was seeing a therapist for my miscarriage, I was discussing my downfalls and I was growing. Sliding back to a place where I didn’t feel good enough or to a place where memories of my miscarriage would surface wasn’t healthy.
Dante wasn’t healthy for me, period, back then. I’d built him up to superhero status and made him out to be my only safe zone. He’d been the one I told all my problems to before we hooked up, and then he’d been the only one I wanted to share my pregnancy with but also the one I knew I couldn’t tell.
I wanted him so badly in those moments, even succumbed to him in a bathroom during our Christmas party, only to find that it drained me for the following week.
I wanted his comfort but knew I had to comfort myself.
And then the blow of him comforting her the following summer came.
“The relationship is a professional one,” he ground out. “I’m not with your sister. She works for me now.”
“Yeah, ‘now,’ he says,” I mumbled because I was on a roll at this point. I’d never confronted him about dating my sister while I was off at the west coast university trying to get over a miscarriage. I could barely bring myself to keep my grades up, let alone tell a guy who was my crush that I had deeper feelings for him.
“What are you insinuating, Delilah?”
I glared at him. I hated when he used my full name like I was in trouble. “Well, you were with her over a summer.” Saying it out loud still had me sick to my stomach. I knew their relationship didn’t last long. Izzy called and visited in the fall and told me she and Dante were just friends now, that she had enrolled in community college.
We’d celebrated. I was happy for her. I was happy to see her shine. Now, I thought she probably shined like that because she was having a secret relationship with him the whole time.
I didn’t see her much after that. I just struggled to get through college where everything seemed tainted. The student hospital where I’d been told I was pregnant, the cafeteria where I’d had morning sickness, the library where I’d researched how to be a good mom.
I hauled ass when I graduated, telling my family I didn’t want to walk in the graduation ceremony or have a party because of the opportunity in Puerto Rico. It seemed to be how I’d change my life. I was ecstatic, in a new place and ready to explore the world away from all the expectations back home.
And all that had been ripped away from me now.
Because of Dante and Izzy.
That thought alone had my gut twisting up in a way it shouldn’t.
“So you guys used me as, what? Cover? Was I some decoy so Izzy could get through TSA?” The words came up like vomit out of me, the acid in them vile in my throat. It tasted of old times, of being overlooked, but now with the icing of my childhood crush and my sister using me for that exact reason. “Are you dealing drugs?”
“No.” He pulled onto a small side street and killed the engine. He grabbed my chin so I would look him in the eyes. “Is that what you think of me? I’d never put Izzy in harm’s way like that.”
I should have been thankful, but my stomach twisted. “Well, lucky her,” I whispered back.
He caught my pain, snatched from the passive-aggressive comment, and threw it back in my face like he was ready to confront everything head-on. “Lucky? As opposed to you, Lilah? I know you’re not insinuating that I’d ever put you in harm’s way either. You damn well know better. You were never a part of our plan. I know you’re not made for …” His voice tapered off after he realized his mistake.
“I’m not made for what exactly, Dante?”
He rubbed his forehead, and I saw his jaw moving up and down like he was deciding something. Then those light eyes snapped to mine, and they hardened to the color of a stone I wasn’t privy to the name of. The Dante I knew was gone. “You’re not made for this, for me, for a life of undercover work which—” He glared at me then, swallowing me up in his gaze and captivating me all over again with a stare that was meant to hold me hostage. “By the way, that’s what this is. A government operation. I’m contracted and so is she. And obviously you’re not.”
My jaw dropped as my mind spiraled, trying to decipher fact from fiction. “You can’t be serious?”
He shook his head, and we let the life in the streets of the town play out around us as I searched his eyes for a lie. Then he glanced out at an old building down the alley. “I am. It’s too dangerous, and you’re a lamb, Lilah.”
“My sister and I are made up of the exact same genes, you know that, right?” I pointed out.
“Your sister—” He huffed and then grumbled low, “You know your sister is built different. You might be identical twins, but you played it safe. I’m guessing the only time you’ve done something out of line was with her.”
“My sister, the one you dated?” Suddenly, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling even more betrayed. My sister had continued to lie to me while we were behind bars. Dante had probably been lying to me with her all these years. Not that I really gave him a chance to talk to me. I was barely around, but that wasn’t the point. “The girl you’ve been partnering with all this time? You two break up just for appearances? You still screwing, even while on the job?”
“Watch your mouth,” he threw back like I was a child.
“Oh, are you that protective of your relationship with her that I can’t say you’re screwing? Fine, making love? Sleeping together. God, you’re both such assholes. And I’m the stupid, stupid—”
His hand snapped out to catch my neck and push me back against the headrest as he turned to glare at me. I gasped, not in fear, but at the spark that flew between us as his pupils dilated, as his hand squeezed at the body part pulling oxygen into my lungs. All his muscles tensed; his veins protruded under the sleeve of his tattoo. I bit my lip as he leaned in close to my ear and whispered against it, “Stop talking bad about yourself. Jesus, Lilah. I’m trying here. I’m not fucking your sister. I never did and never will because I had you first. I told you a long time ago I wouldn’t forget, and I haven’t, Delilah Hardy.”
