Forbidden Desires

Emma.

I stared down at the article's title in a bold font: "How to Make Your Man Beg for More." Rolling my eyes, I shoved the vinyl-covered magazine back into its resting place on the periodical shelf.

I couldn't even make Gavin take what I was offering, let alone beg. And I still couldn't help the hot shame that burned deep inside my chest when I thought about the way he'd swatted my hands away from him. What kind of man didn't want to come?

I ran my fingers through my hair. That was just... insane.

Things had gotten so intense in his limo. With my dress pooled around my waist and my panties soaked through, he'd done such naughty things to my body, made me want things I hadn't in a very long time.

I'd never been a sexual creature, never lusted after someone the way my favorite authors described in some of the romance novels I loved. For a long time, I'd thought that was what Nathan wished would change so badly. Like, if I could just get that switch in my brain to flick on, everything would be okay again.

Not that things had ever been okay between us. Not really.

And now, after years of my trying and wishing and wanting to change, Gavin had turned me into a whimpering, writhing mess. But worse than that? He apparently wasn't interested. After all those years of wanting to be someone else, to act like a real woman, I had unlocked my own sexuality just to have it thrown back in my face.

It was possible that it had nothing to do with me, but I knew better than that. Whatever his deal was, Gavin didn't want me to touch him, didn't want me to pleasure him the way he had done to me.

All night, I'd racked my brain, trying to figure out if it was me, or maybe Cooper, or maybe something else entirely that had made things so strained between us. I wanted to understand and, in a way, I think I did. Just as I had a desire to please and to be taken, he desired total control.

I'd never been so turned on in my entire life. It was as though we shared a secret sexual connection. His need to possess matched perfectly with my need to be taken. And if he'd have asked? I would have given it to him. Everything.

In the days that followed, I couldn't help but wonder about what that meant, and why I felt so alive in his presence, despite all my experience screaming at me to run away and go for the safer, sweeter option. Did we have a touch of the Dominant/submissive leanings I'd only read about in my favorite erotic novels? The rough edge of his voice, the intensity of the moment... it was almost unspoken between us, but oh so perfect. It sparked me to life in ways I couldn't begin to comprehend.

I would have thought, after everything I'd been through with Nathan, that I would tear away from the idea of someone possessing me again. But then, maybe my past was exactly what was driving me to experiment?

These new, sweetly dark fantasies were something to fill the void of heartache and terror that had been my love life before. And if I could manage it? Well, then I would prove to myself that I could have a satisfying sexual relationship and not lose myself, that the real control was always with me.

And so I spent days waffling at war with myself over what should have or might have or could have happened. But in the end, I figured out a few essential truths.

I wouldn't let my fears over what happened with Nathan stop me from living my life. This was the most important thing, something I'd reminded myself of every day since I'd finally gotten away from him.

But also? I wanted Gavin. Rough and dominating and all wrong for me, and all I wanted was more.

I could tell myself whatever I wanted, but my heart knew the truth. I needed to feel as alive as I had in his arms that night. I needed to feel like a free, sexual, and capable woman.

When Monday came and I still had no word from either Kingsley brother, I decided to take matters into my own hands. With a deep breath, I fished my phone from my desk drawer and opened a message to Gavin.

Before I could get out more than four words, though, my phone pinged and my heart leaped into my throat. Maybe Gavin knew I was thinking of him. That we had some strange connection.

But it wasn't Gavin. It was Cooper, and it read simply, Lunch at the office?

Easy, happy Cooper. The safe choice, the guy I should want.

"Be there in ten," I typed back, then grabbed my purse and stuffed my phone inside.

With a thirty-minute lunch break, I'd never make it. I slouched my shoulders and stood in Stan's doorway. "I've got a 'lady errand' to run."

Stan nodded quickly. "Of course. Do what you need to do."

I tried to stifle my smile as I walked calmly out of the library and hopped on the train. I didn't know if this lunch would be with Gavin and Cooper both, but the fact was that the idea of seeing either brother made my heart leap and my pulse tick.

