Forbidden by Fate

Emersyn

As I lay in the medical room’s uncomfortable bed, I can hear the steady hum of the fluorescent lights above me as they flicker slightly lulling me back in and out of consciousness. I felt stupid for allowing myself to get hurt, especially because of how it happened, but I can’t deny the fact that nearly falling to my death has opened my eyes. I am full of medications, making my thoughts hazy and my mouth unfiltered.

I can smell my parent’s scent and know they are near as I try to force my opens to stay open, “Mother,” I whisper.”

I feel her hand squeeze my left hand gently as she answers, “I’m right here, Emersyn.”

“Me too,” my father says with a soft chuckle. “I know I am not as special as your mother, but we haven’t left your side.”

I squint my eyes, adjusting to the brutal rays of the light peeping through the slits. “I almost died,” I whisper on the verge of tears.

I see my mother and father glance at one another as they nod their heads. My father’s six foot eight frame towers above me, before he pulls the chair beside the bed close, leveling his gaze with mine as he sits, “But you didn’t. You are alive, just a little bit out of shape that’s all. Do you want to tell us what happened?”

I want to tell my mother all that has unfolded, but am afraid that my father will be angry. I hesitate unsure of myself before I ask in a small voice, “Will you be upset with me?”

My mother’s eyes soften as he leans forward and gently lays his head against my face and whispers, “Emersyn, I may not always agree with you in life, but you have always and will always be one of the very reasons for my existence. I will always be willing to listen to you without you worrying that I will be angry. Speak your truth, my stubborn beautiful daughter.”

Tears well in my eyes as I shake my head in understanding, “Liam lied to me. He has been using me because he needs my dowry.” I pause fighting the dam threatening to escape, “I had begun to believe that he was different. That I could see a future with someone like him, but he lied to me.”

My mother’s hand squeezes tighter as she leans forward on the edge of the bed and asks, “But have you fallen in love with him?”

I hesitate, pondering her question. I loved things about him, I realized. I loved the way that he made me laugh, and the way that he always knew the right thing to say, that he had always been a gentleman. I loved that he seemed to want to be a good man, and that he seemed to truly have a good heart. But I couldn’t separate what had been a ploy, and what was truth. So, I answer honestly, “I don’t know, for certain.”

She gives me an understanding look of encouragement as she pushes further, “Do you want us to have him leave?”

My heart drops at the realization that he hasn’t already left and my hand trembles in hers, “He stayed?”

My parents exchange a curious look before my father answers, “He refused to leave until he knew that you were okay. He asked if you would give him the opportunity to speak with you?”

“Now?” I stammer out.

My mother shakes her head as she answers, “Yes, both he and Callum have refused to leave they are right outside the door.”

I laugh, wincing at the pain that shoots through my head, before I reply, “And I don’t hear them fighting, guess there are miracles after all.”

She smiles as she says, “We can tell them both that you need your rest, if you need some more time to think before dealing with this.”

I smile at her, knowing she is giving me an out, but this has gone on for far too long. It’s time that I face the music. “No, I need to know what he possibly could say to me, that excuses what he has lied to me about.”

They both shake their head in understanding as my father leans down gently kissing my forehead and my mother tightly grasp my hand one last time, “I’m right outside the door if anything happens.”

I smile at them as I try to calm the wave of emotions that are rolling across me like waves I am trying desperately not to drown in. I have to know. I have to understand if he ever felt anything, or if it was all a lie.

And Callum. I have to decide whether the love I have for him is simply a fantasy of a child, my first love, or something more. But I can’t do that when I am stuck between believing that I may have feelings for someone else. I have to know whether it was just my mind playing tricks on me, or if I had actually allowed myself to fall for Liam.

Both have hurt me. Both have lied. And both are perfectly imperfect. And somehow that makes me love them even more. I have always thought that it wasn’t possible to have your heart pulled in two different directions, but as I lay here I realize that I am the very contradiction of that.

I am hopelessly in love with two men for different reasons. But this can’t continue. Because I literally feel torn between two worlds and I know that it is unfair to them. Because I know that to love is to be willing to let someone go when you don’t love them the same way they love you.

And deep down I know who has my heart, and I know that I am about to break one of them. But the heart wants what it wants, and love though messy and frightening, is the reason for our existence.