“What?” I stuttered over his declaration. “You dated one summer. She called me to tell me you guys made out.”
His thumb rubbed up my jawline, and he took a second to drag his face across my neck as he took in a deep breath. I didn’t know if he was trying to calm himself or if he meant something more, but I was embarrassed at how quickly my body reacted. The goosebumps popped up everywhere, and my pussy pulsed for a man I hadn’t had in years.
“Lilah, your sister and I went on one date. She tried to kiss me, and that was the end of it. I didn’t fuck her because she wasn’t you. You’re not replaceable.”
I recoiled at his profession, how he threw it out like an accusation. My heart pounded while I searched his face, searched for something we still had but shouldn’t. I felt the tension between us, thick with secrets and omissions, but also with want. I wanted to cry over the fact that I still longed to run my hand across his strong jaw, taste his soft lips, and have his tongue own every spot on my body.
I hated that I couldn’t stop thinking about it even now. “I highly doubt you’re not hooking up with her because of me.”
“Think what you want. I didn’t sleep with her and I’m never going to. Our relationship is a professional one. One that needs to remain pristine for us to close this operation.”
Their years’ worth of lies was like ice water being thrown on me. I shoved his hand off my neck, and he let me. “Then do it. I’m not stopping you.” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared out the window.
He pulled back onto the road and didn’t elaborate for a while longer as he made calls to a few people. Someone named Cade was working on their operation and was going to get Izzy what she needed behind bars.
“She needs money on her card for food,” I murmured to Dante as he was listing the items to Cade.
He nodded and added that to the list for Cade to work on.
Once he hung up, he disclosed, “She’s fine. She’s talked to Cade since you got out. Everything is on track. We get you home and get this finished up and she’ll be fine.”
“Get what finished up, exactly?”
“That’s classified information, Delilah.”
I rolled my eyes. I already knew half of the classified information. Izzy was undercover. “I’m not going home.” I cleared my throat and spoke louder. “I want to stay here. I have a job here, and I’m more than capable of handling myself, Dante.”
“Lilah, I know you can handle yourself …” He hesitated for a moment and then finished it off, “in a much safer, calm environment.”
“Oh, what the fuck ever.”
His eyes narrowed, and his grip worked that wheel like he was trying to strangle the life out of it. Good. I’d show him I’d grown way up, even if, at that moment, my maturity level was probably that of a teenager’s.
“Can you put aside your emotion for a second? I know you’re hurt, and that’s fair, but we have a government operation in play and a woman who is undercover in jail that looks just like you.”
“I’ve been here this whole time. No one cares what I’m doing, Dante.” I mean, I had to be right about that. Why was I all of a sudden a risk to their operation?
“Jesus, what happened to you just listening for the sake of your family?” he grumbled.
I could have told him my good girl rep wasn’t following me here to Puerto Rico with my whole family. I’d come here specifically for the opposite. “What happened is I have a life here outside of them. And what about you two? What happened to being honest with family? God, Dante, she made me think she was still using in there, and I even went as far as … My words to her were cruel. And she just let me say them all.” Remembering it stung, and my heart ached over it. I waited a beat before I said, “It’s official. I’m going to kill her.”
Dante sighed as if he was processing it all, and then he chuckled. “I’ll admit, it was a shitty thing for her to do. But in her defense, she’s been working on this case for years.”
I shook my head. “I’m not leaving. So you’d better inform me of what’s going.”
He cracked his neck both ways before he continued. “If it was anyone else, Lilah, I’d drug them and put them on a plane back home.”
He said it with so much honesty, like it was a normal thing to do. It should have shocked me, but I was just sad that this was his life. That the sweet guy I knew as a kid had been subjected to all this. It felt like a movie, like something out of a nightmare.
I cleared my throat. “Well, I guess I’m lucky to be me right now, then.”
He sniffed and glanced out the window before he continued. “Your sister is undercover. She got out of juvie and was running in the right crowds for it. She was struggling and I gave her something to strive for. I like to think it kept her clean and focused.”
“What? A job as an undercover agent where she was around drugs all the time, Dante?” I wanted to hit him.
“She’s always liked a challenge.” He shrugged. “Maybe it was the wrong move, but we were both green. I’d been honorably discharged from Delta Force, was given an opportunity for contract work, and recruited her under me. She’s been clean ever since, so something worked. Now she’s at a point where she’s been working her way up the ranks within a drug smuggling operation so we could get intel on larger shipments. It brought her here for the weekend.”
“So, her visiting me wasn’t even real.” She’d called a week before saying she needed a break from it all, and I’d been so happy to hear from her that I’d agreed. Sure, I couldn’t get off work and she’d just have to hang out, but I would still get to see her. “She lied about everything. And me going back home—”
“I’d like to think that was probably your family wanting you home and her thinking she could handle it. You can talk to her about that later. Right now, she’ll do time behind bars, make connections, and get out when your parents or the dealers get her out. She can maybe pull off getting a shipment location and we’re done. We got enough to arrest the main players and bring down the operation. This hopefully won’t jeopardize anything.”