When I got to the main floor of their office building, I let myself inside.

"Afternoon." Sonja watched me as I entered, and I was hoping that her sneer was only in my imagination.

Turning the corner, I made my way to Cooper's door and knocked lightly. He wasn't there, so I walked farther down the hall, toward where I could see half of a tall, muscled man in a navy suit.

"Hey." The man turned. It was Cooper, calling to me from the doorway to Gavin's office.

Hell.

And also, yes.

I felt a pang of guilt looking at Cooper's stunning body and thinking back to Gavin's expert fingers.

"Let's get going."

I heard Gavin's gruff voice before I saw him. My self-doubt returned instantly, but luckily, as I walked inside the massive room, my grumbling stomach drew my attention to the impressive lunch spread on the large conference table in the center of Gavin's office.

I swallowed hard, looking for a plate to serve myself, and my gaze fell on Quinn, who was seated at the other end of the table, completing the overwhelmingly handsome trio.

"Hey," Quinn said. "Nice to see you again.

I nodded. "Likewise."

"We ordered you a salad." Cooper signaled me to my seat where a large mixed-green salad with all the fixings waited for me.

Gavin cleared his throat and started in a rough, to-the-point tone. "Upcoming schedules," he said, his hazel gaze glancing from me to his brothers as I took my seat in front of him. An untouched plate sat in front of him.

"Have a little class, Gavin," Quinn said. "Let her get settled. We invited her for lunch, not the inquisition." Then, turning to me, he added, "Would you like something to drink before we get started?"

Why couldn't I be into at least one of the two sweet brothers? Of course, Gavin being short with me drove me even harder to want to please him.

"Water is fine, thanks." I gave Quinn a quick smile, and he pushed a water bottle toward me while I used the plastic fork to stab a bite of salad. Apparently, I was the only one eating.

"There. Was that so hard?" Quinn muttered to Gavin, whose mouth was nothing more than a thin line.

"A healthy appetite. I love that." Cooper smiled as I dug into my salad, and I watched Gavin grimace at him.

That's right, Mr. Don't-touch-me-there.

"Keeping my energy up." I winked at Cooper, then popped a cherry tomato into my mouth and kept from looking at Gavin directly.

Gavin cleared his throat. "We want to work out our upcoming schedules."

"To avoid any conflicts," Cooper added.

I looked to Gavin to see his nostrils flare.

"I have gallery opening tomorrow night, and a golf outing the next day," Cooper started.

I nodded along, glancing from Cooper to Quinn as Cooper went on. Still, the longer I refused eye contact with Gavin, the more I could feel him staring at me, making my skin heat.

I tried my best to focus on my lunch and listen to the dizzying conversation by these three distracting men.

A few moments later, there was a soft knock on the door and Alyssa popped her head in and looked at Gavin. "Sorry to interrupt, sir. There's a telephone call for you, and it's urgent." Gavin nodded. "Be right there."

She smiled big and looked right at me for a moment before directing her attention to Gavin once again. "Sorry, I wouldn't interrupt if it wasn't urgent." Gavin cleared his throat before he stood and followed her.

"I've got to run too. It was lovely to see you again, Emma." Quinn tipped an imaginary hat at me, and I smiled and tipped an imaginary hat back at him. Cooper and I remained sitting in Gavin's office. I finally allowed myself to relax under the warmth of Cooper's gaze.

"How are you doing, princess? Can you handle the schedule?"

Alyssa appeared again in the doorway before I had a chance to reply. "Gavin had to step out. He'll call you to fill you in, Cooper." She seemed pleased with herself as she shut the door to the office, leaving us alone in the space that smelled too much like Gavin.

His voice played back in my head on a loop. Naughty girl. I wondered if he'd used the same words with other women, if he took them on similar dates in his limo with Ben in the front seat.

Huffing out a deep sigh, I tried to forget what had happened in the back seat. I pushed my salad away on the table, no longer hungry.

"That bad, huh?" Cooper asked. He was so handsome and sweet.

"To be honest, it's all a little overwhelming."

I loved that I could tell Cooper how I was feeling. Gavin might be a walking sex bomb, but he was also cocky and rude. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to tell him he could keep his thousand dollars. I'd rather have my self- respect. And given my past, I didn't trust myself around men like him.

Maybe it was time to move on and forget this ever happened. Maybe I didn't need this shit. Maybe I could say I'd only go on dates with Cooper.

But, who was I kidding? Gavin would haunt my dreams if I didn't see this through to the end.

Cooper would never take control like that. He was too... what was the word? Polite, respectful? Did that mean that Gavin wasn't those things? The evidence that I was repeating an unhealthy pattern was mounting. "Does that mean you're out?" Cooper asked, and though his face was impassive, I knew the answer meant a lot to him.

I shook my head, much to my own surprise. "No. I'm going to make it work. I do need to get going though. I told my coworkers I was running an errand."

Cooper smiled and walked me to the door. I stepped out onto the busy sidewalk and noticed a woman glaring at me. Maybe she knew what these offices were for, even though there was no name on the door. "Emma."

I heard my name and turned to see Gavin standing on the curb in front of the building.

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"What are you doing here? I thought you left," I said, butterflies exploding into flight in my belly.

"Damn drivers. Ben is out today, unfortunately."

The mention of Ben instantly brought me back to the limo. I could feel my cheeks burning, which earned me a smile from Gavin for the first time today. I tried to swallow the lump building in my throat. "Oh, well, see you later." I turned to walk away but Gavin grabbed my wrist, pulling me back toward him.

"What's wrong, little minx?"

I tried to find the words offensive instead of arousing. It didn't work.

"What happened in the limo..." My mouth went dry, and I still wasn't sure if I wanted to ask him for round two or if I ought to tell him it could never happen again. For Cooper's sake. For the sake of my ever-dwindling dignity. "You rode my fingers," he said quite loudly.

A man passing by on the sidewalk whipped his head in our direction.

"You wouldn't let me touch you, though." I whispered the words.

Gavin grinned. "Touching me is a privilege you have to earn." He stroked his fingertips down my bare arms. "But you're mine to play with, so I can touch you anytime I want."

I let out a small gasp, feeling breathless at his words. What arrogance, and yet I wanted to earn it. I wanted him to touch me anytime he wanted to.

When I said nothing, warring with myself, he pulled me closer still. God, I loved the feel of him. And damn it if this didn't make me a whore, but the library was truthfully on the brink of closure. After the hard winter last year, the roof was leaking so badly, we had buckets collecting water. A crew was already hard at work repairing it because of Gavin's donation. If it weren't for him, I might not have either of my two jobs at this point. Still, that didn't give him the right to toy with me.

"Look, Gavin, I really appreciate what you've done for me..." I started a speech of protest, but he pulled me in close. I could feel the heat from him.

"What's wrong? Scared you that you liked it rough?” His hot breath fanned my cheek, and I shivered despite myself.

My head swam, and I fought to find the words to describe how I felt. I couldn't answer because he wasn't wrong, and I wasn't willing to give him the satisfaction of a yes. "I..."

Gavin put his finger to my lips to stop me.

A black town car pulled up in front of us at the curb, and the driver stepped out. "Mr. Kingsley?"

Cooper burst through the building's door at the same moment and looked right at us, huddled close together. He lifted his hand in a small wave to me before turning to walk down the street.

"I've got to go," Gavin said plainly, and like a switch, the magic was gone and the asshole was back, leaving me alone, staring after him.

The sense of shame washed over me again and stuck with me as I sat alone on the dirty train, jerking back and forth as we snaked back toward the musty library.

Back to reality. Back to my mundane, boring life. And in that moment, I knew I wouldn't say no. Not to Gavin.

Not to anything he asked of me.