“If I’ve been here the whole time, the only thing that would jeopardize it is if I leave now and don’t come back,” I pointed out. “You bailing me out of jail and forcing me home is what would call attention to your undercover work.”
“Lilah.” He shook his head because I think he knew I was right. “We’ll figure something else out. It’s not safe for you to stay. Izzy and I never wanted you to be a part of this.”
“Dante, please shut up,” I said, the vile taste in my mouth real at this point. We were nearing my hotel. “I need to get my bearings. How long will it take? Can you speed her bail process along?”
“No.” He rolled his eyes like I was an imbecile.
“I’m asking questions to make sure I’m on the same page as you. Don’t get irritated with me.”
“There’s no page for you, Delilah. You have to go home, where it’s safe.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want safe!”
How could I tell him that my mental health had been in the gutter, that maintaining a 4.0 in college was exhausting, and even when I tried to make friends, that fell flat? That I’d never quite found myself because I was too tired and sad to do anything other than get through each day. That when I’d date, I could not find one man who’d live up to the expectations I’d set for them, or maybe the ones Dante had set for me.
That last one was the absolute worst.
“You don’t understand anything,” I whispered and pointed to a side street. Then I motioned to the building. Just as he parked alongside it, I opened the car door and puked into the gutter.
“Oh, damn,” I heard him grumble, and then he was out of the car and around to my side instantly, like he cared. Cared about a sister that could be used as a tool, I guess.
I wondered if Izzy had thrown the idea of me as cover out to him before. Had he turned it down and they’d laughed over my clean image? Or had Izzy thought this all up on her own?
I couldn’t stand how mad I was at her and how relieved at the same time. Relieved that she wasn’t using, but mad that she hadn’t told me.
And to think I’d accused her of being an addict. I’d been the one who’d supported her this whole time and then threw it all in her face. The idea of our argument brought tears to my eyes, along with the fury running through my veins for her lying to my face again.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I murmured.
“You already were sick, Lilah,” he whispered back.
It was then I started crying. Deep guttural cries of relief that my sister was truly clean, guilt that I’d accused her of using, and pain that they’d used me. Maybe one tear was for the fact that the guy I’d lusted over for years and years was the one to get me out of jail and now I’d have to deal with him too.
I mean, it was fair to cry over that, right?
I deserved a minute, or a month. I probably needed a year of therapy or more to get over all this, though.
“Do you know that I was the only one who stood up for her with my family time and time again? The last time we were home, my parents actually said she couldn’t come inside. God, how I fought them. And my brothers are such assholes half the time, I swear they relish me getting worked up about something they think isn’t a big deal. Dom even said he’d like to be banned from the house for a holiday.”
Dante wasn’t paying attention to me as I practically slid out of the car over my vomit and started toward my hotel building. He was assessing the location, I guess. He squinted those piercing eyes that I tried hard not to look at toward the building adjacent to us, and then he whipped his head back and forth, looking up and down the street.
I waved him after me and lifted my purse. “Let’s get inside.”
He nodded without saying much else. He was quiet most of the time, and so I tried to think nothing of it.
We passed the lobby where I waved to the bellman. He stared past me at Dante with big eyes. Rightfully so. Dante drew attention everywhere, with his tattoos and large frame. I waved Dante toward the side lobby.
“You always take the stairs to your room?”
“Well, yeah. The elevator is always busy, and no one uses these stairs. These only go up to the third floor.”
He hummed as we climbed each flight. By the time we got to my floor, I was out of breath. I didn’t pride myself on working out, but I was less out of breath than when I’d started here two months ago. I spun to find him not even huffing a little.
Dumb military and secret missions kept him in shape, I guess.
“So, can you tell me what it is I can tell my family, because I need to know what to say to my mom and—”
“I’ll tell you inside.” He nodded as he stepped close to me, so close I could smell the sandalwood on him. Jesus, that smell I remembered. It dominated most of my dreams through high school. My hand shook as I put the key in the lock.
I heard the lock click, and then I turned the knob to let him into my place.
Which was a bit of a mess. Izzy and I had gone out the night before, and we’d packed quickly. I hurried to grab a bra off the floor and move the scattered toiletries off my bed.
The man always tried to be respectful. He turned toward the window to look out as I tidied up. It gave me enough space to calm myself.
While straightening the white sheets of the bed, I informed him, “I need to call my family and let them know everything is going to be okay. My mom is worried sick. As you know after her telling your mom—”
“Izzy called me, Delilah. Not your mom.”
Right. That snippet of information continued to roll around in my head and knock every button of irritation in me. I tried to contain it, though. That was their life. They lived undercover. I had to be okay with it.
“Well, I called my mother, and she’s worried sick. My story was obviously a lot harder on Izzy than it should have been. I need to clear that up with her and let her know everything is going to be okay.”
“You can’t let your mom know about the undercover work.”
“What?” I whispered. That was impossible. I told my mother pretty much everything. I’d even divulged my crush on this man to her at one point, only to be told to wise up, that he went for women like Izzy.
It was true, but it still hurt to hear it from my own mother.
Over the years, I’d learned a thing or two about being a different woman. I knew what I wanted now, and I was going to put my foot down when it came to it. I was going to live a different life here.
And no one was going to stop me.